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own a town centered around the frozen ice rink sticks and skates and the bang sound of pucks as their pride and joy the town that united because of their love for hockey and the town that divided because of their pride and their star hockey player maya is fascinated by the way he always seems to be living in the moment on the ice he doesn t seem to think anything but hockey and off it he doesn t seem to think about anything at all he lives on instinct she wishes she could be like that kevin likes the fact that she s different that her eyes never quite stop moving that she s always watching that she seems to know who she is he wishes he could be like that with one loyal community behind your back you have nothing to fear one loyal community against you and you doubt yourself no matter what the truth is you start second guessing yourself the side of truth depends on where the community chooses to stand it doesn t matter if you re right if the community says no you are wrong people often choose the easiest lie over the hardest truth this story parallels closely with the biography i once read know my name written by channel miller maya acts as a fictional surrogate for miller channeling her experience of being sexually assaulted by one promising athlete and was punished for it how netizens accused her of hindering the future of the promising athlete that people would go as far as dehumanize you the victim for the sake of taking the perpetrator s side but here s the real question to ponder who is actually hindering whose future i d recommend you to read know my name if you re interested in reading it film the lizzie mcguire movie i ve been wanting to watch lizzie mcguire the movie ever since my last trip to italy and now i know where the viral tiktok audio maybe i am an outfit repeater but you are an outfit rememberer which is just as pathetic originally from the teenage version of me would relate to the reckless lizzie mcguire fleeing to another country in hopes of redeeming herself on the surface this movie is everything every teenager dreams of touring around ancient beautifully maintained architecture with a sweet gelato in hand riding a colorful vespa and being drenched by a golden sun it triggers you to pack your suitcase immediately and do the scene remake of hillary duff s concert at the colosseum but being young and impressionable you re susceptible to being molded by people with deceitful motives hidden behind endless sweet talk and empty promises because you shine like the light from the sun until the end of the movie lizzie learned that maybe you don t need to look far to find the things you needed maybe what you re looking for is in front of your eyes but you never take a look because you ve been taking them for granted all this time perhaps falling flat on your face is what you needed to notice what has been in front of your eyes all along how to lose a guy in 10 days everyone needs a bit of romance to be part of their life at least mine does i need that typical cringe romcom movie where the male lead falls in love with the authenticity of the female lead despite their twisted motives at the beginning of the relationship predictable very but sometimes that s the comfort of it the premise is that men quickly pull away whenever women become emotionally invested too quickly not everything has to feel emotionally devastating all the time sometimes you just need something lighter for once when your mind has been stuck in a whirlpool of thoughts for too long deepwater horizon this movie had me subconsciously running the root cause analysis of what led to the massive explosion and mentally forced me to resuscitate every piece of jargon that has been drying up like a houseplant after not being watered for years it s terrifying how one misdiagnosis cost 11 lives and resulted in manslaughter charges all because to chase delayed timelines and to save cost but does it compensate for the 11 lives lost suppose you are not donald vidrine or robert kaluza and you aren t responsible for 126 lives but the truth is each of us is responsible for something in our own corners of the world how lightly do you take your daily accountability does the crushing heaviness of what you owe to the people around you ever hit you once in a while song because i watched the lizzie mcguire movie its main track keeps ringing to my ears have you ever wondered what life is about lizzie went all the way to rome to figure out her life but you could search the world and never figure it out you don t have to sail the ocean no no no perhaps what you actually needed is to experience the lessons that happiness is no mystery it s here and now it s you and me perhaps the point of travel is to extend your mental horizons and discover that what you re looking for is already within you but one thing i learned is to look at blessings from a different angle blessings do not only come in the form of things you love having but also in the things you are grateful not to have clear traffic good health distance from toxic surroundings financial stability that allows you to buy your own meal without owing anyone reconnecting with old friends catching up learning new things and even the moments where you made mistakes but were still given the chance to learn and make up for them sometimes blessings arrive quietly in the form of problems that never happened read more media reflect the kind of love that feels like peace this whole article resonated with me on every level attraction is appealing sure it creates a spark but what is attraction when it comes with constant anxiety and wariness when you are always questioning whether he truly loves you when you keep hoping he will change one day simply because you love him sincerely read on substack i definitely agree religious compatibility is non negotiable it s the first thing on the list growing up in malaysia religious compatibility often feels easier to find because many muslim men here at least grow up with a basic understanding of islam but over time i realized shared faith alone is not enough to sustain emotional safety and understanding and among his signs is that he created for you mates from among yourselves that you may find tranquillity sakinah in them and he has placed between you affection mawaddah and mercy rahmah indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought 30 21 intellectual resonance and shared curiosity are also important criteria for a partner but for that there must be space to learn for one to complement the other and for that both parties need emotional maturity a safe space to grow and develop one who encourages you to grow and explore unfortunately as aqilah said it s easy to find one who fulfils one side but not easy to find a man balanced in both most guys fulfil one side but completely lack the other peace to me is being able to express hurt without being punished for it it is being listened to without being called dramatic difficult or too emotional for simply wanting to be understood and perhaps that kind of attentiveness requires emotional maturity because empathy is not only about listening when conversations are deep or serious sometimes it is simply about caring enough to stay present in the ordinary moments too remember the i saw a bird theory to be genuinely interested in listening to your most mundane story and not interrupting every sentence you say is said to maintain a longer and lasting