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Text of the page (random words):
in sight now obviously those with a christian taliban mindset will protest that this desecrates their holy book if i m honest i suspect they could probably make a compelling case i prefer to think i m just cutting out the bad parts albeit a bit imprecisely and making something much more valuable in the end obviously it was part of god s divine plan that i should create something this awesome for you so yeah thank god so without further ado here is how you too can make your very own super jesus bible box tool required elmers glue regular old school glue is perfect box cutter or a reciprocating plunge cutter if you re a fancy carpenter person two pieces of 3 4 plywood that are slightly larger than your book optional three to four wood clamps or c clamps step 1 get a bible it s possible you have a bible laying around your house already but it probably belonged to your grandma so it has some sentimental value the best alternative option is to get one for free luckily if you ve ever stayed at a hotel there is usually a fresh never been opened gideons right there in the nightstand for you to take don t feel guilty when you take that bible literally nobody will miss it and you re helping overcrowding in the world by freeing up very valuable space in the nightstand drawer of course if you re not a frequent traveler you can always buy an authentic gideons bible stolen on your behalf from comedian doug stanhope obviously you ll have to go to one of his shows to buy it at the merch table but even so still i highly recommend this option because he ll also autograph it for you which is very thoughtful of course you can use another book instead but i would strongly advise against that because no matter what it is there s a chance someone someday would actually want to read it okay you certainly could do this to a copy of the quran or the torah but don t do this to any other book because we re not monsters here you wouldn t want to ruin a book that s actually useful step 2 wrap it you ll want to keep the first book of genesis and maybe a little of exodus preserved in page form so the book can be opened and shown to be what appears to be a fully functioning no secret compartment containing bible just take some saran wrap and cover the cover and pages to be preserved now would also be a good time to carefully remove a specific page from elsewhere in the bible that you can use later as the bottom of your book for example if your name is mark or luke or habakkuk you might want to cut out that cover page and save it for later or not there are other great options too step 3 glue up the outside walls of your box using a brush or sponge apply a smooth but liberal coat of white elmers glue to the outside edge of the unprotected pages and let it dry you may want to put something heavy on the book to hold the pages flat and tight while the glue dries you may also want to do another coat or two of glue after it dries just to make sure the outside of your box is nice and solid be sure to rinse your brush clean when you re done because you re going to need it again later step 4 cut out the box so the traditional method for cutting out the pages is by using an exacto knife or box cutter i ve done this before and it s surprisingly hard work and the easiest way to develop carpal tunnel ever devised you should do it by hand at least once so you ll truly appreciate how much better an option it is to use a plunge cutter like this one here yeah i know you re welcome again step 5 fix the sides at this point your hands are a little tired but you hopefully have the void of your box cut out all the way down nicely done however you may now also notice your book doesn t close very well because the pages get a little puffy and irregular where they ve been cut yeah you didn t do anything wrong it just does that no fear the next step fixes that again get your sponge or brush and apply a liberal amount of glue to the interior sides of your box it s fine if you get glue on the bottom and top facing of the page too but we really want good coverage on the sides once everything is covered well you can remove the saran wrap from the first few chapters close your book as normally as possible place it between two pieces of strong plywood and use three to four clamps to compress your book flat again if you don t have clamps you can probably just place something heavy like a couch on your plywood bible sandwich but the clamps really will give you the best results be careful not to over tighten the clamps though or you could deform the spine of your book and that would be bad let this sit and dry overnight step6 dress the sides once you unclamp your book it should look nice and flat again when you open it you ll notice one or two pages are now glued over your opening this is a good thing take your box cutter and make a cut right down the center of the page and then make two additional cuts along the top and bottom edge of the void this should make a cut in the shape of an uppercase i fold the flaps back out of the void and apply a thin coat of glue to the interior edges and bottom of the void now simply bring the cut page flaps into the void and press then smooth to cover over the sides now we still need to dress the top and bottom edges of the void so put some glue on the top of the page and bring another page down on top repeat the above procedure except make your cut in the shape of an uppercase h this time this will give you flaps to dress the top and bottom edges we re almost done now step 7 dress the bottom now you have some options for covering the bottom of your box you can choose to use the page you salvaged earlier or you can get more creative and put a picture of your own creation there either way just cut it to size and glue it in you can optionally put another thin coat of glue over everything inside the void of the box just to make it a little more durable but once all the glue dries you re now the proud owner of your very own super jesus bible box awww yeah who s your savior now happy stashing comments 1 comment categories politics a forgiving god 7 11 2012 i honestly don t know what christians are talking about when they tell me god is a loving and forgiving god really i mean according to the bible he s willing to torture every human who has ever and will ever live because the first two people he created stole a piece of fruit from a tree okay to be fair some will say that it wasn t about the apple per se but it was because they disobeyed god and because it gave them the knowledge of good and evil but wait i still don t know why he s mad 1 every kid disobeys their parent at some point or another it s what kids do 2 i would want my kids to know the difference between good and bad 3 he s god he could easily erase that knowledge or if he s really stuck why not just kill adam and eve off cut down the fruit tree and make adam and eve 2 0 from scratch why prove how forgiving you are by punishing everyone else for eternity because one couple committed misdemeanor petit theft then again god was kind of a moron for putting the tree there in the first place so expecting him to be rational about all the rest of it just wouldn t make any sense would it greatest story ever told yeah right comments 21 comments categories politics of science and lies 15 10 2012 it s beyond frustrating to look at those who populate the congressional committee on science space and technology