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Text of the page (random words):
reflections just another wordpress com weblog main menu skip to content about reflections just another wordpress com weblog rss naked and ashamed posted by trishdar on april 3 2016 so i just found this and though it s undated i know i wrote it sometime last year it s part of the biblical series and it s my interpretation of the story of adam and god after he ate the forbidden fruit in the story he realized he was naked and covered himself with leaves and when god came to look for him he hid himself because he was ashamed his response was i hid for i was ashamed the mangled frame that is my nakedness the broken beat down exterior dis morphed into strangeness my mutation is aggravated disfigured and frightening unseemly and disgusting that is my nakedness and i would cover it with clothes so please look no further and no deeper should you seek for the person that you seek is not whom you ll find for this fragile and mangled spirit is who i really am and should you look a little closer you would see what i really am so look away world and let me cover my shame so all you see is my garments through your rose tinted frames and through your shortsighted eyes you would believe the myth of my beauty and think me your fellow you 2 comments posted in just the brown eyed girl posted by trishdar on october 23 2015 i feel a little weird writing about social issues in this case race but today i feel so torn inside i had to express it the only way i know how i never wore my darkness on my sleeve never let it reach the soft glow of my skin never would i let its shadow clothe my being or the world to see my shade i tucked away my night in the crook of a sunshine smile comforted that the world would never see that you would never know the abyss that shrouded my soul the night that haunted my day yet to my surprise all you ever saw was the inky blackness seeping through the pores of my skin it seems the inky blackness has left a layer on my skin not the oil rich black gold that fills my inner crevices but a richer earthy shade that mother painted me in when she saw how the light of the sun burned me how i hid my face from its brilliance she painted me with the color of the soil and nature made me her own when all you saw was an inky vortex an empty void of dying matter the black hole created by a dying star when i feared you would see the bleeding darkness in my soul i should have known not to worry because you never saw me at all i have never quite thought in racial terms besides being aware of how different we look for me it was the equivalent of having different names and having different parents like my parents would let me eat basically anything at any time whereas my friends parents were stricter on what to eat and took meal times really seriously anyway for the first time today i realized that people don t see me beyond the the color of my skin instead of simply being a marker or even a category it seems my melanin level is the sum total of who i am and it makes me feel like i don t exist 2 comments posted in me stories of life the voice tagged emotion life me pain poetry reflections stories reflected in darkness posted by trishdar on june 19 2015 so i wrote this during a class sometime last year and then stuffed the paper somewhere and forgot about it but since i like sharing hope you can see it we fear the dark because we fear the unknown the unseen the unfelt the uncontrollable the feeling of powerlessness stripped and bare like the light like a candle snuffed out by the wind so we lose ourselves when we no longer see the reflection that defines who we are when there is no shadow to follow us and no light to guide us the same light which defines us so n the dark we lose ourselves in the dark we cower in fear when no one else can see us we cease to see ourselves so we fear the dark because we fear to lose ourselves 1 comment posted in just kinda poetry me the voice tagged darkness me reflections the black glass mirror posted by trishdar on may 19 2015 mirror mirror on the wall who s the fairest of them all the face that looks back at me looks nothing like the picture in the magazine the smiling soulful face cannot be mine the person you see is not me i am not what you ve seen or the reflection you envision my shadow is an illusion of my existence but the mirror never lies give me a black mirror to reveal my true nature to reflect the soulless eyes which inhabit this ghoulish face to reflect back the death and destruction that stands before you the emptiness and nothingness held together by a feeble weak frame the darkness that hides behind the lights and cameras when you call action the darkness that lurks in the back waiting for you to stop looking the weeping angel that sighs and whispers in my ear that whispers my name in the darkness the darkness that holds my soul give me a black mirror and i will show you nothing i will show you the void that exists in this world to suck out the joy and happiness the blank canvas that can never hold a masterpiece the nothing that you never see so when i tell you that girl in the picture is not me when i tell you what you see is not real when i tell you to stand back because it s going to hurt my edges cut like a knife and my pictures are not who i am give me a black mirror and i will show you the face of nothing i will show you the empty inky blackness that is my existence i will show you the face you cannot see i am nothing and if you look