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ybe deism maybe the hobbesean view a creator sets the world into motion like balls on a billiard table the rest is free will and dumb luck but i will not have god killing babies i seem to be standing my family is staring at me what the hell am i talking about and you two really need to work on your enunciation cecily s reaction comes in the form of a waltz two giggles one ow two giggles one ow irma is a storm of flapping and snorting i sit down and join them until my abdomen aches jasmina i m having a hard time getting out of bed the fake wood paneling is so familiar i can t stop staring at it yo shleepyhead you had better get down here and give me a hug i scuttle around so my head hangs over the bedside cheyenne already yep drove all night thanksh to the inshomniac here justin sits at the fold out table looking proud but bleary i perform several yoga positions in my effort to escape the overhang i grab cecily and hold on like we re dangling from a parachute you are going to keep in touch with me young lady hey you re the one with no number addressh email et shetera yeah okay soon as i get one of those she smiles as much as her stitches will allow i wazh thinking about the nexsht time i hear the phrase train wreck wow that movie was a train wreck oh no it wazhn t she kisses me on the cheek thanksh for being shuperwoman shweetie anytime take care honey she and justin leave the camper i watch from the table as she heads for a payphone across the street in the distance i can see a set of barren mountains dusted with snow a minute later justin raps on the door hey you want to ride up front with me you re going to keep driving sure don t worry i ll know when to stop i m not buying it justin keeps rubbing his eyes holding the wheel at arm s length trying to focus as we cruise the center of casper i begin to think this is my last chance to get him off the road tell you what i ve got some spending cash let s check in at a motel i would love to get a shower he casts me a sharp look blonde curls piled up on his head like a young jerry lee lewis nonsense i m fine i m a colorado kid born with a steering wheel in my hands justin i see how tired you are how would your grandpa feel if the woman who saved his life perished in a fiery auto crash he laughs and speaks to me through the rear view mirror don t worry i ve got slumber indicators wired into my nervous system i do not like the results i m getting i also don t like the look of the stormclouds gathering on our northern horizon justin turns left onto highway 20 we re climbing a hill toward pine trees and snow the last piece of civilization is a motel 6 what if you took a shower with me he glances in the rear view sea green eyes rimmed with red yes i actually said that now stop justin hits the brakes and pulls into the parking lot you re not a muslim are you paul i have recruited molly for video duty an all ages club in san jose my bandmates are a little skittish about the young audience but a number of pleasant circumstances swing in our favor we re opening for a high school band that has managed to pack the place and the kids seem genuinely excited to see a real adult band afterwards we settle into the biergarten with some finnish rockers the guitarist compliments my snare work which is just specific enough to seem sincere molly appears with my video camera and two ice cold ales oh you are too awesome she smiles yes i am but i guess you noticed the problem with that table you saved me i believe i was directly behind pamela that s all right she s our eye candy molly squeezes onto the bench next to a bass amp speaking of disappearing where did you go after the second song ha bass pedal came completely off i asked pamela to stall for me so she did the intros sharp you don t know the half of what goes on up there i take a big swig of bass ale i hadn t realized how thirsty i was you seem more girly than usual she swings her pony tail extensions no how beautifully artificial of you thanks i m trying to become more shallow hanging out with celebrities who you one news report does not oh stop right there you have found your true vocation laddie you were eloquent you were smart but without seeming smarmy it was really turning me on and you made that guy from the dea look like a total jackass where did you get this where did this come from she jabs at my ribs i grab her hands seriously you want to know yes ever been tried as a heretic not counting family thanksgiving you are automatically guilty they know all about your blasphemies and their job is to guarantee your reservations in hell to take away your wife your family every friend you ve ever had to wipe you from the face of the earth you meanwhile think that you have an actual chance so you sit there for hours as a bunch of old white men who wouldn t know their scrotums from saskatchewan shovel on truckload after truckload of theological hate even for a purely rational being who understands