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Text of the page (random words):
as if the inches between us are causing the confusion the cold wind blows more memories fall away i can almost see them just for a few seconds flitting away tumbling across my timeline dissipating into the emptiness flames flickering into ash shit well at least that word is clear in my head i haven t forgotten language altogether i try to say it to my curious reflection but she too has evaporated this is worrisome i lift my hands and stare at my fingers they seem resolute i wiggle them i feel them i am not fading away like everything else around here i am solid and strong and loud and bold the freezing gusts slice into me like blades of ice i stand against it i turn to face it and even though it takes all my strength to find my voice and bring it into my throat i howl my name into the mighty darkness the sound brings light and the light brings color and the color ripples through the memories through the leaves of my life printing words on every page and singing every song i inhale light i exhale warmth i know who i am now i am olivia forgetter of names posted by nessa locke at 6 16 pm 0 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels emptiness forgetfulness i m disintegrating memories names nothingness self reflection void wind sunday october 1 2023 there s still some beach in my car there s absolutely nobody to hold me accountable to this but i ve got a list of 50 things i d like to do the year i turn 50 and even if there were somebody to mark the list it s not like they can take turning fifty away from me because i already did it back in july though i suppose they could keep me from turning fifty one if they were a real stickler about it i guess i better think about that i ve been accomplishing things for instance i went to vegas i had never done that before i played some slots but my friend who went with me made me stop so now i ve still got 70 of slots money maybe i ll drive up to guymon next weekend and get rid of it i won t take the same friend i ll take somebody who doesn t give a shit how much money i lose went kayaking and later went to the ocean and just after that went floating down the san marcos river on a tube i think i might only be happy on the water let me win the lotto and buy myself a houseboat escaped an escape room on the uss lexington the one based on missing ghost hunters lights flickered ghosts howled voices whispered and i screamed i forgot to say i got flashed in vegas when we were walking the strip but that wasn t on my list of things to do it was just a surprising bonus we went to meowwolf while we were there omega mart i like the one in santa fe a bit more we went to a burlesque show and sat next to a grumpy old man and his joyful wife we barely drank i got a pet a black molly who promptly got sucked up into the water filter so i replace it with another black molly and then another and then one more that final one lasted a bit longer than the first three but two weeks into it i packed up the entire aquarium and went back to being a no pets household anything more than four would have been idiotic and cruel i entered a writing contest short story but i didn t win now that i recall it was flash fiction that i wrote in less than a day so no hard feelings typically i ll sit on a story for a while nurturing it until i think it s ready for the world this story never stood a chance it might as well have been a black molly i ve eaten at more than 50 separate restaurants with more than 50 unique people i ve created 50 pieces of art but i haven t written 50 poems yet i ve almost done fifty little projects around the house i ve definitely read 50 books i created a playlist and listened to my favorite songs from each of the 50 years of my life i tipped 50 to a server and donated 50 to a good cause the list goes on and i ve been having a wonderful year i ve got all of october november and december to tackle whatever s left november i m going to deep dive into nanowrimo i ve only ever committed to it once before but working crazy hours in the stores held me back from being able to dedicate as much time as i d like to the cause and even when i did transition to a desk the fucking pandemic had me tied to it this year i don t have any excuses 50 000 words in 30 days what s the math on that doesn t matter ima do it no matter what posted by nessa locke at 8 41 pm 1 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels 50 50 years black molly list nanowrimo vegas monday july 31 2023 i really need to cut down on my caffeine i ve been staring at this screen for over two hours telling me it s updating all the things 18 this may take a while it says it s my old college laptop i really got my money out of it but it was old and slow and clunky and grumpy so i put it out to pasture and bought a shiny new thing about three years ago which was four years after i graduated college so i guess that puts us at an eight year old laptop which amounts to about 96 in laptop years so it was an impressively lengthy life good old chap and i got along fine with the shiny new thing right up until last thursday when my morning coffee decided to make itself cozy with the shiny new thing which was by this time let s just admit it no longer shiny and not quite new the not really new laptop of course had strong objections to becoming cozy with the coffee and to properly demonstrate its grief it up and died without any other comment so it s back to the old college laptop the clunky grumpy not at all shiny or new laptop the laptop that worked for four jolly days but has now decided it s much too old and much too grumpy to be subjected to this kid of elderly abuse so far into retirement if it were human it d probably hit me with its cane if i were inhuman i d show it what i did to the shiny new laptop that now sits in pieces at the bottom of the trash bin bleeding coffee 22 don t turn off your pc this will take a while posted by nessa locke at 8 28 pm 0 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday may 31 2023 couple times a week the thing about meetings is it s considered bad manners to dig a hole and disappear into it dig all the way to the other side of the earth start a new life where nobody knows you abandon all social media live forever in obscurity especially right in the middle of your presentation posted by nessa locke at 9 20 pm 0 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday february 16 2021 pillow snow the snow comes across the sky like feathers from a pillow one that perhaps you have smashed with reckless joy against your best friend s head the flakes too are reckless they see me through my window they flock against the glass to get a better look at me they show me their six identical corners i show them my two unique eyes by nessa locke 2021 posted by nessa locke at 8 53 pm 3 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels pillow poem