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ne that they matter then after a few years suddenly santosh was gone from the orphanage when he was about 15 his father removed him from the home and sent him to live and work with a guardian a couple of hours south in konark i am guessing at the time that santosh figured i was history he would never see me again but he didn t realize just how stubborn i was or just how special he was with my mom and santosh in konark 2012 i bugged papa for details of where santosh was exactly craig his co sponsor went to find him in konark that first time on my next trip to india i also went to konark and found santosh fortunately his guardian pravat is a good and caring man who took santosh into his home and family that was five years ago and since that time i have visited santosh just as i do the home in choudwar where he once lived and where 115 other orphans still live in fact all these years since santosh left the home i have also brought him up to choudwar to visit his friends there again and to spend time with me and my family volunteer group while we are there on the trips to india he would smile and laugh with us join us at dinner and even staying in our hotel with us holding my hand as we walked the streets of india santosh always on the street side to protect me from danger in the last few years the beauty of technology made our communication even easier santosh was on email and facebook and skype the world between texas and india shrunk just a little bit and santosh and i were still in each other s lives no santosh you were never forgotten but then early this year in 2014 something happened exactly what i am still not sure of but santosh had some sort of problem he was attacked and robbed i believe and he lost both money and his mobile phone which was his link to communications and the online world suddenly i stopped hearing from him he didn t return my messages his mobile number was disconnected he disappeared from facebook and skype i worried as any mother would i sent messages to his guardian pravat and his friends kshetra and mithun who are also in facebook they gave me small pieces of information but still no direct word from santosh i was anxious to get back to india in person this fall to see santosh in person and re establish contact to find out what was going on to let him know that mom still cared what happened to him finding santosh 2014 two days after i landed in india i was in a car going to konark where santosh lives and works after not having spoken to him or heard from him in months i pulled up to the market where he works in the family store and pravat brought him out to meet me santosh was wooden as he was on the first night i had met him nearly a decade before as a child he wouldn t meet my eyes or return my hug i explained to both of them with pravat translating some of what santosh s limited english might not grasp santosh i have been so worried about you all these months i have thought of you every day and hoped you were all right i wanted to hear from you i came here to see you the very first thing before i went to the home in choudwar or saw papa and the other kids coming here to see you to make sure you are all right was the first thing i did when i got to india i am your mom and i love you always suddenly santosh started crying the boy who is now a young man a sometimes moody adolescent who was often stoic and rarely showed a lot of emotion tears were now streaming down his face and he wiped them away roughly with the back of his hand pravat said he thought you had forgotten him my heart felt such a stab this boy who had lost his mother before he even knew her whose father took him to the orphanage by the time he was two years old to lose another parent figure what must that feel like i assured santosh that i had never forgotten him not for one day one moment and that i never would finally a smile smiles and hand holding and laughter all day i went with pravat and santosh to their home where i spent the day with their family and ate lunch with them a few days later after the rest of our volunteer group arrived in choudwar to spend our week at the orphanage with the kids santosh came up on the bus and we picked him up he spent the next several days with our volunteer group staying at the hotel with us and going to the children s home with us and generally having a great time there was a lot of smiling and love even dancing and singing hanging out with friends and family at our hotel after a day at the children s home santosh was back for anyone who ever wonders why we do this why we go back over and over and over this is why all you ever need to know to answer that question is in this story and i believe now santosh knows for certain that he will never be forgotten that he is part of our family and always will be not because he was an orphan or a kid at the home that i sponsored not because i feel obligated or sorry for him or have to but because he is him santosh and i we all love him for the special unique person that he is family our blended family because it s not blood or even continents that matter posted in india leave a comment tags children home india orphanage santosh volunteer return to india nov 22 posted by shelley seale it was planned all year and now i can t believe it s over i just returned from my 8th trip to visit my family in india i have been planning this trip since january of this year now that i m back home it s hard to believe the time so long anticipated has