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march 2008 one writeous chick stuff i think about plus a couple of hopes and dreams and maybe a fear or two thrown in the mix search one writeous chick about jennifer upcoming classes workshops coaching events articles columns testimonials press mailing list contact archive march 2008 achievement is not equal to worth 24 mar writeous chicks newsletter march 2008 last week someone i just met said to me i checked out your blog i was busy feeling flattered and sort of semi quasi famous that someone i didn t know at all had taken time to look at my blog when she hit me with you haven t updated it in a while and then went on to detail the concept of blog guilt which is you know self explanatory i was totally annoyed if i was experiencing the full range of my emotions i would say i was f cking pissed i felt judged or maybe i was judging myself but despite the inner annoyance rage that was erupting inside me i just smiled and weakly offered yeah i m taking a little break got a lot going on can t do everything at once you know as my plastered on smile faded in any case i felt that my worth as a worthy human being who could update her blog on a consistent basis was being called into question and the thing is i am hard on myself about a lot of things but updating my blog is not one of them i have a full time job plus my own business and added to that my new project of making time for fun so i cut myself some slack in this area but her comments got me thinking about the equation your worth number of blog posts x frequency of updates i am a workaholic that has been trying to wean myself off my addiction to work being busy and achieving and what i have come to realize is that underneath the workaholism there is a belief that my worth as a human being is directly tied to my accomplishments and the more i achieve the better of a person i am i remember being in 9th grade and locking myself in my room on weekends to perfect my earth science report on radon because then i would get into princeton or harvard and then i would be happy worthy or when 8 years ago after a horribly painful breakup i deliberately threw myself into acting spending all my free time sending out headshots scouring backstage and going on auditions because i didn t have him but i could maybe have fame and stardom and when i was a movie star i d be too busy and fabulous to shed tears over a stupid little breakup and p s when i was a fabulous movie star he d be sorry that he didn t appreciate me when i was just a regular person because of course i would be too busy going to premieres with matt damon or ben affleck to have time for him anymore plus putting my time and energy into work seemed like a more reliable investment than an emotionally unavailable man in terms of potential payoff i committed to this plan wholeheartedly until one unseasonably hot fall night when i found myself in new jersey for an audition only i had gotten off at the wrong bus stop and was lost and wearing a wool banana republic turtleneck and skirt that i was sweltering in and i had skipped out on plans with my family to come to this audition and the bus i had to get back on was pulling away and i was running down some deserted dark suburban new jersey street after said bus crying when i realized the fallacy of my plan the other tricky thing about workaholism is that we live in a completely work obsessed culture and workaholism like eating disorders is contagious in college i remember being poised open mouthed over a bagel when my roommate said uh did you know a bagel has 500 calories and the next thing i knew i had lost 20 pounds and was measuring out 3 perogies and 7 1 2 peas or some equivalent for dinner every night it s a badge of honor to pull all nighters and be ever reachable via crackberry so it can be hard to buck the system and declare i ll be over there getting a massage and sipping a cosmo because i deserve it simply for being and by the way i m leaving my cell phone at home so don t even try to reach me because there is that judgment possibly in part by others probably in part by yourself that you are not doing enough which can quickly and easily lead to you just aren t enough having seen that achievements when achieved don t actually make me happy in and of themselves i am unraveling this belief that worth is measured in accomplishments and letting it go knowing that i am just as worthwhile of a person if i hang out in sweats all day in a coffee shop reading a book purely for enjoyment as i am if i play i wrote wins a pulitzer prize having seen that the striving never in fact ends and as soon as i achieve one thing i take about 02 seconds if that to celebrate my accomplishment and then move on to the next goal i picture myself in a place beyond striving perhaps with a yoga mat slung over my shoulder and an expression of pure zen on my face where i am free to be fully present with everyone and everything around me in no hurry to get anywhere other than exactly where i am and whether i update my blog once a day or once a decade will have no bearing whatsoever on the equation of my worth with love jen xoxoxo copyright 2008 by jennifer garam comments leave a comment categories writeous chicks newsletter categories categories select category 5 6 7 8 dance annoyances articles believe in yourself cleaning club med commute dancing with the stars dating failure goals having faith holidays inspiration maroon 5 music negativity pop culture press self care shining brightly simple pleasures so you think you can dance spring subway technology addiction texting uncategorized vacation writeous chicks newsletter writing writing workshop archives october 2015 june 2013 september 2012 july 2012 june 2012 may 2012 april 2012 october 2011 august 2011 june 2011 april 2011 february 2011 january 2011 december 2010 november 2010 october 2010 august 2010 july 2010 may 2010 april 2010 march 2010 january 2010 november 2009 october 2009 september 2009 august 2009 july 2009 june 2009 may 2009 april 2009 february 2009 january 2009 december 2008 november 2008 october 2008 august 2008 july 2008 june 2008 may 2008 april 2008 march 2008 january 2008 december 2007 november 2007 october 2007 september 2007 july 2007 june 2007 may 2007 april 2007 march 2007 february 2007 january 2007 december 2006 november 2006 october 2006 september 2006 august 2006 july 2006 my love the dream f mariah carey 1990 s anne lamott anxiety anya garnis balance bird by bird blacksummers night blogging brooklyn brooklyn blogfest cats celebration courage creativity curling up in a ball dance party danny tidwell depression eat pray love elizabeth gilbert facebook fear fresh prince fun growing up health com heath com hiking hip hop hip slope mama hometown joshua allen journey justin timberlake katee shean katie shean madonna maxwell memories michael jackson mix tapes neil haskell new years new york post notorious b i g notorious movie open toe shoes parties perseverance pretty wings r b rainy days remembering robin thicke sabra johnson seasonal affective disorder self help smiling spring fever summer summertime ted talk the frisky the huffington post the wackness timbaland tribute vacation wildness will smith wnbc com writing writing life yoga blogroll a taste of serenity abby sher blonde logic cake carrots chicks rock creative times fear of writing girls write now kimberlee auerbach lyj love your job musings from the slush pile notsozen yogajen pigtails flying soulful coaching for busy women zebra sounds create a free website or blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed one writeous chick join 54 other subscribers sign me up have a wordpress com account log in now privacy one writeous chick view site in reader manage subscriptions sign up log in report this content collapse this bar design a site like this with wordpress com get started