Meta tags:

Headings (most frequently used words):

2010, september, friday, october, thursday, saturday, of, variantly, val, 31, 2014, april, 28, 2011, 16, 30, 18, 17, followers, blog, archive, about, me, death, calling, resonance, life, reflections, beauty, star, dust, grams, last, wish, shadowed, dreams, kitty, cats, on, the, prowl,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (140), you (104), and (85), her (49), she (43), your (38), that (37), for (34), grams (29), his (29), have (28), but (25), this (23), can (21), him (21), are (20), eyes (20), was (20), love (19), feel (19), all (18), one (18), look (17), know (16), with (16), time (16), now (15), not (15), don (15), how (15), into (14), always (14), will (13), back (13), see (13), father (13), face (13), again (12), what (12), very (12), life (12), from (11), like (11), only (11), out (11), here (11), there (10), pretty (10), when (9), they (9), cannot (9), around (9), away (9), never (9), has (9), hand (9), fear (9), valerie (8), through (8), soul (8), then (8), down (8), just (8), voice (8), room (8), would (8), knew (8), posted (7), little (7), hear (7), want (7), body (7), against (7), breath (7), had (7), head (7), could (7), death (6), darkness (6), across (6), find (6), bed (6), get (6), our (6), mine (6), way (6), been (6), let (6), wonder (6), about (5), september (5), october (5), 2010 (5), cats (5), looking (5), their (5), them (5), think (5), each (5), under (5), once (5), slowly (5), walks (5), staring (5), behind (5), long (5), still (5), come (5), start (5), tell (5), night (5), alone (5), who (5), free (5), beauty (5), right (4), door (4), dream (4), comments (4), near (4), lips (4), release (4), neck (4), warm (4), fight (4), desire (4), try (4), light (4), heart (4), mind (4), won (4), longer (4), upon (4), quite (4), where (4), being (4), says (4), mother (4), smile (4), perhaps (4), made (4), someone (4), make (4), wish (4), thin (4), wanted (4), asked (4), should (4), told (4), does (4), most (4), blame (4), arms (4), pain (4), may (3), comment (3), bright (3), didn (3), soon (3), more (3), good (3), dead (3), much (3), trying (3), kitty (3), close (3), forever (3), scent (3), ear (3), touch (3), hair (3), press (3), soft (3), every (3), yours (3), secret (3), place (3), gregory (3), dark (3), twinkle (3), letter (3), stationary (3), were (3), young (3), any (3), weak (3), people (3), die (3), chair (3), water (3), feels (3), fall (3), hot (3), sit (3), help (3), control (3), taking (3), cold (3), over (3), strong (3), talk (3), wall (3), say (3), set (3), going (3), name (3), anyone (3), things (3), sun (3), flesh (3), myself (3), easy (3), girl (3), managed (3), left (3), yes (3), bitch (3), dust (3), truth (3), wanting (3), promise (3), shackles (3), softly (3), passion (3), submit (3), looked (3), prison (3), within (3), resist (3), action (3), ready (3), view (2), complete (2), april (2), 2011 (2), calling (2), 2014 (2), posts (2), home (2), labels (2), scary (2), haunted (2), black (2), moon (2), full (2), souls (2), shining (2), front (2), dwelling (2), closing (2), floor (2), closet (2), save (2), coming (2), surround (2), bring (2), ground (2), friday (2), smiling (2), known (2), other (2), met (2), embrace (2), primal (2), pull (2), show (2), firmly (2), air (2), arousal (2), hands (2), unable (2), energy (2), flowing (2), turn (2), nothing (2), open (2), morning (2), shall (2), dreams (2), steps (2), done (2), last (2), gets (2), harder (2), breathe (2), opens (2), nurse (2), own (2), regret (2), written (2), sorry (2), since (2), sacrifice (2), mouth (2), work (2), barely (2), got (2), wake (2), leans (2), kisses (2), getting (2), creepier (2), dad (2), hitting (2), opening (2), everything (2), minute (2), finally (2), focus (2), picture (2), sunflowers (2), vase (2), red (2), roses (2), hospitals (2), cup (2), some (2), put (2), forehead (2), said (2), hate (2), deep (2), falling (2), sitting (2), sweety (2), heat (2), day (2), seems (2), looks (2), well (2), grown (2), really (2), such (2), sophia (2), those (2), kiss (2), cheek (2), mean (2), personal (2), shoulders (2), drawer (2), notice (2), sad (2), thank (2), everyone (2), keeping (2), grateful (2), gift (2), before (2), remember (2), designed (2), setting (2), covered (2), hell (2), hated (2), holding (2), walls (2), person (2), anything (2), old (2), strands (2), though (2), lost (2), sure (2), crazy (2), child (2), took (2), care (2), family (2), smiles (2), green (2), besides (2), created (2), witch (2), children (2), broke (2), used (2), did (2), kept (2), hope (2), stop (2), even (2), dear (2), saturday (2), willing (2), standing (2), end (2), stand (2), while (2), inside (2), tears (2), herself (2), else (2), star (2), world (2), thursday (2), mirror (2), waves (2), touched (2), dirt (2), reflections (2), cried (2), tear (2), waiting (2), warming (2), cry (2), filled (2), first (2), commanded (2), running (2), bound (2), endured (2), break (2), foot (2), stronger (2), until (2), essence (2), ways (2), whispered (2), afraid (2), without (2), pride (2), surrender (2), soothing (2), pretends (2), inner (2), answered (2), icy (2), take (2), grant (2), nor (2), yet (2), draws (2), darling (2), variantly (2), val (2), awesome, inc, theme, powered, blogger, profile, member, human, race, november, december, 2009, june, august, blog, archive, followers, subscribe, atom, older, spooky, halloween, creeping, fur, eve, lurking, shadow, reprieve, muddy, paw, prints, leading, walk, knock, sneaking, reason, yelling, claws, tippy, tapping, catch, underneath, covers, scrambling, faster, scenting, meal, target, sight, tracking, heel, frantic, racing, play, encircled, feline, beasts, moving, steal, final, screams, heard, neighbors, cat, eaten, hundred, prowl, short, story, erotica, moonlight, lives, collide, towards, union, smell, whispering, promises, pleasure, quivers, command, fingertips, glide, burns, spell, pliable, whim, allow, rebellion, pinned, contained, flashes, lightening, streak, sky, electricity, sizzle, gasp, transverse, contain, reach, early, aching, longing, tonight, meet, scape, heightening, shadowed, forward, stares, slip, panic, engulfs, swedish, asks, heavy, accent, realize, visions, found, shake, speak, god, freaky, keeps, ewww, asking, okay, slept, groggy, blurry, somewhat, manage, blood, confused, sick, after, must, moved, thanks, gulp, coolness, winding, throat, lean, weird, stage, sleeping, aren, awake, swear, candles, briefcase, peculiar, giggle, voices, chanting, something, wet, seem, cool, move, sleep, trust, joking, beads, sweat, hairline, side, iced, offers, hun, tight, too, reaches, moves, position, lot, accomplish, guess, unzip, jacket, bit, stay, stiffling, worried, crosses, alright, soph, handsome, man, big, grin, strides, tall, frame, inquires, emphasising, strange, bothering, letting, lll, later, excitment, hello, sets, beautiful, table, sunflower, painting, prettier, greet, hug, nosy, business, hmmm, outloud, thinking, draft, incomplete, heading, shrug, spend, watch, grow, thankful, gifts, given, year, bestow, beside, packaet, furrow, eyebrows, recall, seeing, nurses, brought, taken, another, country, sweden, delicately, papers, note, shouldn, intrude, curiosity, better, isn, addressed, particular, read, hard, drawers, gathering, figure, might, collecting, items, blind, window, nodded, off, breathing, shallow, pale, hurry, onto, fragile, skin, paper, future, plump, transformed, aging, fraile, stick, bones, sheeting, comes, plain, beige, single, hanging, poor, dreary, least, share, stranger, ask, lady, whom, adored, whole, thinned, along, rest, gray, fine, feather, wrinkled, years, knowing, lead, believe, dearest, raspy, course, answer, trusts, twinkling, indeed, spitting, image, seen, pictures, stunner, surprised, married, amazed, wed, lock, date, eek, living, feed, son, selling, educated, enough, money, college, log, cabin, woods, rumors, evil, eats, according, town, lore, visted, except, sneak, house, beginning, ever, keep, taught, cast, spells, chanel, eat, special, passed, women, anytime, hurries, growing, maybe, late, wife, probably, controlling, yourself, worked, talking, lying, leave, happy, deserve, patient, wait, understood, brave, shouting, injustices, defend, themselves, hide, hurt, bestowed, places, falsified, personified, appearances, guise, feign, rock, seeming, solid, crumbled, easily, layer, shale, muster, hiding, wondering, knows, failed, potential, because, chose, scared, tired, age, stealing, youth, wasted, sapped, selfish, ones, fades, allowing, aside, doll, abused, unknown, smiled, surrendered, engulf, dimmed, return, square, carefully, applying, paint, urban, female, warrior, trained, brush, skillfully, embellish, facial, feature, perfection, swirling