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Text of the page (random words):
e he was my step grandfather but never made me feel like anything less than his biological granddaughter we would sneak out of the house to buy chicken and biscuits a half an hour before my grandma served a big lunch laughing like she would never find out we would stalk gophers in the backyard and despite our best efforts they would come back stronger than ever the next year he never failed to give me money every time i saw him to buy ice cream even well into my twenties he knew more about chile than some of my friends simply because he kept up with sports and knew that chile has a decent national soccer team i m happy that i was able to show him squeaker his first great grandchild and i d like to think that even though she doesn t know it she brought some joy and wonder to the last year of his life squeaker was five weeks old i know that he was confused and suffering these last few months and that he couldn t always remember who everyone was but i still wish i could have said goodbye my mom was saying that out of all the people you meet in your life my grandpa jerry was one of the best i happen to agree with her one thing he taught me is that you never say good bye you always say see you later see you later grandpa you will be missed 11 comments posted in uncategorized tagged christmas expat life grandpa sad sending love posted on december 17 2013 5 comments this last weekend my husband and i walked to the metro nearest our apartment with squeaker in her stroller almost asleep to greet my mother in law who had recently arrived in santiago from the coast we were making our way back to get out of the stifling heat when i looked on the ground and spotted what i thought was one of those slim stylish cameras note they are likely not trendy any more with the ubiquity of smartphones but i m just that old i squatted down to observe it and realized it was a cellphone as far as cellphones go it was an outdated model it was maybe a hair better than one i had about four years ago but a phone is a phone and it looked well loved i remember once years ago when i lost my phone before i even knew it was gone someone had texted one of my friends to let her know that she had my phone i had it back later that day i always thought it was a nice thing to do however when i picked it up and began to scroll through the contacts no easy task with the old touch screen my husband and his mother urged me just to leave it on the ground where i found it someone will come back and find it they said or someone will come along and take it i countered you re going to waste their minutes they said i found the first contact amor or love in english and sent them a shaky message in spanish i found this cell call me at my number xxx xxxx i got warm fuzzies when the phone lit up and said eviando amor sending love blame it on christmas but i was feeling cheesy it was symbolic of my decision to be more positive about life in general like when at the end of the yoga class your instructor gushes something about the light inside of you and you are all i m gonna let it shine b tch can you tell i hang out with a toddler too much sending that message from the beaten up phone was my reconciliation with the universe yes things haven t been easy lately but i m going to give you a break universe later that night no one had called me or written me back i resigned myself to the fact that they thought i had stolen the phone and it was an extortion scam as are common here or maybe they didn t really miss the phone that much i even went as far as to say to my husband that maybe taking the phone out of the grass had been like touching a baby bird and now the mother was rejecting it because it smelled like stranger danger he shook his head i have a habit of anthropomorphizing household objects and while the phone sits on my kitchen table likely without charge i m still feeling good about things over the weekend i got called to an interview i didn t even remember applying to when i went the hr director told me she had no idea how she had come across my resume but she thought i d be a good fit love sent love received thank you universe 5 comments posted in uncategorized tagged baby birds cheesy chile expat life extortion finding a stranger s cellphone good vibes jobs karma santiago scam trying to do the right thing who owns this phone dear santa an expat christmas list posted on december 9 2013 3 comments dear santa i was talking to a few expats recently about christmas in the us and christmas outside the us all of us agreed that christmas in the us was somehow more christmas y than in chile and it may be the weather and it may be the traditions but once i walk into a mall decorated floor to ceiling in big plastic bulbs fake evergreen branches and tinsel i know exactly what i miss about christmas namely the commercialization cough symbolism gimme some rudolph and some frosty the snowman crap stat and you ve just audibly rolled your eyes at me i can hear it over here but seriously i m thinking pumpkin flavored everything gifts wrapped in crinkly paper with silky bows trees decorated to overflowing with kitschy ornaments toasty hearths listening to the christmas music on almost every radio station watching the christmas movie marathons on tv the bell ringers outside every store the parades the carolers the clothes that you only wear once or twice a year the winter activities well maybe when i was younger and the sales leading up to and directly following christmas shitter was full it s not christmas until you hear that line now chile has done a lot of catching up in the last seven years since i spent my first christmas here i now here christmas music playing out from the grocery stores and coffee shops and kids line up to see legitimate looking santas not some skinny kid with a plastic beard and his harem of bikini clad mrs clauses and that is okay with me this is one time of year i m cool with globalization ho ho ho i know that these cheap symbols are not supposed to be what the season is about but they are what do and what have always signaled to me that the season was upon us they make me feel comfortable and nostalgic like i want to impart some goodwill on my fellow man and not act like this so please and get on the rest of it when you have time thanks me 3 comments posted in uncategorized tagged chile christmas expat holidays expat life santa santiago do you know who i am posted on december 6 2013 2 comments there was an exchange i witnessed a few days ago and it s been playing out in my head since then to anyone else it may have seemed like a typical case of road rage but i saw something different really the three of us squeaker in her stroller walked to the grocery store in the evening to buy some essentials for the rest of the week squeaker got bored because there were no dogs or toys nearby and started to cry loudly since becoming parents we ve perfected the art of communicating through looks and gestures my husband just looked at me and i knew i exited the store with the word s crabbiest toddler while he finished paying we stood near the stairs leading up to the store which were right in front of a small entrance that cars took to the parking lot she wanted to toddle around and flirt with a dog tethered on one of the poles in front of the store two las condes security guards were talking and one had his motorcycle half resting in the entryway for cars his foot propped up the rest of the motorcycle