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work in progress skip to main skip to sidebar work in progress friday july 1 2011 pride well pride month is over and i find myself asking just what exactly am i supposed to be proud of i honestly don t know maybe someone can explain it to me i can t say that i m proud of being transsexual i m not ashamed of it either it is what it is i m also not proud that the sky is blue or that grass is green should i be proud to have a condition that by some estimates 1 500 people have are people proud of being blind diabetic clubfooted i consider being born transsexual to be an unfortunate circumstance one which i hope to correct at some point should i be proud that over 50 of us attempt suicide before age 20 should i be proud that over 31 of us succeed in doing so should i be proud that my life has been marginally good enough to keep me from killing myself not that the thought never crossed my mind should i be proud that we re 16 times more likely to be the victims of a hate crime this estimate sounds a bit high but maybe should i be proud that because of a healthy degree of caution on my part with a heaping helping of plain old fashioned dumb luck that i haven t become a statistic yet should i be proud that this could be the last thing that someone ever reads should i be proud that many of us live far below the poverty line should i be proud that many of us become unemployed underemployed unemployable and homeless just for being who we are should i be proud that some of us have to sell our bodies just to survive should i be proud that life saving emergency medical treatment can be denied or delayed if it s discovered that we re transsexual should i be proud that most insurance companies won t even pay one thin dimes worth of transition costs should i be proud that many of us risk our lives and our health by resorting to diy hrt and silicon pumping parties because of the outrageously high financial cost of doing transition the right way and the ridiculous hoops that some gatekeepers make people jump through should i be proud that we barely rate high enough to be considered third rate citizens animals are treated better should i be proud of how the media constantly misrepresents us to society should i be proud that some of us actually help to perpetuate the misconceptions there s an old phrase that bears repeating one oh fuck wipes out at least ten atta girls or atta boys and we have more than our fair share of oh fuck moments should i be proud that year in and year out the public face of trans in pride events worldwide is gay men in really really bad drag should i be proud of the constant freak show on springer should i be proud of the clown who jets around the country wearing nothing but a bra and panties it s no wonder that the cisgender have bathroom panic yeah i know lighten up it s just in good fun after all blackface and mocking the handicaped is hysterically funny too right making ourselves look like circus sideshow attractions every june doesn t do anything to help us let me make one thing really really clear in your face out loud and proud has never and will never accomplish anything but creating backlash from mainstream society gays and lesbians have achieved what they have in the last 40 years not because of pride but in spite of it dani xxx posted by dani at 5 44 am 5 comments labels pride sunday june 26 2011 resistance is futile well wouldn t you just know it no sooner do i say that we are not part of some borg collective than the borg qveen herself aka common teri informs us that we ve already been assimilated and we probably didn t even know it well okay i m a big enough girl to admit it when i m wrong though i don t really recall being assimilated this business of being a borg does help explain a few things though and probably comes with a few perks 1 now you know where that voice in your head came from you know the one that told you to buy that really cute pair of slingbacks last week 2 borg are never alone hey when was the last time that you saw just one borg in chili s on saturday night 3 you get to wear one of those really cool vinyl catsuits i wonder if i can get to be seven of nine d dani xxx posted by dani at 1 10 pm 7 comments labels borg borg collective borg queen common teri humor star trek sunday funnies transgender friday june 24 2011 i get it wow holy crap i recieved 17 comments at my last post well okay i know that 3 or 4 of them were boo boos but i m counting them anyway d all of this over a facetious little 2 paragraph post that i hammered out in about 2 minutes i wish i got this kind of reaction minus the flame war of course to my better thought out ones thank you all for your comments i found them to be enlightening and a few of them i m looking at you teagan d to be humorous unfortunately i couldn t and still can t comment myself thanks to my ongoing blogger issues i hope to have them resolved soon i seriously considered closing further comments after about the first ten but i decided not to and i m glad that i didn t because something amazing happened after calie s comment and probably because of it there seemed to be perhaps the beginings of a rational discussion this has raised some hope in me that maybe we can finally get beyond this somewhat silly imho arguement over semantics and move on to more important issues of which there is no shortage now mostly for the benefit of those who may be new here seeing what today s train wreck will be d i m going to tell you a few things about me for those of you who have been regularly reading my scribblings most of this will be old news i do have a point that i m trying to make trust me i am perhaps something of an unusual animal in that i meet few of the expectations or stereotypes of any of the various groups that i could be grouped with i am a transsexual probably benjamin type 5 i don t obsess over what type i am politically i am a socially liberal independent libertarian conservative something of a rarity in glbt circles religiously i ve described myself as a agnostic wicca buddhist nazarene pastafarian i don t believe in god at least not in the judeo christian sense of a personal deity i ve recently been learning about illuminism but that is the subject of a different post as i m sure that many of you already suspect i am a lesbian the partners that i am attracted to are primarily women okay so what s my point my point is that i get it and i always