Meta tags:

Headings (most frequently used words):

2009, march, february, monday, sunday, 01, wednesday, me, am, the, twin, project, 30, thursday, 19, 11, 02, january, 21, about, blog, archive, six, months, to, everyone, who, ever, asked, contractually, obligated, full, of, random, like, an, industrial, accident, this, is, not, my, beautiful, life, endozilla,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (129), and (100), that (51), with (33), but (29), for (29), have (29), was (21), not (21), this (20), had (17), about (16), some (16), out (16), just (15), going (14), still (13), can (13), days (13), him (13), his (13), now (12), like (12), enough (12), because (12), thing (12), are (11), good (10), supply (10), than (10), been (10), when (10), you (10), milk (10), six (9), #months (9), more (9), really (9), least (9), off (9), don (9), andrew (9), which (9), get (9), started (9), night (9), 2009 (8), eab (8), comments (8), there (8), has (8), two (8), after (8), week (8), down (8), another (8), sleep (8), over (8), again (8), posted (7), all (7), probably (7), will (7), first (7), much (7), would (7), last (7), until (7), well (7), day (7), february (6), who (6), time (6), try (6), side (6), other (6), bcp (6), pain (6), pretty (6), three (6), even (6), old (6), think (6), bottle (6), back (6), sure (6), reglan (6), may (5), march (5), being (5), uterus (5), keep (5), right (5), endometriosis (5), way (5), doesn (5), endo (5), happen (5), know (5), since (5), things (5), how (5), weeks (5), where (5), life (5), got (5), too (5), weight (5), getting (5), one (5), baby (5), our (5), adoption (5), november (4), january (4), ready (4), less (4), them (4), effects (4), wean (4), girls (4), lap (4), seems (4), didn (4), better (4), whole (4), here (4), take (4), rice (4), make (4), half (4), away (4), due (4), having (4), taking (4), bedtime (4), post (4), eat (4), bed (4), while (4), very (4), hour (4), nursing (4), september (3), october (3), december (3), blog (3), ultrasound (3), should (3), through (3), either (3), hysterectomy (3), from (3), anyway (3), given (3), help (3), bad (3), fine (3), held (3), daily (3), doing (3), something (3), see (3), what (3), normal (3), four (3), terrible (3), ago (3), say (3), did (3), free (3), anything (3), sew (3), couple (3), almost (3), new (3), isn (3), month (3), then (3), come (3), monday (3), random (3), naptime (3), project (3), full (3), especially (3), mother (3), into (3), eating (3), could (3), food (3), low (3), pregnancy (3), close (3), problem (3), point (3), feed (3), put (3), minute (3), happy (3), without (3), thought (3), waking (3), during (3), every (3), hours (3), before (3), couldn (3), age (3), under (3), april (2), june (2), july (2), august (2), contractually (2), obligated (2), everyone (2), ever (2), asked (2), posts (2), today (2), endometrium (2), instead (2), inside (2), appears (2), adenomyosis (2), short (2), long (2), recommend (2), removal (2), clear (2), front (2), between (2), somewhat (2), limited (2), moment (2), breastfeeding (2), lupron (2), danazol (2), enthusiasm (2), growing (2), hand (2), periods (2), teenager (2), those (2), years (2), easily (2), relatively (2), okay (2), weaning (2), mostly (2), nsaids (2), percocet (2), fact (2), natural (2), cycle (2), were (2), eventually (2), stuff (2), around (2), its (2), wednesday (2), trying (2), haven (2), entirely (2), they (2), made (2), bag (2), heating (2), hands (2), seam (2), fold (2), lbs (2), hoping (2), feeling (2), expect (2), suck (2), although (2), hope (2), high (2), unpleasant (2), want (2), mark (2), deeply (2), push (2), toward (2), status (2), quo (2), sunday (2), deserves (2), own (2), niece (2), pondering (2), watching (2), year (2), making (2), her (2), behavior (2), toddler (2), rather (2), needed (2), excuse (2), pre (2), quite (2), dropped (2), blanket (2), outgrowing (2), swaddled (2), however (2), positioner (2), roll (2), goes (2), does (2), ponstel (2), thursday (2), count (2), only (2), somewhere (2), sleeper (2), napped (2), sleeping (2), production (2), once (2), myself (2), feedings (2), hungry (2), middle (2), gain (2), weaned (2), gained (2), pound (2), doctor (2), mainly (2), obviously (2), wanting (2), asleep (2), took (2), pacifier (2), care (2), mouth (2), wake (2), rocking (2), also (2), drop (2), major (2), crying (2), nurse (2), yet (2), naps (2), pro (2), circumstance (2), subject (2), reservations (2), fall (2), mean (2), alternative (2), most (2), never (2), system (2), talking (2), babies (2), easy (2), important (2), real (2), respects (2), acting (2), sad (2), mashed (2), looks (2), twin (2), skip (2), 2006, 2007, 