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Text of the page (random words):
for real cause rest is a weapon like tom z says i m thankful for you jesus that s nothing new ️ the old blog that i came across http wwwcandicecom blogspot com 2011 06 people always leave html m 1 another one about messy relationships trying to sort through my emotions http wwwcandicecom blogspot com 2011 03 tangled mess html m 1 this was the one i was thinking of and looking for but it wasn t exactly i was going through very similar though http wwwcandicecom blogspot com 2010 05 elephant in room html m 1 fear of saying yes february 24 2019 february 24 2019 wwwcandicecom 4 comments it s been over 6 years if not longer of withdrawing hesitation and skepticism with lots of things that have to do with church life deep down inside of me i have a heart that wants to pour out and into others i do in one way or another i want to honor jesus with everything i am everything i do i really do i ve had this internal battle of what that should look like is there only value in where how you serve outside your own family close friends part of me feels like that s a lie but then there s another part that feels like i m not living out everything god wants for me here s where the fear comes in when i reflect there haven t been great examples of how to balance both well i understand that we re human and life is messy but when i look around i see all the broken relationships and family life i just don t understand it and i don t want it i want tim and my boys to be the first ones i pour into i want to be an example of how to love and honor your husband well because i unfortunately have not seen that modeled well my marriage is not perfect my parenting is definitely not perfect i m a mess and broken and sometimes hopelessness creeps into my head but i ve been really fighting to keep it from taking root in my heart and god has been faithful in answering my prayers along the way of this really hard and discouraging season i believe that this will be the continuation of our family s testimony i ve been challenged a lot on how life here on earth is just messed up because of the brokenness and sin that s here there s soooooo much i don t understand but i ve been trying to lean into the hope of jesus when my heart is so heavy and to rest in his peace i just don t know what to do with these feelings of wanting to honor god with everything he s placed inside of me without letting fear keep making decisions or is it wisdom or maybe it s what i choose to do in this season i guess it s more to pray into i definitely have a full plate with just my own immediate family 5 sons each one with a different challenge in navigating life plus homeschooling which has its own challenges god help me to keep coming to you with my burdens and heavy heart laying it all down keep reminding me that you re always there and answering prayers even when it doesn t look the way i think it should be answered thank you for loving me so much thank you for reminding me that you re here with me help me to let go of any fear that has been lingering uproot it i pray that you would guide me in anything extra that you want me to say yes to help me to keep my eyes on you and not on the past or around me only you i pray for tim that you would answer him clearly as he keeps asking for wisdom direction and guidance from you with everything he pours his heart into and puts his hands to thank you soooo much for the gift he is to me thank you for the deep love trust that has grown between us because of very difficult seasons thank you for his work ethic and how he takes pride in everything he does i pray that you would keep encouraging him and reminding him of your love and provision i thank you for the father he is and how much he loves each and every one of our boys i pray for protection between each of their relationships i pray that you would continue to pour into him so he can do the same to the people that you want him to pour into i pray for new songs of worship prayer intercession to be birthed out of our walk with you i pray that tim would be encouraged i pray that he would lean into you and rest in your love and peace and that your joy would overflow even in the dark seasons i pray for joshua thank you for the amazing funny adventurous young man he is i pray for protection healing over his heart and his mind open his ears to hear you like he did at a young age recognize your voice continue to pursue him so that he would know with every fiber of his being how much purpose he has and the hope you have for his future fill him with joy as well i pray against the spirit of death and hopelessness you have no authority over his life i thank you jesus for joshua s life remind him that you will always be there for him bless him keep him he is yours i pray for caleb thank you for the brilliant mind and memory he has encourage his heart and creativity i pray that you would connect him with awesome friends i pray that you would help him with any insecurities and fear he battles with keep revealing yourself to him in new ways and reminding him that you love him and have a plan for his life i thank you so much for the sweet spirit he has i pray for evan thank you for the tender heart you ve blessed him with thank you for the connection you guys already have keep speaking to him and open his eyes and ears to new revelation of who you are and what you re doing i pray for the fire starter he is i pray that the fire inside him would keep burning bright especially when he enters the teenage years i pray his passion for you would grow deep down and overflow to every single person he comes in contact with i pray against anxiety thank you for being his peace and place to find rest i pray for noelan thank you for his thirst for knowledge thank you for his natural desire to do what is right i pray that you would deepen his understanding for how much you love and care about him help him to know your voice even now thank you for his thoughtfulness and gentleness i pray that he will stand up for what is true and honorable with love i pray for jacob thank you for the wild spirit you ve placed inside of him thank you for his humor and joy he gives the whole family i pray that you would protect him as he takes risks over the years keep speaking to him i pray that he would have an awesome relationship with you even in his dream life i pray that he would learn at a young age to not fight battles in his own strength and to rely on your help just like i prayed for myself over the past 15 years this scripture i pray for each one of my family members colossians 2 6 7 nlt and now just as you accepted christ jesus as your lord you must continue to follow him let your roots grow down into him and let your lives be built on him then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught and you will overflow with thankfulness amp therefore as you have received christ jesus the lord walk in union with him reflecting his character in the things you do and say living lives that lead others away from sin having been deeply rooted in him and now being continually built up in him and becoming increasingly more established in your faith just as you were taught and overflowing in it with gratitude thank you jesus for your love thank you for speaking to me keep stirring my heart thank you for being there as a true source of peace and hope open my ears and eyes as well to ways you may be speaking that i have missed i love you so very much