the bullshit soon after escaping it it takes years decades to scrape all that condemnation off your skin molly just looks at me jesus i guess i never really understood what they put you through well here s the good part shit like that makes you strong by comparison the court of public opinion is a breeze this time i know i m right and i m operating in a county where much of the adult population indulges in the evil weed you go also it s a damn good way to distract myself from other recent events the finnish guitarist pulls out an instrument in the shape of a crescent moon and heads for the entrance how cool is that i say let s check em out jasmina i hope someday i get to see wyoming because right now it s nothing but a white sheet even with four wheel drive and snow tires justin s truck is sliding around like a drunken skier every few minutes a wyoming plated car passes at twice our speed i suspect some native secret until i see three of them at various spots in the fields being attended to by tow trucks and patrol cars my general anxiety is not being helped by last night s dream justin and i were playing the game on a flat cart the kind you see at a hardware store in fact we were in a hardware store and the checkout lady was my mother she aimed her scanner at my rear end but it wouldn t read so she got on the p a price check aisle three fornicators a young mexican guy ran up to my mother with the amount justin handed her a credit card and we rolled toward the doors they slid open and we disappeared in a flash of orange flames sex the game was sex this was the reason my mother beat me and yelled at me and damned me to hell justin stops the truck and sets the brake i gotta admit this is one hell of a drive i ll be right back he clambers onto the hood and hacks at the windshield with a plastic scraper it s not a complete job but he has managed to open up a few peepholes a few miles later we re greeted by the lights of a gas station after a restroom stop i find justin scanning twenty three varieties of motor oil look he says the guy says that this storm will pass in an hour or two i was thinking maybe we could wait it out go in the back take a nap maybe play the game he s such a sweet kid and he s working so hard to get me home there s got to be a way of telling him without hurting his feelings i start by giving him a kiss on the cheek i m awfully sorry but i just got my period his face deflates oh well nothing we can do i can t stand that look i spot something across the aisle maybe there s something else we can do i hand him a jar of petroleum jelly his face turns red which is so cute i can t stand it photo by mjv posted by michael j vaughn at 1 00 pm no comments wednesday january 29 2014 poem the aroma from tacoma the aroma from tacoma in the dark still tick of his core a balance of evensong licorice pull of canefire fields of charred stalk clouds of black we love the ugly as well as the sweet five year old on an aircraft carrier breathing diesel at forty he returns to his only chosen town the odor of the paper mill takes him to tears because it s distinct because it means something the failures are behind you it s time to start over challenger international canada from the collection fields of satchmo photo by mjv posted by michael j vaughn at 1 43 pm no comments the popcorn girl chapter 32 train wreck buy the kindle book at amazon com paul i am perched on a footstool in the philosophy section sorting through some new arrivals when i hear a ruckus outside followed by loud footsteps i stand to find a man in quasi military dress black ballcap boots flak jacket he holds a large black weapon with all manner of spidery attachments i have only seen such a thing in really bad movies my first thought is that the christian right has decided to take me out sir please stay where you are and put your hands on your head nope the christians would not be that polite the clean cut muscleface mouth like a mail slot pure cop two more muscleheads bang their way in one of them turns and i see the letters on his shirt dea sir mail slot is there anyone else in the store i shake my head are you the proprietor y yes his partner comes over and gives me a pat down that borders on molestation the third guy paces the perimeter waving his gun toward phantom cartels okay says molester he s asian broad faced his brows two perfectly trimmed hyphens we have reports that you have cannabis plants on the property please lead us to them and please do so without making any sudden moves is that clear yes jasmina i report to the dining car and find that i will be seated at a table with three strangers if i were not so terribly hungry i would turn right around the waiter seats me next to a teenage girl plugged into some kind of music player but the elderly folks across from me seem more than eager to talk the lady smiles at me with perfect artificial teeth and says i m irma this is my husband sal hi i m kelly the girl says cecily which surprises us all irma scans