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Text of the page (random words):
ast three year because of covid there s a lap pool filled with mineral water in the town we visited and we walked there every day from the rental apartment we swam laps and soaked in the heart spring the source of the different pools that comes directly from the earth at 105 degrees the springs were once the traditional lands of the ute indians who used to winter there they understood very well the benefits of the spring water knowing they were forced from their land is present for me and i often think of how different our world would be if the white settlers had tried to learn from the people who were there before them we also visited another hot springs that s higher in the rockies than the pools in town it s a rustic place situated at about 7 000 feet in a dip of the mountain chain on a dirt road the owners have built pools of different temperatures with rocks and boulders so that the cold river water can blend with the steaming hot springs that bubbles from the earth at 124 degrees strawberry park hotsprings one of the pools watsu massage cabin and pool my favorite way of experiencing the springs was to swim for 15 minutes in the cold water which felt like it was maybe 65 or 70 degrees people were saying it was 60 degrees but i don t think i d have been able to swim that long in such cold water after my cold water dip i d go to the 106 degree water and soak up to my neck like a japanese snow monkey but the most healing practice i experienced there was watsu massage watsu therapy combines the pressure point massage of japanese shiatsu with submersion in 95 degree water the water close to body temperature feels like bathing in silky air my therapist was a young woman who had studied watsu in hawaii she explained her process while we were sitting in the lovely open air private pool surrounded with a stone wall she worked with me in the beginning to practice blowing bubbles out my mouth while using a nose plug she explained that water represented the element of emotions and asked me if i had any traumas or emotional upheavals i wanted to express and as i told her the story of my recent depression she tapped my forehead ribs and sternum she then asked me to repeat a healing affirmation based on the story i told her afterwards she put floats on my legs and worked with me while holding me in her arms face up she created a powerful feeling of trust in me that allowed me to close my eyes and completely let go of any holding patterns in my body instructing me me to breathe through my heart space she moved my body like a frayed rope through the warm water when i was completely loose and relaxed we started the submersion part she intuited how long she could keep me underwater without my needing to struggle the feeling of retaining the breath and then taking in big gulps of fresh air through my mouth made me feel like a newborn i m so grateful to nechole for her healing touch and her wise words watsu helped me forget about my thinking self for an hour when i went back for a second session she asked me if i had learned anything from our first time in the water and i said well i wanted to write about it but i just didn t have the energy she asked me if i had seen any spiders recently and i said yes i had found one in the bathtub she said that writing is the medicine of spiders because they spin webs and that maybe i should heed the sign she also told me about aunt ninny the nagging voice inside all of us that holds us back from creating or expressing ourselves i saw a spider yesterday on my bed and i wrapped it in tissue and let it go in the bushes aunt ninny is having her iced tea on the front porch and i m on the back porch writing a wee bit making my way back to wholeness sketch of watsu and massage cabin visions i had during massage with spider and self portrait as aunt ninny july 24 2022 anxiety art depression healing massage swimming water watsu writing time in the mountains even though my house is surrounded by trees it s still in the suburbs for some reason folks around here feel the need to use gas powered blowers to clear their driveways which often prevents me from enjoying the morning on my back porch mornings are hot and humid in metro atlanta i can tolerate the heat until about ten o clock but after that it s uncomfortable unless you remain absolutely still and are under a ceiling fan just two hours north however the temperature drops a good ten degrees my sisters and i sat on a cabin porch in rocking chairs and observed woodpeckers tree climbers black eyed susans and blossoming rhododendrons for much of the time i was in a meditative state of rest rocking and breathing in the sweet air we didn t have enough time for much art making i didn t even write in my journal there s a two mile path around the lake that my lovely teenage niece my sisters and i walked a few times my youngest sister a journalist and nature lover was keen to find mushrooms and she did she spied