Meta tags:

Headings (most frequently used words):

2012, 2013, saturday, blog, the, monday, june, april, 13, thursday, january, 10, wednesday, december, 19, friday, november, september, 15, sunday, august, 12, about, me, followers, feedjit, my, list, archive, design, by, lfca, four, safe, an, island, perfect, family, viability, hate, that, word, and, tube, thoughts, second, time, around,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
and (96), the (83), years (72), ago (71), have (45), that (34), this (32), you (27), just (27), still (25), for (24), with (23), not (23), but (21), know (19), about (16), our (15), will (15), all (14), was (14), are (13), like (13), what (12), here (12), one (12), #family (12), get (12), think (12), really (12), blog (11), don (11), feel (11), life (10), time (10), there (10), when (10), boy (10), little (9), out (9), pregnancy (9), they (9), need (9), baby (8), loss (8), weeks (8), babies (8), girl (8), want (8), comments (8), pregnant (8), now (8), being (8), say (8), who (7), been (7), things (7), very (7), much (7), did (7), more (7), can (7), would (7), from (6), april (6), december (6), 2012 (6), year (6), blessed (6), through (6), after (6), mother (6), she (6), perfect (6), your (6), wish (6), people (6), feeling (6), avery (6), some (6), days (6), believe (6), lucky (6), hard (6), had (6), because (6), having (6), than (6), even (6), june (5), august (5), september (5), november (5), january (5), lfca (5), 2013 (5), making (5), twins (5), hope (5), new (5), old (5), months (5), love (5), butterfly (5), journey (5), never (5), happy (5), birthday (5), come (5), forever (5), right (5), hate (5), again (5), way (5), normal (5), over (5), were (5), scared (5), july (4), march (4), living (4), made (4), four (4), where (4), almost (4), issue (4), lost (4), found (4), day (4), didn (4), happen (4), water (4), anxiety (4), help (4), each (4), could (4), too (4), anything (4), sometimes (4), make (4), home (4), these (4), good (4), mom (4), how (4), which (4), may (3), october (3), february (3), heart (3), missing (3), beginning (3), hopefully (3), without (3), him (3), myself (3), mommy (3), such (3), five (3), past (3), own (3), her (3), two (3), well (3), why (3), kids (3), room (3), christmas (3), monday (3), friends (3), keep (3), sure (3), should (3), thankful (3), worried (3), grateful (3), got (3), every (3), afraid (3), night (3), fear (3), move (3), thing (3), course (3), second (3), around (3), few (3), remember (3), has (3), husband (3), enough (3), wanted (3), checking (3), easy (3), healthy (3), focus (3), decision (3), lot (3), dont (3), ready (3), ask (3), island (3), card (3), see (3), looks (3), safe (3), designs (2), heaven (2), footprints (2), small (2), loving (2), chance (2), letters (2), always (2), faces (2), grief (2), butterflies (2), blogs (2), miscarriage (2), stillbirth (2), griffin (2), reflections (2), sophia (2), ellie (2), third (2), become (2), change (2), expected (2), end (2), wings (2), triplet (2), long (2), road (2), big (2), relax (2), once (2), 2nd (2), tuesday (2), today (2), mine (2), changed (2), ounces (2), mouth (2), connections (2), abound (2), tell (2), them (2), his (2), turn (2), back (2), word (2), feedjit (2), live (2), high (2), school (2), work (2), birth (2), died (2), prematurity (2), take (2), photos (2), aiden (2), sophie (2), posts (2), older (2), honestly (2), lately (2), thoughts (2), any (2), cannot (2), single (2), ptsd (2), nightmares (2), roll (2), million (2), extra (2), haven (2), seems (2), shut (2), won (2), might (2), mostly (2), trains (2), until (2), said (2), first (2), their (2), understand (2), half (2), other (2), week (2), awful (2), last (2), actually (2), wasn (2), ugh (2), everything (2), many (2), class (2), understanding (2), lift (2), diapers (2), kick (2), while (2), etc (2), decide (2), tubal (2), ovulating (2), bleeding (2), break (2), daughter (2), reproductive (2), anyway (2), saturday (2), words (2), into (2), painted (2), blue (2), house (2), choo (2), starting (2), plans (2), gets (2), gestational (2), diabetes (2), sibling (2), done (2), safely (2), subdivision (2), lives (2), lunch (2), cards (2), everyone (2), section (2), down (2), pretending (2), doesn (2), matter (2), dream (2), beautiful (2), ones (2), born (2), going (2), look (2), different (2), toward (2), totally (2), felt (2), future (2), stop (2), though (2), amazes (2), community (2), support (2), skip (2), using, bungalow, blossoms, decrow, design, 120, 2009, 2010, 2011, archive, coyne, journal, fertile, ground, desire, handprints, hearts, bird, studio, gabe, ponies, cloudy, expectations, revised, claire, broken, raindrops, peeks, foxy, carried, three, monkey, shanti, mama, copied, seriously, epic, fail, submitted, infant, directory, aaajaa, akul, brooklyn, adventures, leaving, bitterness, behind, rebuilding, ella, random, bits, chatter, beneath, willow, trees, rainbow, graceful, willows, flys, above, flutters, within, counting, owl, leaf, daycare, watched, belly, grows, 