come and gone that it s over already i miss the kids so much all those whom i love and who have made their home my home their family my family over the past 10 years the first night i was ever in india nearly 10 years ago was spent in this room the prayer room in the ashram in choudwar odisha moments after arriving it turned my world my idea of existence and who i am in this life upside down this is what i wrote in my book about my first night in prayer time with the kids it was a simple prayer reminding me that life need not be complicated unless we made it so a soothing peace palpable in the air filled me i breathed out deeply there seemed no other world outside this place i wondered when each of them had stopped wanting to go home or if they ever had home is a fragile concept far more delicate than those of us who have always had one can imagine when a person no longer has a home when his family is taken from him and he is deprived of everything that was familiar then after a while wherever he is becomes home slowly the pieces of memory fade until this strange new place is not strange anymore it becomes harder to recall the past life a long ago family until one day he realizes he is home sitting with my eyes closed chanting ohm ohm shanti shanti shanti and listening to a hundred sweet voices sing around me i feel my true self the most there is nothing better on earth for setting the soul right even after all the many nights i ve spent here over the years since this is my all time happy place i know that i am home too below is a video of prayer on our very last night bittersweet leaving is always so hard even though i m sad the trip is over and i m having my typical india withdrawal the visit was amazing as always being home and being with the children as well as my papa and mama is such a homecoming such a treat that seems to make everything right with the world it was also an incredible visit because of the group we had joining me as she has on nearly every trip was my dear friend jody also a long time supporter of the orphanage over the years i was honored to be able to take both my mother and my daughter back for their second trips my mom sandy went last time in 2012 and my daughter chandler returned for the first time since 2006 when she was only 15 years old also returning with us were my boyfriend keith kathleen who was with me on that very first trip and was making her first visit back to this ashram nancy who also was on the 2012 journey and her daughter lindsay on her first trip to india and we were joined by a new friend and volunteer sumeet who lives nearby in bhubaneswar and was a wonderful addition this group of people truly made the trip magical for all of us and for the kids one of the best things about this trip as well was the incredible support we had from friends caroline boudreaux founder of the miracle foundation and the person who first introduced me to india and these children led the charge with a generous personal donation and challenging others to do the same we had 35 donors all told including ourselves and raised right at 6 000 to donate to buy much needed supplies for the home we were able to do some electrical upgrading purchase school supplies and bedding give some additional cash for items needed for the children and put half of the money into a fund for education and future needs thank you to everyone who donated and supported this cause you awe me every one of you bringing in the new school supplies the days were filled with laughter and love dancing singing ice cream parties games beautification in the girls dorm rooms drawing competitions eating and lots and lots of hugs i will post some more blog updates about specific things in the coming weeks until then thank you all again for sharing our love for these kids and making their lives so much better you don t even know what it means for them to feel special loved and never forgotten i will close with a short video of their welcome song namaste posted in india 1 comment tags children donations india orphanage orphans travel trip volunteer older posts buy the book follow the weight of silence enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email email address sign me up recent posts silence kills miracles in the making the story of santosh return to india you can be part of changing a child s future pages about shelley contact shelley buy the book read an excerpt media appearances 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february 2007 2 january 2007 2 search for twitter updates tweets by shelleyseale recent comments popular posts tags my year in travel 2014 trading places days later we were joined by other friends including my partner keith my mother and my da the story of santosh the weight of silence bugged papa for details of where santosh was exactly craig his co sponsor went to find anusia serving in the right path very nice pictures happy mother s day to all of you dear mothers of the world lovelyseasonscomeandgo for mother s day give to children who don t have one that 12 year old girls speech the big red group 2014 https weightofsilence wordpress com 2008 06 23 the girl who silenced the un for five minu lauren english wife indian life yes now i live here permanently i will get the same feeling going back to england xx the girl who silenced the u n for five minutes 67 child labor trafficking 14 through the eyes of children 11 india s railway children 9 children overflowing 8 a traveler in india 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