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ee with what miranda esmonde white says about aging and taking care of your body i catch her on pbs once in a while she stresses the importance of movement and gently challenging your flexibility balance and strength i find that when i move my body my mental health improves too my mental health has been impacted by grieving in addition to the annual winter blues sad and an awareness of the toll age has taken on my mental agility i am increasingly aware of certain maladaptive patterns i have in response to things that hurt or frustrate me i mean sulking and a tendency toward self pity and then there s denial i now find that when faced with life s worst insults the loss of loved ones these flimsy coping strategies don t serve me well i must be thoughtful intentional or better put strategic about moving forward with my mental health in order to salvage my functionality my physical health has taken a hit mainly in the area of overall fitness whatever healthy habits i developed were disrupted by last minute trains to boston when david was in one crisis or another eating in hospital cafeterias sleeping in family waiting areas long periods of just sitting pacing worrying hours spent ruminating on what if scenarios making plans a b and c and then starting all over again as circumstances changed oh my suddenly a simple act like going for a walk borders on impossible and unfortunately unimportant one thing i have found in my grieving process is that i am very angry principally with cancer cancer has taken my father my brother my stepfather my great grandmother lost both her baby and her life to ovarian cancer when she was in her 30 s leaving behind a husband with 5 children 3 of whom survived colon cancer it has finally dawned on me that grieving and healing will involve dealing with my anger so i m channeling my anger to do what i can to defeat cancer my brother david was blessed immensely by his care at dana farber cancer institute in boston they have a huge fundraiser to support cancer research the largest of its kind every year they hold a bicycle ride across massachusetts the panmass challenge riders can participate in distances that suit them from virtual riding which is fundraising without actually riding a bicycle all the way to pedaling the whole distance from sturbridge to provincetown in 2 days 192 miles i m pretty angry so throwing caution to the wind i have registered for the full distance crazy yup mad in both senses angry and crazy the panmass challenge is first and foremost a fundraiser the money needed to keep cancer research funded is staggering david participated in a clinical trial for the medicine nivolumab and later for pembrolizimab the associated cost was overwhelming but he didn t have to pay because he was essentially donating his body as part of the experiment i can t even imagine what the additional costs were in hospital stays neurosurgeries to remove spinal tumors testing testing more testing rehab facility etc etc etc when a rider registers for the pmc she commits to raising thousands of dollars to cancer research i have a long way to go both in physical preparation and in campaigning for funds if you are still reading this i am appealing to you to consider making a donation for this worthy cause surely your life has been impacted by this horrid disease maybe you can donate in memory of someone you love and have lost or in honor of someone who has waged war and won or someone in the struggle i am riding in memory of david dad and jim and 2 people i ve never met 1 tim moore who is the brother my friend mary lost to melanoma 5 years ago and 2 in honor of not in memory of president jimmy carter who received pembrolizimab at the same time as david did and for the same reason 4 melanoma brain tumors but my anger and determination my ride is big enough to carry your will to beat this enemy too by the time i reach provincetown my driving force will be hope and in such an epic battle hope is everything to donate online follow this link donate here to my rider page you can donate anonymously or publicly your amount can be confidential if you wish either way your donation becomes a tangible tribute if you make a donation or not make a comment in memory of or in honor of someone you love who has or has had cancer many thanks posted by wendybee at 1 23 pm 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday march 7 2017 for the longest time my brother david and his daughter emma summer 2013 for the longest time i didn t know if i would ever want to come back to writing this blog i had felt some inspiration the last time i posted but then life has happened and happened and happened i can t write a lot about it because it is too painful but my beloved brother david died from melanoma last june at 55 years old horrible devastating disease david was a golden boy in our family do you know what i mean some families have them and i was lucky i had him my whole life until june i had him my whole life longer than anyone else i have tried to tell myself that my loss wasn t that important because it is worse for my mother or it is worse for his wife and worse for his daughter and then i realize how ridiculous that line of thinking is and scold myself for being petty and then i admit that i am trying to minimize my loss because to feel it all at once is too big and too painful i have spent so many weeks and so many weekends at my mother s house both before and after david died mum her husband and david his family lived in the same tiny little town near the maine canadian border david was very attentive to my mother stopping in to make sure all was well taking care of anything jim couldn t do bringing sunshine and love and laughter there was plenty to do to help mum jim and my sister in law get ready for the coming winter then life continued jim had for several years a condition called bmd bone marrow dysplasia which often eventually degrades into a form of chronic leukemia he converted from bmd to leukemia a little over 2 years ago had a round of chemotherapy achieved remission and had done reasonably well since then he was gradually getting older and more frail but so gradually as to almost be imperceptible then in late september he became acutely ill met criteria for additional chemotherapy put it off and then died it was very sudden he was admitted to the hospital just not