3rd, awhile, juanito, wrong, picture, rainbows, maddie, spirit, fresh, pain, check, persevering, earthly, undone, warm, greetings, wise, wpw, christmastime, black, white, stoneyville, flicker, davine, fireworks, short, incompetent, chronicles, toby, memories, dreaming, maybe, peas, pod, creation, reminder, anticipation, pieces, flies, iamstacey, lily, return, zero, caring, carleigh, seven, circles, six, luke, wallpaper, gallery, attempting, yesterday, timehop, tells, lori, does, maryland, matthew, team, annual, crab, feed, momma, sami, month, celebrations, less, traveled, lived, turns, aidan, 6th, bryson, curriculum, pound, cut, potty, goodbye, 2015, hello, 2016, storm, strength, nicholas, touch, 833rd, glow, woods, books, between, snow, huge, roses, pants, troxclair, genesis, collateral, beauty, taite, seth, yellow, booties, rose, tears, rescued, useful, pandemic, loved, reiber, remembering, angels, sad, piece, pearsons, microblog, 604, sudoku, stirrup, queens, list, stats, find, college, grab, button, followers, view, complete, profile, contrary, title, gave, fraternal, shortly, thereafter, due, exreme, infection, premature, rupture, membranes, blogging, christy, subscribe, atom, asking, easier, hurt, alone, pretty, general, nothing, bad, complications, dead, man, idea, deserve, thank, god, hearing, pop, breaking, heartbeat, cord, accident, before, treated, risk, peri, appointments, ultrasounds, appt, consuming, overwhelming, encouraging, listening, beyond, alright, ear, hand, hold, friend, sit, bed, exactly, broke, isolated, sunday, strong, moon, better, hubby, pink, fluffy, dresses, choochoo, talk, announce, face, book, soon, only, relatives, easiest, whenever, scream, wouldn, proud, filled, enormous, amount, lots, wake, light, snake, hanging, curtain, rod, believed, rest, naive, milestones, started, nice, extremely, needy, coming, stressed, exhausted, doing, kind, let, use, cleaning, products, since, likes, finds, hilarious, helps, appointment, asked, doctor, ligation, decided, yet, young, however, entails, consumes, ending, pcos, period, fertility, doctors, peeing, stick, sneeze, able, unbelievably, bring, son, next, chapter, wait, gestation, isn, same, desperation, mind, working, trying, peaceful, prayers, wishes, viability, tube, times, goes, head, articulate, finally, micropreemie, start, panicking, counts, low, fluid, experienced, read, weekend, getting, shower, heard, saying, yes, couldnt, wash, clothes, put, wall, stock, news, warned, guilty, supposed, enjoy, granted, truth, scares, crap, cant, great, worse, stupid, stresses, max, standing, begging, universe, swear, ill, wont, push, luck, enjoying, frankly, napping, stressful, cranky, shouldnt, publish, wondering, fine, full, complaints, litle, friday, care, something, someplace, screened, someone, suffered, ours, compassion, empathy, funny, serious, joke, bff, bree, across, country, joking, give, arrive, often, online, awe, california, sent, adorable, supportive, whether, explicit, shout, longer, send, mentioning, blink, eye, navigate, unconditional, leave, barrage, questioning, confusion, both, vaginal, talking, says, dare, mention, freaking, medical, professionals, compound, profession, nurses, survivor, teachers, insurance, salesmen, explain, stutter, elaborate, tiring, person, sting, constantly, beat, true, complain, vent, everywhere, went, reminders, play, stay, wednesday, weighed, pounds, inches, mellow, spending, holed, inside, flu, season, freaked, recovering, sister, trouble, adjusting, jealousy, tubes, tied, needed, health, complicated, couldn, interact, worrying, uncertainty, longing, wishing, choice, gives, peace, although, bigger, dealt, bringing, guess, confident, abilities, least, seem, scary, recognize, definitely, harder, early, fall, routine, brave, horrible, tragic, losses, forge, try, grow, families, luckier, others, makes, angrier, part, far, xoxo, thursday, fourth, miss, knows, hub, infertility, submit, link, post, blogger, amazing, latest, remind, http, lostandfoundandconnectionsabound, blogspot, com, 781st, html, sidebar, main,

Text of the page (random words):
ike i wanted no i needed for my reproductive days to be done i need to focus on my family on our health on making plans for the future with the family i have been blessed with pregnancy while not totally complicated is not so easy for me mostly because of gestational diabetes my anxiety etc i felt so awful because i couldn t interact with a like i need to i m ready to look toward the future stop worrying about if i m ovulating or not if i m going to get pregnant if i will have a miscarriage will my water break the uncertainty the longing the wishing i feel as though by making this choice i have made the decision to stop it wasn t made for me i that gives me some peace and although i did dream of having a bigger family having 3 or 4 kids i have 