close enough you ll see nothing 4 comments posted in just me the voice tagged darkness just me poetry reflections earth an dust posted by trishdar on january 26 2015 so i wrote this months ago with like 10 other random thoughts which i will post soon but i just wanted to share the thoughts again so here s one from the scribbles lying around my room today we revisit my grave the place you carried me buried me and forgot me that warm earth that shrouded me and covered me the darkness that entombed me and held me the moment i forgot to breathe that moment we met we visit the space carved out for me the soil from whence i came the earth to which i belong my final resting place the momment we first met the day you took him from me somewhere in the dark of the night between 3 and 4 before the sun could see what you had done and the birds could speak of the darkness before the light came and blew you away the reaper had sown and so the seed continues to grow and the sun continues to shine as the twilights awaits until the darkness comes again then you will reap what you have sown and the earth will be dust again leave a comment posted in just the voice tagged dark just a thought poetry fear posted by trishdar on march 20 2014 fear whispers gently caressing my mind with a whispered word he breathes maybe and kisses me gently puts me to sleep and lets me dream to see it love it touch it and smell it then gently wakes you up from the reverie of the future to the gut wrenching sense of loss he fills you with emptiness and the sense that you could lose it all and in that one moment you re his your world his oyster leave a comment posted in just tagged emotion just poetry my unbelief posted by trishdar on january 23 2014 so too many people i e 3 people have been asking me why my status reads help my unbelief and even with the bible reference some still don t get it so this is me explaining it in my own words mark 9 22 24 i see those eyes in my head that dream i once held i feel it in my heart that beat of the drum the thrumming of hope faith and fear the promise of what was and still could be i can hear it in my head the unending song of the triumph the song too loud to be ignored so i sit at the door and wait for the promise for his eyes to look at me once more for his beating heart to stop and be silent for his voice to call out my name for his breath to catch and never come back caught between hell and a furnace where the song of the angels resounds his hand to hold mine again and this chill of it to freeze my heart i sit and wait for him to wake up and with my eyes i watch him dying i understand he will be well again he said it and i believed him he will come back to me because he s strong enough to raise a dead man so my eyes wonder and look for signs of recovery while my heart weeps and says goodbye i know for a fact you could heal him just never thought you would so help me believe because on my own i m too weak i sit and wait for death to take me knowing well he never will leave a comment posted in religion the voice tagged bible biblical series me poetry reflections worn posted by trishdar on january 15 2014 this is a song i found from tenth avenue north called worn from the album the struggle i m tired i m worn my heart is heavy from the work it takes to keep on breathing i ve made mistakes i ve let my hope fail my soul feels crushed by the weight of this world and i know that you can give me rest so i cry out with all that i have left let me see redemption win let me know the struggle ends that you can mend a heart that s frail and torn i want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life and all that s dead inside can be reborn cause i m worn i know i need to lift my eyes up but i m too weak life just won t let up and i know that you can give me rest so i cry out with all that i have left let me see redemption win let me know the struggle ends that you can mend a heart that s frail and torn i want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life and all that s dead inside can be reborn cause i m worn and my prayers are wearing thin i m worn even before the day begins i m worn i ve lost my will to fight i m worn so heaven come and flood my eyes let me see redemption win let me know the struggle ends that you can mend a heart that s frail and torn i want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life and all that s dead inside can be reborn yes all that s dead inside will be reborn though i m worn yeah i m worn 2 comments posted in just religion tagged bible dark just a thought reflections storm clouds posted by trishdar on october 30 2013 the storm clouds are gathering full and ravenous they fill the sky with darkness and fill the heavens with thunder they said darkness could never cover the light but i guess they were wrong leave a comment posted in just me tagged dark just just a thought poetry reflections puppets posted by trishdar on october 23 2013 i see me a carbon copy the man in the mirror a replica of who i am my soul and my mind my body my all i watch her she moves and glides the star shining brightest in the movie of my life i the spectator heart strings tied in i watch the master pull and tug shake and move me i become a prop of reality i smile on request dance on instruction and breathe on demand leave a comment posted in just the voice tagged just just a thought me poetry reflections post navigation older posts follow blog via email enter your email address to follow 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