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ay of the party we must leave at 11 00 it takes only ten minutes to drive to morgan s it is 10 30 ominous music i call jonah over and put on his costume he bursts into tears what on earth is wrong this isn t a watcha ma tingle he sobs of course it isn t yet i foolishly try to convince my weeping three year old otherwise but it has lots of arms sticking out and lots of eyes sticking out and you and justin said it looked like a watcha ma tingle justin pipes up mommy that doesn t look anything like a watcha ma tingle the traitor just you wait til you want that second helping of mashed bananas tonight buddy now what it s not like i was going to force my toddler to wear a costume he hated in order to teach him a lesson he was too young to understand it i took off jonah s tingly bits and tossed them in a corner i dried his eyes and told him everything would be all right because that s what good mommies and daddies do i went into the boys bedroom and found the oldest plain sleeveless shirt he owned we live in l a it was a beautiful warm day which happened to be a muscle shirt i quickly used fluorescent green iron on letters to spell out power man across its front i grabbed a pair of the coolest mirrored ray bans i could find i came out to where jonah sat and said how d you like to go to morgan s party as the coolest super hero ever you re going as power man then i showed him the coolest shirt and glasses ever both kids bought it jonah couldn t have been more excited he couldn t wait to get that shirt on his costume was a hit at the party and a good time was had by all i was so freakin ahead of my time now there really is a power man super hero score one for mommy take that watcha ma tingle watcha ma tingle slayers two wee turtles a bit older pooh dendum ew that sounds a little bit dirty thanks to st augustine weeks later i m sitting with the boys watching one of the winnie the pooh videos i ve recorded for them off the tv i didn t allow them to watch television because of the ads when suddenly they start shouting and jumping around on the bed there it is mommy look look there s the watcha ma tingle winnie the pooh is coming over the crest of a hill with all sorts of debris stuck all over him piglet not recognizing pooh within the mess thinks he s spotted a new type of monster a watcha ma tingle jonah and justin are right the costume i made looked nothing like a debris adorned winnie the pooh if only we d had google translate back then to help out in little clarifying discussions between adult aspies and wee turtles the dreaded many eyed watch a ma tingle in the flesh share this share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest print opens in new window print like loading 22 comments by outlier babe on 2016 01 10 permalink posted in wee turtles tagged just one of many wee turtles adventures power man is even more awesome than the tick the last half watch a ma tingles are a laughing matter watchamatingles thingamajigs doodads thingamabobs wee turtles are a ton of work but an awful lot of fun winnie the pooh and piglet caused this whole mess posted by outlier babe on 2016 01 10 https outlierbabe wordpress com 2016 01 10 beware the watch a ma tingle a wee turtles adventure when you re the jerkwad in my last decade the one in which i learned about who i am and what made me me i in my holier than thou manner have concluded that most people in the u s never or rarely wonder about who they are or how they act or whether the things they do are right or wrong like how the lifeboat cartoonist never thought to include women they just assume everything they do is okay e g when someone cuts them off in traffic what an a hole but when they do the same that s okay they don t question how hard they try to do well at their jobs or what doing well means or how they treat their employees or customers or how well they parent or what type of parenting is needed in order for a child to become a thoughtful happy independent and socially responsible adult any more than they question how they drive they just assume that how they do everything is pretty darn okay we writers are idealists who want to think our words can make a difference in this i suspect these people are so self blind not because they re inherently stupid or evil but because they haven t been parented to wholly grasp that other people s feelings and motivations are exactly like their own and because everyone s doing it and if i don t they will and because commercial interests implementing their policies via our corporate run government and media have heavily influenced such me first attitudes perhaps the problem lies in the nightly prayer being taught in some homes there are some who self monitor behavior only toward members of the groups they perceive as theirs their friends immediate or extended family co workers members of their religion or their perceived race ethnic group or nationality these love my gang bangers either don t worry about being polite to outsiders or they feel free to abuse them verbally or in worse ways so we find otherwise polite people who are curt to or verbally abusive of maintenance wait hotel staff here you go eight specialty cocktails painstakingly made with care and expertise over the past 285 seconds of my one life thanks what is problem man thanked and tipped yes or people of one race or ethnic group who will not move over on the sidewalk for another or even inadvertently crash shoulders with members of another or just talk trash about all members of another group around the dinner table in front of their children so here i am self identifying as different than these selfish people and so i make myself a member of the superior group better than they are here i am a smug self monitor er er