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description= A Bizarre Unpublished Novel by Rick Walton;
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the, and, on, trips, post, navigation, tuesday, with, to, by, rick, twisted, of, anthony, taylor, menu, discovery, first, two, quick, ones, doctors, tycoons, still, in, mountains, wednesday, universe, thursday, apples, tropical, teeth, friday, claus, brothers, incorporated, hot, time, saturday, talk, trees, they, listen, me, we, dance, 10, sunday, chapters, more, bizarre, unpublished, novel, walton,
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Text of the page (random words):
ake movies about my exploits jack got this happy blank smiley look and just stared into nowhere jack had been talking for a long time i was getting tired i sat down to take a load off my feet and leaned against the candle it fell over when the candle flame hit the pumpkin wall the flame went out oh dear oh dear oh dear said jack and the match man just came this morning and i never know when he s coming again i wished i had kept those matches the fish had given me well there s nothing else to do said jack as he began to climb out the pumpkin s mouth but to go into town and get a match i ll be back in six days make yourself at home and if you see a man with a yellow birthmark on his forehead that s the new match man have him light my candle jack stepped onto the snow and began walking then he stopped and turned to me stick around and when i get back i ll tell you about the time santa was thrown into jail when he was a kid with that he turned back and headed off into the whiteness i waited for a awhile but i was getting cold fast i began to shiver out of control and frost began to form on my face i d like to be home i thought at home i took a long warm bath ate a hot peanut butter sandwich then went to bed under eight blankets posted in 07 claus brothers incorporated leave a comment 8 a hot time on saturday posted on march 21 2011 by rockcanyon uncle melvin had no news for me except that he d called the national weekly world star enquirer to see if they had any ideas he told them he knew of this person didn t give them any specifics on who this person was or who he was for that matter who could go places no one else could go they were wondering if this person could visit elvis they d pay a lot of money for an interview mel nagged me until i told him i d try then i told him about yesterday s trips i shivered as i gave him the details how long were the teeth he asked they were long i said i was too nervous to measure them oh well keep traveling we ll figure this out yet i didn t mention it to mel but there was something niggling at my brain i felt i was starting to understand something but i couldn t quite put my finger on it after i hung up the phone and was getting mentally prepared to try to visit elvis like i d promised there was a knock at the door i answered an old woman stood at the door a large old woman she was hunched over and she wore an old coat a floppy hat covered part of her face please sir she said i haven t eaten all day you wouldn t happen to have a crust of bread to spare an old lady would you she didn t look hungry but who was i to judge i went to the kitchen and grabbed a sack of bread here you go i said why you re so kind this is more than i could have dreamed of she opened the sack and removed a slice but please sir i don t mean to be a bother but it would mean so much to me if i could have a bit of something to put on my bread peanut butter maybe i do so love peanut butter i went to the kitchen and got a bottle of strawberry jam and a knife to spread it with will this do i asked her my parents are all out of peanut butter it wasn t exactly a lie my parents were out whenever they had some dad would finish it off in two days and i didn t want to give her any of mine because i wasn t sure when kornfield was going to get more in she looked disappointed oh all right rather ungrateful i thought after all i was giving her a whole loaf of bread but i decided to give her the whole bottle of jam too and the knife we had plenty she still looked disappointed thank you sir she grumbled as she turned and walked away oh well some people you just can t please back to traveling i d like to visit elvis i said nothing happened oh well the national weekly world star enquirer was out of luck i d have to go somewhere else i thought about where i d go next i still had to keep taking these trips until i figured out what was going on but where too my safe equals dangerous and dangerous equals safe theory didn t seem to work any more so after yesterday s trip i decided i d like to go someplace warm with no ice and no nearby oceans and sharks i thought of the warmest driest place on earth that i could be and there i was the sahara the scene before me was right from the movies a small desert oasis consisting of three palm trees and a bright clear pond a soft desert breeze shaking the palm leaves and cooling my skin and a voice at my feet yelling get off us you oversized camel zit wait a minute i looked down the sand was stirring uneasily then it bubbled and again the voice spoke i said get off what s wrong