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Text of the page (random words):
hildhood memories creative writing family in laws non fiction personal story prose storytelling talking parakeet 34 comments april 11 2014 by dear occupant such a pretty pretty boy conclusion for mom and for that entire summer pretty boy s empty cage remained where it had always been aside one of the two near floor to ceiling lead glass windows at the rear of our narrow railroad apartment the low sills provided an easy view of the wall of four story tenements and scruffy yards and easier access to the wrought iron fire escapes dangling off the rear of every building this view even on the sunniest of days in monotone brown tar shingles the imposing black painted zigzagging iron bars and early shadows left little to be hopeful about like the escher engraving of the steps to nowhere divorce changes lives in a hurry but this neighborhood we moved to tucked away in a forgotten corner of brooklyn was lifetimes removed from the wide open and manicured green lawns and the single family life we once lived the dimming memories felt like someone else s lucky dreams yet looking back now sitting on that window sill visiting with pretty boy is where i spent much of my time when i was home studying the blue intricate beauty of his feathers was such a refreshing anomaly to eyes aching for color his endless banter one of the few cheerful constants in my already unsteady life so it really shouldn t have surprised me that seeing those blue feathers lying so still and quiet nestled amongst the thin strips of daily news lining the tray of his cage was enough to bring this 15 year old man boy to tears but it did i struggled to keep my crying quiet trying to decipher the unwelcome silence from his cage wrestling with another inexplicable here one day not here the next loss yet another loss i was unprepared to absorb mom and i sat at the kitchen table and reminisced about pretty boy reminding each other of memories we had forgotten while she breathed in long slow drags of belair smokes and longer purposeful chugs of her favorite schaefer beer cradling pretty boy in her hands her chest rising in deep exhales and her lips trembling a little she recalled that fateful day pretty boy came home back in the day in the long island town of hempstead where we lived then all the shopping centers had a woolworth store nicknamed the five and dime it was a huge place that had miles of aisles filled with toys cards tape ribbons and all the handy little daily items and right in the middle of the store was their popular pet department mom and i always made a bee line there to see the rabbits hamsters and turtles and take in the songs and squawks of the yellow canaries and various colored parakeets for sale all these cute first kid pets had a high turnover rate but mom had her eye on one blue parakeet that lingered for months and despite his cheerleading the salesman could never convince anyone to take this one bird home pretty boy was not a very pretty bird despite his eventual name smaller than the other birds his age he was missing feathers and wore a pronounced scar on the white crown of his forehead so mom ever the devoted animal lover and champion of underdogs decided that day this unloved orphan was coming home with us the salesman was so ecstatic he discounted everything we needed to bring him home the sales receipt read parakeet 99 cents it was only 10am as i watched the ashtray overflow with spent buts and another can of schaefer bit the dust too it became clear as i got older that mom had quite the potty mouth pretty boy only repeated what he heard a loyal confidant when no one else was there to listen i heard a few very choice words about my grandmother that morning time has a way of dulling the sharp edges of our pain and karma well it has it s own mysterious timetable administering our just rewards my grandmother was a hateful woman whose own psychosis and prejudice eventually alienated most of her sons too there were very few tears shed from the few people that attended her funeral when she died it was hard not to notice that familiar warm spark return to her sienna brown eyes the more mom and i talked that free spirited irish spunk that was so much of her charm and despite all she would eventually overcome in a life that never resembled her early romantic dreams she always retained an empathy for all things living mom was a survivor she persevered she always did the right thing as best she could i m grateful for inheriting the very best of who she was i watched her meticulously wrap pretty boy s blue body in saran wrap tearing thin strips of daily news to line the cardboard match box he would be buried in we would have a proper funeral for our little friend and as she finished taping the edges with her usual care she looked up mischievously making sure she caught my eye and whispered god damn shit god damn shit god damn shit we both howled with laughter at the image of pretty boy thankfully chasing the wicked witch out of our lives that day shaking our heads in awe that a little 99 bird had so much say in so many lives as much as this piece was intended to be written about pretty boy the deeper i delved into the writing i realized the story was as much about my mom so it only seemed fitting on this of all days unplanned as it was to devote this conclusion to her somethings work out the way they should somewhere mom is reading this story about our pretty boy and somewhere she s flashing that impish grin click to enlarge happy mother s day to all moms today posted in uncategorized tagged appreciation childhood memories creative writing death divorce family in laws loss love mom mother s day non fiction personal story prose storytelling talking parakeet 31 comments march 27 2014 by dear occupant underneath below haiku tanka i have known more pain than i can hope to forget yet i look skyward these eyes collect joy like a jewel thief stealing moments where i can when the moonlit skies reflect more darkness than light i hide behind clouds this melancholy it lays shallow in my lungs waiting to exhale battered and lonely you found me once on the shore but i crash in waves underneath below the undertow i create in amniotic silence i know all too well a slave to the familiar tell me stars have life find me whenever i hide underneath below posted in uncategorized tagged 20 lines a day childhood memories finding love found haiku lost melancholy metaphors never giving up perseverance poetry renewal seclusion stars tanka 62 comments march 23 2014 by dear occupant the plaintive calls in this temporary lull in the stall that passes for a quiet pause the sigh between stoplights winking through another relentless rumbling evening rush i can hear the faint the plaintive calls like memories echoing down narrow windowed canyon walls a slow whitened silhouette a blur above rooftops entrails across the smoke dark shroud of sky a lone seagull aloft in her weightless circles