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give such a selfish old man read full post a crap load of epiphanies posted in gobbledygook just thinking life livable philosophy pudder shadows thinking time and effort toxic faith uncategorized worldviews tagged acceptance aging attitude lack of planning self time on wednesday january 25 2017 leave a comment ever have an epiphany i just did i had a freaking crap storm of them it just dawned on me that in my youth i never expected to live to see my 35th birthday so i never planned on anything after that nothing zip ziltch nada no financial plan no career plan no retirement plan just work until i die so according to my original calculations i should have not made it to 35 then my adjusted calculations said i d never make 45 since my dad died at 44 yeah that came and went as well the final calculations begin this year when i hit 54 the same as as my grandfather when he died and please nobody give me the whole it s in god s hands spiel i know it as well as anyone because i m still freaking here yep here i am here i am indeed funny how life doesn t go according to plan eh epiphany 2 is this if things are never going to change why waste the effort in attempting to make a change and please spare me the the self help self actualizing crap about only you can prevent forest fires philosophy nope don t believe that any longer either time is not on my side there is more behind me now than there is in front of me and all the best is in the rear view there may be some good days here and there in what s ahead but it will be neither quantity nor quality and that s just the facts that s not pity talking it is reality and that was epiphany 3 so here s to the days ahead i know not what they bring i ll face them one at a time and make the most of what is left with what i have left a job yeah yeah yeah i m thankful for it but i hate it that sucks the joy out of me a neglected body that will probably never recover from the damage done to this point and an attitude and please don t lecture me about attitude and how i can change it i ve lived with it this long so i m f ing comfortable with it i tried to reprogram for the past four years and i m just tired of trying life s too short to eat crab legs too much effort and not enough reward just do what is comfortable and hope for the best and that s it for now i m just weary bone freaking weary read full post returning to where i left off posted in exercise just thinking learning life livable philosophy questions social commentary thinking time and effort tagged culture learning media questions on tuesday january 10 2017 1 comment while recuperating i am trying to return to reading more and getting back to learning i am finding that reading is a discipline akin to working out it requires a concerted effort to guide my mind back into reading mode much like returning to running after years of non running where my body had forgotten how to run i find my mind has grown fat and lazy it prefers the junk food found in social media rather than the solid nutrition found in literature art and story so then my exercise regime is to ease my mind back into reading i find my mind is hungry for substance for ideas for things that will cause me to grow rather than waste away on the junk food found in our technological cornucopia of social media and instant infotainment i find myself wondering if i have waited too long to get back to learning am i too old is it too late no no it is a matter of discipline it will take work and it will not be easy there are many distractions in this day of instant internet and entertainment access it was an epiphany to realize that i had allowed myself to become seduced by easy technology to be ensnared by the entertainment at my fingertips in the device i now carry with me everywhere i go my mind has become addicted to soundbite to bumper sticker snippets and click bait headlines all fluff and no substance i have therefore decided to impose some self discipline and require myself to read for at least one hour each day in practicing that today my mind realized the shallowness of what i have been consuming for far too long and it realized the emptiness of time wasted in cheap entertainment pursuits with which i have intoxicated myself cheap entertainment pursuits that require no thought have left my mind numb and in desperate need of more nourishing substance i hope to incorporate more classical literature in my routine as well as my mind training progresses i just know that at this moment my mind is starving for something more that the mind numbing dribble that i ve been feeding it for the past several years it s not too late to begin again and learn it s not too late to feed my mind and soul in the words of one of my favorite movies i offer this quote while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation words will always retain their power words offer the means to meaning and for those who will listen the enunciation of truth so i begin again on tap for now on writing well william zinsser wabi sabi for writers richard r powell the gentle art of verbal self defense suzette haden elgin finding your perfect work paul and sarah edwards pierre or the ambiguities herman melville brain power practical ways to boost your memory creativity and thinking capacity laureli blyth 30 steps to becoming a writer and getting published scott edelstein the bible esv study translation read full post hope posted in dance just thinking sunday mornings thinking tagged beauty hope image life on sunday october 16 2016 leave a comment the morning air was a nearly perfect sixty five degrees with only a slight breeze ideal conditions to be out on the road a day worth remembering i hate i have lost so much of my sense of smell as i would love to capture the aroma of this early fall day in my memory bank as well i m asking things of my body that it doesn t like especially since it still has too much weight to be carrying around the body is fighting against itself and the mind while the soul is just weary of it all yet even amidst the turmoil within me i am struck by a moment of grand beauty in the middle of a pain concert raging in my feet legs back and lungs i stop for a moment to watch a squadron of maple leaves launch from their branch and be carried along on a gentle current watching as they spiral down in the morning sunlight twirling and twisting in a death dance celebration of their short life the sun spotlighting them highlighting their performance for that brief moment time seemed to stop and allow me to take it in the sound of the leaves rustling on the trees the feel of sun on my skin the breeze gently caressing my face a moment of pure beauty in the midst of an internal storm a reminder that no matter how out of control things seem to get there is hope because there is beauty because there is beauty i know there is love because there is love i have hope read full post i stand at the gate posted in just thinking life livable philosophy questions shadows sound and fury thinking time and effort tagged image on monday october 10 2016 leave a comment my story would begin in darkness though not total darkness but not romantic moonlit darkness either it would be more the darkness that accompanies a storm the kind that diffuses the the light and casts strange shadows across the land the kind that causes the street lamps to come on at mid day i stand at the gate looking out at the road that lies before me uncertain which