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re registered but they still have paperwork for you to do for some reason the nurse people found out i was a first time mom so i think they figured i had a long labor ahead as is usual for first timers i was pacing up and down the hallway and did as much as i could before i had to go into my mental place again and left jason to finish up whatever all i remember is looking at the pictures of babies on the wall and lots of pacing and leaning over the front desk and moaning when they wanted me to sign something i think we got to the hospital around 6 45am they got me into a nice room and i checked it out changed and got ready for whatever was next it had a jacuzzi tub and we asked for a birthing ball they did some checking of stuff and found that i was dilated to a nine already so uh we ll call the doctor yeah i was ready i told the slightly disinterested seeming nurse that i was feeling the need to bear down and she said to go ahead they d handle it hmm nope i ll wait for the doctor methinks dr servoss arrived finally and they said to just go ahead and push whenever i was ready here i am in the hospital room trying to relax and breathe the baby down there was no time for an epidural but i didn t plan on one anyway so that was fine they told me i wouldn t be needing that birthing ball i felt the need to just sortof chant sing this one low note over and over sortof an auhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sound i d get louder as the contraction intensified finally when they told me to go ahead and bear down i was scared to do it but i knew the end part felt like you had to go 2 and i had felt that way for a while now and had been holding off so i figured i might as well try i let out a great yell like you do when you re doing some intense weight lifting and push push pushed still trying to breathe well and such ouch it hurt but still felt the need to keep going kept this up for a few minutes and i was exhausted i hadn t eaten since the night before and i was a little dehydrated and had thrown up the milk i drank around 4am luckily jason kept the propel electrolyte drink comin yum i had done about 4 of these yelling pushes when i just felt spent it was so intense and i felt like i didn t have it in me to finish the doctor was just shifting her weight back and forth waiting for me to keep going they could see the baby s head jason told me he had dark hair he was real he was coming out but still the sheer exhaustion i looked at jason and i told him i didn t think i could do it he looked me in the eyes right into my soul like only jason can do with those kind wonderful eyes and he told me you can do this i know you can do this your body knows what to do that was all i needed his confidence his assurance and his expressed belief in my ability and in my body s ability to do it so i said to myself the only way to it is through it and i focused on the image of my baby coming out and them handing him to me and i gritted my teeth and bore down with all i had there was yelling and about two or three pushes and some intense burning like the fire of eternity and suddenly he was out and they were checking him and placing him on my chest and jason was cutting the cord and he was there and he looked like a korean baby why is he korean and oh my goodness he is so beautiful and let me hold him and he looked right at me and had this look like he wasn t so sure about this bright cold room but he d be ok if i held him on my chest and there he was and did he really just come out of my body and jason is there at my side and we did it and oh he is fine and beautiful and perfect and the pain was 100 gone and forgotten jason said to me joy as exceeding as was my pain eh and i responded oh the joy far exceeds the pain far exceeds it it was like the pain never even existed it was the most beautiful moment of my entire life up until that point it was heaven and earth all in one place and time stopped like when jason and i kissed for the first time and everything else was blurry and it was me and jason and our little baby boy and it was perfect boston david graham born at 7 58am i ripped a little just minor ripping so they sewed me up and i guess i delivered the placenta at some point but i was so caught up in looking at our baby jason took some video and we just stared at him they let me keep him on my chest for 20 min as requested for bonding and resting and such before they performed any tests they checked him out and weighed him 6 lbs 15 8 ounces so they rounded up to 7 lbs and 19 5 inches long one week early and absolutely perfect they put that eye goop on him eventually dumb so he couldn t see us for a while but then we could again i tried to feed him which of course was completely foreign and awkward but that s to be expected i figured they got me cleaned up a bit and eventually got me out of the bed and wheeled me with baby in arms and jason at my side to a maternity ward room where i d spend the next almost 48 hours they played a special lullaby over the pa to welcome the baby very cute wise eyes for such a little one a few hours old i spent the next while trying to learn to care for a little one trying not to bleed all over everything too graphic and crying all the time because my heart was bursting full of happiness i had a few very special and spiritual moments with boston and with jason that i won t share here because of their sacred nature suffice it to say the veil was thin and the universe seemed to me to center on what was happening in that small hospital room it was divine i spent two days in the hospital which was super nice for my first and which we had to do to claim all the benefits from our supplemental insurance the nurses were fabulous at helping me learn to breastfeed staying on top of my pain and stool softener meds and making sure i remembered to eat and sleep jason was plain exhausted but wonderful he seemed to grow into the role of father so naturally and i was obsessed with taking photos of him with baby i was super happy to have gone natural as i could walk right away use the bathroom with some help for the first trip and both baby and i were nice and alert it was a deeply beautiful experience and i loved it i have said that i d do that again 40 times and not mind it at all if i weren t so nauseous during pregnancy i might even think about having another kid haha hopefully that part doesn t repeat for the next time we spent the rest of the morning dealing with the shock of suddenly becoming parents and calling everyone we got a hold of jason s folks soon after delivery and also my dad it was so fun to share the news so funny that we had told them we d call on the way to the hospital but there ended up not being time for it we had arranged to have a friend come and take video for us but that went out the window as well in the rush of things 4 5 hours of labor for baby 1 wow fast my mom was at the gym when he was born so when she came home my dad had left her a note on the counter that read boston david graham 7 lbs 19 5 inches she freaked out of course and we had a nice fun chat soon after she changed her flight so that she could come to our place on thursday we checked out wednesday afternoon after two days of resting in the hospital the trauma of taking b to get his heel pricked the agony oh my heart and jason taking him for his first bath and for his circumcision and i got to take a couple of showers and went to a breastfeeding class which