4 just not all with me and these were just the cards i was dealt i feel like it s been so different bringing this baby home i don t know why i guess i feel a lot more confident this time around in my abilities at least everything doesn t seem so scary and i recognize a lot of the things that worried me with a as normal it s definitely harder to have an older sibling to help but it s early days and we just need to fall into a routine i think i still really can t believe he s here and safe i really just cannot believe it i think back to our journey here and it amazes me still amazes me that we all are brave enough to go through what we did these horrible tragic losses and we still forge on we still try to grow our families even though some of us are luckier than others which makes me angrier than i can really say i am so blessed to be a part of this community to have your support to have made it this far with you all xoxo 11 comments wednesday december 19 2012 an island sometimes all i wish for is an island no i don t even care if it s like a subdivision or something someplace where you have to be screened by me to get in to live there and your way in is to be someone who has suffered a loss such as ours and have compassion and empathy and you understand me the funny thing is i m so serious i joke with my bff bree who lives across the country from me come have lunch with me but i m not joking i would give anything to have her come have lunch with me as the christmas cards arrive at my house my husband will ask who is that again and more often than not it seems i say one of my online friends and he ll be in awe she lives in california and she sent you a christmas card it s adorable he s always been supportive and i love him for that i love how i can see on each card whether explicit or not a little shout out to everyone s babies that are no longer with us i love how i know i could send them a card mentioning sophie and aiden and they would not blink an eye as i navigate this pregnancy after loss the second one i wish for that unconditional understanding i wish to be around people that know what to say to ask and what to leave out the barrage of questioning the looks of confusion when i say that i ve had both a c section and a vaginal birth actually what is she talking about their looks says the way people just shut down if i dare mention this is my third pregnancy not my second even the freaking medical professionals oh and in our island our compound i know there are enough of us in each profession so our nurses would be a loss survivor too our teachers our insurance salesmen so you never have to explain to stutter to elaborate sometimes pretending to be normal is just so tiring pretending that what the person just said to you doesn t sting gets old having to constantly say things like i know how blessed i am i am so grateful i m so lucky to be a mom when some days you feel so beat down just by normal life and no matter if these things are true which they so are sometimes you don t even feel like you have the right to complain or vent which is really because you do know how blessed you are no matter what i dream of living in a little subdivision where everywhere i went i would see reminders of our beautiful babies the ones we lost and have my babies play with the ones that got to stay 6 comments friday november 2 2012 i have come here to blog so many times in the past few weeks so much goes through my head and i just dont think i can even articulate it in words i am just about 31 weeks into this pregnancy this is when i finally relax about about having a micropreemie and start panicking about kick counts and stillbirth and low fluid and a million other things i have not experienced but have read about last weekend we painted a room we painted it blue i have a room in my house with a little girl and one im now getting ready for a little boy i had some friends ask me about a shower and i heard myself saying yes i almost couldnt believe it i just want to believe i want to wash the little blue clothes and put the choo choo trains on the wall i want to stock up on diapers and starting making plans this is all old news to you i warned you that i dont have much to say i feel so guilty because im supposed to enjoy pregnancy just be happy dont take it for granted but the truth is i hate it i hate being pregnant it scares the crap out of me i cant focus at work i am not a great mom to avery i think my grief for the twins gets a little worse i have the stupid gestational diabetes again and it stresses me to the max i really honestly feel like time is standing still i keep begging the universe just help me get avery a living sibling here and i swear ill be done i wont push my luck i know i should be enjoying my time with just avery but frankly she is 2 and not napping and i have a very stressful class and i am just cranky i hate myself for that ugh i shouldnt even publish this but i know some