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Text of the page (random words):
st two rows with them maybe i should just sit one row back i m glad i did i didn t realize until ten minutes into the service that i had never been to a catholic funeral the pastor s large face with prominent features framed with thick silver brought to mind moses right away when he came to the microphone singing in latin i was intrigued when he motioned for us to repeat after him the words he spoke i followed instructions when he sang more i was further intrigued when he asked us to sing the latin line behind him i was bewildered and inept suddenly i realized i was grossly unprepared to help celebrate my cousin s passing justly this was a full out catholic service replete with ave maria sung to guitar backup on the side i scanned the pews in front of me careful not to actually turn my head and then reproduced the notes the moses doppelganger made before my inadequacy could swell a random man sauntered up the outside aisle of the pew he wore raggedy black shorts cut or ripped below the knee tighter black fabric underneath a zip up jacket and an old jersey of some sort underneath the hair was matted and dreaded perhaps but who could tell he swung a plastic bag with what looked like groceries and his tennis shoes had seen better days when he made it to the front of the church he looked to the left and right as if for traffic in the street i noticed the black history month displays on easels to the far left and right of the pulpit and decided that maybe he was going to do something staff oriented like move things it would not have been an appropriate time as the church s unphased leader was busy with liturgy of the eucharist activities holding up the cup putting it down kneeling standing holding up the cracker that would be the body of christ putting it down on the chalice moving the chalice kneeling standing and not necessarily in that order i add in haste lest i accelerate my trip to the real estate i have on the east bank of the sea of hell the stranger then walked in front of the family beyond the casket in the middle of the aisle past the pallbearers on the other side of the church and then over to the third row where he scooted clumsily toward the center aisle i was so distracted by the intruder that i missed important liturgy by the time i got back to the priest he was sprinkling something on the casket i should know i should also know why maybe there is a view of the west bank fires from my hell river terrace in words that ran faster than i was able to pick up the priest explained that those who wanted to receive a piece of the holy body could line up and that in the event we wanted a blessing instead we were to fold our right arm across our hearts as explained in the program i rummaged around the pew area for my program before i realized i did not get one on the way in people began to line up if it had been appropriate to use my phone to text at that moment and ask krisha if i should open my hands or cross my right hand over my heart to ask for a blessing i would have i looked around in hopes that the general activities of my kin would provide answers but alas they did not brian always complains that people don t use enough context clues this time i employed visual ones what were the other people doing jamal act like you know but a lot of the folks in here were actually catholic so they had more sophisticate variations of communicating their desires to the priest and was the cupped hands about baptism or blessing sigh when i got to the front i had my arms properly folded enough to get the blessing the priest dabbed my forehead and i was relieved when i got back to my seat there was more liturgy and then the singing started the odd interloper took over air with song a sort of bastardized version of the acapella cantus the priest had us sing pieces of earlier he twirled his plastic bag a little lobbed the notes into the church let them take his head and body seismically with them it was as hard to not stare as it was to pretend not to hear the four or five keys he was singing in my cousin who was incredibly composed through the entire event up until this point already promised later that this interloper was the spirit of her father having one more joke to lay on us he wasn t done yet when it was time to follow the body out for one more viewing the interloper stood leaning over my cousin excuse me another cousin said could the family please get another chance to say our goodbyes dammit don t you see what hell i m doing here shit i don t know what the hell your the kind of crazy pills can t fix we will be telling this story for quite some time p s my cousin rosalyn was impressed with the fact that the funeral was a short one that it did not drag on and on like some of the baptist ones she s been too you d still be there right now she said they d be on closing remarks probably she then reminded me that she and rosa parks were distant cousins and she attended the civil rights icon s funeral in detroit it lasted seven hours she said and when jesse jackson spoke at hour six he started out with i know its late but we should still honor ms rosa parks well yeah that s long i said but it was rosa parks after all it was her third funeral you re kidding she had one in d c then they shipped her body to the alabama since that s where the bus boycott happened then they had a last one in detroit so she could be buried next to her husband point taken posted by schehimazade at 6 05 pm 1 comment tuesday november 23 2010 bargains after our celebration over my first presentation to a college class of students who were assigned and read my book my mother had errands of course i was the designated runner and the first stop was target what do you need dare i ask just some swiffer stuff when we got to the swiffer aisle mom picked up boxes of swiffer fillers she put on her glasses to read the boxes with calculated precision the way a scientist might examine mitochondria on a slide then came the mumbling oh uh hunh i don t want to pay this 8 99 that s crazy don t they have anything less expensive than that maybe this box you know i can go price check it i was impressed to see that she knew not only where the price checker was but how to scan with it as well impressed and a tad bothered disposable time and shopping tolerance had finally met in this 62 year old s consciousness she s at that age where winning means she saved fifty cents the next stage is when winning means she s saved fifty cents on something that she doesn t need and please know that she demonstrated a better working understanding of this machine than christine o donnell has of the constitution not that this is saying much oh this is 8 99 i m not paying that ooh look the 11 49 is a better value right yes i confessed are you turning into grandy hmph not as complete denial when my mother s mother was only a few years older she made a habit of going out of her way to find the deal when we finished sorting out the swiffer items we moseyed to the other side of target where we could look to see if they have movies worth buying movie mom hasn t seen and that can be enjoyed at home you know i stopped renting movies because they re all widescreen what s wrong with widescreen i don t like seeing that extra six inches of space on the top and bottom of the screen because that s just a waste of screen space she said i explained to her that the picture on full screen settings is truncated