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site title: Musings of A Stretcher Ape Tales of another reality. Reminiscences of my time in the sick people business, and random thoughts otherwise clinging to my attention, like a baby monkey on a weimaraner.

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Text of the page (random words):
ap hot water and all that jazz i asked him what the was doping in the sort of tone generally employed when asking someone why their underwear was on their head he answered me washing the recycling they won t accept it if it is dirty internally my response was akin to so whucking fut with an alternative pathway of shitcanning the mess unwashed and waving farewell to the entire thing to this day years later tdw and i still chuckle at that during that same visit we were still talking about recycling somehow he found occasion to point out that wisconsin for example and their trash management practices were somehow at partial fault for some sargasso sea of plastic and similar crap reportedly afloat somewhere in the middle of the pacific i suggested that since wisconsin was overwhelmingly likely to landfill everything that it was uneconomical to recycle the likelihood that any trash whatsoever from wisconsin or illinois or michigan or indiana the list goes on and on winds up in any ocean whatsoever let alone the pacific was so close to zero as to be indistinguishable by modern science he regaled me with tales of barges from the midwest think about that one for a moment i ll wait would venture out to mid pacific ocean dump their loads and return to port of origin for more i suggested that us pollution laws might limit that sort of thing and that the us coast guard might have a lengthy heated and unpleasant for the master of such a vessel chat with the master owner and any other entity associated with such activity such that the master at least might find the phrase would you like fries with that to feature prominently in his future career planning i speculated on the cost effectiveness of loading trash onto a rail car transporting said rail car across the nation again handling the trash as one loaded it onto a barge transporting that barge out to sea dumping that trash and returning to port when compared to simply oh gosh i don t know tipping that shit into a hole in the ground 1 maybe 2 counties over from the place of origin i thought that the hole made a hole lot more economic sense dyswidt we agreed to disagree life in da city humility oops check your preps be prepared august 21 2026 august 16 2026 reltney mcfee leave a comment so being an ex medic of course i have a medic bag in my vehicle similarly i have structured my bag around the sorts of things that i used to see on the street oddly enough i do not see many shootings stabbings or cardiac arrests in my daily life what i do see is things such as when tdw mark ii phoned me while we were camping telling me to report back to the camper right quick and bring your medic bag that was a malign omen i entered our camper to find tdw holding a paper towel over the end of her one finger bloodstains manifest on the towel she related to me that she had been transferring stuff from our dry box to the camper s cabinets only to abruptly discover that a glass jar of marshmallows had broken leaving sharp shards of glass in the bottom a bottom that she had been blindly groping in search of whatever was next to be put away oops so a sterile 4 x 4 dressing is ok for wound cleaning but when you have a continuously bleeding wound such as she had and no venous or otherwise finger sized tourniquet you really do not have a means of assessing the wound for depth foreign objects or really much of anything that you care about in order to make treatment decisions oops enter our friend mcguyver patron saint of field medics it turns out that nitrile gloves have give roughly equivalent to a rubber venous blood draw tourniquet that fact allows your mark i mod ø medic to field fabricate a tourniquet adjacent tool to provide a blood free field to say your darling wife s freely bleeding finger inspection under illumination did not reveal any glass in the wound which was nice next some means of perpetuating this hemostasis would be nice particularly in the setting of say a freely bleeding digit belonging to your darling wife at a campsite somewhere in the cumberland plateau at say 2100 hours when something on the order of 800 miles from home aha i can hear you say well either it is you or it is the voices in my head tomato persimmon all you need is some fingertip gauze that looks like a plus sign more on this in a bit some 1 inch elastic gauze or 1 inch elastic gauze brand such as coban and you will be fixed right up well when you have 4 inch roller gauze that is not 1 inch gauze i went to college i know things otoh if you have 4 inch gauze and i did and you have a nice sharp pocket knife and i did well you can fabricate 2 inch gauze and that is close enough for government work similarly 4 x 4 sterile gauze is square which perhaps was evident from the descriptor 4 x 4 and my fingertip