calling pleading our cause that carnivorous winter release it s talon grip on our weathered psyches this colossal metropolis frayed and weary along its steely margins holding a collective breath praying for relief for signs our resolve has slain the beast to be home and warm is a primal lure and cars have little patience for an inconvenient reverie but i have witnessed spring s first inland gull and believe her plea was not in vain heartened and invigorated now windows down i invite the viper wind to hiss his last stinging breaths on my skin and tangle my hair as i drive posted in uncategorized tagged 20 lines a day chicago faith first sign of spring home perseverance poetry resolve reverie rush hour seagull spring wind in my hair winter yearning 59 comments march 16 2014 by dear occupant in the wings a repost for my new friends from july 9 2013 and a special ty to my friend cindy knoke an incredible photographer for always rummaging in my archives a great big hug to my daughter on her 14th birthday for sharing this song which inspired this story poem please feel free to listen to it as a soundtrack in the wings they seemed to meet quite by accident but something in their eyes told them otherwise this wouldn t be their first conversation but it always felt like it could be the last like a patient who knows their time is near with so many faces yet to see and confessions to make and sunsets to end their now daily talks lasted for hours even after they left that little cafe feverishly texting on the bus back home sometimes through the hush of their night they would talk of paintings songs and poetry any silly thing as long as there was a reply the hold on each other so tenuous an undertow the pull of fear as real he not so accidently brushed her hand on the table she instinctively recoiled placing it on her lap she apologized quickly she was sorry but regretted showing him so much his practiced stoic reaction said little this time his heart tried valiantly to follow but isn t that how it always goes setting a few more bricks in the wall he was a little braver than she was or maybe his clock was just ticking faster than hers he said the words that they both feared and knew it was wrong the moment he spoke two hearts waiting in the wings for love to speak and heal their pain all the words they shared between them could not help them say goodbye posted in 20 lines a day about love momentarily melancholy my favorite poetry tagged 20 lines a day about love disillusionment endless conversation fear of abandonment fear of love fiction finding love melancholy poetry relationships resignation storytelling the dance walls 100 comments march 12 2014 by dear occupant over the wall dear friends i found a song and video that inspired this poem the words are written to the tempo of the song and if you have the time please watch this incredible video stubborn love the lumineers it s better to feel pain than nothing at all the opposite of love s indifference so keep your head up keep your love keep your head up my love keep your head up keep your love head up love over the wall i saw a smile today shining from a stranger s face and bundled from the bitter cold it leapt over the wall to meet me eye to eye i woke a girl today and kissed her pale forehead as i did on that night she was born tears just poured over the wall at the miracle in my arms i drew a face today trusting these hands again to say what my eyes have always known climbing over the wall cause fear is the enemy of art i risked it all again and shared all the secrets of my troubled life her patient love tore down the wall to heal an injured heart now i won t pretend to know why this life can be so hard sometimes and this world will bruise our tender hearts because i am just the sum of all my pain the kind that can never really be repaired i just learned to wear the scars beneath my skin i saw the sun today so bright through the clouds even the greying slush did sparkle and gleam across my boots and i just keep walkin on posted in uncategorized tagged 20 lines a day about love acceptance aging creativity daughter fear finding love love miracles never giving up perseverance poetry renewal small blessings 54 comments march 9 2014 by dear occupant the first sound and the last myth you cant keep hangin on to all that s dead and gone oh let the ashes fly help me to make it help me to make it the first sound and the last in the quiet before sunrise before this relentless world awakes at the window silhouette of my alone listening i hear the first of morning s call faint from the dense of sheltering evergreens alighting from february s greyed and leafless branches in slow breaths past your sleeping lips i can hear our shared living mystery recital whispered deep within your down pillowed dreams the serendipitous and storied soliloquy of our improbable union of years in destiny devoted season after season that even in this cruelest of another winter cold we can still scorch in the white of our own flame and still this fool romantic s heart could believe only love beckons reconciliation but a slow and greying wisdom wonders is it our friendship we can t live without and outside our window long past sundown when the world has turned away i hear the life mating cardinals like us a fated pair calling each other home to close another day we are as the universe demands and how i m forever grateful it s your voice i hear the first sound and the last drawing approx 8 x 8 on vellum paper pencil watercolor pencil white and black marker acrylic paint and sourced from various google pics click to enlarge posted in uncategorized tagged 20 lines a day about love aging artwork devotion drawing fate home loving partner overcoming obstacles poetry reconciliation relationships winter wisdom 53 comments post navigation older posts who could know then a little about your favorites clouds are free whispering universe haiku dear friends even the sparrow haiku tanka our words the why of rain little ladybug haiku renewal the plaintive calls in the wings the tenacity of innocence recent words a less than idyllic summer time to step away such a pretty pretty boy such a pretty pretty boy pt 2 such a pretty pretty boy conclusion underneath below haiku tanka the plaintive calls in the wings over the wall the first sound and the last bravely white on white tanka the tenacity of innocence my earthly angel even the sparrow haiku tanka siren of shooting stars dear friends numb of winters past my guest post the bridge of time and promise shoots and wings thresholds and thank you s even the sparrow encouragement enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email email address follow join 618 other subscribers bravely white on white your visits 23 826 hits the first sound and the last history august 2014 may 2014 april 2014 march 2014 february 2014 january 2014 december 2013 november 2013 october 2013 september 2013 august 2013 july 2013 june 2013 may 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