did in fact we are all individuals not the members of some borg collective mafia nazis or any other sort of thing that i ve heard bandied about now personally i don t believe that most people use terms like the crossdressers trying to be deliberately offensive or with the intent to dehumanize anyone for better or worse i m sure that we ve all done something like that at one time or another we should all perhaps realize that just because we may not take offense at something that doesn t mean that someone else won t i am me and you are you be the best you that you can be dani xxx posted by dani at 2 29 pm 3 comments labels the crossdressers borg calie mafia nazis religion teagan transgender transsexual tuesday june 21 2011 the crossdressers calie closed the thread at t central yesterday before i could respond to carolyn ann yesterday so i ll respond here b t w carolyn ann thank you so much for the insult to someone that you don t even know i am not an anonymous coward if you would ve looked at the bottom of my comment you would ve seen that i signed it as i always sign my comments dani xxx so i think that you owe me an apology though i doubt that i ll get one i was making reference to your post on saturday lost interest and i certainly meant no offense but i probably should ve known better since it seems that your favorite passtime is to surf the web looking for things to be offended by my bad now i don t blame you for being offended by the term the crossdressers i dhd a simple google search and it turns out that the crossdressers or more specifically thecrossdressers com is in their words an explicit cross dressing gay fantasies site and i d be offended to be associated with that too now that we ve established what the crossdressers really is i m pretty sure that we can all agree that explicit cross dressing gay fantasies can in fact be turned on and off at will so calie is quite correct d dani xxx posted by dani at 12 29 pm 17 comments labels the crossdressers calie carolyn ann sunday june 19 2011 my sacrifice well today is father s day a day that usually comes and goes at my house without much fanfare a couple of cards a couple of phone calls my sons and my step kids don t live nearby but otherwise the day passes much as any other sunday i prefer it that way i ve never really been too sure what to make of father s day i am a father and i always will be no matter what the future brings and i wouldn t change that for the world sure i would ve rather of been a mother but thanks to the circumstances of my birth that was never in the cards so there s no sense in dwelling on it the fact that today is father s day with a helpful nudge by rhiannon s post this morning rhiannon rambling blogspot com has caused me to reflect upon the choice that i made 18 years ago i had finally accepted that i was trans and that i was going to transition i walked right up to the edge of the abyss prepaired to jump then stopped stood back and walked away i purged no more clothes no more shoes no more make up no more jewelery i de transitioned before i d even started my transition i cut my hair stopped shaving grew my beard back and threw myself into anything and i do mean everything work sports alcohol drugs etc to try to keep from thinking about it why for my family for my kids for my wife to save my marriage my wife is much more accepting now than she was then i was the product of a broken home a failed 16 year marriage and an emotionally and physically absent father and i wanted better than that for my kids i like so many others before and since had lived in denial of who and what i was i told myself that all i had to do was meet the right woman settle down and it would all just go away of course that doesn t work but i didn t know that at the time so now i had a wife and kids who through no fault of their own were stuck firmly in the middle of a mess that they never asked for so i did what i felt was the right thing for my family i put their needs ahead of my own i had made my bed and i d just have to lay in it was it the right choice i ask myself that sometimes and the simple answer is that i have no simple answer it was probably the best choice that i could ve made at that time and place the early 90s was a different time than today and nh was a different place then i made sure that my kids grew up with a father and a normal childhood and i gave my marriage a good fighting chance to survive going forward into my transition now it wouldn t have survived 18 years ago but at a cost my youth had i transitioned in the early 90s i would ve been a relatively young transitioner now i m in my mid 40 s and testosterone has had those 18 years to further ravage my body and i ll never get those years back i envy you younger girls you have so many better options so much more information at your fingertips and so many more places to find help than i did back in the day don t do what i did don t live in denial no one today should have to make the choices that i had to make back then don t get innocents caught up in your problem happy father s day to all the fathers out there dani xxx posted by dani at 10 53 am no comments labels alcohol choices denial drugs family father father s day kids marriage purge rhiannon wife wednesday june 15 2011 she s back yay lorisrevival blogspot com need i say more welcome back lori dani xxx posted by dani at 8 11 am 1 comment labels lori d back in the saddle again i think hi everyone i m back for now anyway i ve been having major problems with blogger hence my silence over the last few weeks it wouldn t even let me log onto my account to create a new post until this morning of course it probably doesn t help that i don t have a computer i do all of this from my phone if blogger can t keep their shit together i may have to go to wordpress or something because this is getting f ing ridiculous i really would hate to do that because blogger s format is very user friendly for someone who is somewhat tech challenged like me but that won t help me if i can t even log in okay end rant new post later today or tomorrow maybe fingers crossed dani xxx posted by dani at 7 06 am no comments labels blogger stuff that pisses me off tech challenged wordpress older posts home subscribe to posts atom followers blog archive 2011 13 july 1 pride june 6 may 1 january 5 2010 29 december 6 november 3 october 20 about me dani view my complete profile
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