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deth metal metal news music news thrash metal trump 5 comments danzig to sue everyone on earth posted by keith spillett in uncategorized on january 18 2025 you ve probably heard of him before he s part wolf part lion part ubermensch he is possibly the most evolved being in human history he is glenn danzig and he is suing you in a stunning declaration of war against the entire human race glenn danzig has filed a lawsuit in manhattan federal court against over seven billion human beings danzig who is acting as his own attorney claimed in one of the over 40 billion documents brought into court by an entire fleet of federal express trucks that he has been done wrong by everyone including misfits bassist jerry only german chancellor angela merkel actor eli wallach nfl quarterback sam bradford frank oz the voice of yoda and everyone else on this godforsaken planet while some of the suits have been thrown out by the court as frivolous over two and a half billion cases will be heard over the next five centuries danzig who is immortal and has over 35 000 defense points ten times as many as snorlax plans to argue each case with the passion and burning rage of a thousand suns judge marvin barnes labeled many of the suits patently absurd and possibly indicative of a severe break with reality that could signify mental illness for example danzig attempted to sue everyone in the country of azerbaijan for erecting statues in his honor without properly compensating him for the use of his likeness his lawsuit against the 1 6 billion citizens of the people s republic of china for building thousands of environmentally hazardous coal plants without consulting him or giving him proper credit for the invention of coal was also considered not worthy of the court s time barnes begrudgingly agreed to hear 2 5 billion lawsuits because he greatly admired danzig s first four solo albums and even a few songs by samhain danzig s five hundred thousand dollar suit against carol mosley a tax accountant in boise idaho for listening to how the gods kill without headbanging during the part where the song gets really heavy will go forward his 1 2 million dollar suit against edward callahan a construction worker in sacramento california when in 2011 callahan laughed hysterically at danzig s famed discussion of his book collection where he talks about the crimes of jesus clay people and the occult roots of nazism will also see its day in court danzig s six hundred million dollar claim against the tyranny of tradition for implying that he gave birth to identical twin girls a suit that would bankrupt myself and my progeny for the next three thousand years is also proceeding danzig also plans to sue this website for having to waste time filing a lawsuit finally danzig will sue this site for having to file a lawsuit about filing a lawsuit again wasting valuable time he could be using writing songs about being the nephew of the devil and his general disdain for having been born share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading 1 comment ozzy checks into rehabilitation center for addiction to marzipan posted by keith spillett in general weirdness on november 30 2017 ozzy after passing out in a bowl of soup on saturday night heavy metal rocker ozzy osbourne reportedly checked into the barbara ford center for confectionary addiction on sunday morning after a weeklong marzipan bender that nearly cost him his teeth and pancreas he was found face down in a bowl of lobster bisque at a diner in manassas virginia late saturday night doctors tested his blood glucose level and found it to be 4 million milligrams per deciliter over 3 9 million milligrams higher than it should have been a clear sign of a marzipan overdose osbourne who has recently cancelled a black sabbath show due to what some are calling a marzipan hangover has struggled with addiction throughout a good portion of his career recently however ozzy has become incoherent when speaking has fallen off the stage during concerts and burned 1 3 of arizona to the ground while making a grilled cheese sandwich ozzy exhibiting marzipan dementia unsure why the bike won t start addiction to marzipan or marzy as it is often called on the streets is a particularly difficult habit to quit people often begin eating the sticky sweet substance at parties quickly they will move onto smoking or snorting marzipan to get a quicker stronger high from there many addicts will boil the substance into a paste and inject it directly into their bloodstream at the height of jimmy bloodwrench martin s marzipan addiction he was shooting the substance directly into his eyeballs eight or nine times a day martin the bass player for math rock legends morbid angle was hooked on marzy for 3 years before he realized he needed help my teeth had begun to rot i had sores all over my body i developed type 1 through 16 diabetes just to get that rush i d wake up at 3 am in a cold sweat trying to get my marzipan dealer on the phone i sold my toaster my television even my bass at one point i was desperate anything to get that fix martin has finally gotten clean today he works at the hershey center in harrisburg pennsylvania helping rehabilitate other marzipan addicts things are rougher out there then they were when i was using it s not just marzipan anymore we ve had 13 year old kids come into the center after getting caught freebasing nougat the court sent one guy here because he tried to shoot an entire flan into his arm it s a crisis out there and nobody seems to be paying attention ozzy mistakes kermit for a marzipan cupcake tries to eat him while ozzy is the first high profile celebrity heavy metal rock and roll rocker to seek help for his addiction other heavy metallers have run into problems with marzipan irish authorities detained testament singer chuck billy last year when he attempted to smuggle an entire battenberg cake a dessert that uses so called marzipan frosting out of the country in his suitcase marzipan is not technically illegal in ireland so billy was released but he was placed on a department of homeland security watchlist due to the incident share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading battenberg cake black sabbath chuck billy department of homeland security marzipan marzipan addiction marzipan recipes morbid angel morbid angle ozzy osbourne testament 5 comments they shoot gorillas don t they posted by keith spillett in the poetry of death on june 3 2016 i do not want to talk about the gorilla i want to not talk about the gorilla i want to talk about not talking about the gorilla i want to not talk about wanting to talk about not talking about the gorilla i want to talk about the gorilla without having to talk about the gorilla i want to be known as someone who doesn t talk about the gorilla by people who talk about