, colors, blend, stops, begins, daily, canvas, remade, reflect, sexy, charming, golden, stared, matching, clothing, flattering, curves, coordinated, handbag, shoes, speck, which, sunglasses, wear, tie, bow, package, quick, ensure, empty, confronting, slow, scream, starts, form, pushing, push, escape, echos, haunt, shut, throw, lines, somebody, lifeless, solitary, fell, eye, unbound, embraced, wrapping, loving, pulled, boring, pressed, magic, engulfing, healing, released, words, tongue, brushing, lip, finding, unlike, entranced, requested, paused, reached, causing, clang, reminder, freedom, closed, inhaled, habitually, steeling, endure, lids, shot, salty, drops, fleeing, captivity, began, locked, chest, heaved, catching, electric, shocks, excitement, coursed, moment, able, weariness, rather, wondered, saw, same, gaze, pressing, chilled, quietly, captive, shine, rain, cleanse, lungs, grass, laugh, callous, uncomforting, abrasive, freezing, ice, storms, dreariness, fade, amplified, nearing, proximity, loved, musky, abounded, nearer, came, surrounded, inhale, tempted, intimate, luring, resisted, leaned, bruised, seemed, absorb, wounds, order, issued, tender, lusty, heightened, raised, chin, anger, tightened, wrists, squeezing, shooting, throughout, agony, calming, protect, demanded, laughed, grinning, impudence, amused, efforts, counting, defiance, fed, satisfied, hunger, beast, than, imagine, resonated, called, dismal, malevolence, emanating, screamed, stone, run, bowed, downward, futile, win, refused, resonance, carried, chariot, horses, next, favor, above, others, amnesty, creatures, tortuous, games, lived, chaste, wholesome, broken, damaged, ravages, worn, injury, hitches, drawing, laden, husk, bloody, pleaded, misery, pass, quickly, anticipation, dying, passionate, consume, spirit, soars, eternal, dire, peril, hoping, rescue, charms, mercy, quiet, rapid, beating, stubborn, greatest, thing, speaks, caress, touches, core, slows, craved, blanket, wraps, its, resides, darkest, extinguish, possess, silently, await, claim, sweet, midnight, hour, tolls, sound, music, chiming, tones, reverberate, sullen, warning, crave, chains, bitter, acceptance, invitation, merely, call, lovers, alarmed, promised, singing, deadly, lullaby, melodic, tone, calms, haunting, song, lures, deeper, tolling, chimes, silenced, trouble, existence, tantalizing, allure, drew, spiraling, madness, venomous, demons, whose, company, pleasured, failure, rests, solely, tempting, raged, thought, thoughts, weakened, knees, mentally, exploring, quake, battle, turning, whatever, pops, huh,

Text of the page (random words):
the dismal cold room staring malevolence emanating in waves don t look my inner voice screamed i won t i answered back forever bound to the icy stone wall unable to run i kept my head bowed downward staring at the dirt floor of my prison the action futile i knew he would win he always won but i refused to make it easy even for him look at me he demanded head down i laughed he was grinning at my impudence amused by my efforts to fight him but he was counting on my defiance it fed his soul to have control over me satisfied the hunger within him he knew his inner darkness the beast that created me was stronger than any i could imagine foot steps falling softly on the ground he slowly made his way to me my arousal amplified by his nearing proximity oh how much i loved him but never let him know but he knew didn t he his musky primal scent abounded stronger the nearer he came until it surrounded me until i could inhale his very essence his scent always tempted me in the most intimate ways luring me but i always resisted he leaned into me his hand running softly across my bruised cheek his touch seemed to absorb the pain of my wounds he whispered warm breath across my ear look at me an order issued in the most tender of ways lusty passion heightened within me but still i looked away afraid look at me my love he again whispered to me i could resist no longer slowly i raised my chin this time without pride without anger to see him for the first time an action he knew would break me and put me in complete surrender to him an action i knew would have him surrender to me fear my shackles tightened around my wrists squeezing shooting pain throughout my body mind and soul i cried out in agony do not be afraid my love his voice soothing calming fear only pretends