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Text of the page (random words):
ely referred to as the green beret but i have to go back further for this beginning back to the dark back into the deepest loneliness i ve ever felt widowhood is a place of brutal pruning and isolation a place which afforded me no one who saw me or understood the darkness i was in a place that was raw and burdened with others expectations made heavier with the uniqueness of carrying my children s grief and pain because of the loss of their dad i looked everywhere for help asked everyone i could think of and there was nothing for me in this season which resulted in even more isolation save the love of my parents kids and a handful of friends willing to go into the dark with me so i begged god for a friend and he answered almost immediately with this man he was a friend who immediately understood because he was standing in the dark in his pain too he was a friend who wasn t scared by my pain he was a friend who needed no explanation he saw me and he knew me we immediately saw god s gift in our friendship and thanked him and then it grew from a beginning to a whispered hope and from hope to a reality blessed by god as he drew out of our pain the unexplainable gift of being able to love and be loved again a year ago today we met after months of a beginning that started in friendship and god took our fragile hearts and even more fragile first steps and grew us into a depth of love that only he could have prepared we stand in awe of the gift and more grateful than words can say it took courage heart hope and an extraordinary amount of faith to walk forward in spite of mountains and obstacles and here we are through the parted sea deeply in love with god with our story and with each other ️ beginning again happy anniversary soldier ️ 1303 156 jenmackintosh view sep 7 open this moment i think of life in moments as a young mom i struggled with that moment of intensity with young children i know not very gram worthy to admit but there it is gritty reality those moments were hard and i felt overwhelmed and as if i wasn t good enough misunderstood by many i trudged forward and found a way as a mom in grief and living with the loss of my husband while still raising children i felt shattered empty and without a rudder don t throw that god will never give you more than you can handle mythology at me he most certainly does i ve lived it he s there walking beside sometimes often carrying but we re walking on water across an ocean and it is scary and it is waaaaay more than i can handle on my own he taught me that both moments i have to confess i clawed my way forward and before you think that s a testimony of strength it is not it s a confession of groping it s a story of grace but one of gulping grace like air after being dunked and held under water so long your lungs are on fire it is only now in this moment just starting to feel like a story of resting in his promise this moment this moment is full of hope and love ️ and breathing i am breathing again there is still pain in many forms the pain of taking risks of being misunderstood turned away the painful parts of being rebuilt in god s hands are all still there this season is no less intense than any other season and i confess i d probably have to characterize this moment too by groping more than resting in his plan insert your mental image of me flailing about while trying to tread water but to breathe deeply to feel hopeful to be still and know i had to take crazy risks to get here and through this parted sea god keeps reaching for me come and see keep me in this moment findingslow slowisnoteasy throughthefire keepmeinthemoment widowlife rebuilding momlife 344 25 jenmackintosh view jul 27 open file this one under things i never thought i could do and starting over at the middle the move to missouri ️ 1082 82 jenmackintosh view may 28 open slow is really hard for me but i managed to find it ️ ️ i put my phone down and soaked up my favorite people and the sun and lived slow ️ sgiflorida stgeorgeislandfl findingslow beachtherapy beachtime beachlife slowlife slowisnoteasy putyourphonedown 787 40 jenmackintosh view may 3 open here she is the flagship of the erincondren teacher planner line coiled in the new sunrise which is a metallic ombré you ll also see the new vertical layout with weekends if you swipe through launching may 7 base price 57 50 what do you think of the new vertical layout ectp ecteacherplanner erincondrenteacherplanner 178 17 jenmackintosh view may 2 open are you ready to chat teacher planners because i am the team at erincondren reached out and offered to send me the new ec teacher planner and i couldn t resist when i heard about some of the changes since i had last seen them i m impressed i have not one but two of the new releases there are 6 teacher planner options releasing you have a new vertical layout option choice now in the flagship ectp and a homeschool planner there are new coil options new covers and new accessories all the erin condren teacher planners launch may 7 for ec insiders so for now let s just gush over the newness pictured the 2024 25 homeschool planner designed and set up with the homeschooler in mind as a 22 year homeschooler i was impressed the layout is familiar to me i wish we had the new vertical layout as an option in the homeschool planner but i love that all the support pages are geared toward homeschoolers i ll share the standard teacher planner with the vertical layout in a separate post and then the new accessories whadya think should i jump in stories do a flip and answer questions thank you erincondren for sharing with me so i could share with all of you ectp erincondrenteacherplanner erincondrenhomeschoolplanner ecteacherplanner ecteacherlessonplanner 237 25 jenmackintosh view apr 27 open my best friend asked me last night if i had reinvented myself no but god has he is making me new this fire he sent has made me new it burnt off the edges of self i was clinging to and the visions of a future that can never be while leaving in place a deep love and trust in god a trust that grew every time he reached into my life miraculously to pull me forward or keep me from drowning and he worked from the inside out surprising me at every turn you think you want this he would say in my love for you and my perfect wisdom i gift you this and i would resist and argue and hide and then he would invite me to bend gently around his plan come to me he would say and finally slowly i walked and then he said i know the plans i have for you keep stretching so i took risks small at first and then bigger until finally he said through the fire through the parted sea and i said yes come what may i trust the rebuild is painful it s incomplete and it is full of risk and pain and vulnerability and joy and happiness and shelter what it is missing is quicksand if you stretch you will avoid the quicksand that intense grief or intense suffering can bring i ve seen the quicksand i ve even been stuck in it for a while if you re there in the quicksand listen for his voice and reach for his hand when he stretches toward you for i know the plans i have for you he will tell you i am in the business of parting seas walk walk forward walk through the intense suffering in your life i will part it you will still feel it i m going to stretch you and ask you to take risks get up and walk and i will show you the plans i have for you plans to give you hope and a future and through