pressure dressing required something in the shape of a sign such that i could fold one wing over the front another over the back and one over each side of the lacerated digit with the sterile gauze ey goodness centered approximately over the wound well if i cut a square maybe 1 inch x 1 inch from each corner i then have the sign i have been nattering about for 2 or 3 paragraphs once centered over the wound i wound the first several inches of the newly 2 inch roller gauze around the finger stabilizing the gauze and then wrap several layers back and forth passing to and fro over the tip of her finger applying pressure all the while and then wrap circumferentially to maintain the pressure on the fingertip ending with several wraps around her wrist tying off with a loop passed around her wrist said loop forming one tail of the final square knot voila so i added 2 rolls of 1 inch self adhering bandage and a box of knuckle style bandages to my medic bag learning is exciting as commander zero of the notes from the bunker blog observes from time to time you are way more likely to encounter a problem that will be solved by benjamins than one solved by 50 bmg at least i certainly hope that he remains right life in da city interview follies august 7 2026 august 4 2026 reltney mcfee 1 comment it happened again i asked a soul have you felt like you were chilled and they gazed off into the distance as if considering exactly how much time dilates once you have achieved the velocity of 98 c anybody reading this ever had chills did you have to ponder whether or not you were indeed chilled me neither similarly when i ask you if you have felt feverish replying i have a headache strikes me as akin to telling your mechanic when he asks you when your vehicle makes that funny noise well i drove it back from bagwanistan and never had a problem sort of at a tangent to the information i or in my hypothetical your mechanic was seeking and another similar head to desk experience arrives when the named patient announces that he has that parasite of course i ask what experience led this soul to that conclusion and of course i get told i heard about it on the tv cool story i myself heard on the tv about cletus winning the lottery disappointingly it does not appear to have resulted in my winning the lottery nor accruing the monetary influx that likely cletus is now managing life in da city pains in my fifth point of contact customer service spit july 31 2026 july 15 2026 reltney mcfee 2 comments recently my daughter in law had a plumbing problem she called a national chain shop who alleged that they had particular expertise in managing sewer outflow obstruction problems but who shall remain nameless these worthies did her wrong she asked me for some thoughts on how she ought to respond my response was once you have entered google reviews next door reviews and website reviews i would consider the better business bureau their national office the county clerk of the county in which they do business since they have to register to do business under an assumed name the state department of commerce license to be in business and collect sales use taxes the state bureau licensing occupations such as plumbing their local plumbing union and since they screwed you over using federally regulated telephone lines i d also complain to the fcc federal department of commerce and i ll see what else i can come up with once i draw in a breath she asked me for some thoughts regarding her note s of complaint i have here a draft dealing with this shop bunga bunga office on potrezebie hwy reminds me of the old story of the high school english teacher who was confronted by a student who complained about the grade he had received on an essay i don t think i deserved an f for this essay the teacher responded neither do i but that is the lowest grade that they will let me give you i graded this office as one star because were i able to grade them accurately it would be such a low score that like a black hole good grades earned by offices in states far removed from bunga bunga flyover state would have their own grades sucked into the vast gravity well of these dipshits awful abysmal terrible negative grade that only by leaving the continental united states could any of these dipshits offices ever earn a score measurable by contemporary science the soul with whom i spoke after they simply failed to show up and who evidently is such a waste of air that even his own mother would not provide him with a name told me that when my credit card was declined they simply assumed that i had canceled cool story so when numbnuts goes to the grocery and his card is declined the store employees chase him out of the store and return the groceries to the shelves or having gone to a restaurant once his card is declined they just hand him gloves and direct him to wash 120 worth of dishes no further conversation or maybe hear me out they might gosh spitballing here telephone a fool and have a conversation about how they might be paid once that card had been declined just like every other chucklehead in business since