Meta tags:

Headings (most frequently used words):

2011, march, wednesday, friday, february, here, blog, mother, journey, may, tuesday, 15, saturday, 12, 11, thursday, 25, how, got, labels, archive, followers, my, list, still, 120, 76, woo, hoo, anxiety, vent, the, brew, er, diet, long, overdue, update, big, day,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
and (83), the (73), that (45), this (34), for (30), have (30), but (25), with (17), you (17), about (17), baby (16), was (16), ago (15), day (15), been (15), more (14), not (13), years (12), are (12), can (12), there (11), here (10), very (10), all (9), who (9), would (9), out (9), into (9), will (9), diet (9), check (9), time (8), still (8), 2011 (8), joy (8), what (8), know (8), much (8), like (8), feel (8), every (8), think (8), down (8), because (8), really (8), work (7), hope (7), story (7), them (7), blog (7), thankful (7), love (7), fear (7), #labels (7), weeks (7), posted (7), myself (7), from (6), little (6), march (6), babies (6), coping (6), days (6), has (6), today (6), pregnant (6), they (6), one (6), her (6), things (6), some (6), now (6), just (6), going (6), even (6), fault (6), our (5), too (5), world (5), vent (5), missing (5), medical (5), life (5), happened (5), than (5), being (5), while (5), lately (5), many (5), something (5), get (5), could (5), blood (5), which (5), high (5), pregnancy (5), doctor (5), headache (5), through (4), loss (4), reading (4), long (4), want (4), february (4), their (4), asher (4), evan (4), brain (4), read (4), how (4), got (4), pre (4), ever (4), boys (4), had (4), positive (4), comments (4), update (4), say (4), able (4), back (4), didn (4), off (4), people (4), any (4), said (4), trying (4), worry (4), bit (4), only (4), research (4), women (4), after (4), appointment (4), fine (4), new (3), normal (3), grieving (3), heart (3), mother (3), such (3), short (3), tell (3), may (3), milestones (3), healing (3), comfort (3), bittersweet (3), due (3), journey (3), someone (3), real (3), death (3), doesn (3), change (3), home (3), comment (3), yesterday (3), both (3), came (3), done (3), try (3), stay (3), she (3), when (3), looked (3), looking (3), times (3), take (3), over (3), well (3), doing (3), around (3), help (3), write (3), made (3), far (3), community (3), calm (3), preeclampsia (3), probably (3), though (3), brew (3), plan (3), program (3), again (3), also (3), won (3), childbirth (3), once (3), anxiety (3), comes (3), right (3), went (3), show (2), grief (2), side (2), faces (2), november (2), beautiful (2), birth (2), strength (2), eyes (2), january (2), thursday (2), heartache (2), future (2), friends (2), family (2), communication (2), anger (2), lost (2), thing (2), content (2), way (2), thanks (2), appreciate (2), posts (2), milestone (2), most (2), remember (2), good (2), cry (2), weekend (2), felt (2), miss (2), possible (2), course (2), point (2), blessed (2), big (2), wednesday (2), full (2), thoughts (2), post (2), slow (2), few (2), those (2), registering (2), without (2), anything (2), knew (2), embrace (2), mostly (2), office (2), small (2), recognize (2), don (2), yet (2), daycare (2), options (2), wow (2), etc (2), these (2), problems (2), lot (2), speaking (2), completely (2), already (2), issue (2), relax (2), truly (2), mine (2), situation (2), believe (2), busy (2), enjoying (2), cannot (2), wish (2), gives (2), knowing (2), patient (2), friday (2), google (2), whew (2), http (2), www (2), focus (2), blaming (2), protein (2), brad (2), ley (2), workbook (2), brought (2), risk (2), goes (2), wrong (2), recently (2), nothing (2), claims (2), pisses (2), developed (2), least (2), follow (2), avoid (2), method (2), great (2), helps (2), however (2), whatever (2), everything (2), hands (2), lol (2), hopefully (2), better (2), pee (2), past (2), freak (2), head (2), machine (2), tylenol (2), couple (2), pressure (2), seriously (2), see (2), praying (2), peace (2), 120 (2), make (2), fully (2), doc (2), started (2), part (2), blogging (2), picture, window, theme, powered, blogger, peeks, carried, motherhood, sugar, progress, footprints, hearts, handprints, heaven, bring, rain, ponies, bluebirds, fly, finding, rest, father, feels, ready, nolan, hello, miracle, olivia, margaret, lfca, almost, fireworks, road, fall, vii, awful, functioning, summer, vacation, 2014, destin, florida, why, nicholas, touch, glow, woods, mothers, vayden, year, cara, mengatasi, masalah, umum, menyusui, pada, ibu, baru, grieve, loud, list, followers, april, june, july, august, september, october, december, 127, 