that fire the rebuild happens therebuild suffering lifeafterloss godpartsthesea throughthefire survive survivingloss survivethenthrive rebuilding joyinthepain 450 65 jenmackintosh view mar 11 open starting over i m learning that nothing gets to be the same after loss nothing and that includes homeschooling i m not sure why i have to keep relearning that lesson but i do nothing runs on the same tracks nothing moves the same the chemistry of everything is different and there is only one where there used to be a team of two i m learning and building new muscles and changing into a new person in all things becoming new means first acknowledging that nothing gets to be the same and i sometimes have to remind myself of that reality multiple times a day especially when i m homeschooling and trying to plan or execute like i used to it doesn t work anymore even though i built a body of experience that can act as a rudder a lot has to change so i line up the constants the variables that don t change like the need for me to continue to see with the eyes of a child to be open to wonder as a child is and from there he helps me see how to make all things new even lesson plans and expectations starting over with eyes open to wonder homeschooling lessonplanning wisdombeginsinwonder homeeducation startingover homeschool homeschoolplanning grief griefchangesyou griefchangeseverything lifeafterloss soloparenting soloparent soloparentingishard 225 7 jenmackintosh view feb 15 open lent begins the past two years i ve ushered lent in with open arms yes lord yes to the cross yes to your holy will in my life yes to surrender and pain but could you make it easy for me lord or lately for me its wicked sister rears her head it involves no small amount of whining and complaining on my part why lord why can t things ever be easy surrender and ease i guess these two could hold hands when it comes to the sweet joys and consolations that come from god s mercy and love babies blessings other gifts it s easy to surrender to those but deprivation being misunderstood loneliness and pain those aren t easy at all that s my incongruous prayer surrender while longing for ease and it s settled into the corners of my heart in a way that tends to show itself in many ways i m giving up ground in my heart this lent i m giving up the ground that keeps holding a place for ease and keeps giving way to fear when it doesn t show up god has been preparing my heart for so long preparing me for this walk for this fruit for this suffering for this lent for this beautiful gift and i receive these gifts like a ravenous toddler who gulps down grace and then whines when she has to do something with it this lent is about giving up ground for me it s about actively surrendering to the grace and accepting that the gifts of pain and pruning are for my good and the good of others if it pleases god i m giving up ground in my heart so that there s room for a radical trust that can bear fruit eyes on the cross 166 4 jenmackintosh view feb 3 open 730 days two years of life after it s still uncomfortable it s still grief it s still painful it s now mixed in with big heaping moments of joy and the juxtaposition of those grief and joy feels like home now shifting in and out of grief into joy is seamless it s hard to tell you grief is one way or another because it s so unique to each person everyone warns you that getting through that first year the year of firsts is hard and it is but in many ways year 2 tops it your person is still missing from all those milestones and it s not somehow less painful having been through it once before what year 2 is missing is the natural analgesic of shock that god mercifully gives you the first year i remember more feel deeper and there is the added bonus of starting to forget his face his voice his touch because it s been so long bonus round you re functioning because you have to so almost everyone assumes you have moved on and have healed so those are the hard things but god is working in the threads between moments of grief and joy weaving his newness into raw and weary places he works slowly quietly mysteriously he works through people he sends as answered prayers and through the gift of time and the transformation in christ continues bringing unshakeable peace and radical courage to step out into his newness the alternative is quicksand and it s perilously easy to get caught in 730 days worth of gratitude for a god who keeps his promises worth of loving my children through trauma worth of learning how to love rob in a whole different way worth of burying my life hopes and dreams and letting them go worth of finding out who i am made new worth of learning to do things i hate worth of discovering new hopes and dreams for a future i never saw coming and didn t want worth of beginning again nunc coepi psalm 77 10 now i begin 2yearsafter loss spouseloss widow widowlife lifeafterloss 929 47 jenmackintosh view jan 17 open i don t know about you but i like to know things i like to plan i like to know where i m going how i m gonna get there and as a mom i have a need to know everyone s gonna be ok when i get there maybe it s my temperament or my mom nature or the initial loss of footing after having lost husband provider protector maybe it s the planner in me maybe it s all of the above but life doesn t work that way and that s where faith rises up to meet the unknown road ahead in george macdonald s the princess and the goblin princess irene is given a mystical ring by her grandmother tied to this ring is an exquisitely thin but strong thread in times of trouble irene could find the thread and follow it home but is warned that following the thread may not always be simple or straightforward this thread saved irene but not without a harrowing adventure requiring trust we all make plans i did i married and planned to grow old with the man that i loved that fell in love with me and created children with me and i planned to lean on him rest with him love and be loved by him and follow that thread to a time we could be content with our work here god s thread in our life never stopped its beautifully ordered stretch but the trajectory i was expecting veered wildly to the fixed and ordered path god desired and it was shocking at first that s not where my eyes were originally focused how could i know things now how could i know anything i found myself out of any kind of familiar territory which really was god s plan all along he wants me to quit trying to look so far down the path and start clinging to that thread of right now he wants me to take the next step without knowing anything about the road ahead thy word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my paths psalm 118 105 you know what strikes me about that verse the lamp is for the next step forward like irene s thread followed hand over hand it doesn t illuminate the future i was never meant to know those things i m just supposed to follow the thread to him and he will illuminate my path one step at a time fiat 249 11 jenmackintosh view jan 13 open twenty seven years ago today a very scared jen became a mom i remember being in labor and transitioning and petrified i looked up at rob and told him i actually was not going to be able to do this i was not coping well and in fact not going to be able to deliver this baby and he looked right in my eyes and said something that etched and seered my memory and that i have replayed again and again so that he could continue to encourage me whenever...