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Text of the page (random words):
ushed and pushed to see how much i would take i remember him saying once stand up to me i remember it because it shocked me i actually took those words to heart and as he transformed from the unfeeling beast of a person he used to be into the amazing guy he is today so did i from the damaged naive girl into a woman of spunk and confidence i discovered i didn t like being told what to do i discovered it gave me even a rush of actual glee to rebel i talked back i matched his witty quips with my own i explored with wonder this new world i had previously been denied and basked in that freedom you think i can be a smart ass and love loopholes only because you don t know jay he s the master of all that and i learned from him even learned to one up him and wow was that an addictive rush and basically you could say he s the one that corrupted me yes you heard right it s his fault going back to frozen we recently had a conversation about all this i admit i may have been playfully taunting him by overemphasizing for effect let it go let it go that perfect girl is gone here i ll stand in the light of day jay took it in stride shaking his head i can see why you like that song he commented dryly well you helped bring me into the light so thank you i responded smiling sweetly you know i don t think you just sometimes fall into your rebellious nature i think you re actually proud of it yep i shot back totally teasing because of course i m going to say that but no way for real that s horrible for a dd wife especially doing this as long as we have except that it got me thinking could that be true maybe that s why so much of dd is so hard for me i absolutely am proud that i won t let myself be controlled anymore that i m done and will never go back to who i was ok i see it he s right there s pride in rebelling holding my own the power i feel in even taunting a bit um yes i am flaunting my new indie eyeshadow aim to misbehave which i got for reasons having nothing to do with the color it s true i broke free and i love it i will always love it i m as competive as he is and i don t think that s going to change i m his match after all and he s mine but bad things happened between us and with me things couldn t go on how they were so enter dd learning this new way necessitated changing gears quickly but we are who we are i still am who i am even moreso because before dd i struggled with low self esteem from all the ways my disabilities affect me now i m more confident but that also makes me feel more proud to assert myself and here s where i fear it just looks like a bratting game to an outsider because it s not like that i promise you my heart is in the right place even if my inclination is still to protest this is not about attention or fun or other reasons it isn t play or seeing who can win maybe about most else but not about this yes that switch between the two ways of thinking happens fast or it s supposed to anyway sometimes doesn t and i feel caught between the two while my brain tries to unentangle what i think breaking it down i m in this lifestyle for a reason i choose to be in it because it helps us it s not a game it s a lifeline i may joke around about it another coping mechanism but i also take it super seriously and yet at the same time i fight it with pride i never want to hide it s that constant inner war how can someone like me live this lifestyle how can defiance and submission coexist they re opposites isn t that as logical as combining winter and summer it s tough working through the this stuff by the way that conversation continued with me pointing out the irony of me getting spanked when he s the one i learned from that since it s his fault he should be the one punished he didn t agree of course said something eyeroll worthy like he made the mess he should clean it up i could tell though as we talked that as much as it drives him crazy he s proud of me no doubt he wishes i d do what i was told on a more regular basis and fight him oh so much less still he knows i have a mind of my own and he doesn t want what i used to be i understand there s a balance i can t swing from one end of the pendulum to the other both are unhealthy so i m working on it my husband is ummm helping through as he says acts of true love seriously you wonder why it s hard not to roll my eyes when he says stuff like this guess he s a bit of a fixer upper we talk about this kind of stuff a lot though sometimes jokingly often seriously it s so complex he knows how much i struggle with all of it there are times it brings me down it gets discouraging this struggle shouldn t be so great it shouldn t be so hard to do what i already agree is best for us i just wish things could be wrapped up as easily as they can in a disney fairy tale but this is real life maybe i ll never truly work it out or maybe i should stop trying to reconcile it maybe two things can exist together even if they are so crazy opposite maybe it doesn t have to make sense and maybe that s more ok than i think it is posted by kay at 6 43 am 16 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday january 16 2017 help my blog has been hijacked okay not really but since i m not using my blog much anyway because life i thought i d let someone else on who has worthwhile stuff to say you know to prevent it from getting all dusty and missing a certain former blogger s fabulous writing could have something to do with it too backing up a commenter asked a question that i thought was really the basis for a great topic she asked if this dynamic gets easier because i ve been doing it for more than six years my shotgun response was nope may have been because i happened to be in trouble at the time gah but then it got me thinking because the yes and no answer to that question can get pretty complex i answered but i also wanted to see if i could lure another veteran ex blogger that used to be around to give some insight since i was pretty sure she would have some great insights to add and yay after much pleading i finally got her to say yes and write her perspective no i m not going to tell you who it is that s no fun well we could call her walkin on sunshine because i m sure after all this time away she s perfect by now um yeah maybe not maybe cloudy with a chance of sun would fit better ok you re right it doesn t really matter what stop my rambling and give her the floor already because you d rather hear from her anyway impatient people sheesh all right all right i m shutting up now here s instead my anonymous former blogger friend whose name may or may not have something to do with the weather i m excited to do a ghost post i ve never been a ghost before i immediately tried to walk though a wall now i have a snoopy bandaid on my nose and my husband let s just call him my oh grrr is scowling as he fixes the wall i haven t been around this neighborhood lately so i guess i should first say hello waving wildly before i jump right in it has been a very long time since i wrote anything and i feel a little shy and strange i read a question and decided i would try to answer it okay yes i had a serious nudge from a friend let me preface and say that i don t qualify as an expert as there are no experts in this lifestyle it s just two people who love each other refuse to give up on one another and are willing to go a little deeper to protect what they have built together the