and he was quite obviously not parked suddenly a car pulled up to the motorcycle and began to honk imagine how you honk at the end of the day when you ve been working for ten hours and you are hungry and tired and just want to get home and a distracted driver thoughtlessly cuts you off and then has the nerve to give you the finger that s how this woman was honking from my point of view it looked like she thought that her car on the large side for chilean vehicles wouldn t fit past the motorcycle the guard motioned for her to proceed and she keep honking her husband was in the passenger seat shaking his head despairingly like he couldn t believe he had left his home only to come face to face with such proles meanwhile squeaker had dried her crocodile tears and was now almost as interested and i was in the drama unfolding eventually the woman decided to risk it and easily e a s i l y drove past the not parked motorcycle into the parking lot not two minutes later a woman who reminded me of my paternal grandmother sprang up the curb and ran no lunged at the man this woman who did not look maternal or grandmotherly very nearly had this man s throat in her hands before her paunchy husband pulled her off of him he had to pull this tiny woman off of a security guard or she would have cut him with her bad manicure the whole time she was screaming how dare you park there how dare you no one can get by you the security guard said but you did and i m not parked that incensed her she lunged again who do you think you are who do you think you are her husband once again stuffed his generous girth in the middle of her chipped red nails and that man s jugular saying he s not worth it he s not worth it like he was placating a house cat they finally went inside and stood by the window glaring outside for several minutes the whole time i m standing there seething seething with anger at the self declared most important woman in the parking lot i ve been known to lose my cool over stupid shit but this has to be the stupidest shit i ve ever seen someone expend that much energy on when someone nearly runs you over which happens a lot on this busy road please go ahead and scream and yell i do when someone double parks and you can t leave jump up and down and cuss because that shit is annoying but this was such a non issue that it boggled the mind i realized the only thing that was missing from the conversation was do you know who i am you measly peon you and that really pissed me off would it have played out the same in a less classist society that s what really bothered me 2 comments posted in uncategorized tagged chile classism crabby toddlers crazy old ladies expat life expat motherhood road rage santiago toddlers the real list of why i m thankful this year posted on november 27 2013 4 comments wow i truly did not expect so many of you readers both regular commenters and lurkers to reach out to me when they read my last post thank you i m really touched i thought i d post an update i am feeling better i ve talked to my family and i m planning my own thanksgiving lunch here which i m starting as i type this someone suggested a pumpkin pie made with carrot because our style of pumpkin is difficult to find here on top of that i m going to try my hand at roasted chicken stuffing and mashed potatoes i told my husband that since we will have so much food we should invite someone but on second thought it might be better not to in case i burn the chicken and make lumpy potatoes plus this way we get all the leftovers sorry about that tangent into food i just live to eat all the food anyway i am feeling better i was going through a few situations that would have been difficult on their own let alone all at once i ve tried to take a step back and gain some new perspective it s never easy to feel under appreciated in any capacity i would never imply ever that being a mother and a wife are not worthy roles and that if that is what you aspire to be that you should somehow want more i absolutely love being squeaker s mother and seeing how she changes before my eyes every single day and how i m still her preferred person shhhh however i m not one of those people that feels particularly fulfilled by domesticity thus the yearning for a job and an office and a paycheck i also probably came down pretty hard on chile let me just say this life outside your own country is always a challenge it doesn t matter how comfortable that country is latin america as a whole is mired in religious dogma patriarchy and classism but chile is still pretty agreeable on most days so without further ado here is the list of the things i am thankful for this year in no particular order a crazy fun happy heathy one year old our health with a few exceptions we ve been doing pretty well lately and knowing me that s saying a lot our families health and well being the gift of time with squeaker a solid network of supportive friends even if they aren t all here in santiago with me a husband who is infinitely more domestic than i am and makes a mean pie crust the fact that we got out of our cramped one bedroom apartment and can finally breathe that i survived the first year of motherhood that squeaker still wants no demands to breastfeed despite all of our obstacles roadblocks and naysayers never lacking inspiration as the mother of a hyperactive toddler living in a foreign country and navigating the waters of culture shock to this day please enjoy your thanksgivings hug your families extra tight and most importantly have a bite of some real pumpkin pie for me for the love of god 4 comments posted in uncategorized tagged chile expat life expat motherhood santiago thanksgiving trying to get into the spirit of the holidays and failing posted on november 25 2013 10 comments the holiday season is one of my favorite times of year i love the freshness of winter the traditions the anticipation the coziness seeing friends and family and the exchange of thoughtful gifts needless to say i hate it here you can get this ceramic thing for about 3 usd jealous or you can get any number of winter themed decor because why not no one wants to cuddle up in front of the fire watching the snow fall and drinking mugs of thick hot chocolate when it s nearly 90 degrees outside it s not chile s fault that thanksgiving not celebrated here obviously and christmas fall in their late spring and early summer and that in spite of this they ve tried to adopt all of our cheerful snowy decorations but i m not feeling particularly charitable or like giving credit where credit is due the one thing i m thankful for this year is sleeping finally in the next room after a long day of playing and talking about dogs and she is a lot to be thankful for because s she smart and adorable because in all other realms of life i m doing quite miserably job search fail interpersonal relationships fail interviews fail and i m depressed i feel like it s moved beyond melancholy now it s hard to get started in the morning and when i do i feel like i m just going through the motions of feeding dressing and caring for an extremely spirited one year old while failing as a wife and otherwise interesting person you would want to talk to and i m dreading more than i can articulate being away from my family who in all honestly drive me out of my mind at times but at least they get me laugh at my jokes and see me as something other than squeaker s diaper changer with talents to impart on the world othe...
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