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description= Refresh Your Faith and Self-Awareness with The Water Bearer;
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Text of the page (random words):
ss innocence and sense of faith safety and trust long into our adult years perhaps even the rest of our lives sometimes the inner child is referred to as the ego because they had to default to certain survival strategies to cope with childhood struggles they can become defensive or controlling hyper responsible avoidant addicted aggressive judgmental co dependant promiscuous or dishonest just to name a few in attempts to remain safe in an unsafe environment i didn t even realise until recently that my inner child was suffering from prolonged invisibility she had been shut down so often ignored and bullied into submission that she had practically disappeared no one including me knew she was in there but she began showing up more and more i noticed myself acting in extremely childish ways over reacting to the trivial annoyances of life crying when angry feeling clingy and needy shame spiralling or turning into a sulking or hostile brat when my plans were challenged even slightly i knew it was time to integrate my inner child but i was shocked to find more than one child inside me depending on the emotional trigger i can often discover children of different ages within me sometimes i have to console a 2 year old sometimes a 12 year old and sometimes a 20 year old today i am dealing with the pain of a situation that happened only last year that needs healing my practice is this process of integration 1 notice any disturbance to my mood ask myself am i peaceful or pressured 2 if any sense of discomfort or pressure take myself somewhere quiet with a pen and paper or journal or laptop write every thought that comes to mind and i mean every thought go deep and name the feelings and reason for these feelings then go deeper again and sit with those feelings i don t try to change or fix or resist them just be with the feelings practice acceptance this is about being curious not critical of ourselves 3 i imagine a younger version of myself and see if she has any feelings to add to the pile i let her unburden her childish and intense feelings and thoughts i pay her all my attention until she has unloaded everything 4 then i give validation to her feelings i e that must feel very unfair that must be heavy on your shoulders i m sorry you feel that way that must feel awful of course you re angry scared and sad etc 5 reparenting for me involves considering how god parents us he doesn t give us advice on how to fix ourselves and he doesn t condemn us in our brokenness a broken and contrite heart god will not despise god models patience kindness forgiveness freedom love and hope so i remind my inner child of all the principles of god s love for her and point her to the ultimate act of love his son on a cross i tell her how much god loves her even if i am struggling to believe it myself i recall all the amazing blessings god has given her i tell her how worthy she is that she is enough she isn t being punished and she isn t to blame she is forgiven she doesn t have to be perfect to be loved she can embrace her humanity 6 sometimes i have trouble connecting with my inner child or sometimes she seems fine even when i am disturbed so recently it came to my attention that apparently i can also be influenced by the inner children of my parents this could be all part of the generational healing in god s design this requires knowing some of your parents childhood and the types of struggles and painful feelings they faced sometimes their child needs validation and comfort as above but sometimes its as simple as recognising that they are not me and i don t need to carry the burden of their unresolved emotions i can detach from any unhealthy attachment or powerful feelings like blame bitterness shame or criticism etc this process takes time and practice to do well and i learn something new about myself and my inner children every time i do this some therapists recommend holding a stuffed animal or doing some colouring in or having a childhood photograph nearby anything to connect with the inner child to help tap into the flow of feelings i have also found so much healing from writing honest letters to god from my inner child and writing apology letters to my inner child for all the times i ignored her or betrayed her to please others there are so many beautiful benefits of learning to integrate the inner child such as feeling soothed and calm without any external crutch feeling balanced and more mature in challenging situations increased faith in being loved and worthy but also embracing playfulness and joy that comes when the super serious pressure lifts and we are finally able to experience the childlike innocence we missed out on the painful challenges of our lives can be handled in so many interesting ways i hope you try this one for yourself and experience the freedom and healing it brings click and share share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading permalink leave a comment 21 11 2021 story time a promise kept posted in encouragement finding faith general tagged angels author demons drugs explicit language fantasy fiction international jesus lucifer novel real religious fiction satan sex spiritual struggle the realm urban fantasy warfare at 3 23 pm by the water bearer it was the year 2000 a particularly challenging year for me i was 23 a single mum working 3 jobs and battling against the emotional upheaval of life love and family dysfunction that was a year of unexpected and painful events which took me on a rollercoaster right into rock bottom so in prayer i asked god what i could do to grow closer to him that night i had a vivid vision and heard a still small voice asking me to write the book from my vision the vision only lasted a split second but the amount of information it contained was phenomenal all about the spiritual war that had impacted me that year it has taken me over 20 years to keep my promise and put this story into book form and yet i think any effort i made only delayed the process it took me 18years to write the initial 60k words and just 4 short months to write the last 60k once i dropped all distractions and agreed to complete the book i was woken daily at 4am with another chapter ready to pour out onto the page so with that said here is the link to the book i promised to write remember to change country sites to get local shipping costs i hope it blesses you click and share share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading permalink 1 comment 28 06 2021 dropping the weight of codependence posted in encouragement finding faith self awareness tagged boundaries breakthrough celebrate recovery codependence control hyper responsible recovery at 9 39 am by the water bearer when i was in my early twenties and my daughter was 2 years old i realised that there was a circle of drama all around us the people i had called friends and family at that time were severely codependent their irresponsible behaviour and constant problems were far beyond my ability to fix and so i carried their pain and problems without hope of resolution