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ended up with three students very bitter that they didn t get to do any social work at all in their junior social work internships needless to say that left me with a lack of confidence in my field instructor that said i will schedule the interview and will follow my gut i m excited to learn more about this opportunity the second agency agency b i haven t been able to find out much about they re a community mental health organization that offers recovery oriented services to help individuals with serious mental illness live successfully in their communities i am eager to go to this interview to get more details about the position and the agency mental health is the alley i want to go down which is why i want to complete my master s degree so this could be a great opportunity the third agency agency c conducts forensic interviews of children who have reported sexual abuse witnessed violent crime or who may have otherwise been victimized my role as an intern would be providing crisis intervention support and other direct services to clients and their families this opportunity sounds intense but crisis intervention sets off red flags as that s what i did in my previous internship my goals for field placement are to be challenged and to learn something new and crisis intervention isn t new or challenging at this point i won t rule it out yet i look forward to getting all the details at the interview and using that information to help with my final decision of course i don t get to make the final decision my field instructor does he ll listen to what i have to say when i give my thoughts on each interview and he ll use that to guide his decision but he has the ultimate say this is a very exciting and nerve wracking time internships need to be finalized and in place by the end of august so we can start the first week of september i ll fill you in on interviews and the decision making process as i go lovely reader at 8 00 am 1 peer reviews labels senior field social work wednesday july 25 2012 h for here i am have you ever been so incredibly stressed and exhausted that you can t even stand being around yourself yeah that s me right now i know that must make it seem all the more odd than i m suddenly resurrecting this blog that died a slow death towards the beginning of the year i m back because i think this can be a good self care outlet for me it definitely has been before and since i ll have to do a lot of journaling in the near future as part of my senior social work field placement i should have a regular source of material soon actually i have billions millions lots of ideas now for things i can write about that have already happened in short i have no shortage of material what i do have is a shortage of time but that s nothing new i really wanted this blog to serve as a record of my time in social work school and i ruined that by giving up so soon and putting it on the back burner i have literally been in a sort of survival mode for at least the past six months though meaning every little thing in my life was prioritized and scheduled and some things just didn t make the cut that s just how it had to be in order for me to survive social work school and life in general going forward i m going to try to schedule at least weekly posts to summarize what has happened and what is yet to happen as it happens if i find myself with an abundance of rare free time i ll write a post or two and schedule them for the future for now a list of highlights and lowlights that have occurred over the past six months some of which may or may not be expanded on in the future highlights i ran a 10k 6 2 miles and i didn t die i said back in march that i wanted to complete a 10k by the end of the year and i ended up feeling ready at least as ready as i could be three days before my birthday in may i wanted to finish in under an hour and a half and i did though just slightly of course i didn t run for almost two whole months after that due to time and other factors but i recently found my way back to running and hope to maintain a running once a week schedule i ve maintained my 4 0 gpa with less than 5 months left of social work school i have managed to maintain my 4 0 gpa technically at least at the bachelor s level i will be extending my senior field placement into february in order to earn more credits that i need to make graduation numbers and to take less time off of work per week i also am a masochist have fallen in love with clinical social work which requires an msw so i m thinking about torturing myself retaining student status for at least another year to complete my masters degree if i can find the time to do the entrance essays i not only survived but also thrived in my first social work field placement internship i will definitely talk more about this one in the future i completed my last week working with emotionally and behaviorally disturbed children experiencing mental health crisis at the beginning of this month and i m still incredibly sad that it s over i did not for a million years think i d enjoy working with children especially this particular population i walked away from the experience a new person i absolutely fell in love with the clientele crisis work and have affirmed that social work is indeed the right line of work for me i m nervous and excited for senior field placement to begin in september i removed my toxic mother from my life my mother has been toxic and emotionally abusive my whole life and i finally got the strength and courage and got sick enough of her crap to remove her from my life no longer do i have to put up with her incessant unrealistic demands accusations and whining lowlights i ve maintained my 4 0 gpa wait what yeah it s definitely a highlight and an accomplishment but it s left me completely exhausted and super burnt out every semester i ve said i won t work myself so hard and that i ll adopt the sometimes done is better than perfect motto and every semester i work my butt off and stress myself out to get as i rationalize that this is necessary because getting into grad school is competitive so i need as high a gpa as possible i could definitely afford to let up on myself a bit though i m trying i really am it s a process i removed my toxic mother from my life don t get me wrong i don t miss the drama however there isn t a complete lack of drama every once in a while my mom rears her ugly head in attempt to bring me back into her life or to vent her anger at me and this particular drama is far worse than any ever was before she s awful vindictive and spews some of the nastiest venom i don t have the energy or inclination to deal with it at this point so sometimes it makes me completely lose my s and just breakdown which isn t cool also i haven t seen my nephew in months and my sister barely speaks to me anymore she needs to keep things good with mom who serves as her daycare etc i ve made my peace with all of that but that s not to say it doesn t get difficult at times my sister is pregnant with her abuser s baby for backstory you can search around the blog and find more info on my sister and her abuser yeah that s pretty much nough said huh they re not back together yet this will be their third child together and they really can t handle mentally emotionally or financially the two they already have it was a stupid moment of weakness type thing my sister isn t proud of it my mind is boggled as to why she chose