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s promise that he will work it all out for good yeeeew click and share share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading permalink leave a comment 16 03 2021 hellish help posted in encouragement finding faith self awareness teen trials tagged accusations children dark night of soul depression family fear hell mental illness misunderstood not good enough sanctification support at 10 30 am by the water bearer you know that feeling where you feel disconnected from those around you when no one understands your heart or intentions where you feel accused misjudged attacked unsafe when you feel that no one sees your value or allows you to be your worst self and let it be ok when no one gives you the benefit of the doubt and every tiny thing you do is under a magnifying glass and scrutinized you feel fragile and exposed but even when you seek god in that moment you can t seem to truly connect to him it s enough to make the best of us shut down or crumble into a puddle of tears or erupt in a cyclone of unpredictable emotions these feelings all bubble to the surface because deep down you feel you re not good enough no matter what you do or how hard you try there s always a critic waiting to pounce on you for pulling a facial expression you didn t know you were pulling while a torrent of emotions overwhelm you i m mean it s not like we can see our own face looking out at other people right most of the time you try to press those feelings down and say i m fine to anyone who asks this is a protection strategy because during these dark times you are extremely vulnerable you know you can t trust yourself to be in that state around other people because all self control and self esteem has left the building you know from past experience that you can t trust others to get it to give the validation compassion and empathy you crave and adding their misunderstanding to that level of vulnerability is like a molotov cocktail for your sanity this my lovelies is hell it s a place filled by these fearful voices of the enemy deep inside us i ve be writing about hell for a long time about the sanctifying process it holds bringing to light our fears from deep within so they can be seen and then cleared out so they won t unconsciously pollute our behaviour and our faith but i ve only just realised what others can do to help someone who is in hell so this post is for me to learn and practice more than anyone because i m so sensitive to their hell i want to fix it the closer you are to me the more i want to stop your tears but i now realise that these tears are precious and necessary and being happy all the time is disingenuous and unable to bring growth if we aren t growing we are just dying if our loved ones aren t growing they are dying so encourage the tears to fall to water that authentic growth god wants us to be authentic and healthy and free from the lie that we aren t good enough so we all must give our loved ones a safe place to unload their tears so they can get the relief and the lessons and eventually the blessings that hell brings be completely humble and gentle be patient bearing with one another in love ephesians 4 2 how to handle hell 1 never give advice to someone in hell they can t do shit in that moment nothing if you understand what hell is like then imagine someone giving you advice you ll probably understand why it made the top of my list wait until they ask what should i do 2 listen with eye contact if possible and stay engaged with sympathy sounds hmmm yeah tutt oh geeze 3 ask them questions about their pain allow them to lean into the discomfort and have empathy even if they are upset because of you do you feel misunderstood attacked blamed like nothing you do is good enough i hate that it sux to feel like that as i mentioned in a recent post validation is vital 4 see their truth this is so important look past your own fears needs desires self talk and try to truly see them to feel their pain to give them grace to pull faces and say nasty things and recognise they don t mean anything by it they aren t to blame they are just in hell they are frantically battling demons and you are just getting hit with friendly fire 5 never talk about yourself or say i understand before they ve unloaded saying i understand or i ve been there or same cuts them off so they can t explain any more they don t get the freedom to ramble about it to unload to cry deeper and release more pain from within we learn heaps about ourselves when we talk about ourselves wait until every question you can think to ask has been asked and they begin to feel better then say i can t tell you what to do but if you like i can tell you what i did in a similar situation 6 watch for your own fears often when we see someone we care for going through something difficult we get triggered too especially if it is our child or spouse because we immediately take on some guilt that we were unable to protect them from such pain when our emotions become fearful we automatically go into control mode we want to fix it this is why we try to give advice like in lesson no 1 it s also why we start talking about our own pain in no 5 and no 7 because we can so easily relate to theirs but that makes the situation and conversation about us and that doesn t help them 7 remind them that the enemy is up to his old tricks lying to them in their thoughts and using their emotions of shame telling them they aren t safe or aren t good enough give them countering truths against these lies reassure them that they are more than good enough and loved even at their worst jesus made one hell of a journey just because he loves the worst of us most encourage them that the enemy has been defeated by the cross and this will pass and bring amazing interactions with god and huge growth of faith as i mentioned before in this blog and many others there is a very important purpose to hell and there is no avoiding it even if you re saved hell is the furnace that purifies the flesh and soul it reveals our worst selves so that we know where the enemy is getting in and that helps us know where to direct our attention as we grow in faith and towards the best version of ourselves so the next time you or a loved one are going through a season of hell get out this blog and use these tips to support each other through it it just may help the hellish phase pass far more quickly than resisting it because in that moment you get to be the arms of jesus holding your loved one and helping them find the light at the end of the tunnel every time i learn something cool about god or understand a little more how much the devil sucks i write a blog so i can treasure the lesson this lesson is huge its a game changer and it effects every single one of us thank you lord for sharing your wisdom with us click and share share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading permalink 2 comments 11 03 2021 glorious guilt posted in encouragement finding faith musings self awareness tagged cross grace guilt history