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sistance and education resources until they get on their feet why is adoption the first option and not the last also i know many children who grew up in poverty that turned out to be well educated functional adults poverty is not the worst thing that can happen to a child adoptive families are not immune to job loss and poverty or divorce like any other family adoption is not a magical cure to an un planned pregnancy are there parents who do not want their children absolutely are their children who need to be removed from abusive and neglectful homes yes there always will be but let s not make adoption a simple band aid cure for all families struggling to support and raise their children parents who want a child are not entitled to one despite what they or others think or despite a family s circumstances children are not commodities to be redistributed to fulfill the wants and desires of others one of my good friends grew up dirt poor there wasn t much in the house but they made ends meet and yes lots of hand me downs few of any restaurant meals or expensive vacations but there was a lot of love which is what children need most posted by assembling self at 11 37 am 7 comments wednesday september 23 2015 the mirror my nemesis reflections i see this person staring back at me and wonder who it is i see are these her eyes is his face the same do i look like them what are their names mirrors like pictures tell thousands of tales but the stories told have always failed in lending me the slightest clues to endless questions and intangible truths mirrors mirrors are normal and every day parts of life they are everywhere and especially with the current trend in selfie taking m irrors are not only a reflection of who we are now but a reflection of the people we come from my former husband used to tell me that you have never passed a mirror you did not like that is not only not true it is possibly one of the most untrue statements about me that has ever been made i actually don t like mirrors i don t know if i ever have my obsession with mirrors is not vanity it s a constant search for validation of who i am and where i come from of which i get none perhaps briefly maybe shortly for a moment when a glance finds me in good light and clothes and reflects an image i like to see but that is not often and less often considering my age discussing age recently with my friend that seems to be an increasingly more discussed subject she stated now every time she looks into the mirror she sees her mother i stopped cold with that how i wish people knew how much adoptees long for that too see anyone that resembled them young old or in between children grow up looking into faces of those them resemblance most have siblings along with grandparents aunts uncles cousins and extended family members bearing the same facial features personality traits and even habits likes and dislikes biological family members can certainly be quite opposite but adoptees are void of any tangible evidence they physically belong in their adoptive family there is an extremely important missing part in the family bonding process this is not to say that deep bonding between adoptive children and adoptive parents families can t happen however it can present a problem that can become a life long issue this is what i knew growing up i asked about my mother who had relinquished me and was told she was very young very tiny and very pretty i was lucky to be born with good genes but i don t know who they come from my mother father grandparents who is it this athletic build i inherited come from along with the habitual lip biting all of my children also inherited including the nose i ve come to hate for most of my life none certainly come from my adoptive family who couldn t be anymore different than i am not many people truly know what it is like to live your life founded on and steeped in a complete mystery and searches that can lead to brick walls lies illegalities and secrets kept my children and their children are also in the dark about the genetic background and they ve lost out as well why is it that genetics are whitewashed in adoption as unimportant but vital to nonadopted persons who are building family trees with ancestry tracing and genealogical research online why is it that adopted persons are expected to give up all knowledge of where they come from and the genetic factors that make them who they are when will it be time when all adoptees can obtain the same information that every other citizen of this country has a right to adoptees are not blank slates to be written on by other families we come genetically wired and coded before we are even born i will never have a right to force relationships with my biological family but i have a right to that option as others do i do have the right to have my original birth certificate and biological family history and information all adoptees do and we always will posted by assembling self at 6 45 pm no comments labels adoptee adopteesearching adopteemirror adopteetruth adopteevoices flipthescript sunday january 11 2015 adoptees the truth and nothing but the truth erased an empty blackboard stands alone they erased who i was and gave me a new home lies are now placed where the truth used to be how could they take that away from me did they really believe i d never question what they gave me as a definition of the person i was supposed to become and never look back on where i came from where does one really draw the line of how much past you can leave behind they expect out of us what they could never do despite what they say i am searching wouldn t you the last articulately written adoptee article i read at the washington post has created more controversy with comments from nonadopted persons and than i have seen in awhile and of course it s the usual advice to adoptees in varying degrees of get over it be grateful you weren t aborted biological families suck too be glad you escaped get a life create your own path you need therapy are mentally ill and some really struck me as particularly hypocritical why well let me explain getting a life and creating our own paths is exactly what many adoptees are attempting to do every day when most adoptees search for biological family and speak out how being adopted affects them and their families we are expressing our emotions and desires to do something with our lives to bring peace closure and wholeness i see that as fairly normal healthy and mentally sound not to mention vitally important for many adoptees if not then why the genealogy fervor over the last few decades adoptees usually do not have the basic family history and genetic knowledge at birth and or access to it later as adults that others are privy to the informative genetic playing field we enter on to in life is not the same level course as nonadopted persons we are given handicaps disabilities and barriers the nonadopted world can t begin to imagine obviously it s a given for the majority of nonadopted persons that they know who their mother father sisters brothers grandparents and generations spreading back and forward are they have photos stories historical documents family heirlooms and all kinds of tangible evidence and facts about themselves through the people they come from what anyone does with that information is their right however it s not the same rights adoptees are given i am a 55 year old adult adoptee about to embark on my 5th court