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tiger s tale tigerland from a different side of infertility tiger s tale tigerland from a different side of infertility skip to content history of the tiger uncategorized older posts 5 months posted on december 16 2011 by bee cee if you ve nothing nice to say don t say anything at all i suppose that s been my motto over the last few months but maybe it s time to find some sort of voice what that looks like i m really not sure but let s try baby steps and see how we get on eh life is back to normal now human beings are so resilient aren t they bloody good job actually smiling has become the norm rather than the exception which i like tiger continues to be the shining light in all this he is such a little character walking and trying to talk now he tried to say his own name this morning which made me tear up for some reason we have moved house to be in the right schooling area into a dreadfully unattractive 1970 s box and it really is 1970 since anything was done to it maybe i ll share some of that stuff with you if you re interested so we ve a lot of building work coming up and i m scared and excited all rolled into one work is not a good place at the moment and there s some rocky roads coming up ahead but i need to be careful what i write don t want to do a doo ce let s just say they picked the wrong person to fight with this time maybe i m changing and becoming tougher i think this is a good thing but first it s tiger s second christmas and i m so excited he has no idea what it s all about but bearing in mind he couldn t even sit up last year it s going to be so much different not sure when i ll be back but i will be hope you and your loved ones have an amazing time and that 2012 brings you happiness posted in miscarriage tiger 4 comments full to capacity posted on july 9 2011 by bee cee i got a call from the hospital late on thursday evening would i be able to come in at 7 30am instead of 11am as they were able to move my surgery up to 8 30am so early on friday morning we drove to the hospital that i was rushed to by ambulance we had to take tiger with us as we don t have any family within 2 hours it s not our local hospital so we don t make the journey very often the last time was the day tiger was born i was crying then too for much different reasons mr btc and tiger didn t stay with me long i was conscious of the noise that tiger would make and was pretty sure there would be other heartbroken people so i sent them home i was gowned up and prepped for surgery pretty quickly i had to sign forms about baby cremation and blessings i was sure that this was just a bad dream and i d wake shortly a matron came to see me and her first words were i d like to apologise i was confused everyone had been lovely and so sensitive then i heard words such as surgical list problems later today she promised i d be in theatre by 1 30 pm at the very latest so i lay there cold and alone in a hospital gown for over 6 hours at 2pm there was no sign of anyone i took my gown off dressed and told them i was leaving i asked them to call me with a new date this may sound strange but the last thing i wanted was another overnight stay and the later it got there was more risk of that happening i just wanted to be at home with my family i hadn t eaten or drunk anything for over 18 hours so i headed for a cafe and waited for mr btc to arrive he is devastated it hurts him that i am mostly having to do this alone due to childcare issues he sobbed his heart out when he called his grown up daughters to tell them we had lost the babies i feel i have let him down the lovely lady who did my i m so so sorry scan called me late the same afternoon she had heard there had been a problem with my surgery she was mortified and promised me that things would go smoothly next time she said people would be spoken to she also offered to see me in her miscarriage clinic this was our last ever attempt so at this point i don t see any benefit in doing that so we go back and try again on monday morning in the meantime i continue to miscarry at home and my heart breaks a little bit more every time i see the remains of my babies being flushed down the toilet this is tough posted in frosties miscarriage 9 comments 6th july posted on july 7 2011 by bee cee a date that will be etched on my mind forever i don t even know where to begin blood lots of it in the early evening clots 999 call to the ambulance due to huge blood loss rushed to accident emergency around 2 am alone and scared blood pressure falling repeatedly hooked up to iv admitted to ward at 5am bleeding for 16 hours with no sign of stopping scan at 9 50 am we ve lost both babies surgical procedure tomorrow my heart is so broken this is the end of our journey why did it have to end so cruelly posted in frosties pregnancy 23 comments take two posted on june 30 2011 by bee cee we had our second private scan this week much more in depth than the first one so gave me an opportunity to ask questions and take things in more easily the upshot is we still have two heartbeats pumping away the other good news is that the hematoma seems to have gone on its merry way see i know how to spell it now that i m not scared of what the interweb says about it we do have a concern though baby one is measuring ahead 8 weeks ish with a heart rate of 156 baby two is measuring behind 6 weeks ish with a heart rate of 140 i m not too concerned about the ahead behind scenarios as i know only to well that things can change either way on a regular basis i know the heart rates are fine too what we are concerned about is the size of baby two s sac it is massively different than baby one s probably about half the size if not smaller so the worry is that the sac isn t big enough to sustain the baby the doctor just said it s a waiting game and that it could go either way we are going back in 2 weeks to see how things are progressing in the meantime i will try not to stress yeah right posted in frosties scan 6 comments we so wanted a heartbeat posted on june 18 2011 by bee cee instead we got two oh my good g d and i also got a haematoma for my troubles haematoma is probably not spelt right but i daren t google it unsurprisingly today has mostly consisted of nervous laughter posted in scan 18 comments 11 days posted on june 7 2011 by bee cee in 11 days we will know our fate the bleeding stopped last week which was a huge relief i had another heart stopping moment where one of my hpt s