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tropical thoughts tropical thoughts monday june 27 2005 a bid farewell tropical thoughts such a strange bittersweet sensation i m feeling i leave my island paradise in fewer than forty eight hours and i m still having just a little bit of trouble wrapping my mind around it it s not that i don t want to go i do my time here is definitely done professionally i need to find new challenges and growth personally i ve had it up to my eyebrows with circular roads shite customer service craptacular shopping the lack of sports and asshole boy situations that are unavoidable because of the island s small size but in the end i will miss this place dearly i will miss being able to make the two minute walk to my quiet simpson bay beach pulling out a good book and listening to the waves beside me and the planes overhead i ve been trying to blaze the azur coloured waters onto my mind s eye knowing that the cold dark lakes of home will do their best to erase them it has been a novel comfort knowing that the waters of the sea hug me so closely in this place i will miss the cacophony of sounds for some these sounds are irritants but for me they are almost symphonic i adore the barking dogs the caribbean music bursting from homes the planes taking off the unhushed voices of neighbours laughing and calling to each other i will miss the plants and trees and flowers the tropical factor i have grown accustomed to palm and banana and papaya trees aloe plants and cactus i became used to the sometimes overpowering greenery around my house sand is everywhere in my home and i came to cheerfully accept that it was merely symbolic of my new life i will miss the lifestyle and attitude of living here when i left toronto almost two years ago i was stressed out and unhappy and ready for change i needed to get away from what had developed into an uptight routine from day to day and week to week living here allowed me that luxury it was refreshing and reviving and i ve learned not to take anything for granted i ve learned truly to slow down and look around once in a while i helped start a school here already in two years i ve watched it change so much i will miss my grade seven students with whom i have shared so much in two years they are the first group of kids to whom i have ever really attached myself and my heart is paying for that now i actually feel like i meant something to them that i have influenced them for the better for the first time in seven years i really understood why i went into teaching in the first place the moment of realization was tearfully exhausting but also such an epiphany those sevens reminded me as a teacher i made a difference here and that has always been my biggest professional goal this journey will soon end but another will begin isn t life exciting that way i love looking back and trying to remember what i was thinking about my life two years ago did i ever imagine it to be like this no way and that excites me because it means that there s probably a lot of the unexpected in store for me in the next two years as well i met some of the most amazing friends and students here and the memory pile is a huge one so yes the ending is bittersweet both exciting and heartbreaking but it has been an amazingly unforgettable ride my hands were raised high above the lap bar my eyes were wide open and i was screaming with glee the whole time no regrets posted by laura 9 52 am 0 comments thursday june 09 2005 the butterfly effect tropical thoughts the island is awash in butterflies right now i have no idea why it is so but it s almost like driving through confetti when i have to go anywhere it s gorgeous actually i am literally giggly over it they re distracting for me which probably isn t a good thing when i m behind the wheel of a car but i m a visual person so such is my curse they seem especially active in the morning hours when i m on my way to work they re dizzying in their flutter as they dance chaotically and burst forth from everywhere the vast majority are some species that is muted yellow in colour but their energy is anything but quiet they seem almost drunk in their movements the complete opposite of a practiced and synchronized school of fish but maybe that s why i like them they are frantic and disorganized and seem to be enjoying every minute of it all yay butterflies posted by laura 12 33 pm 0 comments tuesday may 31 2005 a unique day tropical thoughts i spent yesterday on my grade nine homeroom s class trip two students in my homeroom organized the entire thing pretty much with minimal guidance from me we all met at the school and as the other hundred kids traipsed through the gates in their formal monday uniform my guys strolled in wearing beach gear and only half hidden smirks we headed to pelican key together to board a catamaran called lambada which was chartered for the day for our group alone lucky us eh we had four crew members a huge catamaran coolers of food and drink and the beaches and waters of the nearby island of tintamarre all to ourselves it was a little piece of paradise i judged swim contests i played card tricks i marvelled at the water colours i had a fish nibble my finger while i snorkeled i watched another fish play its own hilarious little game of jump the floating leaf off the shore it must ve jumped over that leaf about twenty times before it finally got bored and went to find something else to do i enjoyed myself with a group of young teenagers hmm maybe i found the right age group for my own maturity level but beyond that i was thinking about what a truly unique experience the whole thing was most likely there will never again be a time when i can just hop on a boat and go sailing and swimming with my homeroom class for a day i enjoyed their company their banter their own camaraderie with one another and i found it interesting that kids so far away from the ones back home can still be so similar to them in many ways seeing them together a group of friendly fun bright young people reminded me of possibility and all that there is ahead it was a day to pause and reflect in the noisy end of year bustle on the last two years of my life and to remember that this place and my experiences have had a major impact on me i will certainly miss many of the kids i ve taught but i also thank them for what they and their island have taught me posted by laura 12 42 pm 0 comments saturday april 30 2005 under it all i ve now been over to the lovely island of saba twice since living here in st maarten i went yesterday to go diving with my friend chris whereas the last time i visited it was to hike i m not an expert diver obviously but yesterday s journey into the deep blue sea was fantastic we did two dives one was a wall dive during which we descended saba s island wall about 80 feet under the water s surface the coral and plant life was magnificent and i saw the biggest fish i ve ever seen in my life it turned out to be a red snapper and it must ve been about four feet in length and about two from back to belly the second dive was an ocean dive not far off the coast of the island but to depths of about 75 feet about five to ten