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Text of the page (random words):
the story because he d lived a good life he expected to get all these blessings from his father the pharisees of old lived much the same way they kept to the law not because it was life to their bones but because they figured if they did all the right things they would get all the right blessings from god not so much and that s the way i ve lived i ve been nice and good all my life go ahead steve break into into the woods songs now expecting that god will bless me with all the things i want no matter if they re the best he has for me i ve been good and i want it so give it to me now yeah i m not a princess or anything but even after reading it and knowing it applied to me it took crazy jersey drivers to bring the point home to me so thank god for jersey drivers and it s my prayer that i would love him for him not for the things he can give me that s my prayer for you too this new year well newish i know i m a few weeks behind that you would find a new depth of love for the lord that you would not be able to grasp how wide how deep his love is for you and you would never tire of it with the tough times we re facing ahead he s all that matters posted by sarah at 9 26 am 2 comments monday september 22 2008 speaking the unspoken i wrote a blog in my head the other day it was called the fear failure and the fear of failure i often blog in my head this makes it difficult for you to read them because unfortunately they haven t perfected the technology of mental blogging although this is probably good if everything i thought immediately went into blog form for all to read i would have been committed 4 years ago so yes until then and out of the friendly confines of a mental institution i will actually blog on my computer rather than in my head the weekend was rough had a bit of a breakdown saturday night thanks to jennn for listening to me rant and rave for a bit i was able to relax for a bit today joe took the day off because i had been planning to leave today on a trip to vermont with a friend but it fell through at the last moment after a nice long bath lush products mmmmm i said the following words aloud to joe i don t think i m an actor this may come as a shock to most of you who have known me for any period of time do i think i may still act of course shoestring is moving in some really great directions and i still find so much joy in being on a stage but watching natalie pursue her passion in the city has made me re evaluate my own passions i don t really like the build up to being the center of attention yes steve i told you shocking the being on stage the actual acting that i enjoy but i like seeing it come together from backstage being the man behind the curtain in oz if you will if you asked me what my passions are i love cooking i love parties i love cooking for parties i love throwing parties i love creating parties i love shopping for parties things that drain the passion straight from my veins riding the path into the city for an audition reading copy or doing a monologue for the 12th time knowing i m not what they re looking for showing up for yet another japanese project the fakeness that goes into the business so where does this leave me 2 of my drama team guys are good enough that one day they may be accepting an oscar and thanking me i hope that doesn t sound as cocky as i feel it does some things are around the corner that may make memoirs take off we re finally opening our new building at church yay my own stage i may go to film school just so i can learn how to properly film things i have finally found a formula that keeps 10 small children occupied and enjoying themselves i would like to put that into a book i enjoy writing i have a laptop and can go anywhere i like and just sit and type so this is where i am i have felt like a failure for some time now because i haven t been in a feature film and haven t won an oscar myself yet but that may not be for me i m not saying that i may not change the world by being an actor but i have long felt that i was not to be an actor in a typical sense i don t want to brag but i am a good actor i know that but i also know i am not a typical actor i mean i m not a typical person none of us are really we have been called to be peculiar people right here s to oddity on a small side note if i could be so bold as to ask for prayer i ve finally made a dr s appointment with a highly reccommended dr i was told by her office when i made the appointment that it would be a half an hour appointment with her this woman is a christian who is extremely good at what she does and has been reccommended to me by 3 of my friends we re going to be doing a complete physical as well as exploring any other options as to why i haven t been able to shake this funk pray we ll find the best course of action and i ll see some differences in my life thanks for sharing my crazy life posted by sarah at 6 37 pm 3 comments wednesday september 17 2008 joy along the journey so here we are nearly 2 months into my experiment and some things are indeed better my eating hasn t changed as much as i d hoped tv habits have changed some but not as much as they should i have introduced some omega 3 foods into my diet based on some things i ve read and sure enough i am noticing a more positive outlook i am seeing the difference joe asked me this morning to remind him of my goal we ve been sitting down for a filling breakfast together lately that has been good i ve finally distilled the goal down to to give joe the best me i can give him he smiled and said he would be praying for that i took a bit of a shortcut for my 2 books this month since i m down to the wire for the month i am in the middle of 3 other books all very close to the finish but i read a novel earlier in the month and today finally finished one of the 88 page books steve got us all for christmas in our joy the book really distills the christian life pretty well and at first i was thinking yeah yeah i know all this already but when i took time to quiet my heart and listen to what god had to speak to me through it got some real important pieces out of it i am a fan of distilling words don t put in tons of extra fluff that s going to confuse me just give me your point so here are some points i got out of it 1 don t think of striving to get his favor think of striving with the favor of his help 2 forgiveness of sins and justification are at the bottom of our striving we do not strive for them we strive because we have them 3 the mark of a true follower of jesus is not yet perfection but rather an unrelenting battle of sin i am realizing that i am in many ways a perfectionist usually in many of the wrong areas but my need for perfection is not so god would love me and accept me that has already happened i must strive to perfect my love for him resting in the knowledge that even that will not be achieved while i am here on earth lord move my motivation to you on a side note i started my service small group last night cooking classes and dinner thrown in with a short lesson from the bible i had 4 teenage girls sign up and a co worker who is desperate to learn how to cook he recently moved in to an apartment with another intern guy so he s worried he ll starve and another co worker whom i wasn t expecting but am excited to get the joy of knowing please pray over trudy taylor danitra chaiylah kay la daija day ja and will that they may find our home a safe