Meta tags:
description= kinky and nerdy writings by a queer femme pervert;
Headings (most frequently used words):
bottoms, from, kinky, nerdy, what, posts, and, can, learn, elust, 124, why, where, this, about, thoughts, advice, on, sex, erotic, fiction, nameless, faceless, strangers, oh, boy, when, dream, of, tentacles, learning, teaching, the, bottom, part, navigation, writings, by, queer, femme, pervert, month, top, three, other, tops, would, know, anything, topping, you, notes, featured, post, molly, picks, recent, support, my, work, awards, tags, archive, stuff, read, writing, memes, archives, follow, blog, via, email, pages, welcome, to, relationships, kink, fetish, non, poetry, news, opinion, interviews, politics, humor, body, talk, sexual, health, movies, books,
Text of the page (most frequently used words):
and (196), the (191), that (95), you (87), for (72), #bottoms (65), can (54), from (53), with (50), this (44), what (39), more (35), your (34), not (33), tops (33), #bottom (32), about (31), was (30), who (29), one (29), play (28), top (28), them (28), are (28), other (26), they (26), have (25), 2019 (24), even (24), kinky (23), all (23), their (23), there (22), also (22), sex (21), where (20), things (19), bdsm (19), want (19), than (18), some (18), which (18), our (18), tell (17), how (17), when (17), scene (17), would (17), know (17), but (17), learn (17), teaching (16), topping (16), skills (16), because (15), nerdy (14), why (14), just (14), will (14), part (13), often (13), into (13), feel (13), still (13), teach (13), own (13), post (13), kink (12), may (11), information (11), make (11), don (11), experience (11), here (10), posts (10), body (10), elust (10), dream (10), way (10), these (10), then (10), again (10), had (10), never (10), many (10), new (9), kinktober (9), whether (9), person (9), has (9), find (9), every (9), should (9), like (8), october (8), queer (8), well (8), non (8), learning (8), nameless (8), source (8), experienced (8), such (8), course (8), however (8), while (8), partner (8), sexual (7), tentacles (7), outside (7), hard (7), work (7), pain (7), faceless (7), toy (7), really (7), doesn (7), actually (7), different (7), though (7), something (7), first (7), maybe (7), someone (7), during (7), people (7), myself (7), activity (7), back (7), get (6), name (6), now (6), submissive (6), girl (6), gender (6), anonymous (6), yes (6), boy (6), less (6), isn (6), either (6), any (6), same (6), both (6), each (6), only (6), out (6), next (6), makes (6), abuse (6), been (6), relationship (6), issues (6), good (6), lot (6), always (6), place (6), aren (6), sure (6), email (5), content (5), already (5), blog (5), 2018 (5), erotic (5), month (5), rope (5), leather (5), impact (5), consent (5), boots (5), strangers (5), femme (5), might (5), meet (5), involved (5), bottoming (5), very (5), likely (5), risk (5), see (5), perhaps (5), bad (5), shouldn (5), type (5), purpose (5), need (5), being (5), technique (5), least (5), time (5), especially (5), over (5), too (5), workshop (5), between (5), everyone (5), much (5), including (5), didn (5), ones (5), anything (5), matter (5), risks (5), through (5), uncategorized (5), touch (5), spaces (5), comment (4), september (4), mental (4), stuff (4), let (4), image (4), basic (4), most (4), possible (4), care (4), hand (4), applies (4), role (4), understand (4), best (4), great (4), fuck (4), power (4), dynamics (4), range (4), right (4), area (4), others (4), input (4), workshops (4), education (4), take (4), explain (4), safety (4), mean (4), life (4), before (4), doing (4), few (4), eyes (4), quite (4), advice (4), slow (4), down (4), around (4), note (4), prompt (4), under (4), close (4), skin (4), mind (4), were (4), room (4), wordpress (3), com (3), comments (3), view (3), sign (3), subscribe (3), writing (3), follow (3), november (3), wicked (3), wednesday (3), thought (3), challenge (3), stories (3), genre (3), political (3), show (3), public (3), hands (3), complicated (3), fetish (3), community (3), boot (3), books (3), age (3), 124 (3), writings (3), pervert (3), leave (3), pixabay (3), color (3), edited (3), specific (3), give (3), sensation (3), those (3), question (3), actual (3), aware (3), probably (3), believe (3), yourself (3), safe (3), ask (3), conversation (3), keep (3), aim (3), needs (3), used (3), sense (3), nevertheless (3), wants (3), activities (3), potentially (3), fault (3), lots (3), emotional (3), enough (3), single (3), expertise (3), variety (3), general (3), knowledge (3), please (3), included (3), ways (3), series (3), look (3), done (3), together (3), try (3), practice (3), formal (3), experiences (3), setting (3), share (3), submissives (3), physical (3), put (3), anyone (3), exist (3), side (3), speaking (3), none (3), aimed (3), deeply (3), particular (3), years (3), once (3), finally (3), entire (3), manipulative (3), abusive (3), against (3), use (3), potential (3), trying (3), express (3), desires (3), everything (3), looked (3), talk (3), flesh (3), lost (3), away (3), almost (3), without (3), heart (3), stranger (3), knew (3), site (2), website (2), required (2), log (2), subscribed (2), create (2), contact (2), address (2), february (2), march (2), june (2), bloggers (2), health (2), week (2), food (2), journal (2), feminist (2), xan (2), west (2), girly (2), coffee (2), bex (2), talks (2), read (2), archive (2), video (2), truths (2), consequences (2), three (2), gaze (2), shapes (2), safer (2), poem (2), party (2), feelings (2), girls (2), boys (2), magic (2), flogging (2), flipchart (2), goes (2), blood (2), support (2), reasons (2), love (2), dating (2), ideas (2), thing (2), twitter (2), details (2), agree (2), handle (2), short (2), feels (2), considered (2), participants (2), highly (2), enjoyable (2), argue (2), shared (2), fairly (2), increase (2), intensity (2), going (2), given (2), nothing (2), replace (2), communication (2), making (2), trustworthy (2), reason (2), genuinely (2), another (2), issue (2), criticism (2), dungeon (2), event (2), offering (2), stay (2), situation (2), tie (2), common (2), chest (2), its (2), think (2), received (2), giving (2), simply (2), responsibility (2), adult (2), risky (2), although (2), robot (2), shame (2), abused (2), cis (2), strategies (2), happening (2), based (2), future (2), despite (2), taking (2), precautions (2), training (2), young (2), getting (2), examples (2), certain (2), hot (2), pushed (2), repeatedly (2), told (2), individual (2), interest (2), reflection (2), amazing (2), explaining (2), accurate (2), theoretical (2), notes (2), offers (2), final (2), come (2), charge (2), money (2), services (2), else (2), cup (2), unfortunately (2), help (2), online (2), sort (2), model (2), incompatible (2), fine (2), frame (2), service (2), informal (2), mentoring (2), offer (2), said (2), accessible (2), saying (2), professional (2), perspective (2), demonstration (2), chat (2), effective (2), book (2), demonstrate (2), important (2), able (2), dancing (2), types (2), ever (2), nerve (2), switches (2), partnered (2), taught (2), aside (2), switch (2), afterwards (2), related (2), dance (2), humans (2), keeps (2), restraint (2), generally (2), themselves (2), landed (2), welcome (2), terms (2), begin (2), wrong (2), hit (2), spot (2), did (2), bones (2), liked (2), decided (2), team (2), benefit (2), clueless (2), lotus (2), true (2), off (2), clearly (2), won (2), whole (2), seen (2), communicate (2), visible (2), after (2), paragraph (2), previous (2), valuable (2), uninformed (2), dom (2), domme (2), trust (2), group (2), caution (2), careful (2), real (2), fantasy (2), detail (2), intentionally (2), educating (2), mentions (2), kinds (2), little (2), language (2), parts (2), arms (2), poetry (2), wave (2), strange (2), limbs (2), breath (2), hold (2), suction (2), instead (2), wet (2), character (2), encounter (2), got (2), became (2), dig (2), tongue (2), wrap (2), cock (2), cried (2), wanting (2), protect (2), initially (2), desire (2), implied (2), solid (2), suddenly (2), sea (2), except (2), bare (2), layers (2), upon (2), took (2), wall (2), old (2), chosen (2), wasn (2), air (2), damp (2), pity (2), meant (2), attention (2), rules (2), rather (2), bathrooms (2), beyond (2), mine (2), freedom (2), complex (2), moment (2), messy (2), sticky (2), free (2), assumptions (2), world (2), chastity (2), fiction (2), thoughts (2), relationships (2), featured (2), submitted (2), started, design, write, loading, collapse, bar, manage, subscriptions, reader, report, privacy, account, join, subscribers, pages, enter, receive, notifications, via, archives, memes, joy, flies, sugarbutch, chronicles, sinclair, sexsmith, geek, andrea, zanin, scarleteen, ranai, resources, directory, multilingual, courtesan, street, quinn, rhodes, praxis, corey, alexander, kelvin, sparks, juice, kate, sloan, net, amy, norton, circumstance, carefulness, megan, butchtastic, caputo, betty, butch, swain, autistic, morgan, peschek, select, volunteering, toys, tools, powers, tender, spots, spanking, security, measures, piercing, pervertables, competition, needle, lesson, plans, leaving, marks, having, gifs, garment, meme, feminism, discipline, disability, chronic, illness, creative, collars, canes, licking, biting, asking, absence, length, width, depth, tags, awards, say, attractions, identities, words, parties, perfect, loop, pool, puddle, bucket, list, 