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t comforting whenever i or my kids do something i wish i or they hadn t done no need to get excited or overreact it s just human nature but i believe this understanding should result in more mercy to my children not more harshness and law they are not different from me it was the kindness of god romans 2 4 that brought me to repentance so why would my harshness bring them to repentance the thing is that these biblical parenting ideas focus exclusively on human sinfulness while ignoring or forgetting other basic orthodox protestant teachings 1 humanity though sinful is also made in the image of god genesis 1 26 and it is in god that we live move and have our being acts 17 28 paul said in romans 2 14 15 that non jews who never had the law still have the work of the law written in their hearts their consciences bearing witness and their thoughts alternately accusing or else defending them this influence of god s spirit towards good in all people is known theologically as common grace 2 none of us can save ourselves or anyone else we are completely dependent on god s grace to bring us to salvation romans 3 23 24 nowhere does the bible say that the nature of the parent child relationship is a power struggle the opening chapters of the book of proverbs are about parents lovingly giving their children instruction not establishing dominance over them in any event the proverbs are by genre a set of wise sayings about how life generally works they are neither promises nor commands the passages about using the rod need to be understood in the literary historical and cultural contexts in which they were given the parenting freedom blog has a cultural language study that makes it plain that what the proverbs are talking about and what the biblical parenting advocates say they are talking about are in two different universes and in any event to take a few verses on the rod and conclude from them that spanking is the only god given method of discipline is to give those verses a scope they were clearly never intended to have nowhere does the bible say that our goal as parents should be to break our child s will jesus said in matthew 19 4 let the little children come to me and do not keep them away because the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these if the biblical parenting experts were correct jesus would have said something more like those children who have been subdued to obedience may come to me all others should be kept away because their hearts are wicked children are by nature innocent and trusting and they are geared to desire adult approval and to want to please their parents if you don t believe me just spend a little non judgmental time with some young kids this is the image of god in their humanity it is not negated or driven out by original sin to interpret your child s every action as a play for power or as an act of selfishness is to disregard the image of god and his common grace in your child 1 corinthians 13 7 says love bears all things believes all things hopes all things endures all things to see another s action through the eyes of love is to see it believing well of that person and hoping for the best in that person it is not to view every action with suspicion as motivated by selfishness and power grabbing this goes for our children as much as for anyone else nowhere does the bible remotely imply that any act of another human being can train someone into complete cheerful and instant obedience to god titus 2 11 14 states unequivocably that it is the grace of god that teaches us to deny ungodliness and live righteously biblical parenting is actually a way to play god seeking to control the outcomes of our children s lives and eliminate all uncertainty but that is not faith it is fear hebrews 11 1 says faith is the assurance of things hoped for the conviction of things not seen emphasis added having a thing and seeing it is certainty hoping for it and believing in it is faith faith faces uncertainty and trusts god fear seeks to control outcomes so as to eliminate uncertainty not realizing that the elimination of uncertainty also eliminates the need for faith parents we need to trust god with our children and not live in fear jesus said to do to others as we would have done to us this command doesn t disappear just because we re talking about our kids would we want to have our every motive suspect our every action viewed in the worst light would we want to beg for mercy for something we ve done and to be given no mercy lest we think we ve been given a license to get away with it next time would we want to be expected to drop everything no matter how important to us at the moment someone over us speaks a command and be expected to not only show no frustration but to feel no frustration even when our dearest desires are denied and thwarted do we want our frustration and lack of cheerfulness when we show them in spite of ourselves to then be interpreted and punished as rebellion if we would not want these things done to us we should at the very least not do them to our children but to truly obey jesus words is to go further and to do to our children what we would want done to us to be listened to to be treated with understanding and compassion to have our motives interpreted with i believe the best of you to be given mercy even when we know we don t deserve it i m not saying we should ignore it when our children do wrong i m not saying we shouldn t discipline our children or give them boundaries boundaries and discipline are good things we give our children but when the boundaries become chains and the discipline becomes harshness and injustice they are no longer good 1 john 4 18 says there is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves punishment and the one who fears is not perfected in love fear based parenting is full of punishment but love based parenting is full of faith and trust in god for our children please if you can bear it read this blog post by one who has suffered under fear based parenting and please stand with me against it if your church or anyone else recommends a fear based parenting book like to train up a child or child training tips please speak out children are hurting it needs to stop share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr more share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in kristen rosser leading the home tagged children fathers michael and debbie pearl mothers parent child relationship parenting reb bradley 10 comments marriage and the new creation by kyrie eleison posted on september 2 2012 by krwordgazer kyrie eleison quotes j lewis martin s galatians to ask some very interesting questions about how christian marriage differs from marriage under the old covenant marriage and the new creation what a different argument lies before us in gal 3 26 29 6 14 15 here the basis is explicitly not creation but rather the new creation in which the building blocks of the old creation are declared to be nonexistent if one were to recall the affirmation it is not good that the man should be alone gen 2 18 one would also remember that the creational response to loneliness is married fidelity between man and woman gen 2 24 mark 10 