feeling well on a saturday he got rehydrated and transfused and was resting comfortably by that evening but in the wee hours of sunday he deteriorated rapidly and died it was four months to the day since david died we couldn t believe it and in the months since then it has been a journey of grieving coping and trying to orient toward healing and finding purpose that s enough for today i have plans as to how i am moving forward more next time posted by wendybee at 1 22 pm 5 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest saturday september 19 2015 summer s end sunset over the saco river what good is the warmth of summer without the cold of winter to give it sweetness john steinbeck so i consulted the calendar and it told me that the last of day of summer this year is september 23 this year more than ever i feel very rushed by the cadence of time passing me by i don t tolerate heat well and for years by the time august rolls around i am checking weather forecasts hoping to see cooler temperatures in the offing not sure why but not so this year i am more at peace with summer i have embraced sweating perspiring and learned to love a cool and refreshing afternoon bath and then there s the sprinkler to keep growing things going make sure to wear flip flops cool water on the feet always helps oh my gosh i just love these two sooooo much evan and christina it probably has more to do with my empty nest the youngest has gone off to college as have the older two who were home for the summer caution wake so i m going to eeeaase myself along through this transition first i ll recap the summer and get some of its stories off my chest and then i ll strike out for the adventures the future holds coming with me posted by wendybee at 5 44 pm 6 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels just thinking loved ones summer thursday september 17 2015 slideshow part 6 cmbg won t you come sit here with me i ve just poured coffee do you take milk or sugar i ve given up looking for inspiration for this post i m not quite sure what to write about and so i ve decided to let the pictures do the work a weeping norway spruce that s right weeping like a willow a genetic mutation apparently looking back up the hill as we stroll down to the lake you can see the rose arbor i can t remember what these are i ve seen them before i adore the lacy foliage the trail curves back and forth in tight hairpin loops down the steep hillside this picture came out poorly too much in shade i had to take it though because it reminded me of this half dome in miniature ansel adams rest here in the shade with this not so shy fern looking down a dry stream bed left behind from the spring snowmelt runoff that s all i ve got for today posted by wendybee at 1 03 pm 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels coastal maine botanical gardens tuesday september 15 2015 mary mary quite contrary or cmbg part 5 i should have been named mary but as far as i know that was never on the list of possibilities i remember when young loving so many different kinds of flowers and being even a little indignant of the exalted position of the rose i had the same reaction to diamonds and gold jewelry satin and lace and eventually champagne perhaps i was a champion of the underdog it just bothered me to have the beauty of non roses be overlooked even slighted i made it up to violets and daisies by cherishing them all the more while secretly wishing they had fragrance like the lush lilacs outside my parents bedroom window while lady s mantle can stand on its own it makes a gorgeous backdrop for pink roses eventually my mother began to improve the row of arbor vitae and yew shrubs across the front of our ranch house by ordering roses from jackson perkins first the catalogs would come to the house in late january along with burpee s gurney s and park brothers j p knew how to win me their catalog came in a sealed envelope which when opened released the glorious fragrance of their latest rose over the years mum planted some lovely roses peace sterling silver fragrant cloud irish gold abraham lincoln angel face are the names i remember easily but there were more all so lovely how could i not love them i was so happy to discover that coastal maine botanical gardens had a rose arbor and no doubt in years to come there will be climbing roses making use of the wooden structure for now clematis is doing its best and now having allowed myself to fall head over heals in love with roses i admit to having found the rose garden a bit sparse and actually diluted by companion plantings however lovely in their own right i hope to see in time an ever growing variety of types and colors and intoxicating perfumes we can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses abraham lincoln the images of the roses were borrowed from various sources as identified in google searches posted by wendybee at 11 38 am 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels coastal maine botanical gardens older posts home subscribe to comments atom donate to cancer research click here to make a donation to beat cancer about me wendybee i am a fifty plus yo wife and mother of 3 sons we are empty nesters with just a cocker spaniel and a fish in a tank to nurture we are no longer as busy as we once were and i have a bit of a homebody life with domestic tasks and arts filling my life i blog here to chronicle the creative parts of my days view my complete profile followers my blog list downton abbey cooks strange noises at night what it could mean for your kitchen and home 3 hours ago between naps on the porch some of my favorites a few of these would make great gifts for mother s day 5 hours ago southern hospitality home style saturday 501 11 hours ago nesting place wayday favorites 1 day ago on sutton place easy front porch flower pot ideas my first try with faux plants 1 day ago fabric paper thread friday favourites 1 day ago needlenthread com mary corbet s needle n thread split encroaching satin stitch up or down 1 day ago estelle s banana bread with lemon zest and swiss cheese spread new recipes for the summer season 1 day ago jane austen s world elizabeth bennet s travels part 2 derbyshire matlock and dovedale 2 days ago lacy crochet puff stitch scarf crochet tutorial easy two row repeat pattern 3 days ago home is where the boat is tea on tuesdays paris 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