the committee s chair texas ralph hall when asked about the evidence that humans were altering the climate replied i don t think we can control what god controls add to him intellectual giants like missouri s todd legitimate rape akin and georgia s paul broun broun recently said that evolution and embryology and the big bang theory all that is lies straight from the pit of hell it s one thing if your crazy brother believes this crap but these are congressmen who make decisions that effect all of us the republicans get to choose this committee s membership so if you re an intelligent republican you should call your congressman to express your embarrassment and outrage that they keep putting people this willfully ignorant on this critical committee comments 1 comment categories politics welfare queens by the numbers 18 09 2012 i ll make this quick mitt romney thinks about 47 of americans pay no taxes and are dependent upon government to me this conjures up horrific images of welfare queens the fact is that as of 7 26 2012 only 4 1 of the us population is on welfare not 47 4 1 and in case you re taking the republican bait and conjuring up some kind of racial stereotype in your mind you should know that of those who are on welfare 39 8 are black and 38 8 are white and lest you think this 4 1 of americans take no responsibility for their lives it s worth pointing out that 19 of welfare recipients are on it for less than 7 months and only 19 6 are on it for more than 5 years so assuming one has to do something for more than 5 years for it to be established as a way of life it appears that 0 8 less than 1 of our population has made welfare a way of life let me put this in a different perspective in 2006 about 59 billion was spent on traditional social welfare programs while 92 billion was spent on corporate subsidies our government spent 50 more on corporate welfare than it did on food stamps and housing assistance now those same corporate welfare queens are bribing our politicians with obscene super pac campaign contributions in an effort to get those politicians to further cut regulations and increase the corporate handouts it s enough to make a guy sick except i live in america and i don t have health insurance and mitt doesn t think i deserve that either comments leave a comment categories politics when is 26 134 000 000 18 09 2012 134 million is the approximate number of americans it takes to make up 43 of the u s population but the 134 million people i m specifically talking about are the ones who comprise the 50 million lowest income households in america so why am i talking about the lowest earning 43 in america because their collective net worth doesn t equal the net worth of the 26 individual billionaires who are trying to buy this year s election bernie sanders recently released a study that showed 26 billionaires who have already given 61 million dollars to the republican politicians and super pacs this election season when you consider that low income households by definition don t have much disposable income it s fair to estimate the relative political contributions of the poorest 43 of america is most certainly a percent that rounds up to 0 when compared to the donations of our gang of influential billionaires what s worse the 61 million contributed from the billionaires does not include the 100 million that sheldon adelson has promised or the 400 million that the koch brothers have pledged to spend during the 2012 election season to defeat president obama this sort of discrepancy of power and influence is the core of the problem with the citizens united ruling now we have a handful of billionaires who can overwhelm the airwaves with money and negative ads while hiding in near complete anonymity and remain unaccountable so while some americans have the time and attention to get political information from multiple sources the vast majority of americans don t for the bulk of america a deluge of attack ads full of fabrications are their primary source of information and irresistibly persuasive so while the average american citizen has the liberty and freedom to make their own choices it s insurmountably difficult for them to do so intelligently when they re being force fed so much misinformation by a few billionaires with no accountability historically speaking 98 of elections are won by the candidate with the most money democratic and republican politicians alike will find they are forced to court the richest of the rich because they will be the only way the politicians can get enough money to get elected and then our government will be truly and completely bought by the rich whereby they can stack the system even more in their own favor i m really not interested in this outcome the only way to stop this is to pass a constitutional amendment that declares that corporations are not people and that all future political campaigns are publically funded i know it s a long shot but given the citizens united ruling from our corporately owned supreme court we are left with no other choice visit wolf pac sign the petition pledge a few bucks tell your friends every little bit helps and maybe just maybe we can change this stacked game and make it work for all americans not just the 26 richest ones comments 1 comment categories politics santorum concedes we will never have smart people on our side 16 09 2012 no really i m not making a joke this time he actually said it so this means that this video describes his base look i miss the old republican party back in the days of eisenhower and even nixon the party had genuine ideas they were willing to make compromises and you know actually govern today s republican party has been hijacked by a radical right wing evangelical element of conservatives like mr santorum and mrs palin they have no interest in governing and instead focus on obstructing all progress even if it means tearing down the country to do it well at least they know who are in their base god help us comments leave a comment categories politics no one murdered because of this image 14 09 2012 and unlike the followers of some other more insecure gods nobody was outraged to the point of committing murder because of this image and that s saying something because that s some pretty fun depraved stuff right there i love the onion http www theonion com articles no one murdered because of this image 29553 comments leave a comment categories politics extremists 12 09 2012 this about sums it up extremists comments 5 comments categories politics open letter to my republican friends 12 08 2012 let me put it out there first that i think there are many things obama is doing very very wrong among the topics i m most frustrated with obama over are things like him not eliminating fisa and not closing guantanamo i despise him for not even trying to pass universal single payer health care when he started the negotiations that resulted in the affordable healthcare act i m utterly dismayed that he has followed an executive policy that permits him to kill americans on foreign soil via drone strikes with no trial or due process whatsoever i hate that he has prosecuted and deported almost as many immigrants in 3 years 1 2 million as george w bush did in 8 1 57 million i absolute loathe that he hasn t prosecuted even one of the bankers who nearly collapsed our global economy through their criminal actions so for as much as you may be hearing that obama is a marxist communist liberal to me obama is a moderate conserv...