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the public query slushpile 07 30 09 skip to main skip to sidebar jul 30 2009 sample page broken page 1 click here to read the query a revision of the query has been posted click here to read it hello all hoping for some feedback on page 1 of the novel broken thriller posted 2 queries earlier thank you what sound does a heart make when it breaks madeline gunn knew she heard the air hiss as she dropped to her knees in the snow she pressed her hands hard against her mouth trying to stifle the scream that was swelling inside of her from bursting past her lips above all madeline gunn was already beginning to discover that pain had nimble fingers capable of peeling away layer after layer of certainty until a heart was raw with ache and nothingness connie madeline yelled touching her sister s body a body that was wet with blood and warm with the memory of a life that no longer existed connie she repeated louder this time commanding her sister to rise from the dead refusing to accept the truth in connie s stillness madeline gunn held her little sister shielding connie s bare skin from the cold her fingers trembled beneath the weight and the scream she d tried so hard to restrain ripped through her throat infecting the night air with its agony she rocked the broken body until the sound of her wailing gave in to the din of the city to the rumble of plow trucks and the thin whine of police sirens madeline closed her eyes she ignored the stench of car exhaust and warm blood waiting to rot she pretended that they were girls again needing to believe that she could forget this moment that the sight of her sister s butchered remains would not be the backdrop against which she would live out the rest of her life but even then madeline gunn knew this too was a lie she knew that once a heart begins to break it never stops and that time cannot dull the ache or take away the memory and the blame posted by rick daley at 9 01 pm 6 comments labels sample pages query ferris bluff a thriller click here to read revision 2 hi everyone i ve been lurking on the site for some time and unashamedly using the samples and crits to work on my own query dear ms agent ace evans is on the run he s hiding from the witness protection program vengeful international criminals and his own horrific nightmares after two wary and lonesome years on the road he risks a visit with his old friend granville tubbs in sleepy ferris bluff arkansas tubbs is in a coma so much for a quick visit and it turns out he s being kept a virtual prisoner by the lawyer tremont ace decides to stick around for a few days to see what he can do to help his old friend and maybe figure out what the heck is going on ace can t help but make friends in ferris bluff the quirky townsfolk are honest and open if a bit gossipy okay real gossipy and the word is there are hundreds of acres of mineral rights deeds in tubbs estate ace can t help but make some enemies too he s doggedly trying to stay true to his alias and that s damn hard to do since he s taking on the crooked lawyer and his scheming wife their hired gun and the town tough guy a psycho named pink he s also attracted to the pretty widow annie ace tries to deny it but her humor and determination give him hope he comes to realize he s found a place to stay that he might find love again and it s worth fighting for tremont s pissed off and on the defensive the hired guns are hiding in the hills plotting mischief nothing a former navy seal undercover operative can t handle but can he do it without revealing his true identity then an earnest young us marshal shows up he s got some disturbing news the russians are already sniffing around okay what else could go wrong well pink goes on a rampage murdering one of ace s new friends revenge for an ill advised prank involving a garden hose and tremont s drunken wife ace discovers that annie s husband s fatal accident that left her daughter paralyzed was no accident tremont appears to have stolen one of tubbs mineral deeds and they ve discovered gas on the property tubbs comes out of his coma drawing the russians closer by using ace s real name that s what could go wrong the cops aren t making much progress how can he make things right ace comes up with a plan to turn the tables on tremont and the russians while keeping his alias intact with a little forgery a little larceny and a little help from his new friends it almost works good thing the junior g man sticks around ferris bluff is a 96k word thriller that would also be at home on the romantic suspense shelves the story is written as a stand alone novel but there are a bunch of bad guys out there still gunning for ace thank you for taking a look my contact information is listed below i sincerely hope to hear from you i ll be happy to post some pages if anyone wants to see them and thanks in advance for your comments fred posted by rick daley at 12 01 pm 12 comments labels thriller newer posts older posts home subscribe to posts 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query ferris bluff a thriller jul 29 1 jul 27 2 jul 26 2 jul 24 1 jul 23 1 jul 22 1 jul 21 1 jul 20 1 jul 19 3 jul 18 1 jul 17 3 jul 16 2 jul 15 2 jul 14 1 jul 09 3 jul 08 5 jul 07 2 jul 06 2 jul 05 3 jul 03 2 jul 02 1 jul 01 2 june 25 jun 30 1 jun 29 2 jun 28 1 jun 24 1 jun 22 2 jun 21 1 jun 19 1 jun 18 2 jun 17 1 jun 14 1 jun 11 2 jun 09 1 jun 07 1 jun 06 1 jun 05 1 jun 03 2 jun 02 3 jun 01 1 may 24 may 31 2 may 30 2 may 26 1 may 24 2 may 23 1 may 22 1 may 21 1 may 20 1 may 19 1 may 15 3 may 14 2 may 13 1 may 12 1 may 11 1 may 07 1 may 05 1 may 04 1 may 01 1 april 50 apr 29 2 apr 28 2 apr 27 4 apr 26 1 apr 25 1 apr 23 4 apr 22 1 apr 21 1 apr 20 3 apr 19 1 apr 18 1 apr 17 3 apr 16 5 apr 15 7 apr 14 4 apr 13 3 apr 07 2 apr 06 3 apr 03 1 apr 01 1 march 66 mar 31 1 mar 30 1 mar 29 2 mar 28 2 mar 27 1 mar 26 3 mar 25 4 mar 24 1 mar 23 2 mar 22 2 mar 21 3 mar 20 3 mar 19 7 mar 18 5 mar 17 1 mar 16 6 mar 15 3 mar 14 4 mar 13 8 mar 12 1 mar 11 2 mar 10 1 mar 07 1 mar 05 2 followers
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