you got turnips in your ears or maybe your whole head s a turnip now get off get off what get off who i asked get off us said the voice i took two long steps back i thought maybe there were some creatures that lived beneath the desert sand is that better i asked no no no no no said the voice suddenly the desert began to heave the sand in front of me rose while the sand behind me fell and i tumbled backwards die barbarian die said the voice talk like that worries me the sand continued to rise and fall tossing me like a rag doll then with a quick thrust the desert threw me onto the pond i got set to drown i landed with a hard thud on top of the pond it was plastic some oasis we have him surrounded said the voice now what shall we do with him shall we just keep him here and watch as he slowly dies of thirst that would be fun or maybe we can fly into his clothes and jump around until he itches to death we could always make it quick and sit on him until he smothers but we haven t had any fun since that girl scout troop came through last year let s try the itching the wind began to pick up thousands of grains of sand sped through the air and hit me hard like little b b s many of them fell through the cracks in my clothes getting underneath and onto my skin i had to scratch it was awful of course if they d decided to smother me outright whoever they were i would have thought myself home quick i figured i still had some time before the itching drove me crazy but as bad as the itching was perhaps there wasn t much time i d just about decided i d had enough of the desert when i heard a whir above me i looked up there in the sky were two people riding winged camels one of them dropped a rope ladder down to me climb up i heard the rider shout over the wind i looked up at the camel rider grabbed hold of the ladder and began to climb when i reached the side of the camel a strong hand grabbed me and pulled me up on top and off we sped those camels were pretty fast good thing too because the wind had begun to howl angrily and the sand was chasing us i m arnold said the person who had pulled me on arnold of arabia that s right and the person on the other camel is my wife gertrude gertrude of arabia pleased to meet you i said you got here just in time what was that down there that was just the sand said arnold it hates people in most of the world the sand is being conquered so it can only bother people by sneaking into houses and gumming up the electronics of expensive machines but here in the desert the sand has the upper hand that s right it s not very subtle when it attacks it sure isn t i said it was planning to smother me itch me to death or make me die of thirst good thing they weren t really mad or they would have gone for the dancing in the nostrils trick he shook his head poor girl scouts we flew until we came to what at first looked like a huge lake but turned out to be an immense slab of concrete shaped in a circle about three blocks wide all around the circle were mechanical brooms sweeping away any sand that sneaked onto the concrete there were also hundreds of electric fans that blew any airborne sand back into the desert in the center of the circle there was an igloo shaped concrete hut arnold and gertrude landed their camels near the hut then hopped off to the ground while arnold helped me down gertrude climbed into the igloo she soon came out with two large bowls of turkey casserole which she placed on the ground in front of the camels as the camels ate hungrily and sloppily one of them spit turkey casserole on my shoes gertrude and arnold sat down by the igloo and leaned up against it then motioned me to join them slowly i sat down and carefully i leaned against the igloo it didn t fall over i relaxed the camels finished their turkey casserole and ambled around the one with a blotch on its head like a gluey fried egg spill wandered over toward me and burped right in my face yecchh i yelled stop it gooey arnold said sternly he pointed to the edge of the concrete circle stand over there gooey that s right said gertrude stand over there arnold and gertrude sat down next to me good thing our angry sand detector was working right said gertrude the sand can be brutal that s right said arnold but when the detector s working we can usually get to the rescue in time that s right said gertrude we ve been pretty successful since the united nations for a dust free world sent us out here that s right said arnold so far just this year we ve saved the ambassador from disneyland the brazilian dancing bear and world heavyweight wrestling team and the statue of liberty that s right said gertrude but unfortunately from time to time we do have our failures especially with the angry sand detector breaks down there was of course that s right said arnold that was terrible and then there was that s right said gertrude it was awful but you re safe and we ll get you out of here and back to concrete as soon as we re rested that s right said arnold then they were both quiet we were sitting in silence watching the camels when the camel named gooey hopped over the brooms and fans at the edge of the concrete circle and started dancing on the sand gooey yelled arnold