question i d like to attempt to answer remember i don t have my sea legs yet is this does it get easier with time i truly wish there was an easy cut and dried answer but the truth is the answer is yes and no yes it can get easier and no it doesn t always get easier or stay that way since i m just one girl on a bicycle built for two on a journey made for us i can only share my experiences after six plus years of peddling wildly what the oh grrr and i have experienced may be crazy different than what you will but there are likely some commonalities so here i go why it does get easier 1 communication as you get to know one another in these new roles you ll realize that communication is everything as awkward as it all is at times you ll have to share what you are thinking feeling needing and what changes tweaks are desired let me just say that otk isn t the best time to line your hoh out don t ask me how i know this i just know stuff the reason that time helps this process is obvious you get more comfortable with each other in those moments and it all starts to feel quite normal it becomes more of a lifestyle than an event you deal and you move on but each time you do you learn who you each are in these new roles why it does not get easier 1 communication it can get harder if you have a savvy husband who decides he s no longer satisfied with your safe answers to his questions he may demand you grow stretch and become more transparent he may require gut honest communication with no more games me wha i recall very clearly when my ogre i mean oh grrr made a rule about not distancing wow that was a tough road for me for awhile but the truth is it worked and we reached a new level of intimacy and after a long while i didn t even get in trouble much for that particular thing any more but don t fret i was always able to invent new stuff this lifestyle can also get harder when you think you got it by now and forget to check in with one another or make communication a priority for example after discipline he may assume you re fine but you may be waiting and want need the reassurance or encouragement he usually gives you the lack of communication can build a wall of hurt and confusion when all that was needed was a few words miscommunication can happen even as you grow in other ways on this journey keep it front and center 2 expectations why it can get easier this lifestyle can get easier as you adjust your expectations of one another there will come a time when you realize you have to stop comparing your husband to everyone else s hoh maybe you think he s too strict and wish he was like somebody else you read about or you wish he d toughen up or read you better or or or the list goes on it s normal to compare but it s ultimately destructive take a deep breath and recognize how unique you are and with that how special your love story is your own so own it and embrace it might as well since you re stuck with it why it can get harder but as time goes by expectations can mess with you again why my oh grrr expected that i would figure out how to be submissive respectful and well his perfect angel that ain t happening folks sure i learned a lot along the way but i m never going to be perfect and neither is he time marched on but he still worked through anger issues at times and i still had my rebel spirit i really expected that we would get over some of our issues once and for all but this lifestyle isn t a magic wand it just isn t it can help your marriage in many ways but keep your expectations realistic and be fair to one another let each other stumble fall and don t judge one another by your latest and worst mistakes rather be there to catch each other and give stunning grace why it can get easier 3 changes at first it s all so confusing so you stick to what you know good or bad things can smooth out as you go so there s some good news as time passes you will see patterns that are at play things that aren t working etc and you ll begin to have the confidence in your formula to recognize nuances and address them you will see ways to tweak your dh style to make it better for us we developed some awesome guidelines life savers for me such as the 30 70 system 70 encouragement and 30 scolding the 15 minute rule being able to request fifteen minutes before a consequence to get my head on straight or for him to calm down and the when it s over it s over rule once he spanks the lecture is over too i found ways to reach him so he listened and made adjustments for my emotional well being why it can get harder 3 changes you knew i was going there right i ve missed you you smartie people you okay so yeah changes can be hard as the years pass your husband grows in confidence as an hoh and may demand more the rules can get harder to follow or you may get tired of following rules at all i do life goes on and dh doesn t solve all of your issues and it might even add new ones another way change can make things hard is if you and your husband don t change at the same rate or in the same ways years pass and you grow and change as people your family changes and life situations may change you might start viewing this lifestyle differently you might end up with different goals or want to change your roles dh is like dating you re either going to get married or break up lol what i mean is do you plan on going the distance there is an ebb and flow to this just as with anything and many couples quit or take breaks along the way it s good to be prepared for the possibility change can be tough too as i have learned when your husband changes what s acceptable of course you have a voice and you might change what you find acceptable too just do your best to talk a lot and change together in ways that benefit you both i guarantee this lifestyle can get easier as you go along and gain experience but it can get harder as well it s so critical to share your ups and downs openly to communicate with one another and to respect each other s perspectives keep your eyes wide open as pitfalls happen but keep your heart open too forgive readily accept apologies and give them as well have a sense of humor stay playful with each other when mistakes happen shake it off and move on be flexible and ready to adapt to changing circumstances check in with each other regularly are you happy is your spouse happy is this still a benefit to your relationship if you want things to get easier here s my best advice allow this lifestyle to mature you to bring out your absolute best self you have accountability in your life now so be accountable your husband wants respect be respectful of him and of others show him you see growth in him as well praise him in his leadership one of the hardest things i ve ever done is tell my husband he did the right thing when he decided to spank me for a bad attitude it just about killed me to wipe my tears swallow my pride and admit that he saved our day that morning but oh boy howdy did he glow with pride when i told him so because he felt wise he felt strong and he knew i knew he d been fair it helped him be more fair more wise and a better leader he has grown a lot and so have i but it s not always easy and i promise you that issues will continue to be part of your lives just as you worked hard in your marriage so must you both work hard in this arrangement so from me and the oh grrr good luck posted by kay at 2 31 am 21 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday december 30 2016 a brief rant o...