mistakes past shame at 9 26 pm by the water bearer do you ever look back at your past mistakes and still feel intense feelings of guilt even long after you have made amends or been saved some of you may wish these guilty feelings away but i see them as precious and life changing feeling guilty for those times we really messed up is the appropriate emotion in fact i d be worried if you can look back at something horrible you did and feel ok about it let me tell you one of my most horrifying actions that still causes me so much guilt one early november when my daughter was 6 years old she asked me is santa real mumma in our family i had never tried to sell that commercialised lie to my children i let them get a book from santa at kindy if he was making an appearance but i never put presents from him under our tree if you re curious as to why when i am not from any religious group who all hold this same opinion you can read my poem of christmas woe so when she asked me i replied do you want me to tell you the truth or would you like me to tell you the story all children in our culture are told she looked me straight in the eye and said tell me the truth so i told her the story of saint nicholas and that he had lived a long time ago and that santa was a way of carrying on his tradition and honoring his generosity but it had all gotten a bit out of hand i ll let you in on a little secret though i may have sounded strong and confident when i argued my reasons for this stance but i had to hold this stance against every single one of our family and friends who all made their kids believe in santa i had to do it while i was suffering from serious mental health episodes and with the threat of being deemed insane as my father was whenever he stood against the crowd in his faith so it was extremely scary to stand on my own like that to protect myself and this stance i made her promise not to tell this secret to her school friends because that would spoil all the efforts her friends parents made to keep the magic of christmas alive and it was up to them to tell them the truth when they felt it was time she happily agreed and kept our secret for the entire christmas season smiling along with all her friends as they discussed what santa would bring them the following year around mid december i got a phone call from one of my closest friends she was pretty mad when she explained that my daughter had told her son about saint nicholas and that his younger sister had heard and came crying to her that santa was dead her disappointment in me sparked a chain of events that i will forever feel guilty for just thinking about it it brings tears to my eyes i was so embarrassed and scared of the rejection my friend could inflict upon me that i angrily called my now 7 year old daughter from her room to scold her for sharing the secret i had sworn her to keep i wasn t just mad as much as i was afraid afraid of being a bad parent afraid of being a bad friend afraid of being a fanatical freak ready for exile terrified would be more accurate as you know when fear explodes it comes across as intense anger i really made my poor precious little girl feel like utter shit she immediately burst into tears of regret i put her on the phone to my friend so she could apologise and her little heart sobbed as she pleaded with my friend for forgiveness when i saw her tears and her big eyes filled with painful remorse i had a huge moment of clarity i realised that she had done absolutely nothing wrong i felt sick i had thrown my poor daughter under the bus to avoid taking the brunt of my friends disappointment and anger immediately i ran into my daughters room as she soaked the pillow with her tears i picked her up into my arms and held her and i told her you did absolutely nothing wrong hunni i am so sorry for being mad at you it was my fault and i was completely wrong for getting angry at you i promise you from now on i will have your back no matter what i will never again allow what other people think of me to be more important than you you told the truth and you should always tell the truth you did nothing wrong i was so very very wrong please forgive me recalling that moment triggers masses of guilt in me but i do not wish it away do i wish i hadn t done it bloody oath i do but i can t go back and rewrite history i have to live with what i did and all the other previous times i likely had the same awful reaction when my children weren t perfectly pleasing to those who i felt i needed to impress but feeling guilty is the exact right and appropriate response it is the shocking pain of that guilt that changed me from that moment on it made me a better parent and i have always had my two daughter s backs since that day 10 years ago no matter who has an issue with me or my beliefs or my children there is yet another glorious aspect to painful guilty memories and that is the gratitude and humility that comes when we look from our guilt to the cross the realisation of how desperately i need forgiveness i need a saviour to save me from myself and my guilt and my awful mistakes is what brings tremendous value to what christ did for me and for everyone i flood with gratitude when i see how much he has changed me from the person i once was so if you find yourself looking back on your biggest mistakes and feeling huge amounts of guilt take stock and be glad don t try to down play them or hide them away because they are your testimonies of god s grace if you find yourself looking back and being numb to your sins or convincing yourself they weren t that bad then you should be very very worried about the state of your heart for through christ s sacrifice he can forgive everything except an excuse click and share share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading permalink leave a comment 05 03 2021 bitterly blended posted in family general self awareness teen trials tagged active listening arguments better families bitterness blended family breakups childhood trauma children compassion dad disconnected divorce empathy estranged children father mother mum step dad step mum stepmom at 5 44 am by the water bearer ever since the boomers discovered divorce and gave themselves permission to break their marriage vows there s been a steady increase of single parents and blended families i m not telling you anything new and we ve all heard plenty about the negative consequences and scary statistics that befall the children who aren t raised in a home with both of their loving biological parents however in this post i plan to share some helpful tips for parents to mitigate some of the damage relationships are complex in the most stable of circumstances and parenting is a bloody hard enough job without doing it alone or bringing more outsiders into the mix especially at a time in history when emotional instability is at an all time high there certainly are occasions where parents separate amicably and continue to nurture their children with love and respect for each other ...
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