to love you pretends to protect you he does not love you i do now look at me my love see me for what i am he commanded again i began to submit to him i looked at him our eyes locked my chest heaved breath catching electric shocks of excitement coursed in me in that moment able to see the pain and weariness in his eyes i knew there was no place i d rather be i wondered what he saw when he looked into mine the same he broke our gaze pressing his face against my neck his breath warming my chilled flesh how long had i been bound here how long had i quietly endured the pain of this captive life always wanting to break free to feel the sun shine down upon me to feel the rain cleanse me to breathe the air deep into my lungs and smile to feel green grass under foot and laugh but no i endured this cold callous prison the uncomforting touch of abrasive walls freezing ice storms this dreariness could all fade away if only submit to me my love i closed my eyes against his voice and inhaled habitually steeling myself to be strong to fight to endure i could feel the tears behind my lids wanting their release i had only to submit my eyes shot open the salty drops fleeing captivity running it was time he pulled back taking my face in his hands his eyes boring into mine then he was there his mouth pressed against mine his magic engulfing me warming me healing me my shackles released freedom i wanted to cry but he was there taking my words his tongue brushing softly against my lip finding his way in passion passion unlike any i ve known before filled me free i was finally free to feel to be i touched him for the very first time entranced by his beauty say my name he requested of me i paused as fear reached for me causing my shackles to clang against the wall behind me a reminder say it he commanded life i cried you are life a solitary tear fell from his eye a tear for me yes i am life my love i have been waiting for you and i m all yours my arms unbound and fear behind me i embraced him promise me my love promise me you will never let me go again he asked wrapping his loving arms around me i promise posted by valerie at 4 13 pm no comments saturday october 16 2010 reflections of beauty i stand in front of a square of mirror each morning carefully applying the paint of an urban female warrior this is what i do this is what i am trained for each brush is skillfully used to embellish every facial feature to perfection swirling colors to blend so you cannot tell where one stops and one begins my face a daily canvas to be remade to reflect sexy charming in control golden strands of hair fall around my face in soft flowing waves all in place designed to be stared at to be touched matching clothing flattering just the right curves of the body coordinated handbag and shoes with not a speck of dirt on them which sunglasses to wear to tie a pretty bow on the package a quick look in the mirror to ensure all is right pretty girl staring back with empty eyes i look away for fear of confronting the truth inside a slow scream starts to form pushing it s way up wanting to be set free push it back down it cannot escape there is no time for dwelling on what should be echos haunt my mind you re such a pretty girl how can you be sad you re so pretty you have it made you re so pretty we like being around you you re so pretty shut up i cannot talk to you now i have beauty to throw around tell your lines to somebody else they mean nothing to me look into my lifeless eyes and tell me how pretty i am once you really see me tell me how pretty i am now that you know the truth now that you see reflections of beauty in me posted by valerie at 2 11 pm 1 comment thursday september 30 2010 star dust she was once the patient one always willing to wait the one who always understood being left behind she was once brave standing in the face of fear and shouting in it s face to end it s injustices against those who cannot defend themselves the one who can hide the hurt bestowed upon her in the most secret places no one can find falsified personified by appearances she was the pretty one an easy guise to feign to all who knew her she was a rock seeming to stand solid and strong while inside she crumbled as easily as a thin layer of shale she would hand out smiles she could barely muster hiding tears that wanted to fall in the dark of night alone wondering what it s all for she is