123, recent, kinkynerdy, trans, inclusive, europe, older, navigation, text, added, demo, exceptionally, athletically, accomplished, whose, looks, awe, spectator, fact, gets, performative, becomes, unless, pleasure, comes, performance, universally, universal, effect, irregularity, fast, adrenaline, overload, exciting, regularity, easing, slowly, floaty, meditative, boring, effects, emotions, reactions, brings, completely, remains, bodies, brains, witnessed, likes, assuming, genuine, mistakes, rectify, indeed, shortcomings, keeping, assessment, casually, mention, unrelated, receptive, host, monitor, eye, constructive, bigger, secret, ultimate, judgment, unsafe, aka, box, gote, shibari, harness, tied, foundation, ties, takate, kote, agenda, sounds, terribly, distrustful, sexy, job, engage, degrees, informed, mindless, emphasize, emotionally, gaslighted, former, intimate, man, helpful, reduce, acknowledge, choices, distorted, outright, lies, entirely, sole, abuser, agency, avoid, kind, offered, dominants, manipulation, exploitation, inexperienced, questionable, psychological, push, limits, major, jealousy, violated, boundaries, stop, necessarily, dealbreaker, disclaimer, sentence, skill, varied, duration, partners, level, explanation, matters, knows, assessments, learned, access, educational, discuss, collaborative, lifetime, recommend, contexts, pay, better, suited, budget, return, efforts, heartfelt, thank, nice, dinner, task, taken, granted, explicitly, acknowledging, honoring, paying, applicable, change, excellent, link, patreon, degree, example, friend, acquaintance, agrees, mini, delights, serving, workshoppy, context, submissiveness, headspace, perform, dominant, determines, large, overlap, private, caveat, fan, encourage, participate, opportunity, presenter, exchange, attendees, hear, perspectives, immediate, feedback, learns, count, primarily, sessions, workers, formats, blogs, podcasts, videos, include, hopefully, convinced, friends, munch, observing, talking, drawback, harder, plan, carefully, selected, structured, enable, compared, informally, high, conscience, understanding, forces, anatomical, ability, extended, categorically, handling, function, relevant, considerations, advanced, fun, furthermore, foot, massage, seeing, bootblacking, deep, throating, hardly, questions, surely, fundamental, attach, remove, bunch, clamps, minimize, damage, leaning, aspects, technically, florentine, attend, serve, techniques, thinking, wide, occupations, hobbies, racket, sports, yoga, acrobatics, martial, arts, physiotherapy, medicine, acting, coaching, animals, caregiving, household, office, organization, management, military, law, enforcement, transfer, respective, draw, barrier, control, mix, thereof, stingy, thuddy, burning, reverberate, surface, concentrated, dispersed, thanks, played, sadist, hurts, imagine, position, implement, actions, harm, annoy, inside, decades, describe, humiliation, devotion, nuances, distinction, recipients, therefore, interaction, nope, occasionally, annoyed, objectively, rarely, seem, hip, taste, compatibility, preferred, thud, sting, slower, faster, casual, established, friendship, uncomfortable, become, continuously, missing, failed, check, pelvic, located, newer, reluctance, criticize, expressed, underlying, principle, forms, sadly, consistently, flogger, strands, wrapping, intentional, sometime, fawn, nobody, shit, stretch, topped, ago, exasperatedly, wrote, importantly, expressive, observant, deduce, several, internal, signs, signals, watch, reading, section, shields, relying, absolutely, strongly, limited, exists, wholly, dismiss, irrelevant, assume, naively, arrogantly, ignorant, worst, solo, easier, selectively, withhold, consensually, manipulate, circumstances, styles, suitable, associated, educated, unconsciously, glossing, process, automatically, mentor, advise, extra, assessing, quickly, turns, sometimes, obviously, relate, experiencing, somewhere, similar, whom, trade, dynamic, crash, happen, ignore, tend, kid, candy, store, phases, frequently, throws, winds, enthusiastic, unexplored, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, require, warning, label, frenzy, mold, liking, idea, stick, finish, talked, explained, explored, groups, centered, existence, kinksters, names, brief, skilled, lists, footnotes, red, flags, minimization, using, introductory, far, zoology, minded, amongst, readers, octopus, loss, loosening, slipping, kiss, until, wondrous, lover, tightening, release, falling, soft, easy, water, sinking, ground, sigh, full, sharp, piquant, surges, bursts, beneath, blooms, mottled, purple, lazy, swirl, winding, motion, entwined, cups, gently, pulsing, lines, fingered, strokes, strong, suckers, sliding, dragging, overwhelm, elasticity, firm, fluidity, embrace, slither, across, eight, armfuls, kisses, captures, nor, force, penetration, entering, maxpixel, submitting, fully, settled, kept, hovering, rest, comforting, familiarity, night, floated, irrelevance, point, eventually, stopped, caring, head, lean, thigh, heel, curl, feet, peace, kaleidoscope, shattered, fragments, swirling, layered, patterns, settling, later, cut, satiny, underwear, shreds, rawly, torn, brought, save, losing, desperately, wishing, wouldn, utterly, disloyal, failing, unsettled, unsolvable, paradox, stumbled, afraid, rejection, she, perfectly, furiously, anchor, places, storm, certainty, registered, understood, forgotten, gave, suspicion, experimental, squeeze, denim, responded, gasp, willed, fill, closer, bubbled, memory, waves, narrative, ancestry, pulling, usually, willingness, habit, agreed, scenes, developed, unusual, stepped, toe, grinding, delicate, shiny, black, applied, earlier, tenderness, patience, exquisite, cruelty, lay, simultaneous, recognition, destruction, beautifully, wrenching, shirt, made, vest, stubbornness, risen, within, covering, unexpected, vulnerability, pooled, stomach, stuttered, response, invitation, face, wrestling, held, behind, spat, needed, child, exactly, asked, mysterious, danger, remember, dull, gleam, heavy, stance, taller, dialogue, spun, loose, story, hopes, advantage, dark, gritty, felt, younger, lonely, yearning, wanted, worthy, direction, affection, challenged, wore, disdain, propriety, tried, threadbare, cloak, caught, surprise, could, known, paid, subtle, shift, attitude, changed, cargo, shorts, usual, skirt, dress, dismissed, determination, jaw, trace, stomp, walk, hallway, began, describes, consensual, mostly, contains, rough, unplanned, knife, cocks, mentioned, twice, belong, men, anonymity, happens, elaborate, explanations, distance, darkness, clothes, shoved, leaves, dry, brick, walls, fingers, legs, murmurs, nearby, moody, bars, dirty, occasional, solitary, selfish, seduce, open, minds, flashing, bits, days, requirement, suggests, promises, listen, backstory, commitment, past, fucking, doubt, appeal, indulge, default, narrower, set, behaviors, tuned, negotiation, personal, connection, crowd, narrow, gestures, her, unspoken, camaraderie, fellow, fleeting, union, alone, expectations, created, exposure, persecution, carved, unwelcoming, landscape, reserved, privilege, allow, darkroom, masked, ball, sees, faces, internet, pseudonym, cruising, asks, glory, hole, carnivals, movie, theaters, last, mildly, explicit, specify, genitals, genders, hardcore, 1979, celluloid, halloween, movies, diva, news, opinion, interviews, politics, humor, 19_17, year, cutie, pie, headmaster, dixon, dare, gentleman, excuse, gosh, calling, spirits, seduced, succubus, bunny, anal, undoing, female, wife, rose, lessons, two, polyamorous, triad, smile, camera, molly, picks, continual, snapshot, death, smartest, hottest, roof, looking, journalism, discussions, 125, start, december, 1st, submit, feed, updates, rss, collects, authors, discover, writers, worthwhile, otherwise, missed, found, published, collection, digest, search, home, skip, menu,
Text of the page (random words):
hreadbare cloak of i don t care you were a mysterious stranger with an air of danger around you i remember the dull gleam of your leather your heavy boots your solid stance the way you looked up into my eyes as if you were actually taller than me how old are you you asked old enough i spat back i needed you to know that i was no clueless child that i was in this risky place on purpose that i had chosen this even though i wasn t quite sure what exactly this was you took that response as the invitation it was and got right up into my face there was some wrestling and then my hands were held together behind my back and my back was pushed against the wall maybe it was the wave of stubbornness that had suddenly risen within me covering the unexpected vulnerability that had pooled in my stomach and stuttered through my heart maybe it was the way you took away my t shirt and then made me put my leather vest back on over my bare skin maybe it was the way you looked me in the eyes when you stepped on the toe of my boots grinding down hard through the delicate layers upon layers of shiny black