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nd altar girls are not the immediate causes that service at drive through windows has gotten lousy and people don t dress well but they certainly don t help islam is the reason your change is wrong at the supermarket checkout the more mosques in your area the greater god s anger and the greater chance you ll be missing a fiver to combat this buy pork chops and beer every time you go shopping posted by guy haraldsson monday may 22 2006 1 comments sunday may 21 2006 guinea pigs go hollywood we ve all seen the snapple ad from a few years ago re enacting the running of the bulls with guinea pigs but have you seen this new commercial for g4tv with one seriously creepy piglet flipping channels the other night the clicker took me to some power rangers spin off in this show the kids are students by day ninjas by night and power rangers by well the next day anyhoo their sensei is a chop sockey guinea pig oh and his name is sensei guinea pig he must spend all day in the gym to get such muscular guns most guinea pigs being herbivores don t eat enough protein to pull off that ripped physique posted by guy haraldsson sunday may 21 2006 2 comments tuesday may 16 2006 happy norwegian independence day one day early this year instead of concentrating on modern flag wavers as in years past let us look to another norse freedom fighter of long ago enjoy this fine image of st olav distributing money before the battle of stiklestad the day pictured here won t end well for our fine friend in iconography olav is depicted holding the axe that was the instrument of his martyrdom olav died in part so that my ancestors could be free from the tyranny of false gods so while freedom from denmark is great being out from under odin allfather is ever better if you d like more facts about norway s birth as a modern nation click here posted by guy haraldsson tuesday may 16 2006 2 comments monday may 15 2006 eeeevil cartoons watched the fox sunday block last night the simpsons had an episode about evolution the only good thing that ever comes out of movies or tv shows about evolution are southern lawyers in seersucker suits and ribbon ties just love those guys patterned my own work persona around them and such is still largely the case here as a relatively new convert to creationism your correspondant can testify that most of the public remains ignorant of the thought behind the matter sadly lisa cites george will and pope john paul ii as conservatives who supported evolution theory way to give scandal your holiness one is tempted to toss out a comic book guy esque worst pope ever remark but we all know that was paul vi further on the family guy peter griffin explains the creation of the universe in terms of god arm wrestling with a frat boy god distracts his opponent with a crude bodily function and in the same process our universe explodes into being my wife asked me if i found that offensive my immediate thought and this is completely true is that i was primarily upset at the suggestion that god would cheat at arm wrestling posted by guy haraldsson monday may 15 2006 0 comments sunday may 14 2006 the albino code apparently albinos think they are too often portrayed as evil in the movies have you seen this yet the albino code it s a tad amusing on the same subject t a has yet to comment on the davinci code its readership is comprised primarily of people who haven t finished a whole book since green eggs and ham one doesn t have to be st augustine to have an opinion on theology such would close most of us out certainly but the intellectual entrance fee is higher than a single work of fiction under your belt speaking of being well read have you been to a bookstore recently the local border s and barnes and noble both now have three sections 1 oprah 2 witchcraft 3 coffee table books our catholic supply store in the area has two sections 1 lives of saints for children women and specific careers 2 pope john paul ii thank goodness for amazon posted by guy haraldsson sunday may 14 2006 4 comments sunday may 07 2006 oldie but goodie note to spinsters and school marms mild language in the following joke a man from the midwest strikes oil on his land the first thing he decides to do is treat himself and his poor crippled younger brother to a year long trip to see europe when they get back the local press is excited to find out what the two small town boys thought of the world so a reporter goes out to get the scoop he catches the older brother one morning going out to work sir everyone would really like to know says the newsie where did you go on your trip well first we went to paris the brother says it was beautiful the lights the river the sights from the top of the eiffel tower the reporter asks did your brother go to the top of the eiffel tower no my brother s a cripple he couldn t get up there so asks the reporter where to next then the man says well off we went next to venice the whole place was amazing we saw the museums and all the pretty buildings and of course the gondolas curious the reporter follows up did your brother take a gondola ride too no my brother s a cripple he can t climb into a gondola was there anywhere else you went the journalist asks after that my yes replies the man next we went to rome spent most of our time in vatican city we even got to see the pope he came out on his little balcony and waved to the crowd and blessed everyone there my brother immediately dropped his crutches and threw his hands in air goodness says the astonished reporter and your brother can walk no my brother s a cripple he fell on his ass see all this time you thought it was a joke about the handicapped when in actuality it s a catholic joke posted by guy haraldsson sunday may 07 2006 1 comments monday may 01 2006 like a man at a baby shower j d carriere has a recent post tumbling about eucharistic ministers most of the discussion is genderless but is titled unnecessary broads and has a picture of an amused and under dressed ministrix while we could take notice of the plainness of the participants both lay and clerical and the drab meeting hall style of what is visible of the church we shan t instead let s consider precisely how many things have been screwed up by unnecessary broads pubs a unisex bar is a meat market when the women come in the stogies and boisterous piano songs shuffle out then enter the young males on the hunt doused in cologne and gussied up in urban flair lastly the dance music takes over a perfectly good pub is ruined the vatican folks who say we ll never have female priests haven t taken a good look at the crop we have offices forget about sexual politics in the workplace the double standard that females can treat their jobs as hobbies and males can t is bad enough the ballot box this should be self evident of course we should not forget that one of the founding principles of t a is that even men shouldn t be voting at least not much well pet i m off for a pint posted by guy haraldsson monday may 01 2006 1 comments sunday april 30 2006 false religions nothing curdles my blood quicker than catholics who play patty cake with false relgions let s cut the issue down to the bone false religions don t get you to heaven it doesn t matter how many grains of truth they have if an adherent of one does get to heaven by the grace of god it s despite his attachment to one of these spiritual lies and not due to it indeed the general objection of gentle and tolerant