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december 2021 living a life skip to content living a life change the pebbles of our puddly thought to orient pearls menu about month december 2021 uncategorized december 1 2021 meg leave a comment i have more or less cut off contact with my mom it is too painful to be at the receiving end not only from her but from others who are laying blame on my shoulders as though i set out to prove her diagnosis prove being the operative word i did set out to figure out what was wrong with her and it was the doctors who diagnosed i am a weak person i do not fair well under pressure people mocking me people undermining me people who are dishonest people who make false accusations and since i decided to remove myself my blood pressure has dropped from 150 94 to 130 78 so i guess there is some good in this decision i wonder sometimes if my mom had post partum depression when i was born it would explain so much about the fraught quality of our lifelong interactions i always said she hates me but maybe its not that so much as she just never bonded with me she tells this story about how i was in my crib crying for my da and my ba and how my dad smacked my butt when he got home and said there is your da and put a bottle in my mouth and said here is your ba its always been a story about what a pain in the ass i was but really its a story about how she didn t pick me up and cuddle me when i needed someone i am though feeling a certain complacency about it the serenity this decision has created in me is an unusual feeling i have never had peace in my heart in regards to my mom too many overheard conversations calling me a bitch a fucking bitch too many triangulations where i was the weak link too many things in my life damaged from my own mental healthy in regards to this lifelong struggle it could just be the cymbalta recent posts begin again speaking of lantern in the dark full moon setting no title archives october 2025 october 2022 march 2022 december 2021 november 2021 october 2021 december 2020 may 2019 april 2019 february 2019 january 2019 march 2018 february 2018 january 2018 december 2017 november 2017 august 2017 may 2017 march 2017 january 2017 november 2016 october 2016 june 2016 april 2016 march 2016 january 2016 december 2015 november 2015 october 2015 september 2015 august 2015 july 2015 june 2015 may 2015 march 2015 february 2015 december 2014 november 2014 october 2014 september 2014 august 2014 july 2014 june 2014 may 2014 march 2014 february 2014 january 2014 december 2013 november 2013 october 2013 september 2013 august 2013 july 2013 june 2013 may 2013 april 2013 march 2013 february 2013 january 2013 december 2012 november 2012 october 2012 september 2012 august 2012 july 2012 june 2012 may 2012 april 2012 march 2012 february 2012 january 2012 december 2011 november 2011 october 2011 september 2011 august 2011 july 2011 june 2011 may 2011 april 2011 march 2011 february 2011 january 2011 december 2010 november 2010 october 2010 september 2010 august 2010 july 2010 follow blog via email enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email email address sign me up join 126 other subscribers blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed living a life join 126 other subscribers sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy living a life subscribe subscribed sign up log in report this content view site in reader manage subscriptions collapse this bar design a site like this with wordpress com get started