thousand years ago when saba last erupted the lava of the volcano ran down into the ocean and made some interesting finger like formations we dived around and over and up and down these fingers dipped our hands into the warm yellow sand that reinforced the island s volcanic capabilities and were blown away by the phenomenal colours and expanse of the reef we were visitors to sea turtles to hundreds of kinds of fish and plant life and to dozing nurse sharks it was just breathtaking and i did squeal in delight a few times into my regulator it really does make you think when i was under there only hearing the sound of my inhaled tank air and exhaled bubbles i was struck by the strange twists and turns our lives take i mean there i was breathing underwater accompanied by a divemaster a dutch kid and my kiwi friend whom i didn t know at all two years ago i was mindless of my job my other friends my relatives my problems my future plans and it was for a moment heavenly chris was the fun friend he is an expert diver who is silly underwater whenever he has the opportunity but then at one point i looked over to him with some mixed up emotions he and his girlfriend krista leave the island today for good they re going to travel europe together for a few months while their dollars last and then move onto something new when i looked at him i was pleased that he and i could spend a fun totally tension free day diving together but i also thought about how we all leave here i thought about how there s always this underlying sense of something missing here on the island otherwise why would we all leave i know very few people who plan to reside in st maarten forever even students who have grown up here for me i ve always said that being here has been like a working vacation complete with the deadlines flings heartaches marking sand planning and more heartache professionally it is time to move on from this paradise personally it is also time today i am sad some friends are leaving some friends are changing and some friends are disappointing as much as i loved saba and as much as i will cry buckets when i leave my island today i just want to be back to the familiar posted by laura 1 29 pm 0 comments monday april 18 2005 alfie ism tropical thoughts i watched alfie last night have you seen it in short version it s basically about a guy who s a player he dates and sleeps with various women all of whom give more to him than he even thinks about giving to them the beginning of the movie has some humourous bits most of which would appeal to the males in the audience but the movie does grow a little more serious as it continues you see alfie begins to realize that he has nothing of significance in his life at least as far as love and relationships go he has betrayed his best friend used random women and pushed away the ones who ve tried their best to reach some depth with him when the tables finally begin to turn he is shocked and hurt and he desperately tries to cling to those he once shunned they of course have moved on and in doing so they force alfie to look inward he realizes his mistakes grows up a little and thankfully he doesn t get what he wants in the end at the end of the movie i d decided that although it was a decent flick the outcome was unrealistic i thought people read men don t really have those glorious james joyce epiphanies guys like alfie just keep doin what they love doin but based on further consideration the receipt of a late night phone call and recent circumstances i take that back men do after all realize their mistakes and want to make up for them i just wish they d figure themselves out before inflicting the hurt it might save some women from winding up jaded then again maybe i should just be content that they even figure it out at all posted by laura 6 24 am 0 comments wednesday april 06 2005 being regretful regret is not one of my favourite playground friends she shows up pouts a lot when she doesn t get her way whines about anything is perpetually negative and she simply brings everyone down i don t often answer the knock at my door if i know it s regret calling me out to play sometimes though regret brings her friend clarity with her and i don t mind that so much clarity doesn t always arrive on time she s never the first to show up at the sandbox i think distractions sometimes waylay her for a bit but when she does finally make her entrance it s often a grand one smiles of realization break out on faces welcoming nods come forth and a little more sunshine seems to fall on the grains of sandbox sand i don t often regret the choices i ve made i find regret too overwhelming an emotion to bear it allows people to wallow in self pity and gives them permission to stagnate rather than move forward but when those rare moments do come up when i feel that overpowering feeling of sadness and choice gone wrong i seek out the why clarity makes her late but always welcome appearance we hug like old friends and understanding passes between us without a word i ve made a few bad decisions on st maarten but i hope when i leave my island home in a few short months that the only stow away in my luggage is the one whose presence is gentle and heartening i will not carry regret but clarity will always have her place with me on the journey posted by laura 7 40 am 0 comments monday february 21 2005 running the risk tropical thoughts recently i have been coming very close to serious injury due to motorized vehicles and my own two running legs today in fact i am sporting a lovely scrape on my right knee and shoulder from a tumble i took while running during my grade nine p e class there i was this morning bouncing along watching my footfalls carefully when some idiot honked his horn the oncoming car was nowhere near me until i tripped on the rocky ground from which i had just raised my eyes tumbling on a forward right trajectory i rolled onto the side of the road and actually contacted the tire of the oncoming car with my foot the students running right behind me stopped gaped helped me up and made several remarks about how close that was after this past friday s run i arrived home unscathed at least physically during that particular run i came very close twice to being hit by purely ignorant drivers they didn t bother to even glance in my direction before making their respective left and right turns and of course twas i who had the curse words fall on my ears i am quite frustrated by the lack of safe driving and of sidewalks on this island but i suppose i will continue to run the risk does that make me a true athlete or just a stupid person posted by laura 8 53 am 0 comments about me name laura location curaçao the good driving fast dogs laughter challenge wit song the louvre sport peanut butter sunshine language red wine and the right hand side the bad cold feet traffic line ups connecting flights the ugly frosted girls pottymouths slush view my complete profile previous posts a bid farewell the butterfly effect a unique day under it all alfie ism being regretful running the risk the secret life of bees lose yourself once upon a time archives october 2004 november 2004 february 2005 april 2005 may 2005 june 2005