2008, archive, view, complete, profile, subscribe, atom, home, older, whatever, present, obvious, contiguous, tucked, literally, scar, expand, outside, boss, says, distinguish, laparoscopy, discuss, latter, former, logical, suppose, requires, substantial, chunk, cut, tricky, spot, directly, behind, bladder, reluctant, poking, managed, medically, cutting, estrogen, reading, lines, sooner, later, wants, drug, approaches, medical, options, bcps, menu, effectiveness, hypoestrogenic, questionable, whether, artificially, induced, hypoestrogenism, check, reversible, mild, current, plan, management, approach, backed, quit, bleeding, manageable, odd, dysfunctional, decide, simple, progression, look, none, birth, muddled, infection, settle, cards, aggressive, removed, regrown, flip, escape, boundaries, rate, tokyo, watch, endozilla, wrap, head, nowhere, chronic, disease, next, ten, fifteen, blink, hell, row, usual, handful, prescription, strength, naproxen, illustrate, state, affairs, relative, normalcy, noteworthy, prior, included, resort, narcotics, soaking, hot, water, cuddles, pad, people, lemonade, lemons, pads, straight, friend, highly, piece, 100, cotton, fabric, sides, turn, fill, stitch, remaining, microwave, minutes, warm, slice, heaven, mine, essential, functionality, felt, self, sharp, contrast, related, maybe, reason, jokes, choice, menopause, treatments, might, decided, against, failure, rates, wind, ask, suspicious, left, ovary, nastiness, surgery, improve, quickly, kept, figured, treat, done, grips, won, shift, peace, zipper, cover, beautiful, bright, idea, dammit, industrial, accident, bullety, goodness, chaos, finally, instituted, said, stay, your, beds, supremely, series, upset, handle, issue, comes, strongly, suspect, katherine, story, play, seven, slightly, overweight, triggered, sister, suggesting, she, change, behaviors, bout, disorders, acutely, aware, many, pitfalls, raising, modeling, healthy, walking, line, claire, particular, thin, grownup, solely, responsible, insert, rantage, shapely, prose, zero, else, thankful, gives, diet, improvement, brought, within, shape, weighs, swaddling, produced, nights, acute, misery, purchase, solved, learned, cannot, onto, expresses, tiny, rage, whenever, happens, promptly, streak, nsaid, patients, working, regardless, string, friday, parenting, mandatory, terms, service, legalese, pacifiered, initially, lovely, newborns, wherever, happened, swing, crib, mama, fought, nap, monster, seemed, went, thereabouts, complaint, licked, retrospect, return, wakings, clue, wane, clued, great, debacle, supplemental, resigned, question, straightening, top, priority, range, fixed, gradually, single, gave, discontinue, rsv, nebulizer, scared, mess, non, brokenness, gaining, content, spacing, feeds, nice, break, knocking, door, bedroom, light, disturbed, wall, barking, dogs, wails, miss, able, read, falling, laundry, evening, conversations, husband, end, spent, painting, room, setting, nursery, total, case, third, child, syndrome, importantly, stopped, unless, fell, fusses, stays, wakes, dropping, swaddle, tonight, keeps, winding, tummy, despite, foam, blocks, bought, prevent, plans, involved, big, consider, fussing, cio, rocked, sung, upstairs, bring, downstairs, disturb, equilibrium, treatment, trouble, several, explain, tmi, territory, clearly, scan, depending, shows, start, treating, gets, invasive, leaning, asking, excision, certainly, worse, makes, realize, fantastic, slept, daytime, textbook, habits, wish, abortion, continuum, mildly, hardcore, prepared, proceed, ivf, personal, possiblity, order, multiples, serious, genetic, defects, chosen, termination, gone, embryo, path, mushier, catholic, church, greater, ending, pregnancies, merely, unwanted, exceptional, categories, involve, rape, incest, maternal, health, wave, talk, always, such, wonderful, circumstances, others, hideously, damaging, likely, considered, article, illuminates, deep, misgivings, woman, wealthier, broken, reproductive, already, foreign, orphanage, foster, picture, arises, answers, lifers, understand, panacea, possible, believe, unborn, acknowledging, consequences, belief, rights, pretend, collateral, damage, exist, why, adopt, love, stage, babyhood, personality, lived, rolling, squirming, himself, place, actual, crawling, tends, sitting, figuring, played, talked, otherwise, interacted, smiles, giggles, weekend, slowly, stretching, sometimes, bugbear, checkup, weighed, 25th, percentile, itself, ounce, five, pronounced, herself, unconcerned, often, slow, biting, mad, feels, lighter, mom, noticed, difference, wet, diaper, tired, pills, times, taken, apparently, crossed, effect, threshold, increased, dosage, jumping, skin, restless, anxious, weepy, obsessive, thinks, told, posthaste, emotional, instability, losing, need, solids, birthday, beginning, banana, pureed, pears, applesauce, showing, signs, readiness, hawk, stealing, plates, gumming, hold, taste, surprised, wasn, enthusiastic, fruits, offered, experimentation, though, perhaps, fruit, likes, oatmeal, any, bits, soft, vindaloo, sauce, huge, hit, kid, potatoes, fast, solid, supplementation, pressure, giving, attacks, vigor, reassure, needs, intend, alone, women, everything, doubted, hoped, episode, temporary, hurdle, fight, rest, sidebar, main,

Text of the page (random words):