2010, archive, ight, tchers, ttc, remembering, random, quote, songs, questions, marriage, sucks, happy, sad, gratitude, goals, fun, faith, emotions, dreams, counseling, costa, rica, church, fog, blessings, awkward, art, dedicated, memory, precious, firstborn, sons, failing, health, eclampsia, hellps, loneliest, experienced, another, person, child, welcome, personal, uncensored, keep, respecting, upon, further, mary, hollingsworth, stronger, must, affected, end, diminish, instead, immortalized, eternalized, possibility, damaged, broken, eliminated, forever, put, trust, subscribe, atom, older, officially, soon, left, making, tremendous, impact, lives, last, since, sake, beyond, thrilled, sister, growing, weed, constantly, amazing, kicks, incredibly, single, especially, sorry, mia, rarely, sit, compose, thought, steal, minutes, checking, thank, overall, dance, between, outweighs, shows, heavy, stores, brings, memories, pass, bedding, planned, use, registered, passed, section, moved, saying, hurt, conscious, decision, ignore, turn, heat, thinks, set, thermostat, degrees, mercy, lady, creative, include, nursery, ideas, suggestions, hear, consumed, concerns, tasks, freelance, business, expensive, finances, overwhelmed, blessing, worries, money, schedules, easier, girl, smitten, concerned, trouble, bonding, babyloss, moms, beginning, difficult, afraid, invest, deeply, lose, fears, enjoy, god, minefield, allowed, moments, pure, moving, expectant, parents, cute, clothes, spoiled, funny, ifs, tomorrow, praise, lord, week, celebrating, born, each, raise, considered, overdue, find, official, website, spend, seconds, before, boiling, letting, org, forum, viewtopic, php, 9742, ncbi, nlm, nih, gov, pubmed, 19437225, curious, reactions, links, other, hate, misinformation, eaten, avoided, tragic, never, aloud, deep, known, different, tears, judged, did, low, major, square, worrying, thinking, failure, spent, convince, coming, prevent, eating, properly, call, toxemia, outright, 60s, totally, blown, theory, water, countries, peer, reviewed, support, bigger, stating, disease, insinuates, somehow, sick, nutrional, emphasized, called, details, purports, friend, loaned, itself, general, achieve, kind, desire, main, focuses, nutrition, agree, important, particular, nutritional, upset, ticked, steps, where, emotional, acceptance, later, learned, begun, educate, available, preparing, flexible, flow, based, advice, circumstances, delivery, confident, informed, labor, likes, information, power, anyway, glad, willing, need, secure, therapy, else, waves, ultrasound, relaxed, whole, guess, outs, seem, infrequent, ankles, face, swelling, weight, regularly, scrutinize, morning, does, look, yellow, hint, brown, sends, overdrive, wondering, sign, pretty, sure, localized, related, tension, voice, says, happen, your, might, accurate, psyching, clinic, ease, mind, dull, seems, away, then, taken, quick, ish, first, 138, freaking, sitting, 112, fabulous, meanwhile, taking, easy, monday, ack, typing, phone, kicking, butt, saturday, initial, yay, serious, white, coat, hypertension, scheduled, nurse, results, were, buy, role, maitenence, aware, excuses, until, come, lucky, works, takes, appear, hooray, calming, decided, hyp, admit, cynical, pops, special, place, bubble, working, track, listen, affirmations, favorite, affirmation, perfect, night, snicker, woo, hoo, tuesday, wanted, let, everyone, getting, amazingly, crazily, close, having, half, along, bed, hasn, usual, given, hanging, anticipate, maybe, hiatus, please, regular, basis, twin,

Text of the page (random words):
utiful twin boys wednesday may 4 2011 i m still here this will be short but i wanted to let everyone know that i am still here and still pregnant and getting amazingly crazily close to having this baby i am 34 and a half weeks along now things have been so busy lately and i have started going to bed around 9 30 so there hasn t been much time for blogging as usual i have so many more thoughts than i can write down on any given day but i appreciate all of you who are hanging in there with me i anticipate my blogging to be slow for a while maybe even go on a hiatus but please know that i think of many of you on a regular basis my heart is very much with you and i am very thankful to be part of this community posted by b at 9 26 pm no comments labels baby 3 blog world communication coping tuesday march 15 2011 120 76 woo hoo well i went in for a follow up bp check yesterday and after an initial high reading my bp went down to 120 76 yay i have some serious white coat hypertension going on and i think my doctor is on to me even though i was only scheduled for an appointment