relationship than couples who are dismissive and unbothered about your daily life sometimes i wonder why emotional accountability feels so difficult for some men why empathy is often expected from women yet rarely practiced with the same consistency in return and choosing a partner is also a form of self love it is how we choose ourselves to be treated choosing a partner reflects how we want to be treated how much discomfort we can tolerate where our boundaries are and to what extent we are willing to sacrifice for the sake of love where do you place your self respect when he reaches out to you out of boredom when you feel the urge to crawl back just for the sake of feeling loved where do you place your self respect in that balance which outweighs which i m not choosing a man who chooses me because i m the only option available at the moment because i love myself too much to beg for fragments of love from a man i m not auctioning myself or proving my worth for a man s love i know my worth and that is enough and if a man cannot see the worth in me that is on him and i never blame women for falling for the wrong man we make mistakes but we learn and in choosing to stay despite 15 red flags you are choosing to destroy yourself at that point you cannot blame the man entirely leaving is painful but we grow and that is the point of living learn grow and make mistakes like an exponential graph we can never reach absolute perfection but we strive and choose the best path to live our best life in the end choosing a partner for me is choosing someone who never makes you feel lonely in their presence someone who loves you for you curious about learning who you are and what you love someone invested in listening to your everyday mundane stories not because they are extraordinary but because they matter to you love is less about intensity and more about peace it is being with someone who makes you feel safe to express yourself without being called difficult or too emotional for simply wanting to be understood someone ready for mature conversations instead of avoidance someone who grows with you instead of making you feel ashamed for still growing and perhaps that is what real love looks like someone who includes you in every part of his life in highs and lows in the decisions that shape the relationship not someone who only reaches out when you are convenient or available someone who chooses you with intention consistency and care further reading date someone who is interested in you by gor it s easy to find people who are attracted to you it s harder to find someone who is curious read on substack date people in the same emotional bracket as you by gor read on substack i want to discuss surah al kahf and fyodor dostoevsky by aqilah jamaluddin i want both read on substack become a safe place for yourself by gor read on substack read more media reflect the practice of slow consuming the books i love are usually the ones i find relatable and my list of favorite authors is made up of those who make me feel as though they can read my mind obsessed with reading through substack often finding myself nodding in agreement with every paragraph the details the over explanations the science behind every theory and argument makes my mind go oh no wonder why new knowledge unlocked i m currently reading beartown by fredrik backman and as i ve said before he is one of my favorite writers so many of his quotes resonate with me usually i just place colorful tabs on the pages instead of writing them down in my hobonichi tracker i know some phrases trigger my thoughts but oh no pen with me at the moment so i let them slide instead of writing them down or sticking sticky notes on them just more colorful tabs tabs stick and yet for someone who consumes so much i ve come to realize how difficult it is for me to articulate what i ve actually learned whenever i m asked to explain my thoughts my mind goes blank how do i explain this i know it inside but i m struggling to let the ideas out especially verbally the israel gaza conflict iran usa tensions i struggle to respond when others confidently spread misinformation i feel triggered inside how can they not know this yet my tongue feels tied most of all i m afraid i might be the one spreading incorrect information even though my intentions are right and pure because intention doesn t justify being wrong in moments when people share their concerns with me words fail me all that comes out is it must ve been hard for you i understand you sabar ya it feels as though my brain stops processing what the right thing to say is that s when i started noticing a pattern even though i consume a lot of media i still have a hard time articulating my own thoughts i know when i agree or disagree with something but i don t always know how to explain the how and why i read quite a few books in a month i know when a book is a good book but i sometimes forget what makes it good and what the actual point of the book was i read two to three substack articles in a day then forget about them by the very next week maybe the issue isn t that i m not learning enough maybe i m consuming too much too much information too much knowledge shorts after shorts checking my phone while eating watching youtube or even during a long slow movie somewhere along the way i think i ve been spoiling my own dopamine balance i do have thoughts that counter some of the arguments i read but i often let them slide away instead of double checking them perhaps i should start putting sticky notes in my books from now on so i ve started doing something different writing things down what i learn why i agree or disagree and the lessons i m applying from every piece of media i consume because one thing i truly love about learning and consuming media is this my thoughts do not exist in a vacuum i do not need to agree with everything i read i can filter it and make my own judgments it is a synthesis of everything i ve consumed a blend of what my parents taught me growing up with my religious beliefs as the core and foundation of my personal values i get to choose what to apply and what does not align with my values while still appreciating it as useful knowledge hardships new experiences and meeting new people may sometimes change my perspective and i learn along the way and so my personal blog will become the medium for these reflections a brain dump something messy and colorful from a blank canvas to develop and create a digital garden where i can seed and grow my thoughts from every book i read every film i watch and every substack article i love i m so obsessed with substack that uninstalling instagram threads and twitter and living only with substack and pinterest might just be my end goal and i truly believe there is always something to learn from every piece of media we encounter no matter how bad it is because at the very least we learn what a bad piece looks like this new series is going to be like the 12 things per month project i did during the pandemic era but this time less about personal moments and more about personal reflections the new series is going to be called my personal slow digest but let s see how consistent i can be it s going to be a slow reading journey but that s exactly the goal read more read my best books of 2025 finally after postponing this post for so long i forced myself to sit down in front of my pc and carefully select the best books out of the 48 i read in 2025 2025 is the first year i didn t...