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susan m schultz s blog skip to main skip to sidebar susan m schultz s blog drafts of prose poems about memory and forgetting thursday august 20 2026 smoke between the flags she s got some years on her doesn t she said the woman walking toward us cheerfully with her somewhat less cheerful husband but she s perky she was wearing a cap with a maryland flag on it he was carrying binoculars we were at the top of the cemetery having spent time with ola and hoku at the lilith salon the woman wanted to know where the crematorium is her mother is getting cremated today she didn t want to witness it but she did want to watch the smoke rise into the sky something sacred about that she said her mother had died in a muumuu with flags on it she loved flags you ll see the smoke between those two flag poles ola told them which made the woman happy her death had been sudden but her mother had been 90 years old had a good life the woman white in her 60s had come to hawai i since the late 80s to work in the archive ten years ago they moved here as lilith and i walked downhill she and her husband drove by in a black chevy she waved did you see the smoke i asked no but it s ok she said smiling through the open window addendum the woman remarked on how pleasant it was to stop and talk to people ola was especially kind to her i mentioned the lilith walks books maybe we ll be in the next one her husband remarked posted by susan at 12 46 pm 0 comments labels lilith ordinary life wednesday august 19 2026 devotionals s speaks of her in the present tense he d been to see his wife he says he comes every morning and feeds the cats there are fewer cats than there were and the boss hates them ola tells me s got his job because he used to sleep in his car near her grave he buys her flowers and because he wears a wedding ring one friend assumed she was alive i think she is in many ways he got fired a couple of months ago still comes to see her and feed the cats the woman who quit before she could be fired feeds them in the evening up the hill we talk about the next storm a woman on a plane years ago told me that after iniki took all her neighbors roofs off but not hers everyone moved in ola says power was out in kahalu u for days his grandfather took a shovel and dug an imu in the empty lot next to his house invited everyone to cook there it was one fat party some social media posts suggest hawai i is preparing for sovereignty after all we re on our own da national guard do nutting others tell us two more storms are coming each storm leaves a map on one of our ceilings the map changes color brown to black we agree to help each other posted by susan at 12 57 pm 0 comments labels lilith ordinary life thursday august 13 2026 the park defender i wish i had a photograph of the ahuimanu park custodian she was weed whacking again this morning on her side of the chain link fence lilith and i hailed her from the other kahekili side i told her i d seen a guy under the octopus tree the other day who was clutching the frame of a drone haole guy she asked she said she d kicked him out of the park restroom the other day i don t know if it was the same guy but a man had been hanging out near the kids at the school nearby a teacher asked the custodian to shoo the guy away we need you to leave the area because people are uncomfortable she told him he balked you need to get the fuck outta here that worked better she d been weed whacking on the other side of the fence one day when a man ran by without a shirt on as if to be admired i m not interested in men she said jerking her head away as she remembered this all you going to do he asked as he ran by the other way it s not even my area she informed him it s gotten physical sometimes she said i look out for this place a sturdy woman her eyes glinting under a camouflage bandana she laughed with wide open mouth before pulling down her plastic windshield i so wish she d let me take her photo posted by susan at 1 02 pm 0 comments labels lilith ordinary life monday august 10 2026 from startles if you re certain of something there s the indicative verb in italian if you re uncertain there s the subjunctive no longer a signal now simply a verb form like word sculptures erupting if space and time are only thoughts then what is this sentence that fills both with ambient noise try listen your native tongue from da odda side of da wall and dark pixels fairy tales hover like dragonflies their shoji screen wings slapping the air i can t remember their sound simply that there was one or several sounds gathered beside the parkway where my friend and i had gotten lost no one to pick us up despite our thumbs i remember only images of images which is lucky considering what images there are on our phones beware the lion but welcome the dragonfly i remember weil writing i don t know why that was unintended the sangha member said after she rhymed air with her hair which might or might not conceal ukus can t be scared of what you happen upon once upon a time we remembered very little of this because we lacked phones i ve farmed out names to mine but not their effect on me quick hesitation denotes surprise but not what that surprise is or might be i think leads to the subjunctive but i know does not do i know what i think or do you you re my reader after all even if i can t locate your name or face i think you re subjunctive or at least a figment of my subjective mind the one that prattles on at night continuity s a