with a nurse he came in to go over the results of my blood work which i already knew were normal probably to buy some time and make me feel better i fully embrace my role as a high maitenence patient i am fully aware but i make no excuses if i have to see the doc every day from now until the baby comes i will do it but i m praying it won t come to that lol i m lucky to have a doc who works with me and takes my situation very seriously so all that said things appear to be just fine hooray i am so thankful now if i could just calm the h down speaking of calming down j and i have decided to try hyp no babies for childbirth i just started the program a couple days ago and am really enjoying it so far i have to admit the cynical part of my brain pops in every once in a while special place bubble of peace snicker but i m working on it there s a cd track that i listen to every day which is full of positive affirmations about pregnancy and it really helps me to be calm and positive my favorite affirmation my blood pressure is perfect every day and night d posted by b at 11 38 am 1 comment labels baby 3 comfort coping hope joy medical saturday march 12 2011 quick update my bp was high ish at first check yesterday 138 84 probably because i was seriously freaking out that something was wrong after sitting for a while it went down to 112 80 whew my doctor was fabulous and came to see me even though i didn t have an appointment and is doing blood work to check things out meanwhile i am taking it easy this weekend and going in again on monday ack i ll have more to say when i m not typing on my phone but worry is kicking my butt right now praying for peace posted by b at 2 55 pm 2 comments friday march 11 2011 anxiety i ve had a dull headache for the past 2 days which seems to go away with tylenol but then comes right back i have only taken tylenol a couple times because i don t want to take much of anything so i ve had the headache to worry about my blood pressure has been fine on my home machine but the anxiety of it is completely psyching me out so i m going into the clinic today for a bp check and protein check to hopefully ease my mind i am really pretty sure that it s nothing this headache is localized to one side of my head and i would think a bp related headache would be all over like a tension headache also like i said my bp is fine but still i can t help but worry this little voice in my head says pre e can happen without high bp and your bp machine might not be accurate i check my ankles hands and face for swelling every day i check my bp at least once a day i check my weight regularly i even scrutinize my pee in the morning does it still look yellow any hint of brown every little change sends my brain into overdrive wondering is this a normal pregnancy thing or a sign of pre e is this it my anxiety comes and goes in waves right after a doctor s appointment or ultrasound i feel great everything is fine i ve been more relaxed in the past few weeks than i have been this whole pregnancy so i guess i m due for a bit of a freak out i am thankful that the freak outs seem to be a bit more infrequent lately but wow i wish i could just relax anyway i m glad that my doctor s office is willing to do whatever i need to feel secure about this pregnancy they are my therapy lol i ll update after my appointment and hopefully i ll feel a lot better once someone else has looked at my pee posted by b at 10 44 am 1 comment labels baby 3 coping medical thursday march 3 2011 vent the brew er diet recently i ve begun trying to educate myself about childbirth and the options available to me being a high risk pregnancy i am preparing myself to be very flexible and go with the flow based on my doctor s advice and whatever my circumstances are around the time of delivery however i also want to be really confident and informed going into labor i m one of those read everything i can get my hands on people who likes to research as much as possible information is power i ll write more later about what we ve looked into and learned about but this post is a vent about something that really ticked me off and made me cry and brought me back about 10 steps from where i was as far as my emotional well being acceptance of the loss of my boys i was reading a workbook i friend loaned me about the brad ley method of childbirth i won t get into the method itself here because i have no problems with it in general and think it s great if it helps women achieve the kind of birth they desire one of the main focuses of this program is nutrition which we can all agree is very important however the