was super helpful we got into a rhythm of waking him every 3 hours to eat so that he d remember to eat gain weight nicely and so my milk would come in nicely and then we headed off to our house with this dumb look on our faces like new parents must all have and with a bundled up baby to try and beat the freezing absolute coldness of february mom came on thursday and loved on our little man she was a lifesaver in teaching us how to bathe him helping me not to worry so much about every little thing and she d take him and burp him and put him back to sleep so i could sleep at night and sometimes during the day as well i didn t realize how much labor takes out of you and i was plain exhausted for a good couple of weeks luckily boston seemed to have night and day figured out already so he only had one wakeful period in the middle of the night while mom was here and she got some good rest also what a thoughtful considerate little child with grandma karen after his bath we now spend our days just staring at and adoring this little man he has grown so much already now at 10 weeks he hardly fits in the below outfit anymore and i feel like my heart has grown by about 3 sizes i have this enormous love for this precious little boy and it occurs to me that heavenly father feels this way and more so about me and about everyone i will ever meet becoming a mom has also increased my love for and patience with everyone around me they are all precious some initial thoughts on his personality boston seems to be a patient wise and curious spirit his body is strong and his mind is alert and his heart is big he is mellow and happy and full of life and the assurance of who he is already i feel i have much to learn from him my boys notice how he holds in his pacifier so cute boston at 9 days old and finally some photos from a weekend trip we took a couple of weeks ago how we love this little man he has filled our days with joy i am loving this motherhood is my favorite career god be thanked for the gift of being mom to this precious perfect little boy at 3 00 pm 15 comments sunday march 27 a sweet video update at 10 21 pm 9 comments thursday march 17 a little st patty s video from baby b stay tuned for the posting of his birth story i have been meaning to do it for the past 6 weeks but when do you find time to do this stuff i mostly just stare at this cute baby all day and try to sleep and shower and sing songs and read stories and sometimes make food and clean and now work out too blogging has taken the back seat well even more of a back seat than before but i think i am getting the hang of typing while nursing so maybe there is hope happy st patrick s day to all of you at 1 29 pm 8 comments tuesday january 11 a christmas photo spread with short captions jason and i got sweet cameras for each other for christmas his video mine dslr style and i would like to show you rather than tell you some things about how it was so fun photos begin christmas day post camera reception jason used his sweet video camera to record some of his parents sweetness we haven t interviewed mine yet they re warming up to the idea i still love technology we used skype so my sisters could be semi present while my missionary brother called home from nicaragua so awesome i think jason is the most good looking man of all time doesn t he just exude pure goodness awesomeness strength and braveness here we are chatting with my brother it was a virtual family reunion the two brothermen a chattin i sure like these guys steve has sweet piano skills i come by my weird face making honestly directly from my momma so happy to see this kid at christmas my nephew so dang adorable so happy to see his parents too i just didn t post photographic evidence momma is a doting grandmomma too i love how my parents absolutely adore their grandchildren great grandmomma adores them too here is my cute other grandma my papa s mama we had so much fun with all the folks at her place j loves his parents a whole bunch they are good people i tell you what and i seem to fit in with them just fine my papa gave me a fathers blessing as i have been feeling pretty nervous about giving birth and becoming a mother and such one of the sweetest moments of my life i treasure it and i treasure my papa oh how i love him the day we left it snowed here is adorable grandma waving at me through the frosty window it has snowed and snowed and snowed since we ve been back we took advantage and went for a little light snowshoeing ahhh clean air j constructing me some good meditative tracks to get me through the labor and delivery process this man gots skills blairsy sent me this for christmas this year i love it it is a physical representation of that childlike hope that christmas is all about the believing in good and in good things to come thank you blair here are the curtains i put up over the closets in the baby s room mostly this is for my sisters who helped me pick them out i like when i go out in public these days people look briefly at my face then immediately their eyes drift to the belly i am basically a walking belly nice here i am at 36 weeks took this one this morning 26 days to d day yipes at 9 43 pm 8 comments saturday january 1 officially freaking out i counted the days until our due date this morning 37 days oh my goodness am i ready for this is anyone ever ready probably not but i think i d better get to buying that crib and installing a car seat baby b s a comin do you make new years resolutions i made a couple 1 go to bed at 10pm 2 read the new testament through again i have some other ideas floating around my brain but not solidified christmas is so fun no i had the best time at home with my familia and j s familia it is the best to be among those who know you so well and love you anyway i feel pretty lucky to have a family that does and to have pretty much the best in laws of all time j and i got sweet cameras for christmas me a dslr and he an hd videocam and we have been busily documenting our lives with live and still shots since so much fun so much disk space i need a new external hard drive i have been reading the peacegiver whilst on vacation and since returning thanks mom for letting me borrow your book i highly recommend this one one of the reasons i so enjoyed christmas this year was because of what this book is teaching me about christ and his continual ability to heal hearts give it a first or second read sometime i am hoping to acquire this one to add to my bookshelf happy new year lovies i am lucky to know you folks here s hoping i get to see all of you in 2011 xoxo at 10 21 am 6 comments monday december 13 you asked for it i have been negligent about posting belly photos reasons 1 it is a little hard to get used to the idea of myself as such a large person 2 i am also somewhat of a private person so i forget to post stuff like this unless reminded i have been reminded so here is a photo taken yesterday evening of me at 32 weeks i am getting progressively there 56 more days my weekly email tells me yay and also aggghh it is getting closer which more real which more scary but we are also excited we had some family up for to see the christmas lights and enjoy a little holiday cheer and delicious food this was good times enjoy photos happy christmas everyone may the season fill you with light as much as the light of the world has filled our souls with his birth yay and double yay for that xoxo at 11 47 am 2 comments older posts home 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