petition for access to my original birth certificate why would i keep continuing to pound my head against a brick wall you say and not move on because i can t and i won t and i hope my persistence will pay off eventually judges and social workers have to retire at some point not only for myself but for adoptees are there with me and will follow although i realize that at my age and with people dying taking knowledge about my adoption situation to their grave i can t allow myself to give up seeking searching and trying to find out where i came from i just can t believe although the evidence is overwhelmingly monumental that nonadopted persons think adoptee are lucky how anyone could not fathom not knowing who your mother and father are where your brothers and sisters are and waking up every day to look into a mirror at a virtual hereditary stranger if you as adoptee never feel the need to look back to know biological family or have the desire to explore in any capacity family history nothing wrong with that but adoptees who don t feel as i and others do for nonadopted persons labeling and judging adoptees to the industry of adoption and systems that continue to expect adoptees to accept less than other citizens stop we ve already conformed for far too long you want us to get over being adopted ummmm no although adoptees can learn to live with it and quite well and successfully how give every adult adoptee their obc honest answers to questions they ask if you have them and the support they need to put the pieces of their own personal life puzzle together into as cohesive a whole as is humanly possible level the playing field for adoptees by removing unnecessary obstacles legal restrictions and constraints in their quest to simply gather important and valuable truths about their lives abolish lies half truths and the falsification of documents in adoption then and only then do adoptees who want the truth s have a chance to grow into complete and authentic human beings i will still not be grateful because seriously who would be just to finally achieve the same legal status as the next person who never had to fight to get it but i will be equal with that i can then move on with my life and into whatever future i want to have until that time i live in limbo posted by assembling self at 11 35 am no comments labels adoptee poetry adoptee rights adoptee truth adoptees poetry saturday december 6 2014 the war on national adoption awareness month otherwise known as flipthescript you ll get over it it s the clichés that cause the trouble to lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever you don t get over it because it is the person you loved the pain stops there are new people but the gap never closes how could it the particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death this hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit it why would i want them to jeanette winterson written on the body if i told you i lost my mother at birth the usual reaction is one of sympathy if i told you i was adopted the usual reaction is wonderful it is the same thing adoptees you took away my family you took away my home you erased away my history now most of it is gone what gives to you the right to do this injustice unto me how can you be so blinded how is it you can t see you re stealing from the innocent are you so unaware you re playing god with all our lives did you think we wouldn t care who gave to you the authority to decide how we should live who granted you this power it was not theirs to give you treat us as possessions we are not yours to own how did you get the notion you can tell me where is home do not dictate to me about how i should live my life or who i can call mother then take away my rights the answers to life s questions you say i need not know you re asking the impossible the questions only grow what it is i am asking for is for you to understand until i have the answers i can not know who it is i am the angry adoptees are at it again ruining the feel good wonderful promotion of adoption during national adoption month i woke up this morning to a blog about the war on national adoption awareness month from an adoptive parent with all kinds of adoptive parent responses as usual commenting on adoptees speaking so ugly about adoption through the flipthescript campaign ummm yeah and here is more of why we are i wrote the above poem about fifteen years ago and although geared toward the system of adoption and the archaic policies laws and adoption procedures it can apply to those who continually dismiss adoptees and focus on what adoptive parents have to say instead i do get how people don t get it the whole ultimate reality of adoption the underbelly the dark side the reality adoptees speak of is hard to hear i know most people are missing the point in what adoptees are saying the point is that adoption is based on loss and that loss for adoptees is usually undermined ignored and dismissed if we were promoting a war on divorce we would be widely supported both adoption and divorce are the severing of families permanently and many times rebuilding through step families as in adoptive families but of course adoption is celebrated because the focus is always on the win win for the adoptive family and never about the demise of an original family if you first acknowledge and recognize the magnitude of loss adoptees suffer then you can help them rebuild their lives into something more positive yet again people are not hearing the voices of experience those of adoptees and then there was this part of the blog that truly makes it evident that adoptive parents and others aren t listening or really hearing what adoptees are saying i ve heard an adoptee who was adopted from another country say her family was waiting for her back in her country where was her family when she was in the orphanage again adoption permanently attempting to sever the ties of an adoptee s biological family without recourse and discounting the fact that they will always have another family be they absent or across the world dead whatever the case or scenario might be they exist even in an orphanage adoptees still have a family back there generations of them in fact descendants and into the future adoptees do not deserve to be expected to not want to know about hear about or reconnect with their families of origin the pain and loss divorced children orphaned children or abandoned neglected children experience is widely recognized and often children are counseled to help them over come these traumas adoptees experiences via adoption are mostly discounted and trivialized we as adoptees are criticized ridiculed called perpetual victims for voicing our emotions feelings and pain adoption has caused us the hypocrisy that exists in adoption is blatant to adoptees and the rest of the world writes us off and white washes all of it and repaints it as a lack of gratitude i always have wondered about the two weeks before i was adopted where i was who i was with what kind of care i received in 2000 at an aac conference i heard a older nurse speak about how adopted children were taken at birth and isolated in the hospital from the other babies hospital staff could not get them to stop crying and it was regular procedure to give them drugs to tranquilize them i tear up to this day thinking about how horrific that whole scenario is now of course open adoption is promoted and chi...
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