looked lighter than the day before i m not convinced if it s a rogue or not but we will know in 11 days when we are booked in for a scan in the meantime i m having my second round of intralipid treatment my cytokine levels didn t come down into the normal range after two rounds of humira so it s the iv drip again for me just for my records here s my hcg s to date 5dp 5dt 10 dpo 49 7dp 5dt 12 dpo 125 47 hrs between tests 11dp 5dt 16 dpo 542 91 hours between tests according to betabase the doubling times between test 1 2 are faster than average the doubling times between tests 2 3 are slower than average so me being me coupled with the bleeding and the one lightened peestick incident will worry i will always find something to worry about posted in frosties pregnancy 5 comments it s a bit like this posted on june 4 2011 by bee cee 4 dp 5 dt i got a faint positive 5 dp 5 dt hcg 49 7 dp 5 dt hcg 125 7 dp 5 dt i started spotting pink brown 8 dp 5 dt i had pink red spotting more than last time with tiger today is 9 dp 5 dt no bleeding overnight but that might be the fact i self medicated a ton more progesterone last night hpt looks darker than yesterday i have another hcg on monday i didn t ever realise how hard this cycle would be i thought that having tiger would make me almost detached not so i can t think of much else and i m just hoping everything is going to be alright hope hope hope posted in frosties 11 comments all s fine sort of posted on may 29 2011 by bee cee firstly the good news we are back home with two embryos where they should be they survived the thaw and were rated as two grade 1 hatching blastocysts interesting considering that the left over embryos from our fresh cycle were a grade 1 expanding blastocyst and a grade 2 early blastocyst now in my cynical mind it makes me think they gave them a once over with a magnifying glass and graded them as they were walking passed said magnifying glass in a rush to get the morning coffee or maybe i am a doubting thomas and they really did progress in the half a day they were out of the freezer the doctor did double check we wanted both back so i saw that as a promising sign two is better than one is my thinking so all good on the fet front the trip was stressful though 1 the flight was under threat due to the latest icelandic volcano eruption we didn t know until the day whether we would have to drive across europe to get there thankfully all was good to go in the air 2 having a 1 year old in tow did not make for a relaxing time not that i am complaining for one minute but air travel is tough at the best of times and being there was an on your feet constantly type of trip 3 we arrived at the apartment we rented to find that demolitions r us were in residence in the entrance area which meant the apartment was covered in dust not so much of a problem but it was really hard to breathe we mopped dusted and scrubbed but still the ash cloud continued to pervade our every pore my hair felt like i d had a day on the beach after a couple of hours of being there not good on top of that i ve had a persistent cough for many weeks and the apartment ash cloud didn t not help one bit cue us begging one of the clinic staff to rent us their apartment for 2 nights which she kindly did eventually despite having a no children rule tiger suits a straight jacket though 4 my cough got worse and worse while we were there my body feels like i ve been kicked in the ribs from every angle it hurts my chest to breathe so i spent this morning at the hospital seeing a doctor he has given me am oxicillin a penicillin which pisses me off no end as the doctor i saw 2 weeks ago said my cough was nothing and despite me saying i wanted to be rid of it before my ivf would not prescribe anything a hole so we are home but i m not totally happy i m scared that all my coughing and i mean really bad coughing is scuppering my chances oh and the fact i m having to take antibiotics that might hinder things too i guess we will just have to wait and see posted in frosties 6 comments decisions made posted on may 22 2011 by bee cee firstly thanks for the comments on my little meltdown the other day being the control freak that i am i like to plan and manoeuvre every minute detail of my life and i know i needed to have a firm idea in my head should we be offered donor embryos i am clearer we have talked a lot the upshot is that if offered we would gladly accept the opportunity to extend our family i am a worrier but when all around me with less of an emotional state of mind tell me that it ll be ok and we will manage just fine i know they are right love is what bonds us not genetics i just wanted to check i wasn t pushing things too far many years ago when we first started i never thought i would end up using donor eggs but the repeated failures make you reassess donor embryos takes us a step further and i needed to check that i wasn t losing touch with reality so we fly on wednesday that will be one emotional trip not just about what s ahead of us but taking tiger back my eyes are watering at the thought posted in frosties 1 comment decisions decisions posted on may 20 2011 by bee cee we fly out next week for our fet wednesday in fact with transfer on thursday i am just on my way home from top london clinic after having immune treatment full of egg and soya intralipids style i had raised cytokine levels and two rounds of humira shots didn t bring them down so intralipids was the way forward good news is my natural killer cell test results were just fine also on 6mg of progynova 10mg prednisilone 75 mg aspirin start progesterone tomorrow just for my reference lining scan yesterday 11 mm could end up too thick never knew it was possible anyway i have a quandary swishing round my head and any thoughts are most welcome if our embryos don t survive the thaw they ll most likely offer us donated embryos and as much as i try to sort it in my head i m torn yes i want to expand our family although i m worried about any imbalance that having one child genetically related to a parent and one not at all could bring could this cause problems further down the line for one or both of them it s a really tricky one what do you think posted in frosties 5 comments older posts email tigerstale hotmail co uk tiger on twitter tweets by mrsbtc october 2026 m t w t f s s 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 dec tiger stripes 5 030 hits tiger topics tiger topics 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