claims of their particular nutritional plan are what got me so upset the nutrional plan emphasized is called the brew er diet again i won t go into the details here you can google it but it purports to help women avoid preeclampsia and there it is this diet claims that by eating properly women will not get preeclampsia they call it toxemia and it outright pisses me off it pisses me off because this diet was developed a long time ago the 60s and research has totally blown the theory out of the water at least for developed countries there is no peer reviewed research to support this diet but the bigger issue i have is that by stating that women who follow this diet will avoid the disease it also insinuates that it is somehow my fault that i got sick i cannot tell you how long i have spent trying to convince myself that what happened was not my fault it is only very recently and with more and more research coming out that i ve been able to recognize that there is nothing i could have done to prevent this it is not my fault it is not my fault and yet reading this small bit in the brad ley workbook brought me to tears because i felt so judged the plan made me feel like it was my fault that i did not stay low risk which is a major focus of the program and just like that i was back to square one blaming myself and worrying that i not doing all i can for this new baby and thinking about how if something goes wrong i will again feel like a failure what i really hate is knowing that there are people out there who due to misinformation think that it truly is my fault or that i could have eaten more protein and avoided this tragic loss there are probably even friends of mine who though they would never ever say it aloud deep down think that if only she d known about the brew er diet things would have been different i know i can t change what other people think so i have to focus on being ok with myself and not blaming myself that s all i can do if you re curious to read some more about this diet reactions to it from the pre e community check out these links http www ncbi nlm nih gov pubmed 19437225 http www preeclampsia org forum viewtopic php t 9742 you can google the diet and find the official website for it too but i ll tell you that i could not spend more than 30 seconds there before my blood was boiling whew trying stay calm and positive thanks for letting me vent posted by b at 10 16 am no comments labels anger baby 3 coping healing medical missing my babies vent friday february 25 2011 long overdue update i m sorry i ve been so mia lately real life has been very full and while i think many many things to blog about i rarely have time to sit down and compose my thoughts into a post slow day at work today so thought i d steal a few minutes for those of you that are checking up on me thank you here is an update i will be 25 weeks pregnant tomorrow praise the lord i can t believe i didn t write about the big 24 week milestone but that s because i was too busy celebrating and enjoying it i cannot believe i ve made it this far of course no one would wish for their baby to be born at 25 weeks but each day gives me more hope that we will be able to take this baby home and raise her it gives me comfort knowing that if something happened at this point she is now considered a patient in the eyes of the medical community speaking of baby girl i am just completely smitten with her already i was concerned that i would have trouble bonding as i know that s an issue for many babyloss moms in the beginning it was more difficult i was so afraid and didn t want to invest myself too deeply for fear that we would lose her well the fears are still there but i ve been really blessed to be able to relax a bit more and truly enjoy being pregnant i know this is god s doing and not mine because my brain is a minefield of what ifs i am so thankful that he has allowed me moments of pure joy as i feel her moving around and get to do some of the things expectant parents do like registering looking at cute clothes etc this baby is going to be so spoiled it s not even funny and i can t say i will help the situation like i said we are mostly consumed with real life concerns and tasks lately trying to get more work for our freelance business looking for daycare options wow daycare is expensive here finances etc i have been so overwhelmed at times i try to remember that it is a blessing to have these problems to worry about i would take the worries about money and work and schedules over the grief of loss any day but easier said than done a lot of times i m looking for a creative way to include