i had applied earlier with so much tenderness and patience the exquisite cruelty that lay in the simultaneous recognition and destruction of my work was so beautifully heart wrenching i almost cried none of this was what we usually did with each other except for your leather and my willingness to bare my heart to you except for our habit to never go where we had initially agreed to go because our scenes always developed a mind of their own still this was unusual even for us maybe it was the sea maybe it was the stories that bubbled up in my memory the waves of narrative ancestry pulling me under i don t know what it was but suddenly i was a lot closer to boy than to girl it registered with you even before i myself understood what was happening you said something i have forgotten then gave your suspicion of my cock an experimental squeeze through the denim i responded with a gasp as i willed my body to fill your hand then my mind became a kaleidoscope of shattered gender fragments swirling around in many layered patterns never quite settling down again i almost cried again a little later when you cut my satiny underwear to shreds rawly torn between wanting to protect the girl i had initially brought to the scene wanting to save the femme without losing the boy desperately wishing i wouldn t feel so utterly disloyal to myself no matter what i decided trying to be everything at once and failing to be anything but deeply unsettled by the unsolvable paradox of gender i had stumbled into deeply afraid your desire for my boy implied a rejection of my girl when she was less than perfectly girly furiously trying to anchor myself on the few solid places in that storm your leather the certainty of pain and my tongue on your boots i never fully settled into boy but i kept hovering close to it for the rest of this encounter i never quite lost touch with femme but also never got a hold of its comforting familiarity again that night girl floated away into irrelevance at some point eventually i stopped caring and just became a head to lean against your thigh a chest to dig a boot heel into a tongue to wrap around your cock a body to curl up at your feet a mind at peace this is a post for the kinktober prompt gender play i m also submitting it for the wicked wednesday prompt out of character image source maxpixel color edited by me view all 4 comments when i dream of tentacles 23 october 2019 uncategorized kinktober 2019 poem tentacles what genre even is this kinky nerdy when i dream of tentacles it s not the potential for restraint that captures me nor is the force of penetration entering my mind instead i dream the firm fluidity of their embrace wet slither across my skin the suction of eight armfuls of kisses i dream their many fingered strokes strong on my flesh their suckers sliding dragging over skin the overwhelm of elasticity i dream the lazy swirl of winding arms a dance slow motion limbs entwined their suction cups my flesh in gently pulsing lines i dream a slow close hold full body touch sharp piquant pain as blood surges bursts beneath my skin blooms into mottled purple i dream the tightening and the release limbs falling soft breath easy under water flesh sinking to the ground a sigh i dream the loss the loosening the slipping off a final kiss a wave until next time my strange and wondrous lover this is a post for the kinktober prompt tentacles for the zoology minded amongst my readers yes i know that octopus arms aren t the same as tentacles this is poetry though so i don t care image source pixabay color edited by me one comment so far learning from bottoms why what where teaching from the bottom part 6 20 october 2019 uncategorized flipchart fetish show and tell teaching from the bottom the sexual is political kinky nerdy this is part 6 of my teaching from the bottom series a group of posts about bottoms who teach and things that are taught to and by bottoms please see the first post for details on my language use and other introductory notes you can find the other parts here part 1 why is bdsm education so often aimed at tops part 2 the risks of not educating bottoms part 3 what are bottoming skills part 4 what is hard about intentionally using bottoming skills part 5 but isn t that topping from the bottom part 6 this one learning from bottoms why what where part 7 teaching as a bottom content note this post mentions the existence of manipulative and abusive kinksters both tops and bottoms names some brief examples for not so skilled topping and lists different kinds of pain it also mentions a variety of bdsm activities including sexual ones with no