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description= Humor, mutts, menoapuse & merlot..bloggie style;
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tain s log they say being up in the skies constantly can have an effect on your oxygen levels might cause a slight impairment resulting in some conversations getting lost in translation might make one think that after taking some high school language classes they are adept in handling peace talks within the united nations might make one think twice before volunteering their hyperbolic language skills so freely might want to cap that talent might want to keep their mouth shut and just serve coffee spread the humor share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 4 11 am filed under airplanes captain comedy flight attendants flightattendants humor mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands puerto rico satire comedy family teens children tagged action figures airlines captain america freuline heidlberg freuline heidleberg german heidleberg oxygen 4 comments july 2 2013 a bunch of blog wash laundry is a lonely world in my house it sits and compiles like a garbage dump site the only thing missing from this mountainous scene are the seagulls hovering about looking for a morsel that would explain the missing socks no one wants to acknowledge the hamper overflowing like a volcano looming over the bay of naples no one wants to flock to the whirlpool that awaits its daily meal of detergent and fabric softener except me oh my family members know how to run the washer and dryer and they know how to find the necessary materials to help the machines do their dooty they just turn a blind eye to the domestic scene the collegiate sector of this household have been away and forced to launder their garments they know they know how it all works they know how to do laundry when their hands are tide d to them this agonizing chore is nothing to cheer about they would sooner i wisk this tedious deed out of their idle summer break hands and move the sun earth for the cause but there would be nothing to gain with that method my kids need a fresh start and bounce back from this snuggle y era of mom will finish the xtra load if you catch my dreft ok let me clean up this abrasive jargon and scour the real reason i m venting through a clogged filter how can people living in your house not see the assortment of attire strewn about their rooms as if it s been washed ashore by a designer tsunami how i own machinery that talks to you my general electric s are equipped with bells and whistles that continually chime until someone gets off their keister to turn the dryer off it is an intermittent beep that starts out long and loud then silences itself for a few nano seconds only to take a breather to start up again with a two minute warning that the load is now finished come get me out i am thinking of contacting the heads of general electric and share my ingenious idea of my version of a talking washer and dryer a new twist on smart appliances it would be programmed for different members of my household who happen to be lurking in the hallways with headsets on listening to their electronic du jour i would ask that ge make it a wireless unit that is capable of breaking into their leisurely head banging music kind of like an airline captain who interrupts your inflight movie to describe the colorado mountains you know that inopportune time when the twist comes into the flick or that long awaited punch line the deus ex machina or machine a there you are engulfed at the end of the departed when matt damon gets shot and groceries drop to the ground while the camera pans to a bootie covered foot and your eyes are glued to the screen and just as you are about to see the culprit the captain breaks in with his weather update that s what i want my ge laundry machines to do i want the washer and dryer to penetrate my sons ipod in the middle of his hit itune with sporadic statements reminding him to take the wet load out of the washer and put it in the dryer it would be my voice invading his wireless hood good afternoon son hope you are enjoying your day we have reached an altitude of five feet of laundry blocking the entrance to your room and it looks like there could be a delay in obtaining clean clothing for that special date tonight so sit back relax and enjoy your smelly clothes and if my son ignores the command he will be met with periodic follow ups of reminders every two minutes the washer will start out speaking in ultra soft tones maybe add a personal touch and call him by name then if he is still oblivious to a directive the dryer will then kick in with harsher attributes dryer son i don t think you want to ignore the washer remember what happened last time you forgot about your ipod in your jeans pocket and left the wet laundry in there for two days to ferment oohhh your mama was mad this will become cyclic and programmed into all his electronics there will be no escaping the demands to get the laundry completed in a timely manner i will instruct general electric and whirlpool to use my voice as the prompt in fact i have decided to install wireless mother voice commands throughout the house they will be implanted throughout i will have the alerts activate upon entrance they will be individually formatted for each member of the household who have been pooh poohing the matriarch of this family 1 kindly remove your muddy soccer cleats at the door 2 your wallet and keys are on the counter where you leave them every night 3 no i did not take your lip gloss it is buried under your make up pile spilling onto your dresser 4 could one of you please take the dog out for a walk i would program that one into the couch facing the tv 5 if you are standing and staring into an open refrigerator with one arm hanging on the door looking for something to eat that isn t there close the damn door yes i think this could work i think i will work on general electric to do this for me then i will approach apple next to send numerous texts of motherly instructions that get overlooked what you don t think they will take me siri ously spread the humor share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 12 10 am filed under comedy dogs humor menopause and humor motherhood mayhem mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands puppies laughter wine sarcasm airline satire comedy family teens children teens tagged apple bay of naples bells and whistles bounce dreft dryer era fabric softener garbage dump general electri how to do laundry missing socks siri snuggle waher whirlpool 10 comments may 15 2013 i m at a payphone trying to blog home the day the earth stood still was two weeks ago when my son s smart phone decided on it s own to dummy down and quit i learned this had happened through his sister who stumbled upon his facebook message to a friend commenting that his phone died i am grateful that my sons lines of communication are open to his thousands of facebook friends and refuses to add his mother as a bosom buddy he does not want me to be privy to his status while away at college he thinks his mother will spend her days stalking or creeping as they say on his infamous site where the full monty of freshman life is displayed and revered like i have time for that ok i sneak a peak every so often