n restless and anxious and weepy and sad and obsessive in a way that is very much not like me my lc s nurse thinks this is probably due to the reglan and told me to get off it posthaste low milk supply is better than emotional instability to be sure but i m not happy about losing the reglan just when i need it more i had started andrew on solids on his birthday beginning with mashed banana and pureed pears and applesauce he s been showing signs of readiness for a while watching our food like a hawk stealing off our plates gumming anything you hold up for him to taste so i was surprised when he wasn t enthusiastic at all about the fruits i offered after some experimentation though i think perhaps he just doesn t like fruit much because he likes oatmeal just fine and any bits of our food that are soft enough for him to eat rice with vindaloo sauce was a huge hit and i thought the kid was going to take my hand off over mashed up new potatoes i couldn t get them in his mouth fast enough so solid supplementation will take some of the pressure off the milk supply thing i hope i m giving him a bottle at bedtime again too which he attacks with enough vigor to reassure me that he needs it i don t intend to wean him yet if i can help it and would really like to keep nursing to the one year mark but it looks like i just can t keep up with breastfeeding alone low milk supply is a real thing and does happen even to women who do everything right i ve never doubted that but i just didn t think it would happen to me i had hoped the first episode was a temporary hurdle but it looks like something i ll have to fight for the rest of my time as a nursing mother it s not just the reglan talking when i say i m sad today posted by eab at 3 53 pm 2 comments thursday march 19 2009 to everyone who ever asked me why don t you just adopt i come down on the pro life side of the abortion continuum if mildly so obviously i am less than hardcore as i was prepared to proceed to ivf and got up close and personal with the possiblity of high order multiples and of serious genetic defects i would not i think have chosen termination under either circumstance and i am sure that i would have gone down the embryo adoption path had it come to that but i ve at least thought it through enough to know that i am somewhat mushier on the subject than say the catholic church however i have much greater reservations about ending pregnancies which are merely unwanted due to age or circumstance which don t fall into those exceptional categories or involve rape incest or maternal health that doesn t mean i can wave my hands and talk about how adoption is always such a wonderful alternative it can be under some circumstances and under others it can be hideously damaging we most likely would not have considered adoption although you never know until you get there and this article illuminates one of my major reservations i have deep misgivings about taking another woman s baby just because i happen to be wealthier and have a broken reproductive system it s one thing if we re talking about babies who are already in a foreign orphanage or the foster care system and another thing entirely when the baby s mother isn t out of the picture before the subject of adoption arises there are no easy answers and i think it s important for pro lifers to understand that adoption is not a panacea it s possible to believe that an unborn baby s right to life is important while acknowledging the real consequences of that belief rights are about more than just the least unpleasant alternative but that doesn t mean you get to pretend the collateral damage doesn t exist posted by eab at 12 12 pm no comments sunday march 01 2009 i am contractually obligated if you have a parenting blog it s mandatory to do a sleep post at some point i m sure it s in that terms of service legalese somewhere we started out with andrew in the co sleeper swaddled and pacifiered and initially it was lovely to roll over feed and put him back to bed as newborns do he napped wherever he happened to be in the swing or in the crib or especially in the bed for naptime with mama we ve fought the 45 minute nap monster his whole life but he seemed happy enough and went to bed at 8 pm or thereabouts without complaint in november he started sleeping until 7 am and i thought we had the sleep thing more or less licked in retrospect the return of the night wakings should have been a clue that my milk production was on the wane once i got clued in to the great milk supply debacle i started making sure he got a supplemental bottle at bedtime and resigned myself to night feedings for a while there was no question he was getting hungry in the middle of the night and straightening out his weight gain was the top priority eventually he dropped the 2 am feed but was still waking up at 5 am and then getting up for the day somewhere in the 7 8 am range the milk supply seems to be pretty well fixed now i gradually weaned