the gorilla as well as by people who do not talk about not talking about the gorilla along with the people who talk about not talking about the gorilla i cannot talk about the gorilla i cannot not talk about the gorilla without having to talk about the gorilla in order to not talk about the gorilla among people who both talk and do not talk about the gorilla she talks about the gorilla in order to talk about the gorilla i talk about her talking about the gorilla in order to talk about not talking about the gorilla we both talk about the gorilla she doesn t know not to talk about the gorilla when she s talking about the gorilla i know that she doesn t know to not talk about the gorilla when talking about the gorilla she should know better than to talk about the gorilla when talking about the gorilla he knows that i know that talking about her not talking about the gorilla is talking about the gorilla he talks about me not talking about knowing that talking about not talking about the gorilla is talking about the gorilla he talks about me not knowing that not talking about the gorilla and talking about her talking about the gorilla are talking about the gorilla we re all talking about talking about or not talking about people talking or not talking about the gorilla even when we don t talk about not talking about talking about not talking about the gorilla we talk about the gorilla share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading 4 comments montana metal militia take over federal building demanding release of new necrophagist album posted by keith spillett in general weirdness on january 4 2016 montana metal militia founder clyde wayne gacy and his followers minutes before the takeover days after a group of armed protestors took over a wildlife refuge in oregon an armed group of five heavy metal warriors united for the liberation of america known as the montana metal militia walked into the evel knievel center for wildlife and motorcycle safety in butte forced the lone employee to leave and told authorities they would not allow anyone in or out of the building until tech death legends necrophagist release a new album the montana metal militia is a group that according to their website seeks to free america from the tyrannical grip of socialism and hip hop they are not to be confused with the smaller lesser known montana metal mulisha who have advocated violent revolution against the marxist hegemony of obama rosie o donnell and kanye west the metal militia s leader clyde wayne gacy told police that he and his followers would not leave the building until necrophagist gets back in the studio and records a minimum of 45 minutes of music in a fiery speech in front of the wildlife building gacy shouted through his megaphone it s time for all americans to stand up against injustice because if you are not standing up against injustice you are sitting down and sitting down is wrong gacy in an exclusive interview with kerf reporter sabrina erdley in a brief interview with local television station kerf gacy maintained that what his group was doing was no different than what the founding fathers did look we ve written letters to necrophagist we ve sent emails we ve gone to their homes in the middle of the night banging on their doors we ve threatened the lives of their family members and those close to them still nothing since 2004 if the founding fathers hadn t stood for what was right we d still be drinking tea at four in the afternoon and paying taxes to an unresponsive disinterested government that doesn t represent us bottom line we want a new necrophagist album now or we ain t leaving 12 years and counting no album according to a memo sent out by the group s legal expert bronco gein a law student in his first semester at flathead valley community college the band s refusal to release a new album is not only bad for the metal community and america as a whole but it is also unconstitutional if you read the 10 th amendment to the constitution it clearly states that the powers not delegated to the united states by the constitution nor prohibited by it to the states are reserved to the states respectively or to the people this means we the people have the power to do whatever we need to do until we get what we want if that means violence well hell let s roll share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading bundy family fruitflies montana metal militia necrophagist oregon standoff 23 comments ted cruz to travel back in time kill margaret sanger in womb posted by keith spillett in general weirdness on september 14 2015 from mike huckabee s amped up rocky meets george wallace impression on the rowan county jailhouse steps to donald trump s non stop vitriolic attack on all things female and mexican the race for the 2016 republican nomination has been marked by some of the most unique political stunts in recent memory on wednesday ted cruz will attempt to trump even the donald with a gimmick never before attempted in american politics time travel in a hastily called press conference this morning cruz announced to a room full of supporters that his team of conservative creative scientists led by former nazi doctor dr wolfgang von hemoglobin have built a time machine that will allow him to travel back to the year 1879 and murder planned parenthood founder and anti christ margaret sanger while still in utero the time machine has been in the works for many years but was only recently completed when von hemoglobin discovered the stem cell flux capacitor that will allow an american made chevy impala to travel back in time once it hits 88 miles per hour by killing sanger before she is born cruz will put an end once and for all to the so called reproductive riot caused by women who are not able to control themselves when they are in the presence of virile masculine men like himself while going back in time and murdering the unborn sanger seemed like an obvious thing for cruz to do his decision to do it was fraught with many dilemmas by killing sanger before she is born cruz would be guaranteeing her free passage into heaven while letting a freeloading anarchist into heaven option is a difficult pill for the candidate turned time traveler to swallow he believes it to be preferable to the wholesale murder of over 200 trillion unborn souls in the last six months alone cruz also felt uneasy about only killing sanger and allowing her mother to give birth to another child who also could turn out to be the adolf hitler of fetus killing initially he had planned to murder seven or eight generations of her family but realized this sort continuous time travel would cut into his schedule preventing him from campaigning and making sure congress never again passes any form of legislation if his murder of sanger does not convince party loyalists that he is the most pure of heart among the republ...