remnant nostalgia images arise and cut the power a picture startles but so does its sudden absence one image is not disturbing we see a man s ankle his shoe someone pointing use the ordinary verb for that the second image cuts like brutus s knife a man falling to the ground he wasn t stabbed by a knife indicative but by what he felt subjunctive this is what they put on slaves he says of the gps fastened to his leg they want to see them so that they can t be seen as us my neighbor wore an anklet for months image of a narrative lost on me the narrative for this man is who he is which is hardly story but being we re beings apart from the gossip we tell about ourselves an anklet erases that i want to walk away calls for the subjunctive i walked away does not the man in the anklet can do neither though he walks he can t want to walk in the way i or my dog walk to walk is to identify as the person being watched do you think of yourself as a convict or a cook one prisoner asks another man killed at the maximum security prison but the newspaper photograph attests to another story behind the story he called himself denise wore lipstick and a bun for his mugshot the man for he was a man who killed him had killed before sentences that tell us this waver between he and she birth and death a face trapped in a box with a smile on her face posted by susan at 12 30 pm 0 comments labels startles saturday august 8 2026 lilith and i are purveyors of gossip jo says that on some days her job is being done by joe that gives her something to tease him about when i say i miss r at the front gate she wonders where he s been fired i say she pushes back in her receptionist chair astonished we talk about how nice a young man he is how his mother and sister work at the cemetery too and how many folks are being fired gesturing toward the walker standing beside her chair she says if i get fired everyone will cry it s mean to fire old people who can t run posted by susan at 1 56 pm 0 comments labels lilith ordinary life friday august 7 2026 octopus tree i heard her weed wacker next to the chain link fence before i saw her she pushed up the windshield over her face see those branches there on the ground the tire tracks that s an octopus tree and they like to use the berries for lei drove up to the fence pulled down the branches someone saw them they left quickly and i found their slippers the branches are on state property but she s responsible for them because she s the custodian of the park on the other side of the fence her sister s godson works at the cemetery you lazy ass why you still there she asked him the big ugly security guy he was living in my public bathroom when i ask what he doing there he says he was laid off of course was taking all those drugs in hawaiian terminology she added kapakahi crooked she s going to have to get her men to move the branches soon they re not going to like that posted by susan at 1 06 pm 0 comments labels lilith ordinary life thursday august 6 2026 prison visit two he sits in the law library hour after hour typing letters to send to legislators hundreds of letters if he makes 25 cents an hour and stamps are 70 cents if each envelope costs 10 cents if there is paper involved it s hardly a winning proposition he writes to call attention to prison conditions as he once wrote to ask for drug rehab he was sentenced to 20 years for using meth where do these letters go he asks the local politician on the other side of the circle they re probably filed away the politician says her face pointed down her eyes uneasily up when do you feel outside of community was the evening s central question the word of the evening was judgment why we judge others even though we hate being judged why judgment hurts the men on the inside have particular knowledge of being outside community on this evening the organizer shows a short film about trans men in samoa fa afatama do not have the honored place of fa afafine trans women in the culture where i sat in a curve of the circle there was grumbling what is the world coming to but the grumbling faded out like the end of a 60s rock song the film over the group talked about choices about creating community where there was none about filling roles about the wedding of a fa fatama that ends the film you get to choose who you are says one inmate do you think of yourself as a convict or as something else he asks a more skeptical colleague he s the wisest among them at least for this evening says he s a bad dad absent from his kids i want to be a trans good dad he says if i could vote another man says looking at the local politician who is running for state wide office i would vote for you why ask other men explain yourself you ve come to spend time with us more than once he responds the man next to him looks at her and says you seem to think of hawai i not as a business but as a community posted by susan at 1 41 pm 0 comments labels prison older posts home subscribe to posts atom blog archive 2026 99 august 10 smoke between the flags devotionals the park defender from startles lilith and i are purveyors of gossip octopus tree prison visit two another pink slip a prison visit dementia blog a kind comment july 9 june 20 may 20 april 17 march 5 february 10 january 8 2025 91 december 7 november 4 october 12 september 15 august 5 july 3 june 9 may 4 april 7 march 10 february 9 january 6 2024 126 december 4 november 5 october 16 september 3 august 17 july 13 june 7 may 9 april 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