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february 2011 one writeous chick stuff i think about plus a couple of hopes and dreams and maybe a fear or two thrown in the mix search one writeous chick about jennifer upcoming classes workshops coaching events articles columns testimonials press mailing list contact archive february 2011 i get knocked down but i get up again 21 feb a few months ago i wrote a post about fighting the ball you know the one that you want to curl up in when it feels like life is just not going your way that calls to you when everything is falling apart and when i wrote it i was fresh off a victory against the ball i did not succumb to it i did not give up on myself or my dreams and i kept moving forward well it turns out that the battle against the ball is far from a one time endeavor and it also turns out that the ball had some victories of its own in december and january traditionally difficult months to fight the ball see self diagnosed seasonal affective disorder disappointments pummeled me back into ball formation my self esteem has holes in it where rejection can seep in and take root and then i believe in the disappointment and rejection and lose my belief in myself and then there s the thing about getting your hopes up people sometimes say that it s better not to get your hopes up because then the pain of disappointment will be even greater and people say this for a reason it s true there have been many times when i ve dared to be hopeful only to wind up being even more painfully disappointed and the ball which has been hanging out quietly in the background maybe getting a soda at the refreshment stand or texting some friends is instantly ready to step back into the ring swinging but here s the other thing about hope i don t want to lose it i don t want to stop hoping in order to protect myself from pain in an attempt to shield myself from future run ins with that ball because that would mean becoming cynical and numbed out and i refuse to live that way and besides without hope curled up in a ball could become a permanent destination i ve been reminded over the past few months that fighting the ball is an ongoing battle it slowed me down in december and january but it did not stop me it knocked me down but i got up again it s never gonna keep me down a few weeks ago i was at starbucks and the barista asked the guy on line behind me how he was doing and he said another day another dream destroyed i can relate it is staggering how much belief in yourself is required in the face of how many people do not believe in you and the countless disappointments and rejections how much i have to keep digging deeper and deeper to find more reserves of belief more slivers of hope when all signs point to curling up in that ball and giving up and this might seem obvious but it is rarely my default mode so i have to repeatedly remind myself at times like these it is helpful to reach out to the people who do believe in you so i dig deep and i reach out the ball might have been ahead in the past two months but i am back on my feet and pulling into the lead again and the fight is making me stronger tags curling up in a ball fighting the ball perseverance comments 5 comments categories believe in yourself categories categories select category 5 6 7 8 dance annoyances articles believe in yourself cleaning club med commute dancing with the stars dating failure goals having faith holidays inspiration maroon 5 music negativity pop culture press self care shining brightly simple pleasures so you think you can dance spring subway technology addiction texting uncategorized vacation writeous chicks newsletter writing writing workshop archives october 2015 june 2013 september 2012 july 2012 june 2012 may 2012 april 2012 october 2011 august 2011 june 2011 april 2011 february 2011 january 2011 december 2010 november 2010 october 2010 august 2010 july 2010 may 2010 april 2010 march 2010 january 2010 november 2009 october 2009 september 2009 august 2009 july 2009 june 2009 may 2009 april 2009 february 2009 january 2009 december 2008 november 2008 october 2008 august 2008 july 2008 june 2008 may 2008 april 2008 march 2008 january 2008 december 2007 november 2007 october 2007 september 2007 july 2007 june 2007 may 2007 april 2007 march 2007 february 2007 january 2007 december 2006 november 2006 october 2006 september 2006 august 2006 july 2006 my love the dream f mariah carey 1990 s anne lamott anxiety anya garnis balance bird by bird blacksummers night blogging brooklyn brooklyn blogfest cats celebration courage creativity curling up in a ball dance party danny tidwell depression eat pray love elizabeth gilbert facebook fear fresh prince fun growing up health com heath com hiking hip hop hip slope mama hometown joshua allen journey justin timberlake katee shean katie shean madonna maxwell memories michael jackson mix tapes neil haskell new years new york post notorious b i g notorious movie open toe shoes parties perseverance pretty wings r b rainy days remembering robin thicke sabra johnson seasonal affective disorder self help smiling spring fever summer summertime ted talk the frisky the huffington post the wackness timbaland tribute vacation wildness will smith wnbc com writing writing life yoga blogroll a taste of serenity abby sher blonde logic cake carrots chicks rock creative times fear of writing girls write now kimberlee auerbach lyj love your job musings from the slush pile notsozen yogajen pigtails flying soulful coaching for busy women zebra sounds blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed one writeous chick join 54 other subscribers sign me up have a wordpress com account log in now privacy one writeous chick view site in reader manage subscriptions sign up log in report this content collapse this bar design a site like this with wordpress com get started