weak she knows she has failed herself has lost her potential to be someone because she chose to always help someone else now she is alone and scared she is tired age slowly stealing her youth wasted energy sapped away by the selfish ones a willing sacrifice her light slowly fades like the setting sun she has no one to blame but herself for allowing to be set aside like a little doll to be abused to be unknown as she was in death she smiled as she surrendered to the end the darkness come to engulf her soul a shining star dimmed by the world to dust she does return posted by valerie at 5 21 pm 2 comments saturday september 18 2010 grams last wish i ve always hated hospitals they re where people come to die so here i sit holding onto grams fragile hand her skin feels soft but paper thin i think to the future when one day it will be my young plump hand that will be transformed into an aging fraile stick of bones covered by the thin sheeting of flesh i wonder if anyone will be holding my hand when my time comes i look around the plain room beige walls one single picture of sunflowers hanging so the person in the bed has a view poor grams i think to myself this room is so dreary no wonder it s easy to die here at least she is in her room alone and won t have to share her death with a stranger can i get you anything grams i ask of the old lady whom i have adored my whole life her hair has thinned along with the rest of her her gray strands surround her face like a fine feather down face wrinkled from her 86 years of life her eyes are still bright and knowing though i am again grateful she never lost her mind sure people may have said she was crazy but i know she just wanted to lead them to believe that no thank you my dearest child you took care of what i asked you her voice is raspy and weak i know her time is coming soon oh grams you know i would do anything you asked of me of course i took care of it he should be here soon i answer her grams and i have always been close i am the only person in the family she trusts you re a good girl sweety she smiles at me her green eyes twinkling i have grams eyes and have been told by everyone that i am indeed her spitting image i can t see how that can be i ve seen pictures of her when she was young she was a stunner besides my eyes don t twinkle like that it always surprised me she was never married always amazed me that she managed to have a child out of wed lock in her date and time she managed to eek a living and feed her only son my father by selling things she made she educated him and managed to save enough money for him to go to college when he was 18 he left her alone in her little log cabin in the woods it s no wonder the rumors about her were created grams is the evil old witch who eats children according to town lore my father broke her heart when he left he never visted except one time to show her me i used to sneak out of the house at night beginning when i was 5 to go see her no one ever knew she told me they would keep me away grams taught me to make all the little things she did how to cast spells and to chanel the dead yes grams is a witch but she does not eat children she told me it is a special gift passed only to the women in the family i always kept our secret and never told anyone about what we did so your father will come see me on my death bed then she asked me yes grams he should be here anytime now i hope he hurries i can feel my time growing thin what s keeping him i don t know grams maybe he had to work late that bitch of a wife of his is probably trying to stop him she s like that as you know controlling bitch grams don t get yourself all worked up besides that bitch you re talking about is my mother i know you don t like her i don t even like her i wish it were her lying here on this bed not you i don t want you to go grams i know my dear just remember that grams is never going to leave you her eyes twinkle at me again i smile back at her and try to make it as happy looking as i can i don t deserve your love sophia grams says to me stop that crazy talk grams i love you and that s that i notice the sun setting through the blind covered window and wonder where the hell my father is grams has nodded off again and i can t help but wonder if she will wake up this time her breathing has grown very shallow and she looks very pale i wish he d hurry i get up from the hard