6 7 but in its announcement of the new creation the apocalyptic baptismal formula declares the erasure of the distinction of male from female now the answer to loneliness is not marriage but rather the new creational community that god is calling into being in christ the church marked by mutual love as it is led by the spirit of christ gal 3 28b 5 6 13 22 6 15 a tension between new creational argument and creational argument is not to be found however within galatians itself in writing to his church in corinth for example paul will negotiate the relation between new creation and creation by advising married people to be married as though not being married 1 cor 7 29 for the galatians he provides no such finesse indeed in writing to the galatians paul avoids two things he does not demonstrate the tension that can be seen between a creational argument and a new creational one and correspondingly he does not provide a way of relating the one to the other as though in some manner new creation could be added to creation here he argues uncompromisingly on the basis of god s new creation the result of such a radical vision and of its radical argumentation is the new creational view of the people of god harmonious with the one we have seen in comment 37 just as in galatians 5 13 14 the need to surmount loneliness is now met not by marriage but rather by the loving mutuality enacted in the new creation the church of god so the corresponding need to belong to a coherent community is not met by the making of a people ethnically and religious differentiated from other peoples but rather by the community of that new creation that god is calling into existence in christ throughout the whole of the world thus this corporate people is determined to no degree at all by the religious and ethnic factors that characterized the old creation 5 6 6 15 this people is determined solely by incorporation into the christ in whom those factors have no real existence looking at marriage through the lens of galatians 3 28 in christ there is not male and female is compared to the way paul looks at it in 1 cor 7 29 30 but this i say brethren the time has been shortened so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none and those who weep as though they did not weep and those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice and those who buy as though they did not possess and those who use this world as though they did not make full use of it for the form of this world is passing away jesus said that in the kingdom of heaven we would not marry or be given in marriage marriage is fundamentally a thing of the old creation which is passing away and christians are to make sure they view it that way the modern evangelical focus on marriage and family as the primary building blocks of christianity is thus incorrect and therefore the emphasis on gender roles male authority and female submission in marriage as being a paramount value for christians to uphold against encroaching modern culture is an emphasis on that which paul tells us is simply not meant to be important to us we are to seek first the kingdom and his righteousness jesus tells us we are to relate to one another primarily as brothers and sisters in christ mark 3 33 35 tells us that it is not family relationships but people doing together the will of god that is the foundation of christian community a marriage that consists of two people united in doing the will of god together that is the standard our marriages are to reach for the new creation kingdom is simply not about roles it was never meant to be share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr more share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in 1 corinthians 7 galatians 3 kristen rosser roles responsibilities tagged 1 cor 7 biblical marriage galatians 3 gender roles 2 comments dear liz what if our sex drives are unmatched posted on august 25 2012 by lizsykes q what if you don t seem to have a very big sex drive especially as you get older who is to say what is a big or small sex drive how does one gauge such a thing who is to say whether the big or small libido is the most honouring to god from the question i am assuming that your sexual drive is less than that of your spouse some people teach that men have more of a sex drive than women i would contest that assumption by saying that there is no place in the bible that gives that idea that god has made us that way both men and women were made in the image of god in the beginning and without sin were completely at one with each other and with god they were naked and unashamed i would suggest that in society more emphasis has been given to men s sexuality and over centuries it has been acceptable for men to be more promiscuous etc but that is not how god intended it to be marriage is all about consideration and one ness sometimes for a variety of reasons the interest in sexual intimacy will vary from one partner to the other and this gives opportunity for a couple to share their feelings anxieties and profound respect for each other sexual intimacy is designed for both partners to enjoy equally and anything less than that needs patience lots of communication and unselfish love so sexual encounters should never happen unless both people desire it the passage in 1 corinthians 7 about our bodies belonging to our partner applies equally to wives and husbands read it again something which hopefully started out as enjoyable when first married should not be allowed to degenerate into a rights issue the last part of this question says especially as you get older who decides what is old anyway most often husbands and wives are similar in age so can grow old gracefully together and can work these issues out once again it is considering the other person and working together to enjoy your sexuality even if age or sickness or disability means you have to make some adjustments be kind tender hearted to one another forgiving one another just as god has forgiven you because you belong to christ ephesians 4 32 note in answering all these questions i am coming from the perspective of marriage being the blending of two people into one where each prefers the other over themselves and puts the other s welfare before their own in other words it is the highest form of being one in christ which we can witness however in our experience of church life very few married people experience true one ness and resort to role playing and accomodating each other s sinfulness rather than working at provoking one another to love and good works if only one person in the marriage is a christian then obviously one ness cannot apply in spiritual issues but it is still something which can be achieved share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr more share on reddit opens in new window reddit share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in liz sykes practical living sex 2 comments egalitarian marriage what it looks like posted on august 23 2012 by charis jonalyn and dale fincher have a great vision of egalitarian marriage what it looks like share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on x opens in new window x share on tumblr opens in new 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