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we are learning to make fire we are learning to make fire home it doesn t go away jul 24 2013 uncategorized 3 comments i was at a party last night and one of the guests was going around telling everyone that she was 9 weeks pregnant happened on the first try it made me jealous and sad it s ridiculous you would think that that sort of news wouldn t bother me so much anymore her fertility has nothing to do with me and yet does it ever go away i wonder 21 weeks this week everything is looking good we ve started researching birthing plans and will tour our birthing center next week we have a list of day cares to interview sometimes i am still surprised that this is actually happening brain dump jun 20 2013 uncategorized 4 comments went to lunch with a friend the other week and she told me she was planning on getting pregnant next year she ll be 38 in november but she told me she s not too worried because women get pregnant in their 40s all the time another friend who is getting married next month told me she is waiting till next summer to try because she and another friend want to have babies at the same time said friend has pcos but she doesn t think it will be a big deal i didn t say anything in either situation of course maybe everything will work out as planned for them who am i to kill that optimism right as if either would listen anyway still it made me a little sad for the girl i used to be two years ago before all this infertility stuff that was me making plans sure you never think the bad stuff is going to happen to you 16 weeks tomorrow i thought i was past morning sickness but it s came back to say hello this week other than that i ve been feeling great my body hasn t changed all that much yet i m still in the bump or too many burritos phase most of the time it s burritos another year older jun 6 2013 uncategorized 3 comments today is my birthday 36 eep it s also week 14 last week i got the best possible early birthday present ever our genetic screen came back completely normal we also learned we re having a boy this after the ultrasound tech told us he was almost positive it was a girl ah well healthy is all we wanted morning sickness has finally started to wane i can actually look at food again i still mostly just want to eat cherries and watermelon and drink lemonade but that s how i usually feel in june anyway we told our families and friends last week it was strange i despise being the center of attention no facebook announcements for me and i never know what to say to the folks asking if i m excited which of course we are among a million other things or the dreadful was it planned oh if they only knew worry stress worry may 23 2013 ivf pregnancy 2 comments we had our nt scan last week my stomach was in knots waiting in the waiting room then on the table will ultrasounds ever not worry me i m really hoping so all the measurements looked great we opted out of the blood work and chose to do the verifi prenatal test instead and now we wait my mind has been running in circles please let everything be ok please let everything be ok please let everything be ok i ve promised myself and the husband that if when we pass this hurdle i will let go relax how i ve grown to hate that word enjoy this whole thing maybe the nausea will go away soon too positive thoughts 8 weeks apr 27 2013 ivf 3 comments first thank you for all the well wishes i ve been unsure how to continue here but i know i enjoy following people s stories all the way through so i will continue to post updates i completely understand if it s not what you want to read yesterday was our 8 week appointment and graduation from our re it was a little sad these people have been really good to us and we re so thankful for what they ve been able to do for us it s still all a bit surreal everything is measuring on schedule 8 weeks on the nose with a heartbeat of 169 nausea has come on in full force this week i spend most mornings dry heaving until i can get some food in my stomach i ve been having the strangest food aversions for example bacon makes me green just typing that made my stomach turn bacon i usually love warm things but can t seem to stomach any of it right now i ve been drinking smoothies and eating a lot of oranges i used to drink 3 or more cups of herbal tea a day can t stand the smell of it now it s weird what our bodies do the most exciting news no more pio shots first appointment with my nurse midwife is at 10 weeks 6 weeks 4 days apr 17 2013 ivf 5 comments we had our first ultrasound yesterday the nugget is measuring on track at 6 weeks and a few days and we got to hear a heartbeat it was surreal i spent most of the morning leading up to the appointment in a blind panic i haven t really had any symptoms maybe a little bit of nausea next check up is next week at 8 weeks if all goes well we can stop pio shots estrogen supplements and i ll be released to an ob i haven t even allowed myself to look for one yet but i guess i better get on that oh and there is only one the high betas had us wondering 834 mar 31 2013 ivf 3 comments doubling in 34 hours crazy pants it s starting to sink in i still feel great no symptoms i had some cramping and night sweats the days leading up to the beta typical pms symptoms for me that left me feeling low but have felt great since thursday hopefully that s my normal i m trying to just embrace it and how lucky we ve been and take it one day at a time easier said than done 319 mar 29 2013 ivf 7 comments first thank you everyone for your well wishes i took a test this morning so we wouldn t be waiting all day i never thought i d see that second line beta is 319 that seems high since we only transferred one but maybe it s because it had already started hatching before the transfer and was really a day 6 embryo i had a lot of sharp stabbing pain last friday and saturday so i m guessing that was implantation i m going with it i feel great or as great as one can feel with a swollen pio bum we are ecstatic and in shock my first instinct was to pour myself a bourbon which i guess won t do and i m not sure what that says about me 2nd beta on saturday holy shit balls fet mar 28 2013 ivf 4 comments it happened last week tuesday right on schedule today i am 8dp5dt tomorrow is my beta i haven t tested yet i m unsure if i will at all i ve been mostly calm i meant to update i really did but every time i thought to do so the panic would start what if this doesn t work what if it never works i let go a lot these past two months i started going to yoga again started focusing on the things i ve neglected these last 22 months i can t believe it s been that long it was supposed to be quick a baby before 35 and another 2 years later i had a plan i ll be 36 this year we have two embryos still in the freezer i am hoping with all my heart that we get good news tomorrow either way i will let you know back in the saddle jan 31 2013 uncategorized 5 comments sorry for the silence want to know a secret i ve barely thought about baby making this last month and a half when we found out we wouldn t be able to do our fet until late feb early march i sort of pushed it all to the back of my brain it s been nice 2012 was a hard year the hardest year really it felt good to welcome 2013 with some calm i m hoping it stays with me i started birth control on monday i got my fet calendar yesterday if all goes according to plan we will transfer on mar 19 older posts recent posts it doesn t go away brain dump another year older worry stress worry 8 weeks archives july 2013 june 2013 may 2013 april 2013 march 2013 january 2013 december 2012 november 2012 october 2012 september 2012 august 2012 july 2012 categories acupunture back story diagnostics iui ivf life notes pregnancy uncategorized words blog at wordpress com we are learning to make fire create a free website or blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed we are learning to make fire sign me up already have a wordpress com 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