the menu and then gets back to me where are you from kelly um montana oh so you re returning home yes i was visiting san francisco irma s eyes light up isn t it a lovely city we had so much fun of course sal saw it as one big lunch bucket sal pats his belly some of the best damn food i ever tasted i smile and give a little laugh perhaps this is survivable they re a talky couple i will smile and say gosh and volunteer nothing about my shameless muslim fraternizing why is it that i can drift into sin without even trying it s not fair sal and irma are conferring on some technical matter so i take a look outside we re on a long plain of high desert scrub swales of snow like patches on a cow a big plume of dust a truck perpendicular to the train i grab onto cecily i grab onto the table paul i imagine the supervisor talking to the painter gray grayer than gray if someone arrives here in a depression i want them to leave suicidal that would explain the walls at least i m a little fuzzy about my location but i do know that the drive was a half hour the door clicks open and in comes eva her hair frazzled into a semi mohawk the next character is a short bald man whose suit matches the walls i stand to accept eva s hug paulie god i am so sorry about this this is stan gardner he s from the marijuana legalization board he s taking up our case i take stan s handshake and laugh no offense but you don t really look like a pothead stan is determined to stay serious never touch the stuff that s kind of the point it s not about getting high it s about rights excellent we sit at a small table stan sorts his way through a sheaf of papers so let me get this straight he says they came in armed check did they point the weapons at you not aimed really brandished searched you cuffed you yes both miranda rights yes he checks the sheet on top warrants check out they confiscated all the plants jesus so excuse my language stan but what the fuck same old shit the feds have been screwing with medical marijuana ever since our wise citizenry okayed it our little green enlightenment is threatening a lot of jobs at the war on drugs so every once in a while they stomp on a local grower the difference in this case is the weaponry i m fairly certain they scared the shit out of you and they also put your life in danger imagine if you had been holding a pricing gun i like stan he talks like a non lawyer he stuffs his papers into a worn out satchel we re getting you released right now you will likely face a court date in two to three months and we will be there to help you with whatever bullshit charges they come up with and here s the really annoying part you can t go home they ve sealed off your store stan folds his arms across his chest and gives me a long study paul you strike me as a very calm hellion would you be comfortable going public about this talking to some media i place my hands on the table just point me to a fucking microphone it turns out that stan knows how to smile jasmina my flight comes to a halt when my face hits the table the sounds go on forever squeals explosions shouts percussion of flying objects i touch my forehead and come away with blood i turn carefully and find cecily with a cut lip she s conscious i whisper to her only i m shouting get out of the train cecily that exit there i point to the red letters two tables down she nods and disappears i find irma on the floor crouched on a scattering of smashed plates i take her by an elbow and help her to her feet the car is filled with similar scenes people moving like zombies food and silverware ripped clothing a moan agitated chatter smoke irma can you make it to the exit she nods her dentures are gone i see flames irma stops at the stairs sal where s sal sal s in his seat head back unconscious i wave irma off don t worry i ve got him there s a redheaded man in the booth behind us writhing he s gripping his leg which is bent at an unnatural angle i try not to look help help here a black waiter broad shouldered jogs over to carry him away i give sal a slap sal nothing i can feel the waves of heat from the car in front of us i m choking i have to do this i grab sal by an arm and a leg and slide him from the booth he lands on the floor with a sloppy thud i spin him around put a hand under each arm and pull him through the refuse then down the stairs his poor old butt bouncing on each step by the time we reach the exit my arms feel like rubber bands so i lock my hands around his chest and fall backwards we land in a pile and keep going down the dusty soil of the embankment i come to a stop in a tumbleweed i can hear irma bending over sal saying hopeful things when i open my eyes the engine and the truck are no longer there just a pile of metal and rock followed by two cars lying on their sides the sky fills with black photo by mjv posted by michael j vaughn at 1 22 pm no comments tuesday january 28 2014 poem replay replay kyle finds the northwest tip of the forty eight and walks the beach a...