haven and that i would be able to love them as the lord loves them pray also that the lord comes through with a bigger house soon including joe last night we squeezed 8 folks around our kitchen table and a couple of tv trays things i learned last night trudy s grandma died before she was born most of the other girls have some sort of continuation of family also ironic that they seemed to respond to the grandma question singularly not sure how many have father s in the picture let alone a grandma on dad s side also up until recently chaiylah lived with an aunt she lived there because her mother had perished in a house fire trudy is a ball of energy held back by a huge smile her self proclaimed schedule is sleeping and eating anything i mentioned eating she had a sauce or topping that she had to eat it with an african american girl she loves adobo usually a hispanic seasoning she is bold joyful and says salt like a cross between soy and salt soilit chaiylah is a beautiful spirit well spoken and willing to participate in anything she went out to colorado on a mission trip this year and was touched by a mom from the church s neighborhood who told her that due to a death in the family she had left the church but thanks to chaiyah and the team she would be coming back to church she was my last drop off of the night so i got to hear how injustice towards people bothers her she told me of reading about jamaica where there are so many beautiful resorts but if you go out of the gates you can be robbed just because someone sees you with something they don t have so they take it we talked about the devastation in haiti and how there was no one to help them her heart breaks for those in pain i ll get photos later and will give you updates on the others later just pray i have a feeling they may be part of my lifeline back to me posted by sarah at 9 03 am 2 comments thursday september 11 2008 remember seven years and 1 week ago i came to this city hoping to make it big seven years and two days ago i celebrated my 24th birthday with my brother my friend rachel and my sort of boyfriend soon to be husband joe i marked the day by going to the city walking through the stores in the basement of the trade center with joe while steve and rachel took the elevator to the top to see the amazing view seven years ago today god kept me through one of the hardest days this country has ever endured seven years ago today god provided a way home from nyc even though i had no idea even how to get back across the water to jersey seven years ago today i was in the palm of god s hand though seven years later now so much has changed i am still in the palm of god s hand i have been planning to write more about my journey but today is not the day today is the day simply to remember that he is god i am not and despite my crazy world it is still his world and he is still in control pray for the families that still ache the cities that are healing and the salvation of the nations thanks for the thoughts steve posted by sarah at 2 13 pm 0 comments friday august 22 2008 the good the bad and the very ugly i ve gone through nearly 2 weeks of my 12 week adventure there were definately some highlights i stuck to my eating plan for a week and finally go to reward myself with a new lunchbox therefore i ve been taking my lunch with me to work more this week i went to the big nice shoprite downtown to get groceries so i actually had choices rather than the same olds i get at food basics that has livened up my diet a bit this week veggie burgers anyone and then there was the weekend out at flemington visiting the fam missy is in from across the pond caylee and lys got baptized at their church which we got to see and speedy got to play with his new cousins murphy the baby pug and oliver the frenchbulldog there was the minorly bad though too i knew we would be having cake so i did indulge in a small piece and when everyone was roasting marshmallows i had 2 instead of 10 like i usually would so even though that s technically bad insofar as my food intake is concerned i m learning to moderate in fact had i wrote this post on monday as i d planned the title would have been everything in moderation but then this week came the very ugly all week i ve just felt on the edge headed for a breakdown and last night it came we had planned to film some pieces for a skit they are doing on sunday 6 shots total 3 of them 20 second face shots of nothing but the subject looking at the camera the other 3 shots were 45 second vignettes that required no sound and will eventually be turned into black and white i wanted to shoot before rehearsal but due to life groups had to shoot after at 10 they ended up not showing up til 10 15 and we didn t start shooting til near 10 45 but all the while they re getting things ready i m trying to think things through i have 2 munchkins who need to get home right away once they re done and i don t have a guy i need for my third shot i finally excuse myself to go outside and cry one of my leaders came out because she knew i was close to crashing and she just sat next to me as i cried we finally started talking and she said don t let this get you discouraged the problem is deeper than this which it was i m used to the craziness at my church we plan major productions in 2 weeks wih no sleep we re working on the set right up until the doors open which is usually late but that s not me i lived in a rodeo hall in texas for a month running the atf show til we could do it in our sleep by the time we got to the end of the tour we could set up the whole thing in 8 hours i m used to a different kind of excellence thus i feel like i don t fit here my leader kept saying this is where you belong this is your home and i kept sobbing then why don t i fit here of course one of my little guys chose last night to finally bring me the narnia song from switchfoot i ve got my memories always inside of me but i can t go back back to how it was i believe you now i ve come too far no i can t go back to how it was created for a place i ve never known this is home now i m finally where i belong where i belong yeah this is home i ve been searching for a place of my own now i ve found that maybe this is home yeah this is home relief over misery i ve seen the enemy and i won t go back back to how it was and i ve got my heart set on what happens next i ve got my eyes wide it s not over yet we re miracles and we re not alone yeah this is home now i m finally where i belong where i belong yeah this is home i ve been searching for a place of my own now i ve found that maybe this is home yeah this is home and now after all my searching after all my questions i m gonna call it home i ve got a brand new mindset i can finally see the sunset i m gonnna call it home whoa this is home now i m finally where i belong where i belong yeah this is home i ve been searching for a place of my own now i ve found that maybe this is home this is home now i know yeah this is home i ve come too far and i won t go back yeah this is home i think that s the root of what these 12 weeks is about i desperatly want to find home it s not a place it s not a house it s an intangible feeling that i know i belong maybe that s why i haven t been myself for the last few years i ve seen the enemy here tightening his hold on everything around me and i ve not found where i can feel home so i haven t had a good place to fight back from so i ve rolled over and let him win so as you follow me through these next 1...