snow wednesday october 14 2020 see me home in those moments just after twilight a summer s day in the middle of fall three lanky silhouettes on a basketball court at the elementary school one poofy head one smooth head one ball cap one headlight then one head light then more headlights in an endless growl a guttural vibration a motorcycle roar i am the shark that splits them porch light snow cat pumpkin cat moon cat you know the kind with moons for eyes against midnight black fur staring at me from the shadow just after twilight in the middle of fall by nessa locke 2020 posted by nessa locke at 8 10 pm 1 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels car cats drive fall motorcycle poem poetry summer older posts home subscribe to posts atom the wench nessa about me nessa locke the great state of texas united states certified human view my complete profile featured post age appropriate answers let me tell you a true story except for the names i m changing those to suit my fancy and to protect the ignorant er i mean innoce labels dream 100 words family children one table over summer fiction mom school snow work college dog wind writing green eyes love lyric mirror rain art boss craziness demons drive escape final food friend grandson hospital job neighbors poem time dr dodson dystopian literature fall kids london vonnegut walmart allergies black birds car coffee covid dead death degree duct tape essay flood fly garage ghost good book graduation grandma home house list migraine misanthrope money names new job outlaws poetry priorities resolution reunion sleep study tornado vacation writer s block 2016 3bt 50 50 years 5am 666 a white fluffy kitten acapulco mexican restaurant administrator alaska angie beach bonnie canyon s edge christmas cold covert operation daddy dangling eyeball david dear you donna dr ferguson eff word empty nest english degree fireflies in december flowers for algernon four fourth of july friday night frozen pipes gabriel got hurts hyway i m disintegrating i m not getting married anytime soon i hop irish it makes me feel like a freak jeremy kindle la fiesta little boogers madeline misi mr sandoval my name is not vanessa nanowrimo not this time november oatmeal poster october old cane outhouse stew pch paperback racism rape responsibilty rt 66 sandy scatterbrained secret family recipe sharks sharpie sick smoking woman smut peddlers stephen king thanksgiving thrift store toilet paper true story what a jerk youth abandonment accident afterlife algebra alias allegory allergy amarillo anger anna karenina anxiety archives astral avoidance awkward babies backlash bad weather bananas basement bath tub birds birth birthday bitch bitterness black molly blind blonde bloody stump blue bones bowl boys brain breather brilliant brothers bruises bulletpoints business trip butterfly farts carded cats cayenne pepper celebrate celibacy checkpoint cheesy title 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insulted intrusion invisible jacob jail jammies junk in my trunk karma keeper kidnapper kill kiss kitchen floor lame jokes laundrymat leader legs library life goals liquor loneliness loser loss lover lucky maid malnourishment mama man margaritas marijuana married meat counter meat heads mediocrity memories mess midnight missiles mistake moldy moon mosaic mother moths motorcycle movie moving mud my post names have been changed needs neighborhood new house new nails new school news nightmare no money noise non conformist not my daughter not really a promotion nothingness nurse ocean oil paint old lady overflow paint painting panties parenting parking lot parlor party paths patio paycheck phone call photo filters photos pillow playground plunger politics pool positivity poster power outage predator pregnant privacy puppies purple spiders rant rash read red canopy red hair refrigerator rent money resort road rage robbery roommate rules rush hour traffic sale scrap seafood season self destruction self reflection semester semicolon sexy shower silence silhouette sister sisterhood sitting smile smoking girl snickers snores snot sicle sob story solitude sons sound effects spider spiders spring cleaning stank sticky children stories storytellers stranger stream of consciousness stress tea party teenagers tent tequila thank you theater tiramisu tired toilet torture nightmares traffic trains traitor trap door trash can treasure trees troll trout trust truthtellers tumor umrell unedited urchin valet value vanity vanity bone vegas victim visual aids void waitress water heater wayward whisper whore wipeout wives women workaholic world worth yard work year posts of the past 2025 1 june 1 girlihood true story 2023 4 october 2 july 1 may 1 2021 1 february 1 2020 4 october 1 may 1 march 2 2018 2 january 2 2017 6 june 1 march 1 february 2 january 2 2016 2 september 1 february 1 2015 7 august 1 june 2 may 1 april 1 march 1 january 1 2014 16 september 1 august 3 july 1 june 1 may 2 april 1 march 2 february 2 january 3 2013 32 december 1 november 2 october 2 september 2 august 4 july 4 june 3 may 5 april 2 march 2 february 2 january 3 2012 31 december 1 november 5 september 2 august 3 july 1 june 3 may 3 april 2 march 4 february 3 january 4 2011 66 december 3 november 3 october 5 september 8 august 7 july 5 june 7 may 3 april 5 march 8 february 8 january 4 2010 25 december 8 november 6 october 5 september 2 august 4 geniuses genii check these out they amaze me snakes in the water the offboarding here is brutal i m new here they ve asked me to teach a class and i m happy to do it i know some of these folks the students just as much as the professors ever pearl why you little representin or people huh the bus this morning smells of hot dish some sort of tomato based italian sausaged crusty cheese topped hot dish it is 6 35 am and i am ready f tales from beyond the end of the world a father s day tale it was many years ago i was perhaps ten or eleven that we all sat down for a sunday dinner there was roast potatoes broccoli and salad my mother at you me no adult supervision so close i could tell something was wrong from the look in her eyes she looked haunted i remember the way that felt on the inside and my stomach crumpled in symp the domesticated bohemian the 80th birthday party a story someone clicked play and the dvd started the large house they had booked for the weekend had an enormous tv and the family had gathered on the three a blessing a day cherry cheers it is raining in seattle a phenomenon for me a routine for the locals yesterday we saw the pink and white clouds of cherry blossoms floating along the l cold as heaven a nice day i left home a 7 in the morning the sky was blue and the sun was shining it was a nice day now i m sitting in an air plane aeroflot su2165 on the way resistant but persistent the bee philip found a bee today it was in a bucket of water at the allotment he didn t know where it had come from or what had caused it to end up in t...