when facebook isn t looking i have eyes in the back of my facebook it s amazing how this generation xyz seem to run amok when an electronic is on the fritz it s as if one of their brain waves collide with an hd air wave and severed the wireless connection that adheres the smart phone to their palm resulting in their opposable texting thumbs to short circuit ive seen those thumbs work that virtual keyboard like greased lightening while sucking down kentucky fried wings those thumbs slip slidin on the screen not missing a beat of lol or ttyl or pos p arent o ver s houlder my son programmed his smartie phone messages to modulate the night watchman in a navy ship yard it sounds off with two bells every time a text is received in the olden days of sailing watches were timed by a thirty minute hour glass and bells would be struck every time the glass was turned my son watches the glass of his phone every second all day and all night no matter which way its facing i hear his phone clanging in a bell pattern of pairs morning watch ding ding forenoon watch ding ding ding afternoon watch ding ding ding ding night watch ding ding ding ding ding wee hours while family members sleep watch ding damnity ding i lie and wonder for whom the bells toll every second as my sons phone shouts out a new message received what news is so urgent to be shared every minute of the day and night amongst his mates and now here he sits with his dead phone and i wonder what could possibly be going on in his head now that his entire fleet of friends are unable to reach him and text their one syllable messages i have witnessed he and his crew hanging out and barely speaking in full sentences to each other i have watched as this collegiate armada sit around in silence dancing their opposable thumbs across their phones as a multitude of ships bells chimed in unison sounding alarms signaling functional and ceremonial uses of considerable significance as to whether one of them scored a date for the night i think about when i was his age and the readiness of communication while out and about was finding a working payphone in my day there wasn t a lot of emphasis on repetitive contact with one another if you had something to say or relative info to convey you dialed a number got to the point and made your arrangements there was no need to go back and forth with responses you knew what to do and when and where to do it there was no need to hold twenty people on the line to confirm what dress you were wearing to the dance there was no need to speak every minute to someone via the phone as we were all speaking in person when we got together if everyone related all their conversations ahead of time we would have nothing to talk about when we congregated well well well maybe that explains why my son and his friends are silent when they assemble they are texted out over messaged pinged to their last word i will say my son s faulty phone may have prevented future last minute changes in his life but all in all he handled being cell less quite well i half expected him to come off his buzz with certain side affects maybe a possible cellular detox causing a network disruption and a communication breakdown of his opposable thumbs therefore rendering him speechless there was a day or two of minor moping and staring at his thumbs trying to figure out their future should texting become obsolete while his phone is incommunicado it didn t take long for him to wander over and pick up the controls to his ill forgotten xbox collecting dust and play a childhood game or two i m sure its to keep his opossable thumbs conditioned until his phones replacement battery arrives in 5 to 7 business days spread the humor share this share share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading charlywalker 3 08 am filed under cell phones comedy friends hand bags humor menopause and humor motherhood mayhem mutts menopause merlot mayhem humor life experience teens family husbands satire satire comedy family teens children tagged aviation bells blogging college facebook freshman gaming hd kentucky fried wings navy ships shipyard smart phone technology texting transportation videogames 13 comments april 13 2013 the hills are alive with the sound of blogging it s raining it s pouring my husband won t stop snoring he went to bed turned his head and i kicked him out this morning i know snoring is no laughing matter especially to the other person occupying the the right side of the bed who can t sleep due to the massive logs being sawed next to her more like a buzz saw emanating from those nostrils how does this rhythmic rhino sleep through his own band of breaths how does he manage to open the floodgates of an airway to bring in da funk bring in da nose relentlessly causing him to not breath right this is nothing to sneeze at the only semi cure to calm his turbulent turbinates is to roll him on his side so his schnoz is facing east if he is resistant to that change in venue and chooses to remain on his back pausing to inhale he will face the pillow of doom hovering over his face as he s waiting to exhale i tried that once it was a mere threat in jest ure my recidivist snore hog snog awoke to the scent of a woman who uses too much fru fru fabric softener in the laundry so he hurled a ginormous sneeze onto the pillow case were you holding a pillow over my face he asks eyes wide shut incrusted with sleep particles no darling you were dreaming she coos replacing the deformed microfoam to the head of the bed for her eyes only you were holding a pillow over my head thinking to smother me with down feathers he smirks with laughing eyes don t be batt y sweet heart that material contains too much airspace if i truly wanted to off you i d use the fiber filled decorative throw pillows everyone knows polyester doesn t breath so you were trying to kill me in my sleep he spills out trying to suppress laughter not exactly honey pie it was more like adding a muffler to your mouth piece you re snoring i don t snore he deniably stated looking through the eyes behind his head oh that s right how could you possibly hear yourself snore over the the clamor emitting from your palate as you lie there in your sleep number coma oblivious to the affect is has on your neighboring bed mate she beamed through her betty davis eyes that was the last time i tried the muffle effect my next approach was during a visit out west staying with relatives and i tried the extended arm prop to the back technique this enables your snog to remain on his side for the night quieting the rumbling gasps however it will leave you sleepless in seattle with an achy breaky arm in the morning one night i chose to use the retractable limb method once your snore victim snortims is on his side your arm repeatedly jumps out into action with the slightest inkling of him turning onto his back sometimes this method calls for two arms to be utilized as you are dealing with unconscious weight weight that has been tipping the scales of late night snacking there are repercussions when using this tactic especially if you work out at the gym three to four days a week as my husband once fell victim to the floor you pushed me out of bed he blew out after the thud landing no darling you were dreaming she winces eyes squinting...
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