my self examination has yielded a tremendous amount of insight into how events from my past have influenced my later behavior how proud am i that i wring my actions dry why did i do what i did when i did was i right when i said what i said how proud am i that this self improvement effort has resulted in a net yield of nothing after years of trying to modify my behavior based upon a ton o self knowledge i behave no better than my previous popeye self i yam what i yam those who were supposedly poorly parented by my lights you can pick them out by how they drive and park they park in handicapped spots or slantwise taking up two or three spaces i won t say i saw this person park in this cars always waiting lot or had any chalk that day or they exit lots dead center in the drive taking up both exit and entry lanes making traffic wait for them why leave room for others they are the only driver who counts these are the same people who don t give up their seats for elderly pregnant or physically disabled people don t do any volunteering more often men by the way even if retired don t tithe to charity even when they can afford to the list goes on for supposed top selfish acts this british sounding list is so mild mannered don t you think but all of those awful awful folks are not the ones who have been occasionally barking and snapping at strangers out of the blue for the past six months that has been me all of those folks are not the person who jumped down the throat of an innocent commenter on one of my posts this past week me again or who tried in the most childish foolish way possible to show off on not one site but several falling flat on her face each time exposing her ignorance and proving only her own foolishness me me me or wrote this self indulgent post looking for attention even for her failings me again when i was a kid in my oh so precious precociousness and my not so precious oversized sense of smarts both characteristics common with asperger s children i freely loudly frequently overshared knowledge i thought i had gained from my extensive reading whether or not those around me were interested and whether or not i was correct my sisters and brother called me the professor this was not a compliment i have had many decades to decide not to stoop to that level of childishness to not pontificate upon some subject about which i know little or nothing to not issue my personal edict or opinion as if it came from mount olympus or zion one would think i would so choose if not because the behavior is ego driven then because it can cause me to look as foolish as i am the happy news is for fifty years i did so choose but for this past week i have demonstrated on my own blog and the blogs of others that this old foolishness lay in wait at the ready it was pulled out and aired for all to see i d like to still blame the asperger s i don t know how you feel when you ve acted like an ass but i feel like an ass that i m such a self examination expert by now and i know why the behavior slippage occurred helped not a whit i saw partly even as each fail happened but was unable to stop each train car from crashing into the one before stupid subconscious talk about your jerkwads the good news is that although for me thus far self awareness has not effected positive behavior modification there are some upsides to enlightened jerk waddery 1 i d rather be unconsciously egocentric but consciously unselfish and an occasional jackass than to go through life acting selfishly most of the time because i just can t be bothered to put any effort into being nice to little people 2 if my now renounced catholic upbringing was correct all this regret filled suffering has given me a golden ticket through the pearly gates 3 each time i finish cussing out other jerkwads i have reason to remember that they may be nice people too on their insides where i can t see beneath their dumb stupid head faces perhaps someday when i learn not to be a jerkwad so often i ll remember this first and not cuss them so quickly even though they really really deserve it believe me stupidheads if only my word was this nice perhaps this transformation will occur once my gray hairs outnumber the red ones i admit i ll miss the red but by then will think the trade off worth it bad endum hooooold up after thinking about the don t hate me because i m beautiful incidents related in my last feel sorry for poor me post and similar incidents not mentioned i have just concluded quite late in life that due to that remarkable red hair and my other outstanding features not the least outstanding among these my outlying proboscis i must be so breathtakingly good looking good gosh almighty that i can do no wrong my cuteness will overwhelm everyone around me offline at least parking in l a will be so much easier now so the conscience has been k o d the days of angst are over selfishness here i come share this share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest print opens in new window print like loading 58 comments by outlier babe on 2016 01 07 permalink posted in uncategorized tagged am i so friggin drop dead gorgeous or what call an agency don t you just hate it when you act like an a hole or jerkwad jerkwads and a holes and stupidheads oh my most people don t practice self monitoring of their behavior most people often act like a holes or jerkwads my profile even resembles a puffin s my therapist could help me most by gagging me or sitting upon me each time before i err again self monitoring of behavior doesn t equal self correction of it ultimately this is all the fault of at t i really must write that post posted by outlier babe on 2016 01 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borrows blood baddies i d ev...
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