the last thing i wanted was for people who caused so much drama to have a negative impact on my young daughter so one by one i began to sever those ties these would become the very first baby steps on a long journey out of my own personal codependent torment then after my car accident in 2006 when my second daughter was 2 years old i learned about boundaries my physical and mental limitations meant i was unable to people please others and take care of myself at the same time boundaries became a way for me to learn to say no to the things that didn t serve my own wellbeing and i learned to voice my faith and my weaknesses these were diligent strides on my journey then in 2009 when my dad stepped into eternity after a brief battle with cancer i began writing more publicly somehow the responsibility of carrying on his legacy drove me beyond my fears of what others may think and into a place where i could share my beliefs and experiences more openly i feel i ve been running flat strap on my journey ever since i actually thought i had overcome codependency because in each of these scenarios i had learned to trust god alone with my greatest fears i had laid down the big and physical responsibilities of others but even after 15 years of therapy over a decade of blogging a completed novel and a newly created wellness ministry it became clear that something still wasn t right in my thinking other people s thoughts feelings and choices still had way more power over me than i could cope with i prayed for years for this to stop i was at the end of my rope and had no idea what more i could do other than running away and dropping out of the human race entirely then a recent set of lifechanging events brought to the surface my more subtle codependent traits they come in the form of worry triggers and spark a chain of behaviours that i have always justified and defended they come in the form of helpful control and hyper responsibility being empathic and prophetic are powerful gifts but without absolute clarity they really add to the worry triggers if you can foresee the ensuing problems loved ones are headed towards due to immature responsibility and minimal faith and you feel their pain when the consequence of their irresponsibility hits it creates a sh t storm of worry codependency told me i should just work harder to help us all avoid the awful fall out so i do it with sermonic speeches of faith wisdom and advice i do it with manic chores extra errands and running to bail loved ones out of so many unpleasant circumstances i do it with excessive positive interaction entertaining as many as i can and filling every uncomfortable silence or tense situation i do it by picking up their responsibility making decisions for them and then blaming myself and tying myself into a pretzel every time they get upset or something goes wrong i do it with tearful pleading prayers and by always attempting to fix everything like many of you in 2020 i hit a wall no matter what i did nothing worked anymore and i mean nothing as i prayed for guidance all i heard god saying back was rest my reply thank you lord i mean rest would be great but how can i rest when there is still so much to fix i did not expect him to stop the whole world just to teach me to stop and rest at this point of my realization i look back and shake my head at the level of self deception i have once again discovered whenever god wants to teach me something he has this frustratingly brilliant way of giving me tiny pieces of the puzzle here and there over a period of time a little sign a little encounter a podcast a song a scripture a quote a new acquaintance a lot of conversations a pandemic and so on then at precisely the right time and usually at 3am lol he puts them all together and i can finally see the whole picture this journey has taught me that if we stop playing the victim long enough new trauma tends to prompt us to peel back another layer of self deception but rest assured there seems to always be another layer beneath it god showed me that by being helpfully controlling and hyper responsible i was doing myself and others a complete injustice i am not their saviour jesus is but i only came to truly know jesus by sitting alone in my pain with him yet here i was either running away or running around like a nutcase making sure no one near me experienced any discomfort i was heavily burdened with the task of teaching others what god is like i would run toward them with a pile of personal experience and wonder why they didn t get it and change i would take upon myself the blame of their anger their tears their own torment and then frantically explain why i wasn t at fault ugh so once again i am putting back on my itchy jumper of practiced incremental change after only a few weeks of trying to get my head around all of this i am already seeing the wonderful benefits i am watching myself diligently for any worry triggers and admitting my powerlessness over it all im checking my words and actions for any hidden fear or control i am sitting once again at the feet of my saviour and casting my worry triggers onto his shoulders i am learning to detach from the enmeshment of empathic emotional pain and letting loved ones seek faith for themselves i m seeing the dignity and maturity that comes when we each carry the weight of our own emotions our choices our efforts our sins and our consequences and blaming their fears instead of myself for any emotional disturbance i am trusting more each day that i can finally drop the weight of the burden i have been carrying my entire life and believe god s promise that he will work it all out for good yeeeew click and share share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit print opens in new window print share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest email a link to a friend opens in new window email more share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr like loading permalink leave a comment 16 03 2021 hellish help posted in encouragement finding faith self awareness teen trials tagged accusations children dark night of soul depression family fear hell mental illness misunderstood not good enough sanctification support at 10 30 am by the water bearer you know that feeling where you feel disconnected from those around you when no one understands your heart or intentions where you feel accused misjudged attacked unsafe when you feel that no one sees your value or allows you to be your worst self and let it be ok when no one gives you the benefit of the doubt and every tiny thing you do is under a magnifying glass and scrutinized you feel fragile and exposed but even when you seek god in that moment you can t seem to truly connect to him it s enough to make the best of us shut down or crumble into a puddle of tears or erupt in a cyclone of unpredictable emotions these feelings all bubble to the surface because deep down you feel you re not good enough no matter what you do or how hard you try there s always a critic waiting to pounce on you for pulling a facial expression you didn t know you were pulling while a torrent of emotions overwhelm you i m mean it s not like we can see our own face looking ...
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