people is that god is too merciful to damn a person who has never had access to truth or in some twist of strangulated logic a fair chance at the acceptance of that truth that they have in fact heard but to be outside the sacraments is to be outside all of the salves and medications god gives us for our souls so if we pardon those ignorant of christ of said ignorance we must still contend with the truth that they will die with the stain of original sin and all those mortal sins they may have accumulated if a man of some pagan or incorrect monotheistic stripe had an adulterous affair 40 years ago and knew it was wrong when he did it unless he gets himself cleansed he dies with it you or i could go to confession this poor sod can t even with repentance outside the church when a catholic buttresses one of these wayward children in their error even in the slightest way even under the umbrella of social nicety that catholic is doing the work of the deceiver imagine st peter making nice nice with worshippers of bacchus seeing in their drunken sex orgies a glimpse of the joy only the lord provides and telling them such in a flatulent and compromising encyclical did god himself come down from heaven and subject himself to torture and death so that we could choose from 31 flavors of religion did countless european missionaries die because they thought the american indians were a ok with their blood cults and nature worship you may as well spit on a picture of st isaac jogues as encourage a false religion of course in the brave new jacobin world we have freedom of religion insofar as sing sing isn t crammed full of roundheads or huguenots or nonconformists but pity to the poor catholic in hades millstone hung around his neck and shackled next to the sad pagan whose freedom of religion he encouraged posted by guy haraldsson sunday april 30 2006 3 comments saturday april 29 2006 brownie 2000 2006 r i p had to put brownie the guinea pig down thursday april 27 2006 she was 6 5 years old not a bad run for the little critters she was also known as the brownster or the brownmeister our second pig and the second one to go she was beautiful stripes of white and shades of tan and brown truly one of god s small marvels she was also meek and we spent much time ensuring her cagemates never ate her food before she did a person who has no experience with guineas typically regards them as mindless childhood pets and compares them to hamsters who have little real awareness of people guineas purr when you pet them jump in place when they re happy need lots of attention or become visibly depressed need a sizable pen not a storebought cage and have a language that they use to communicate with people brownie would put her nose on the door of her pen if she wanted to come out or bite the bars near her water bottle if she wanted to be fed or sit near the front of her pen and squeal lightly if she wanted attention and every time a plastic bag rustled in the house she d squeal like crazy just assuming that it was a sack of carrots or green peppers that was being opened for her benefit brownie was a fighter she d has a few serious illnesses in her life and almost died several times but pulled through in each occasion but it seems that this last three weeks her digestive system just gave out the vet concurred and believed that she probably had renal or liver failure as well simply from age brownie was in such pain she wouldn t walk for hours her back legs would fall asleep since she was lying on them all day but when i would come home from work she d drag herself on two legs up to the front of the pen for food and attention as a well informed catholic the suffering and death of animals in some ways affects me much more deeply than that of humans when people suffer there are spiritual rewards when animals suffer it earns them no grace there is only pain my departed loved ones either go to the joy of eternal life or to the deserved torments of damnation thinking optimistically i will get to see them again in heaven perfected and in perfect joy with god when pets die there is only death for them they live on only in happy memories her cagemate is more affected than we are though guineas are social creatures like humans and need attention to be happy without brownie he mopes around eats when he gets around to it instead of with his former impetuous gusto and won t come out to play she was put to rest in her favorite fleece snuggling blanket and then interred in the box we brought her home from the store in thank you lord for your small gifts for the little critters that bring some extra joy to this valley of tears and who in their short time reflect a portion of the beauty of your creation goodbye brownie i ll always love you posted by guy haraldsson saturday april 29 2006 0 comments tuesday april 25 2006 april tids and bits spiffy article over at traditio in radice about how deeply flawed american society and governance are i dissent only on the contention that a private or government u s interest planned the collapse of the twin towers while putting nothing past hudge gudge as it were haraldsson s razor states that all things being equal islam is to blame on a related note a joke two middle eastern terrorists who just snuck into the country walk into a coffee shop they get their drinks and find a dark table in the back the first one starts making conversation in arabic but the other shushes him and says we re in america now speak spanish the first time i heard protestant used in a derogatory way around the age of 12 or so i was in a book store with my parents there was a book entitled god wants you to be rich pointing this out to my father he replied probably written by a protestant true story crown princess mette marit of norway to fight hiv aids toothy grins must be the latest method of safer sex if so that is her specialty thus maybe we will finally win the fight against aids i d hate to see a royal do something useful like say put an end to bible burning in norway click here to donate to the minuteman project help them build a wall on private land to stop the southern invasion once that s done check back next year to donate to the wall i m going to build around my house always end on a high note random rodney dangerfield marriage is a wonderful institution but who wants to live in an institution posted by guy haraldsson tuesday april 25 2006 0 comments thursday april 20 2006 t a news new monument in d c washinton the bold new addition to the capital mall celebrates many of the federal government s current goals 1 division of the u s into as many different linguistic groups as possible 2 promoting sensitivity toward and appreciation for middle eastern cultures 3 cramming the entire human race into one place here instead of them being spread about willy nilly when asked about the logic of this new project president george w bush was quoted as saying je suis ein sweinhund mi amigo posted by guy haraldsson thursday april 20 2006 1 comments monday april 17 2006 quiz for the armchair generals the wackadoo pictured left wants to build nukes and push the west into a cataclysmic holy war a the west has no babies no vision and no coherent religion or ideology to hold it together b the west has enough citizens who share his religion and political philosophy to cause serious trouble c he and his cohorts are sitting on 2 3 of the world s oil supply d when he moves on israel as he s promised the u s will jump in immediately rightly o...