to keep it but that is her decision and hers alone so that s that lovely reader if there are any left though i haven t been commenting i ve been reading the blogs of those i used to read and comment on regularly with school winding down and me only having to take a couple classes a week instead of 4 6 i m hoping to be around a whole lot more at 4 32 pm 4 peer reviews labels family life school social work stresserella monday march 5 2012 m for mother there s no way of sugarcoating this so i ll just say it my own mom unfriended me on facebook this past weekend that s right folks if you live and die by facebook you now know that i am such an all out awful person that my own mother cannot be friends with me thankfully i am not such a person so my self esteem isn t even close to shattered it s more likely you re extremely jealous of me lol i wish i could share my secrets for how you too can have your mom unfriend you on facebook but you have to start out with a batshit crazy mom so many of you are likely out of luck while i am more than happy to no longer have my mom on my facebook friends list this whole thing has repercussions off of facebook as well and i m left feeling pretty angry and sad about the whole thing i absolutely cannot believe the lengths my own mother will go to in her pervasive and almost sick need for drama to get attention it all started with a tattletale my mom has posted two pictures of my six year old nephew in his underwear over the past week this didn t sit well with me as i think six is too old for those kinds of pictures to be taken and placed on a social networking site especially on the profile of an attention whore individual who is friends with half the world and doesn t really utilize privacy settings because how then would she maximize the amount of attention she receives i am however not a parent so i thought i could just be being too sensitive based on the fact that we have recently been discussing over sexualized and sexually abused children in social work school i decided to put it to a vote were the majority of people to confirm my suspicions that those types of photos are inappropriate for social media or the internet i was going to bite the bullet and talk to my mom about my thoughts even though telling her you disagree with something she s doing never works out well because she is childish and anytime i ve brought up concerns with her in the past she s either ignored them or pretended to appreciate what i say only to turn around and backstab me to someone else yeah she s really a gem of a mother i utilized facebook s group and privacy settings to put up a status that my mother and people i thought would tattle to my mother could not see i asked what people thought the cutoff age for such pictures should be or what they thought of nude half nude pictures of children in general after a couple people weighed in basically agreeing with me i went into more detail and asked specifically what people thought of pictures of six year olds in underwear and explaining why i was asking i e mom posted two underwear pics of nephew in a week and it doesn t sit well with me well apparently i didn t do a good enough job determining just how far up my mom s ass some people are who might be a tattletale because someone tattled to my mommy i m out stuffing my face with amazing pizza having a lovely dinner with my husband saturday night and get this dramatic text i have nothing to say to your ears when u can talk to me and my heart i will listen everything in colored text and quotes from this point forward is exactly as it was written which means as much as it pains me i haven t corrected spelling mistakes or grammar nice huh she s a poet isn t she also remember this text because it will come into play later i thought i knew what this pertained to but i wasn t going to play games with her i texted back what because i m simple like that it took about fifteen minutes for her to reply because she was very busy unfriending me and my husband who she insisted just last week needed to be her facebook friend and posting a dramatic status on facebook this was her reply face book i am so sad you became so non verbal and distant i love how she uses big concept like nonverbal not correctly of course because it is only one word as though she is some sort of educated highly evolved and caring mother and distant wow way to finally catch on i ve been distant for years now partially because school has kept me beyond busy the past few years partially because i m sick of watching her try to profit from my sister s death and mostly because she s been a shit mom my whole life and as an adult i finally get to decide how my relationships will play out also i can t stand watching her screw up my nephew s life i replied with this sorry you re sad i m also sorry that tattletales start drama and you play into it i was going to discuss my concerns with you but was trying to figure out if i was off base first i m only as distant as you allow me to be and am plenty verbal thanks gets really old talking and not being listened to or having what i say not matter though so i have brought up numerous concerns regarding my nephew and other issues over the past few years because she said after my sister s death that my nephew would be raised by a village now i foolishly assumed i was part of that village and figured my words would matter they didn t not once has anything i said mattered as i said above she does one of a few things when i bring up concerns regarding my nephew 1 pretends to give a shit about what i say and then just flat out ignore it 2 feels threatened by the fact that i m smarter than her decides i m only saying what i am to be better than her and tells me that i don t understand or am confused and refuses to explain it so i will understand 3 lies and tells me that an expert like a counselor or someone told her abc advice which is clearly different from and better than mine 4 backstabs me and drags me through the mud to other people or on facebook before this it was usually in ambiguous status messages that only i understood were about me 5 gets better about hiding the things i m concerned about so that she can continue to do what she wants and not have to worry about me chiming in i e she told me my nephew would no longer see talk to the murderer s family because i was right that really no good could come of it and they might have underlying motives of course she didn t come to this conclusion due to anything i said she figured this out after a radio psychic told her my sister s spirit is still around to protect my nephew because she doesn t like that my mother is allowing the relatives of my nephew s father also known as my sister s murderer around my nephew yes you read that right she trusts radio psychics before her own daughter all was good for a while but she eventually refriended them on facebook and even invited them to the memorial bonfire for my sister this year she did not reply to my last text apparently not only did she not have anything to say to my ears but she also no longer had anything to say to my eyes either she sure did have a mouthful to say on facebook though are you surprised you shouldn t be my mother is clearly a thirteen year old girl i have been the adult and she the child since i was around ten years old i am 33 now so you can imagine what a long couple of decades it s been ever the victim this is the dramatic status she posted right after she unfriended me ...