chair i have been sitting in and start to go through the closet and drawers gathering her things i figure i might as well start collecting her personal items i don t think she s going to make it through the night in the drawer beside her her bed i find a packaet of stationary and furrow my eyebrows i don t recall seeing it before perhaps one of the nurses brought it in to her there is one nurse here that has taken to grams she is from another country sweden i think but can t quite remember her name i look through the delicately designed papers and find a note written in grams hand i know i shouldn t intrude but my curiosity gets the better of me the letter isn t addressed to anyone in particular so i read i want to thank everyone in my life for keeping me going i am grateful for all the time i got to spend with you getting to know you and watch you grow i am thankful for the gifts you have given me each year and the gift you will bestow upon me in death i have only one regret hmmm i say outloud thinking perhaps this is a draft of a letter to someone as it seems incomplete no heading and no closing i shrug my shoulders and set the stationary back in the drawer and notice grams looking at me with a sad look on her face i m sorry grams i didn t mean to be so nosy i know this is your personal business just then the door to the room opens and in walks my father hello sophia mother he says as he sets a vase of beautiful red roses on a table near the wall under the sunflower painting those are so much prettier to look at i smile and greet my father with a hug and kiss on the cheek gregory you made it grams says with such excitment in her voice father strides across the room leans his tall frame over grams and kisses her forehead how are you mother he inquires emphasising mother and with a strange smile on his face perhaps he is just trying to be strong perhaps this is really bothering him more then he is letting on i lll have to talk to him later my you have grown into a handsome man let me look at you she says a big grin on her face i unzip my jacket as i start to feel a bit warm i ve had the heat on al day since grams seems to stay cold all the time the heat in the room is stiffling father looks over to me a worried look crosses his face are you alright soph you don t look well it s just hot in here i guess it s hitting me now that i am up and about sit down sweety i ll get you some water he walks out the door grams reaches the control on her bed and moves it to a sitting position i can tell it is taking a lot of out of her to accomplish i start to get up let me help you grams no no hun you just sit tight your father s right you don t look too hot oh trust me i am hot i try joking i can feel the beads of sweat falling from my hairline down the side of my face my father walks back in with a cup of iced water in his hand and offers it to me thanks dad i gulp at the water the coolness winding it s way down my throat it feels good i hand the cup back to him and lean my head back on the chair i feel very weird like i am in that stage of sleeping when you aren t quite there and not quite awake i swear i see my father bring some candles out of his briefcase and light them how peculiar this dream is i giggle a little i hear voices chanting around me and feel something wet being put on my forehead i can t seem to hear what is being said and don t know what is on my head but it feels cool i can t move i hate dreams like this then i start to fall into a deep sleep met by darkness i don t know how long i slept but feel very groggy and weak upon opening my eyes everything is blurry for a minute then my eyes finally focus somewhat i still can t quite manage to focus i am staring at the picture of the sunflowers and the vase of bright blood red roses under it i am confused am i sick after all hospitals are where people come to die they must have moved my chair then i hear my voice asking me grams grams are you okay i shake my head and try to speak but my mouth won t work i can barely breath i turn my head and see me staring back at me god i ve got to wake up this is freaky my father walks up behind the me i am looking at and leans down and kisses my neck only it is not my neck any longer is it this just keeps getting creepier and creepier and ewww on my dad hitting on me i feel a warm hand on what is now my own and look into eyes that are min...