thank you for everything inhale exhale january 23 2019 wwwcandicecom 2 comments i have so much to say and process but nothing is coming out my heart feels heavy and overwhelmed in one breath and full of love and life and hope in the next inhale exhale that s all i can do right now vulnerability march 7 2018 march 7 2018 wwwcandicecom 2 comments it s been quite a while since the last time i sat down to write maybe that s why i feel so bottled up inside however when i was thinking about the process of writing especially in blog form i realized that sometimes it s easier to be real and vulnerable to a whole bunch of people through words on a website than it is to be real and vulnerable and connect with a real heart face to face or voice to voice in that moment i feel honored being there to encourage and walk through things with my friends and family why is it so much easier for me to be a safe place for others than letting others be a safe place for me what is holding me back to fully opening up and unpacking my thoughts and feelings with others what am i afraid of vul ner a ble ˈvəln ə rəb ə l susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm in need of special care support or protection because of age disability or risk of abuse or neglect open to moral attack criticism temptation vulnerability opens you up lays it all out there unprotected and raw i know my past hurts and friendships have had an impact on me not wanting to risk intimacy relationships are overwhelming and draining at times sometimes i wonder is it worth it and then i think about some of the stuff i see in myself that i m not proud of and i get scared to see what else is deep within me that needs to be refined healed restored so do i really want to share that part of me with others when i can barely handle it myself isn t it so much easier to say fine or tired or busy when someone asks how you re doing or how you ve been i ve been finding myself saying that as a default because it really is true and you don t have to go deeper from there so much to process and sort through so many thoughts and feelings so much i see in myself that i need to work through breaking down walls building trust forgiving myself and others a beautiful work in progress my life my heart my relationships my vulnerability 2 corinthians 12 9 10 amplified bible amp but he has said to me my grace is sufficient for you my lovingkindness and my mercy are more than enough always available regardless of the situation for my power is being perfected and is completed and shows itself most effectively in your weakness therefore i will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses so that the power of christ may completely enfold me and may dwell in me so i am well pleased with weaknesses with insults with distresses with persecutions and with difficulties for the sake of christ for when i am weak in human strength then i am strong truly able truly powerful truly drawing from god s strength james 5 16 amplified bible amp therefore confess your sins to one another your false steps your offenses and pray for one another that you may be healed and restored the heartfelt and persistent prayer of a righteous man believer can accomplish much when put into action and made effective by god it is dynamic and can have tremendous power galatians 6 2 amplified bible amp carry one another s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the requirements of the law of christ that is the law of christian love 10 events of 2016 january 13 2018 wwwcandicecom leave a comment i never posted in 2016 i made categories because it was too hard to pick just 10 events that impacted my 2016 medical stopped nursing medical issues new iud broken clavicle josh moves dad moved to fl sarah wade too aunt terry to nh road trips easter independence day in nh road trip nc fl april may home changes weight bench on back deck and organizing garage shed switching bedrooms weddings gavin s wedding births aria alex norma family s visit mom s group growing close friendship forming finding a home church city hill new old job rc henderson financial issues car again to others tough year strained relationships distance medical issues financial issues outlining my 10 events in 2016 and there s so much that happened that i had to group stuff together because it was too hard to pick only 10 things maybe that s why i m so tired haha at first when i thought about the past year i wanted to dismiss it as just a horrible year but as i really looked at it there s a lot of good that happened in the midst of the craziness and tough times lots of beauty and friendship and love i m hoping for the best in 2017 http wwwcandicecom blogspot com 2016 01 10 events of 2015 html m 1 http wwwcandicecom blogspot com 2014 12 10 events of 2014 html m 1 http wwwcandicecom blogspot com 2014 12 10 events of 2013 html m 1 http wwwcandicecom blogspot com 2013 09 top 10 events of 2012 html m 1 http wwwcandicecom blogspot com 2011 12 top 10 events of 2011 html m 1 http wwwcandicecom blogspot com 2011 01 ten events in twenty ten 10 in 2010 html m 1 http wwwcandicecom blogspot com 2010 01 9 events in 09 html m 1 breaking the shame december 21 2016 march 7 2018 wwwcandicecom 4 comments very few people know what i m about to share soon anyone that reads this will we ve been going through a rough season financially because of the paycut tim had taken two years ago we got through the first year because tim was able to do a little overtime and a construction job within his company this past year however the company tightened up their spending and there was no opportunity for overtime i had also stopped babysitting this year as well so any extra money that helped us break even or not fall super behind wasn t there anymore we went through the emergency fund and the savings we had from the previous years and it still wasn t enough i didn t talk to anyone about this besides tim not even my mom or sister for a while and it really started to put a strain on our marriage because of how tim was feeling as the provider it got so bad at one point that i really thought he was going to leave because he was so stressed out he thought i was going to leave him because of how crappy he was acting i reached my breaking point and finally started asking a couple of close friends and family to pray for us mostly just for our marriage and relationship i knew tim s job was part of his frustration and lack of finances while trying to raise feed 5 growing boys once i took that first step in sharing being vulnerable with someone else i felt a lift of the burden because although i was praying myself it was nice to know others had my back too around the same time i was supposed to schedule an outing to go food shopping with a friend as a productive girls night out as it came closer to the time i realized i couldn t do it because the money was just not there i was getting super creative with the meals i was coming up with based on what was left in my pantry i had to let her know i couldn t do it and i told her the truth i didn t have money for groceries at that time shortly after she kindly offered me to pick up food from the pantry at her church weekly if i was okay with it i told her that i would really appreciate it she told me she knew how it was raising growing boys how much her own son used to eat around my kids ages and even now i think it was harder on tim to receive the food it hit that not being a good enough provider place he was already having a hard time with he...