suddenly the igloo began playing turkey in the straw at about 600 decibels the sound vibrations knocked all three of us head over heels gertrude put her hands over her ears stood up ran back to the igloo and kicked it hard the music stopped gooey came back inside the circle isn t this the first time that angry sand detector has gone off twice in one day asked arnold that s right said gertrude busy day someone else need rescuing i asked no said arnold calmly when someone needs rescuing the detector plays yankee doodle that s right said gertrude turkey in the straw means that the sand is so angry that it s forming to make a head on attack on our fortress so what do we do i asked fly out on the camels heavens no said gertrude with us on their backs the camels are only good for short hauls to get out of the desert we d need an armored bird division with sand blasters and she walked over to the camels and kicked them hard in their rear ends she gave gooey an extra hard kick the camels gave a little hop then flew into the air they ll be safe on their own but we go underground until the attack is over come on i followed arnold into the igloo gertrude came behind me when i entered the main area i noticed that arnold had gone down a trap door in the center of the igloo floor i followed noticing as i began to climb down that gertrude had tightly closed a small door that shut off the igloo from the outside world beneath the igloo was a nice if small room one light bulb was enough to light the place two couches facing each other looked like they served double duty as beds i sat down on a couch just as gertrude came down from the igloo shutting the trap door behind her there said arnold we ll be safe here from the sand break out the canasta cards gertrude we re going to have some time to kill that s right said gertrude as she reached under one of the couches and pulled out a beat up pack of playing cards she and arnold sat on the floor gertrude began to deal you in she asked me not this one i said but if you wouldn t mind i would like a glass of water or something i was very thirsty i d get a drink and then see if arnold and gertrude had any information that could help me figure out these trips sorry about that said arnold but we don t keep any of that around here what of course they had to have water here they were in the desert for goodness sake how did they survive i asked them that we don t need it said arnold special agents for the united nations for a dust free world get their pores surgically closed and have liquid reprocessing systems put into their bodies before they re sent on assignment we never need to drink anything one less thing the desert sand can use against us i was very thirsty when i asked for a drink but now that i knew there was no water i suddenly felt parched dehydrated dying well how soon before this attack s over and you can get me to someplace with water i asked oh said gertrude maybe an hour but could be a month or more once had a storm last four months you never know and then of course if the attack was bad it will take a week or two for the brooms and the fans to get things cleaned up and then sometimes the camels take a couple of days to come back four months or more it suddenly occurred to me that the room we were in was very small and soon sand would be smothering the entire complex not only was i dying of thirst now i noticed that i was also having trouble breathing how about oxygen i asked how long does your oxygen here last oh we don t have to worry about that said arnold special agents for the united nations for a dust free world have their lungs replaced with special carbon dioxide to oxygen processing systems it doesn t matter what the air outside of us is like we do just fine that s right said gertrude then if by some accident the sand does succeed in covering us up we don t smother i was curious and food i asked oh we don t have to worry about that said gertrude special agents i get the picture i said well i d stayed here about as long as i was able i was thirsty hungry and gasping for breath thanks for saving me folks i said see you later i thought of someplace with lots of water posted in 08 a hot time on saturday leave a comment 9 i talk to the trees and they listen to me and we dance posted on march 21 2011 by rockcanyon for the second time in my journeys i found myself suddenly standing in water but this time the water was only waist deep i cupped my hands and scooped up some of the cool liquid i carried it to my mouth and poured it in it was fresh it was clean it was wonderful i scooped water three more times to my mouth then dumped several hand loads over my hot head feels good doesn t it said a voice to my side it s great i said especially after what i ve just been through i turned to look at my comrade he was a fish another fish this one though was about a foot long and half of that foot was a mouth full of sharp teeth i was talking to a piranha i flew out of the river onto the bank nice jump said the fish as he hopped across the river to the bank and sat down beside me on land he wasn t as frightening as he d appeared in the water here i could at le...
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