direction to go from here do i open the gate and step through or do i run back to the porch and ride out the storm in the relative comfort of the crumbling structure i am seeking to escape do i stay until the bitter end i stand at the gate and look back indecision has me paralyzed and the storm is increasing in intensity i feel the wind at my back and it causes me to shiver i adjust my collar and huddle down to make myself a smaller target for the chill breeze and once again turn to look at the road before me just a step beyond the gate i stand at the gate and my eyes search for any sign of direction off in the distance i see rays of sunlight that quickly retreat into shadow as i watch teasing me with hope that is transient and elusive i m too old to go chasing after maybes and what ifs i need a sure thing yet i realize how unreasonable and unrealistic that standard is there are no sure things and to make that a requirement will only keep me paralyzed with indecision i stand at the gate read full post the heresy of the altar call posted in americanized religiosity charles finney church doctrines of grace god gospel ifb just thinking livable philosophy manipulation obedience orthodoxy questions reformation religion religiosity revival revivalism semi pelagian social commentary sovereignty of god thinking toxic faith traditions of men worldviews tagged belief and behaviour control and power cult of personality dangerous christian activity fundamentalism independent fundamental baptist cult religion sloppy preaching sovereignty of god toxic faith on sunday december 29 2013 3 comments the altar call is an outward show of how the pastor can emotionally manipulate his followers to do what he says through guilt and other pressure tactics it is a power play so that there is visible evidence of a successful sermon the so called altar call is the pastor s way of proving that he is worth his paycheck it is part and parcel of the man centered gospel of the church growth movement in modern churchianity the church lecture series is all about the man in the pulpit no matter how much he claims to the contrary the cult of personality is the glue that really holds the congregation together take away the charisma in the pulpit and the so called church that meets in the temple they have built for themselves will dwindle down and die the sheeple will find themselves another proxy god to put in the pulpit they must have their very own idol to listen to and to worship not a god you say really pastors are the gods over their congregations his is the only voice allowed to speak during the lecture and he cannot be questioned about anything he says from behind the so called sacred desk he is infallible and not to be questioned he demands loyalty and obedience his word is law the sheeple are conditioned to passively and unconditionally accept what the man in the pulpit is saying no matter what he says the pastor is in fact speaking ex cathedra as he is the head of his church no matter who he gives lip service to i cannot accept your canon that we are to judge pope and king unlike other men with a favourable presumption that they did no wrong if there is any presumption it is the other way against the holders of power increasing as the power increases historic responsibility has to make up for the want of legal responsibility power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely great men are almost always bad men even when they exercise influence and not authority still more when you superadd the tendency or certainty of corruption by full authority there is no worse heresy than the fact that the office sanctifies the holder of it lord acton expressed this opinion in a letter to bishop mandell creighton in 1887 _________________________ my premise is that any man who is given authority over others will if left unchecked make full use of that authority for both personal gain and personal power the amount of corruption by this person will ultimately be decided by the amount of power that is available as lord acton says great men are almost always bad men even when they exercise influence and not authority still more when you superadd the tendency or certainty of corruption by full authority in modern christianity most church congregations are based on a simple design the authority is vested in the persons of the so called clergy usually at the consent of or at least the tacit agreement of the so called laity this catholic idea of clergy laity came from the teachings of ignatius irenaeus cyprias and augustine who created and promoted the whole christian class caste system while not addressing the theological issues of this problem lord acton actually does a marvelous job of attacking just such a system there is no worse heresy than the fact that the office sanctifies the holder of it as true today as when acton said it excerpted from my blog https persifler wordpress com 2010 04 12 corruption is directly proportional to the level of control that is available the altar call is nothing more than a way for the pastor to practice his manipulation tactics while stroking his own ego i dare say that what most people claim to be a movement of the holy spirit is at best ginned up emotionalism brought on through guilt and spiritual emotional manipulation why would i say such a thing because the feeling is generally gone by the time you reach the parking lot that s why finally and most importantly the altar call promotes a man centered humanistic approach to religion and salvation it portrays a weak frail god who can only work in his building following the pastor s sermon i have heard testimonies from folks who sweated bullets all week long until they could get to the altar call part of the service so they could get saved that screams of a god in a box who is so weak and so inept that that he has to have the work of the man of god little g on purpose in order to save someone i have also heard of so called soul winners who got people to say the sinners prayer on visitation coaching them to come to church on sunday and come down during the altar call in order to make their decision official with the preacher groan no no i don t have all the answers i m just now asking the right questions i just know that this kabuki theatre that is being called church these days is a sham and a shame read full post older posts like sand thru the hour glass august 2026 s m t w t f s 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 jul what it is the gospel good news god who is faithful seasons anyone else like me stumbling blocks wading through the wastelands of my memories sela meditate on this in the father awaiting eagerly life has meaning the emerging lurch current top dogs the gospel good news god who is faithful seasons anyone else like me stumbling blocks wading through the wastelands of my memories sela meditate on this in the father awaiting eagerly life has meaning recent comments persifler on the heresy of the altar dennis asuncion on the heresy of the altar solagod on returning to where i left audreymariescadden on pornography found on principal persifler on pornography found on principal blog stats 34 229 hits blogroll 9 marks blog on the way bread and circuses christian liberties com credenda agenda dale fincher dan kimball desiring god dowblog eric pazdiora freedom from abuse network independent fundamental baptist ifb why i quit going to church jonalyn fincher larknews com monergis...
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