the invention of charge cards over 100 years ago since they did not in any way provide any sort of timely warning that left me a single mother and my 2 young children with a halfway functioning toilet a condition that a i had sort of thought that they were in business such as it is to remedy and b now had me back to square one in my quest to remedy thanks name redacted buttheads fun and games fun with suits oops uncategorized grooming and hygiene july 24 2026 july 15 2026 reltney mcfee 3 comments recently my employer sent out an e mail regarding grooming and hygiene they spent something like 3 or 4 pages detailing acceptable grooming standards and consequences for failing to measure up i developed my own grooming hygiene flowchart which i think has the advantage of simplicity as well as go no go binary decision points i present it here for your consideration housekeeping acronyms abbreviations and terms of art july 20 2026 reltney mcfee leave a comment i ll try to collect all the unusual non standard english phrases and suchlike here for easy translation bvm bag valve mask a device for introducing room air into the lungs of a nonbreathing person by compressing a bag pushing the air from that bag through a one way valve into the mouth and therefore airway of said person via a mask releasing the bag allows it to self inflate and the patient to exhale so you can repeat the whole process again and again and again carotid pulse artery large bore neck artery main pathway for blood to travel to the brain from the heart one on each side of the kinda front of the neck high pressure lotsa blood flow da corridor the district immediately south of da university a sort of wrong side of the tracks entertainment district an environment rich in overdoses alcoholism prostitution and assorted pathology commonly in the spring you would notice new young generally female faces among the inhabitants towards autumn most of those faces were absent ghawd i hope that they went home and the ones remaining were in no way as fresh bright eyed or as healthy looking as they had been around 5 months previously dbcpd da big city police department hearn hospital emergency alert radio network a vhf radio channel employed for surprisingly enough alerting the hospital of pending arrival particularly of a priority patient kel lite heavy duty police style flashlights useful for illumination or as a bludgeon rfn right fucking now sbthidc sbtcidc second best trauma hospital center in da city stat stat like or right stat like all equate to immediately tbtcidc the best trauma center in da city tins this is no shit tiwfdasl there i was fighting disease and saving lives tlhttic the little hospital that thought it could to pronounced toe like the digit short for ghetto as in life is tough in the to wheedle deedle the sounds made by an electronic siren see also most weird noises from an electronic siren contest having a good partner is very important housekeeping pains in my fifth point of contact never discuss money in front of an appliance july 17 2026 july 3 2026 reltney mcfee 4 comments something on the order of a dozen years ago tdw mark ii and i purchased a refrigerator this particular fridge a samsung has been trouble free until we moved it in the course of our great kitchen disaster once we got the electricity up to speed and the plumbing and all the other bother that we lucked into well we noted that the fridge woud occasionally trip the circuit powering it should we oh i don t know have lessee refrigerated food or something else costly and important therein that might pose a bit of a problem we connected it to another non gfi outlet and had one or two circuit trips but generally it functioned ok since functioned ok and refrigerator do not belong in the same thought in contrast to refrigerator and absolutely reliable without fail tdw mark ii telephoned the samsung repair service 800 number these worthies stated that they would require a sales receipt for a fridge that was about a dozen years old before they would consider arranging a service call and no that was not the dumbest part of this story sadly i asked tdw if she had shared her surprise at finding that these fine folks warranted their refrigerators for 12 or more years yes sarcasm you knew that didn t you she owned that she had not because she was so surprised that she was left without words you may be surprised to learn that we do not have that receipt as was i well no i was completely unsurprised she called samsung repair back and somehow spoke to a soul who would arrange for a samsung repairman to come out bad news i shit you not the phone drone told my wife that there would be a charge of 145 to schedule the service call payment for the service call at a price to be announced later would be over and above that payment of 145 which 145 fee would only pay for scheduling the service call this fee would not be applied to the charge for the service call itself oh no that would be another charge altogether unsurprisingly we did not schedule the service call we figured...
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