asher evan in the baby s nursery something small that we as a family will know about and recognize i don t really have any ideas yet so if you have suggestions i d love to hear them overall i d say my life is a dance between fear and joy lately most of the time the joy outweighs the fear but when fear shows up it is very heavy and i miss my boys so much i ve been able to go into baby stores and all that but it brings back memories of registering for them every time i got to babies r us we pass the bedding that we had planned to use for them when j and i registered we passed that section and both looked and moved on without saying anything we didn t have to we both knew how much it hurt some days it is a conscious decision to ignore the fear and embrace the joy but mostly i am so so thankful and now i m off to turn down the heat in my office because someone thinks it s ok to set the thermostat to 75 degrees have some mercy on the pregnant lady people posted by b at 11 13 am no comments labels baby 3 coping fear future hope joy milestones missing my babies wednesday february 9 2011 big day today is a milestone day today i am 22 weeks and 4 days pregnant officially the most pregnant i have ever been today and yesterday have both been very bittersweet for me as i remember what happened at 22 weeks and 3 days with the boys they came into this world much too soon and they left this world making a tremendous impact for such short lives i had a good cry for them last weekend it s been a while since i ve done that and it felt good i still miss them so much but i try to stay as positive from day to day as possible for the sake of this new little one of course i am beyond thrilled to be at this point with asher evan s little sister she is growing like a weed and constantly amazing me with the strength of her kicks i feel incredibly blessed to have her with me and am so thankful for every single day today especially posted by b at 3 11 pm 1 comment labels baby 3 bittersweet healing heartache hope joy milestones missing my babies older posts home subscribe to posts atom love is stronger than death so i must be content to know that love is not affected by death it doesn t end it doesn t diminish it doesn t change instead love is immortalized and eternalized through death and the possibility of that love ever being damaged or broken is eliminated forever i ll put my trust in love mary hollingsworth this blog is dedicated to the memory of my precious firstborn sons asher evan we lost them at 22 weeks and 3 days due to my failing health from pre eclampsia hellps this is their story and my journey through the loneliest thing i ve ever experienced if you are another person who has lost a child welcome and my heart is with you if you are someone i know in real life who happened upon this blog i d appreciate it if you read no further the content here is very personal and uncensored and i hope to keep it that way thanks for respecting that how i got here read the story of what happened here labels a anger art awkward baby 3 bittersweet blessings blog world brain fog church comfort communication coping costa rica counseling dreams emotions faith family fear friends fun future goals gratitude grieving happy sad healing heartache hope joy life sucks love marriage medical milestones missing my babies questions quote and songs random remembering asher and evan thankful thursday their story ttc vent we ight wa tchers work blog archive 2011 10 may 1 i m still here march 4 february 2 january 3 2010 127 december 7 november 2 october 2 september 5 august 13 july 5 june 12 may 13 april 18 march 13 february 18 january 19 followers my blog list grieve out loud cara mengatasi masalah umum menyusui pada ibu baru 1 year ago through my mothers eyes vayden s story who would you be 9 years ago glow in the woods i want to tell them 10 years ago nicholas touch strength and my why 10 years ago our story summer vacation 2014 destin florida 12 years ago awful but functioning birth day vii 12 years ago my world fall 12 years ago such a short time such a long road fireworks 13 years ago almost a mother lfca 13 years ago too beautiful the story of our miracle olivia margaret hello november 13 years ago nolan s story my heart feels ready 14 years ago the grieving father finding rest 15 years ago little bluebirds fly if you are reading this 16 years ago all the little ponies bring the rain handprints from heaven faces of loss faces of hope footprints on our hearts our new normal a work in progress motherhood with a side of sugar carried through grief the peeks show 10 show all picture window theme powere...