on the sides in order to fill the screen the way she likes to see it but she was ahead of me well maybe you can look at the dvd player and figure out a way to set it differently i looked at the two vids i had in my hand and could find a full screen option nowhere on them i confessed that i hadn t seen many new dvds with a full screen option i guess i won t be watching any new dvd s then i could only muster a long sigh as the bubbly cashier collected my money for the videos i d purchased yeah it sort of sucks she said that they ve stopped making dvd s with full screen because they want everybody to buy new televisions i shouldn t have to buy a new television my mother said you shouldn t the woman said then she changed the mood that will be 22 14 what mom was aghast she looked at the woman as if she d asked mom to pay her mortgage in full that makes sense i told her only one of those items was a deal remember oh well that s awful mom said she stopped and thought as if taking the time might alter the price of the two items she wanted to purchase just when i was about to be embarrassed that we were holding up the line mom dug into her purse and grabbed a stack of coupons before i could get cozy in my horror at this mom proceeded to hand the stack of coupons to the young woman behind the register could you go through these and see if any of them work for this stuff hon she said now i was astonished who was this woman inhabiting my mother s body and where was my credit card so that i could eliminate this nonsense right away matter of fact why didn t i just go ahead against my mother s wishes and ask the cashier to scan her swiffer stuff with the two dvd s i bought that mom probably won t watch i m sorry the cashier said with genuine regret oh don t worry about it my mother said she then pulled out a crisp hundred really really she knew she was wrong she understands why she has something like three degrees and loads of common sense she just finished helping me clean up my lecture on a book i wrote she gets dramatic irony well every little bit counts the cashier said that s right girl course she says this she did not have to spent forty minutes with her mother on two cleaning items at target that she could not get a deal on i don t know that maybe she did maybe all children go through this with their mothers and if i were to suddenly make zillions of dollars to support her shopping even gave her a budget she might still scan items at the price checker she is now ebullient about the 140 point play she just made on scrabble against the computer yes 140 points for the word coasting which does exactly that across two triple letter tiles posted by schehimazade at 1 52 am no comments friday october 01 2010 tight by jamal story on tuesday september 28 2010 at 3 56pm il est toujour bon sur ma fois d avoir les femmes avec soi remendado and dancairo trying to convince carmen to go with them quintet bizet it is always good upon my word to have women with you the first thing important to know is this in exchange for our bottomless offerings of support and willingness to be surrogate boyfriends in times of crisis gay men get to be polygamous i have four wives three were little sisters who upgraded to wife status when krisha marcano came along with the declarative i am your wife you will act accordingly this very humbling scenario does not begin with her however it starts with the sunny afternoon when hollie another wife escorted me to the car repair joint down the block so that i could handle the loose ends of my saturn s demise well no that s not true i asked hollie to go with me since she was hanging out at the house and i have always understood the latitude that older men give younger men who have beautiful upstanding women near us it worked my mechanic was charmed giving me ample time to sort out the mailing of the title so that the car could be released to a non profit or church that needed one don t worry about all this he said you two have a great time in vegas of course i hadn t said she was going with me a week passed i returned from vegas for a few days and this time i confiscated krisha s entire afternoon included her in on my madness a sunny day again a jaunt to the car repair joint down the block this time to collect my things out of the trunk when we walked into the garage the first thing i did was motion toward the woman i was with hey man this is krisha oh yeah we met before no i said that was hollie um was there a reason he called me out didn t he know better than to ignore my lead what player handbook was he reading from i was glad that i m not actually sleeping with any of my wives i asked krisha to go ahead of me to the adjacent junkyard to see if i d left the jalopy unlocked yesterday after she was out of visibility the mechanic came behind me with the key man i hope i didn t mess you up just now sorry about that nah it s all good my game is tight yeah i said that i went with this it was a man moment meant to be kept right there between men when i got to the car krisha looked at me her eyes showing me the folded arms she didn t feel like making i know exactly what happened just now he apologized didn t he uh yeah he did i said hoping that she simply applied an amount of common sense to get there your game is tight really wow had i said that loud enough to be heard what player handbook was i reading from and the extra bass in your voice really where did that come from the fact that she wasn t done made it clear to me that i would never live this one down what extra bass don t act like you don t know what i m talking about she said emptying the glove compartment let me tell you something you are a gay a gay a gay a gay i pointed to the items she used for emphatic gesticulation leave the owner s manual in there for the new people did you hear me this would be shared with the other wives of course and although the stakes of my player moment were not pastor long high i still haven t lived down a particular hop over the fence a few years back no hypocrisy up there just barbed wire who knew granted i can keep both my gay card and my village but perhaps my game isn t so tight after all et sans elles les toutes belles on ne fait jamais rien de bien and without them the very lovely ones one never does anything right posted by schehimazade at 8 03 pm 2 comments wednesday september 08 2010 stripper names have been changed to protect the innocent after the 7 a m rehearsal for the hp industrial nothing looked more fetching than the buffet at mandalay bay don and sam were sitting at the table while missy and i waited at the omelet line when a random bald guy short and muscular came up to me and started a conversation he mentioned that he had seen the cher show last night and that he enjoyed it a lot thank you i was in it immediate regret oh cool i remember you now fantastic show dude he looked at missy are you in the show too missy was quick but skeptical no i did some other shows on the strip and we re doing a gig together she said pointing at me cool i m a dancer too just not the same kind my years at smu subjected me to several conversations with people disappointed that which club was not an appropriate response to i m a dancer i fell into no such trap now this time on the other side of the q a what kind of dancer are you i asked i m a stripper as i deflated his grin grew in mischief and pride missy whom i d just met but understood right away was one of the few other professionals on this gig born in the 70 s...