him down to one 4 oz bottle a day and when he gained a whole pound in a week on that single bottle the doctor gave me the okay to discontinue it he even had rsv and needed a nebulizer during that week and still he gained a pound i m still on the reglan mainly because i m scared to mess with non brokenness he s obviously gaining weight and during the day seems very content he s spacing his feeds out to be more like every three hours instead of wanting to eat every hour and a half or two hours which is a really nice break now that he s knocking on the door of six months old i m getting really ready to get him out of our bedroom he is a light sleeper easily disturbed by the tv on the other side of the wall or the barking dogs or toddler wails i miss not being able to read before falling asleep and fold and put the laundry away in the evening and have conversations with my husband in bed at night to that end i spent last week painting his room and setting up his nursery total case of third child syndrome that more importantly to andrew i took his pacifier away and stopped nursing him down he got to where i couldn t put him down unless he was so deeply asleep that he didn t care if it fell out of his mouth and couldn t get back to sleep without it if he started to wake up i m still rocking him to sleep and he fusses for a minute or so about wanting something to suck on but then he goes down and stays that way until he wakes up for a feed i ll be dropping the swaddle tonight since he is outgrowing the blanket and also keeps winding up on his tummy despite the sleep positioner foam blocks i bought to prevent that no plans to drop the rocking that was a major production with the girls and involved some crying it out which i m just not big on at his age i don t consider the pacifier removal fussing to be cio given that he s crying while being held rocked and sung to he s still waking up to eat in the middle of the night at least once but at this point i d rather go upstairs and either nurse him there or bring him back downstairs i m pondering night weaning but i m not ready for it yet especially given that i am probably about to disturb the milk supply equilibrium with endometriosis treatment stuff after almost three weeks of good days i ve had some pain trouble again for the last several days and i can t explain without going into tmi territory but the endo has clearly been growing i m going to see the re for another scan this week and depending on what the ultrasound shows it s probably time to start treating it before it gets too invasive i am half leaning toward asking for another lap excision but i expect he will want to at least try bcp first we ll see the sleep thing could certainly be worse and it makes me realize just how fantastic the girls were at this age they slept from 8 pm to 8 am with three 1 5 hour daytime naps which is as close to textbook sleep habits as you can get i could wish andrew napped better and didn t still wake up in the night but i know the status quo really isn t too bad posted by eab at 11 10 am 3 comments wednesday february 11 2009 i am full of random i have more random than time to blog so here have some bullety goodness the percocet free days count is now up to six my last post started a string of bad days but i have been feeling almost normal since last friday with only nsaids i am not sure if this is a natural good streak or if it s due to the new nsaid ponstel i started taking on thursday my re has had other endo patients do quite well with ponstel so it may be working for me too regardless it s a good thing andrew learned to roll over back to front but cannot push over again onto his back he expresses much tiny baby rage whenever this happens but promptly goes and does it over and over again he can even do it when swaddled which produced a couple nights of acute misery however the purchase of a sleep positioner seems to have solved the problem for now i am still going to try to wean him out of the swaddling blanket because he s outgrowing the thing he weighs 14 lb 8 oz as of monday so i ve dropped another bottle and he is now getting just one 4 oz bottle a day the improvement in my milk supply has brought me within 2 5 lbs of pre pregnancy weight if not quite so close to pre pregnancy shape i have zero enthusiasm for doing anything else about that and am thankful that low milk supply gives me an excuse not to diet as if i needed an excuse being a grownup and solely responsible for my own weight and food behavior insert shapely prose rantage here or i could try eating like a toddler claire in particular is getting rather thin having better things to do than eat having had a bout with eating disorders as a teenager i m acutely aware of the many pitfalls of raising girls and modeling healthy behavior and walking that fine line i am watching this story play out with my seven year old niece right now who is just slightly overweight enough to have triggered my mother and sister into making