or very little detail some of the footnotes talk more about abusive dynamics and name some red flags and possible risk minimization strategies i m finally getting around to finish this series in previous posts i ve talked about bdsm education that is centered on tops and the risks of not educating bottoms i ve also explained bottoming skills and looked at what can make it hard to intentionally use them and explored the question whether doing so is the same as topping from the bottom now i want to look in more detail at why both tops and bottoms can benefit from learning from bottoms what bottoms can teach each of those groups and where we might do so 1 what can bottoms learn from other bottoms why should a bottom learn from other bottoms won t their top dom domme teach them everything they need to know and mold them to their liking i mean sure this is a hot fantasy or role play idea for some of us but let s stick to real life here most obviously perhaps other bottoms can teach you about bottom experiences and bottoming skills after all we are the ones who can most likely relate to much of what you re experiencing as a bottom because we ve been there or somewhere similar we re the ones with whom you can trade stories about how a particular bdsm activity or dynamic feels from the bottom submissive side and we can tell you what bottoms do during a scene to make it all work we can also tell you how to handle the crash that is likely to happen when you ignore that advice other bottoms tend to understand why it can be hard to express your needs and desires and we can tell you that doing so doesn t make you a bad bottom other bottoms have likely been through one or more kid in the candy store phases where one wants to do all the kinky things right now and where one frequently throws caution to the winds in all the enthusiastic frenzy and can tell you to slow the fuck down and leave some unexplored kink for when you re in your 30s 40s 50s 60s we may also know and tell you which tops require a warning label and if so for what 2 in my experience well educated bottoms are sometimes more likely than tops to give other bottoms accurate information about activities people and the risks involved with them simply because we re not trying to get you to play with us and unconsciously glossing over any risks in the process that doesn t mean that all bottoms are automatically trustworthy they aren t manipulative and uninformed bottoms exist or that you should never trust a top who offers to explain things to you or mentor you although i would advise extra caution and careful assessing of the real life power dynamics at play if mentoring very quickly turns out to be doing bdsm with that top 3 and finally no matter who you are and what your role is you should never just have one person or group as your single source of information about anything including your top dom domme no matter how much you love and or trust them if you use just one source of input it s a lot easier for other people to selectively withhold information from you or give you wrong information to begin with to non consensually manipulate you and to potentially even abuse you which is also true in non kinky circumstances 4 especially when you re new to bdsm in general or to d s dynamics that aren t scene based so make sure you have more than one source for your input on possible play types and relationship styles and about the potential risks and suitable safety precautions associated with the things you want to do 5 what can tops learn from bottoms so yes bottoms should absolutely learn from other bottoms however i also strongly believe that tops should learn from bottoms including but not limited to the bottoms they actually play with why because while solo bdsm also exists bdsm is generally thought of as a partnered activity or a team activity if you play with more than one other person at a time and everyone involved in it has valuable information to offer and experiences to share to wholly dismiss the perspective of bottoms as irrelevant to top education or to assume tops can t learn anything valuable from us including some topping skills is to be naively uninformed at best and arrogantly ignorant at worst the paragraph about not relying on a single source of information in the previous section also applies to tops of course unfortunately manipulative and abusive bottoms submissives exist as well and tops may want to put up some shields against them too so what is it that tops can and should learn from bottoms most importantly tops can learn from bottoms how we experience the things we do together