a handful of bright saffron colored chanterelles although she gave me a little fright the way she scrambled down a hillside to photograph them she pointed out a kingfisher a pileated woodpecker and a score of other plants rhododendron purple beautyberry mount yonah little leaf sensitive briar my middle sister is a mystic an adept meditation practitioner in the tradition of parmahansa yogananda an artist and a raw food enthusiast she prepared a delicious vegan lunch and dinner for me every day we were there a true gift for me as i recover from depression my mom and her husband traveled from their home about thirty minutes away and they hiked with us to ana ruby falls my mother is about to turn 83 and she set the pace for us up the mountain she s in better hiking shape than i am the cool air from the falls under a canopy of poplars hickory oaks and rhododendron was a healing balm my sisters and i realized after being there that three days was not enough time july 3 2022 anxiety art depression healing walking writing bee balm delights as i heal bees and honey flies dancing through the bee balm the bee balm i planted this past april is in full bloom and the bees are take greedy delight in it the flowers are right next to a stone retaining wall and when it s shady i love to sit there and watch the multitudes gyrating among the blossoms it s meditative and restorative as outside time suspends and i enter the bees eternal present there have been cataclysmic disruptions in the u s that have shaken many of us if not most of us to our core it s been hard to grapple with the demise of women s reproductive and bodily rights as i also am healing from depression one of my sisters a journalist went to observe a protest in atlanta but i do not have energy to participate in these demonstrations i ve got to focus on restoring my nervous system and gardening is one way i ve been able to do that my backyard is completely wooded with no grass just oak and hickory saplings trying to reach through the canopy of eighty year old tulip poplars we lost a giant post oak in our front yard in a lightning storm about twelve years ago which opened up a small patch of sunlight and there i ve cultivated a variety of plants all perennials there are three blueberry bushes that yield a fair amount of fruit which i leave for the birds the cardinals jays and wrens feast among the branches in june i planted a brown turkey fig a few years ago that still doesn t produce much fruit but i do love looking at the sunlight filtering through its broad fat leaves sketchbook entry from may before the heatwave kicked in yesterday it was a bit cooler in the morning than it has been so i spent a few hours pulling up my nemesis an invasive species called chamber bitter if you see a patch of this weed yank it up immediately it s also called gripe weed a another good name for my garden nemesis chamber bitter is almost impossible to control without herbicide and i have used a tiny bit of a homemade concoction of salt soap and vinegar on a few spots mostly though i pull the weeds up by the roots venting my rage and grief as i go i m including this poem below to show how gardening and time outdoors works its way into my poems my life is fairly boring if watched from the outside it s the small observations that accumulate and fuse with a certain feeling that end up becoming poems eve clears her garden spring forced no life from the apple tree so we took it down dragging crown and trunk to the yard for the boys to chop into logs then the soil taproots thick as wrists severed with pickax and machete rocks and clay loosened with tines of hoe and pitchfork leaves sheaves of them bleaching under this year s brown ones peeled away worms slid through sleek mud as blade tips carved nearby from a tide of mulch pale as a sprig of thyme a snake flashed its stripes like a dart and i dropped the spade there is flawless blue where the tree once reached verbena and asters now pink the hill instead of old geometries those leafless branches a sphinx moth some kind of flying serpent takes wary sips from milkweed then phlox then flies in my direction as if to reach the pith of me and my temptation the urge is to coax seedlings into vines to answer the call of minstrel goldfinch to open my heart s hive and free the bees that seem to buzz between each breath each rib republished here from my poetry collection swimming this with futurecycle press 2015 june 26 2022 anxiety art depression gardening grief poetry spirituality memoir as a body of water long ago in the storm rocked cantabrian sea my friends and i heeded some impulse to strip and plunge below the jagged breakers blood pounding in my ears the only sound as waves swirled above like illuminated thunderheads later we sat on pockmarked boulders at dusk an electric charge in the air hushed breath chests rising and falling as though joined by an invisible current the shared knowledge of what we had risked today i enter the pebbled shallows of a man made lake my footsteps tear through