comments about her weight and suggesting that she change her eating behaviors this probably deserves a post of its own or a series of them i m pretty upset about the thing with my niece and pondering how i ll handle the issue when it comes up as i strongly suspect it will especially with katherine after months and months of bedtime naptime chaos i have finally instituted project i said stay in your beds bedtime is going supremely well naptime less so this too deserves a full post i think that s enough random don t you posted by eab at 5 10 pm 3 comments monday february 02 2009 like an industrial accident pain free days 0 so much for that bright idea dammit posted by eab at 6 28 pm 2 comments sunday february 01 2009 this is not my beautiful life i m still trying to wrap my head around the whole endometriosis thing out of nowhere i have a chronic disease that s going to have daily effects for the next ten or fifteen years and all i can do is blink and say the hell how did i get here i have now had three relatively pain free days in a row even the good days haven t been entirely good i ve still had some pain at here and there but they ve at least been good enough that i haven t had to take anything other than my usual handful of prescription strength naproxen it should illustrate the whole state of affairs that three days of relative normalcy is noteworthy prior to that the last week has included two days where i had to resort to narcotics two other days where i made do with soaking in hot water and daily cuddles with my rice bag heating pad some people make lemonade when life hands you lemons me i sew up rice bag heating pads if you can sew a straight seam or have a friend who can i highly recommend them take a 17 x 21 piece of 100 cotton fabric fold it in half sew it up on two sides turn inside out fill with 2 lbs of rice and stitch up the remaining seam microwave for 2 minutes and it s a warm slice of heaven mine has a pretty cover with a zipper but that s not essential for functionality anyway so i ve had a couple not terrible days where i ve almost felt like my old self and it has really made a sharp contrast with the new normal i am hoping the feeling good days are related to where i am in my cycle because if that s so at least i can expect a good week maybe even two if it s not well that s going to pretty much suck the reason i am trying to still make jokes about it is because i don t really have a choice this isn t going to go away at least not until menopause although i have some hope that some treatments might help i ve decided against lupron and danazol due to high failure rates and unpleasant side effects but i m going to try bcp i want to make it to the six month mark first since i may well wind up having to wean andrew i m going to ask for another ultrasound first i am deeply suspicious my left ovary s got some nastiness going on which would push me toward surgery first if not i ll try bcp and then another lap if things don t improve quickly i kept hoping we d get this thing figured out treat it and be done and i m now having to come to grips with the fact that it won t happen that way there s been a shift in the status quo but it s taking me some time to make my peace with it posted by eab at 7 04 pm 4 comments wednesday january 21 2009 endozilla the whatever was still present on today s ultrasound and it s now obvious that it is contiguous with my endometrium instead of being all tucked inside my uterus like it should be my endometrium appears to literally keep going right through my scar and to expand on the outside of my uterus dr boss says it s probably either more endometriosis or adenomyosis and that there s really no good way to distinguish short of laparoscopy or hysterectomy i m a long way from ready to discuss the latter and he doesn t recommend the former at this time this is logical enough i suppose adenomyosis requires hysterectomy or at least removal of a substantial chunk of uterus but it s less clear cut for endo it s in a tricky spot on the front of my uterus directly behind my bladder and he is reluctant to go poking in there if it can be managed medically by cutting off the estrogen supply reading between the lines it will probably happen sooner or later but he wants to try drug approaches first medical options are somewhat limited at the moment because i m breastfeeding so bcps and lupron and danazol are all off the menu i don t have much enthusiasm for them anyway given the side effects and the limited effectiveness we know i was hypoestrogenic for at least some of the time the endo was growing anyway so it s questionable whether artificially induced hypoestrogenism would help on the other hand i had bad periods as a teenager but was fine for all those years of bcp so the bcp may have held it in check bcp is easily reversible and has relatively mild side effects so i m more okay with that than the other two after weaning the current plan is to do a pain management approach th...