because even when we re really expressive during a scene there s always a part of our experience that isn t visible from the outside then there s the whole range of what it is that we do during a scene and before after a scene to make things work and feel good for all involved i m sure that observant tops can deduce several of these things on their own but bottoms and switches who bottom still have first hand internal experience with these things that again isn t always visible tops can also learn from and with bottoms what signs and signals to watch out for in reading us and how to communicate with us during a scene and finally bottoms can also teach tops quite a few topping skills even if we ve never topped a scene in our entire life however many people don t want us to do so a while ago kinky lotus exasperatedly wrote on twitter experienced bottoms are still only seen as being able to help new bottoms learn to stretch and communicate about nerve issues and new tops want new bottoms who won t tell them how bad their rope is experienced tops want new bottoms that will fawn all over them and tell them how amazing they are nobody wants a bottom that will tell you your tk is shit you didn t look them in the eyes once the whole tie 6 while kinky lotus has expressed these issues in rope specific terms the underlying principle is also true in other forms of bdsm in my experience few tops sadly especially experienced ones want a bottom who will tell them their aim is consistently off and their flogger strands keep wrapping in ways that clearly aren t intentional no matter if it s done during a scene or sometime afterwards i am occasionally annoyed by my own reluctance to criticize a top about their topping technique especially when it s something objectively wrong e g you rarely hit the spot you aimed for and it didn t seem like you did that on purpose or you repeatedly hit my back hip bones and not just a matter of taste or compatibility e g i would have preferred more less thud than sting or i would have liked a slower faster increase in intensity more so when it s a casual partner i don t have an established friendship or other relationship with already nevertheless even if it makes us uncomfortable saying these things is important so these tops can become aware that they re continuously missing the spot or failed to do a basic safety check feel ask where the pelvic bones are located on this particular person s body and even if you ve already decided not to play with that top ever again please take one for the team if you can and tell them for the benefit of their next bottom who may be newer and more clueless than you 7 why would bottoms know anything about topping but why would bottoms know anything about topping to begin with aren t we speaking outside of our area of expertise here nope first of all as bottoms we are the recipients of topping and therefore the ones who know best how things feel from that side of the interaction whether we play with pain sensation power control restraint service or a mix thereof more generally we often have first hand knowledge of what type of impact toy will feel stingy thuddy or burning which will reverberate deeply or stay on the surface which will feel concentrated or dispersed thanks to xan west for that distinction in terms often even if we ve never played with that particular toy before bottoms can describe nuances of pain or humiliation or devotion or that many tops can t even sense because as more than one sadist top has told me to them it all just hurts when they try a toy on themselves or imagine themselves in the bottom position and bottoms can tell you what part of an implement actually landed where because well it s our body it landed on we know which top actions support us which challenge us in welcome ways which harm us which annoy us and which just do nothing for us both inside and outside of a scene 8 especially if we ve been doing this stuff for years or decades even aside from that there isn t and shouldn t be a magic barrier that keeps bottoms from learning stuff about topping whether it s in a workshop which we may attend even though it may not be aimed at us if only to serve as a training model for our top from a book or blog post from a conversation with a top or a switch who tops during a scene or in a reflection of one afterwards also just like tops many of us have physical and or mental skills from our non kinky life that we can draw on to understand and explain how certain topping techniques work i m thinking of a wide range of skills and related occupations and hobbies here racket ...
|