the reflection of pine trees warp their curve upwards with hill s rise their sun bright branches greening the water s mirrored darkness today i m thinking about youth and the vitality i once had when i wrote this poem this past spring i was feeling content with the peace and calm i had arrived at but as i m going through another depression of the agitated variety my nerves completely shot i marvel at how i used to thrill at riding wooden roller coasters or swimming in rough water yesterday i took the second covid booster which hasn t seemed to cause me any great distress but the new medication i m taking for anxiety has tired me as my body adjusts i m still hoping the anxiety will ebb but so far after ten days i ve only experienced minor improvements guided meditations and lap swimming have helped ease some of the pain distractions like walking my dog or gardening when the heat is not too unbearable also help remembering that all things change and are changing every moment is a consolation too i copied the owl s face from the cover of this month s atlantic how animals perceive the world by ed yong photo by shayan asgharnia june 19 2022 anxiety depression pandemic poetry sketchbook therapy after the pilgrimage we enter the garden of earthly delights diary entry madrid international pride weekend 2017 tourist lunch at three o clock on the terrace but i m not alone a russian to my right speaks to me in spanish rusia es un infierno allá a no se puede ser gay he tells me of sinister ears that listen for echoes of forbidden love their switchblades ready to shiv a body but all of this is far away today we pilgrims dine on scallops in their shells watercress salad and peach gazpacho as the sky parades across the gran vía an awning of cobalt blue over buildings white as wedding cake cornices creamy as flan love s on all the billboards and gold armored super woman straddles the bus stop so much iridescence i forget my fractured foot we mambo through rainbows laced along the retiro and two step into the garden of earthly delights where swallows burst through pink eggshells and adam plops down as though stupefied on the grass god dressed in red velvet robes stares at us as he holds eve s wrist and takes her pulse we shed our clothes drag queens expose their statuesque torsos and i reveal my pale potbelly my breasts like empty soup bowls here shame has drifted out to sea in a soap bubble naked together we are whippoorwills circling fountains frothing with limonada sangría tinto de verano we are owls with pineapples on our heads symbolizing nothing fizzing with delight christine swint in honor of pride month i m posting this poem that i wrote a few years ago after returning from my second camino in spain the poem is based on real life events in madrid and also the painting by hieronymus bosch a tryptic that encompasses heaven hell and earthly paradise the garden of earthly delights by hieronymus bosch housed in the prado madrid if i can ever get myself to focus and complete this project the plan is to place this poem at the end of my manuscript about the camino it s shaping up to be a nice size for a chapbook about 28 pages of poems written in the epistolary style and consisting of letters messages notes and diary entries i love the poems in this manuscript and i really need to finish the project and bring it to fruition it s more fun to keep making new poems but it s not fair to the work to keep it squirreled away in drawers and on my laptop i hope you like this poem it s central message is to live with delight and for shame to drift out to sea in a soap bubble be proud of your way of loving no one can tell you how or who to love and know that if you re reading this poem and identify as lgbtqia which is probably most of the entire world i am sending you love through this poem madrid orgullo 2017 june 5 2022 art camino de santiago 2017 international pride weekend lgbtqia poetry pride month the numinous pine the numinous pine look here the tree says there is a path a road winding toward a cabin deep in a shadowy forest finding the glowing pine is not enough i need to travel down the winding road to the decrepit cabin full of cobwebs broken boards even deeper i need to go below the foundation down to the level of packed dirt down to the damp dark place where memories sleep in fits pushing like roots in the soil new dream journal i ve kept a log of my dreams for years and years ever since i was a teenager but lately my nightly visions have slipped away from my conscious mind as is my custom i keep a notebook next to my bed where each night i write i want to remember my dreams tonight or something to that effect if no dream is in my mind when i wake i write no dream tonight i have a long list of many nights in a row with not even a fragment to hold i m wondering if my inner dream maker is feeling neglected because i have had several vivid images come to me in dream form during the last year but i haven t really p...
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