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description=2 posts published by Meg during March 2018;

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march 2018 living a life skip to content living a life change the pebbles of our puddly thought to orient pearls menu about month march 2018 uncategorized closure march 9 2018 meg leave a comment and then suddenly in a rush of thought you get it the closure finally happens a man i barely know an acquaintance of very little importance presumed to know something about me or else is an utter narciscist probably the latter whom i knew in a social setting when i was living with dying with the pirate and that whole psychological nightmare of pre teens and teens surviving world war 2 on the wrong side but still losing significant family to the death camps and being transported on trains etc etc we never do hear the german side or the german in czech side the russians raping and killing girls and then the murdering son and the son who couldn t cut the apron strings the dynamic of a woman who could have children and her domineering sister who couldn t and me trying to make a life with a man who was in many ways perfect for me and in other ways like being out of a frying pan and into a fire and the time i met this acquaintance it was not a great time and me disillusioned in general with human beings especially ones who have a very different moral code than me and the long held feeling of not fitting in even though i fit in just fine with other people discovering it acknowledging it and moving on why waste time on feeling left out and misunderstood so that s the back story who leaves someone and never speaks to them again family dynamic hits me this morning like a cannon a man whose grandfather had two families one a secret long held and never visited one a cousins husband openly flagrantly and a first cousin the same and a sister mentally ill homeless schizoid personality disorder who left a husband in the same manner that s who this wasn t about me i have my faults i am the first to admit it but this was about a man who was weak emotionally lazy dishonest young so very young and terribly irresponsible with money and the woman who was scrambling to survive even if it meant codependency funny how i never check tom s computer how we have separate finances how he knows how i take my coffee how i never have to ask or tell him to do work around the house how i am never jealous and my artwork has become realistic and practical with the soul squeezing through in the tree branches and the shifting patterns of light i suddenly understand thanks drew uncategorized impressionist march 8 2018 march 9 2018 meg leave a comment toes curled in the sand in the snow the ache of undermedicated anxiety deep in my bones depression lurks breathing heavily at times at rest and licking its wounds more or less always ankles that ache and knees that cringe and a hip that more or less walks in unannounced often at three in the morning hello anybody home i was wondering if i could pick some of your flowers for the altar gut oh my gut one scrimmage after another do you like cheese why yes yes i do oh well guess what not today you don t do you like yogurt i try to eat it every day well guess what i have in store for you strong shoulders used to carrying a great weight neck pushed forward strong hands capable hands and arms ready to hug head dizzy sometimes crystal clear sometimes muddied by the weather sometimes heart beats a little too fast a little too hard and then there is the hearth think with reddened coals cozy with pillows and richly embroidered tapestry warm bed down and wool embedded in this place more or less empty but welcome to guests on occasions as long as they see that this is my place the light from the windows casts a shadow of exquisite beauty who knows what all hides in the corners recent posts begin again speaking of lantern in the dark full moon setting no title archives october 2025 october 2022 march 2022 december 2021 november 2021 october 2021 december 2020 may 2019 april 2019 february 2019 january 2019 march 2018 february 2018 january 2018 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