of you are wondering and checking in im fine good really but too full of complaints for my own good i know i am lucky i know i have it good i am ready to have this litle boy safely here hope you are all well 4 comments saturday september 15 2012 the perfect family viability i hate that word and tube y thoughts a few weeks ago we found out this baby is a boy i had a feeling that it was but not a very strong one and mostly just a i m scared feeling that it would be i m not scared of having a boy but i was scared of this feeling this feeling that now i have a girl and a boy the perfect family right i remember when we found out the twins were a boy and a girl i was over the moon one of each what could be better a girl for me and a boy for the hubby pink fluffy dresses and choochoo trains i don t talk too much about being pregnant i think i might announce it on face book soon only because i have relatives that i would like to know and it s the easiest way but up until now i haven t really said anything whenever i do it s the first thing out of their mouth a girl and a boy now you have the perfect family one of each i want to scream don t they understand of course they don t if they did they wouldn t say it that i will never have the perfect family i will have half of my family here and half of my family in heaven i will have one girl and hopefully one boy but the other two i ll never get to know it s not perfect but it s mine my family and i m proud of it just sometimes it s hard to feel on monday i will be 24 weeks this week has been awful filled with an enormous amount of anxiety and lots of nightmares last night actually i had to wake my husband up to turn on the light to make sure there wasn t a snake hanging on the curtain rod i really really believed it was there i was up the rest of the night ugh it s not like i m naive enough to think that once i get past 24 weeks everything will be ok it s just the first of many milestones i need to get through we started school a few weeks ago i have a very nice class but they are extremely needy and i m coming home every day stressed and exhausted i keep feeling like i m doing too much and i get home and am almost scared to move i m so thankful i have an understanding kind worried husband he won t let me lift anything use cleaning products change diapers since a likes to kick while being changed and finds it hilarious etc it helps my anxiety more than anything i had an appointment this week and asked my doctor about when i would have to decide about a tubal ligation i m not decided yet but i think i m on my way i know i wanted to have more than 2 kids i know i m still young i know all these things however pregnancy and all it entails it consumes me it s never ending pcos when is my period am i ovulating could i be pregnant fertility doctors checking for bleeding peeing on a stick checking for bleeding ptsd being afraid to roll over to sneeze for fear my water will break not being able to lift my daughter it all is so much i wish it were easy i wish i were good at pregnancy but i m not and i am forever and forever so unbelievably grateful that i got the chance to be pregnant bring home a healthy daughter and now hopefully a healthy son i think i want to move on to the next chapter of my life end my reproductive years and focus on being a mom of course i ll wait to make a decision until i m at a gestation where prematurity isn t an issue i don t know that if this baby died i d want to have any more anyway but i don t think i d get a tubal all the same i remember my desperation to be pregnant again when i lost the twins anyway a lot on my mind lately i m just working being a mom and trying so hard to make this a peaceful healthy pregnancy i m so thankful for your prayers well wishes and comments 3 8 comments sunday august 12 2012 the second time around people keep asking me if this time is easier i am honestly feeling hurt lately alone i m pretty sure that the general thoughts out there are 1 nothing bad will happen it didn t with avery right 2 you should just be thankful you can get pregnant and did it on your own 3 avery s pregnancy was normal you didn t have any complications what are you worried about i ll tell you what i still have two dead babies am i grateful oh man they have no idea some days i still cannot believe it i still can t believe that i have been so lucky so blessed it s not that i deserve it i just got lucky and i think about it and thank god every single day but i still have ptsd i still have nightmares i still am afraid every single night to roll over for fear of hearing that pop of my water breaking i still am afraid that there will be no heartbeat that there will be a cord accident that one of the million things that i didn t know about before but do now will happen i m not being treated as high risk this time no peri no extra appointments no extra ultrasounds it s hard really really hard i haven t had an appt in 5 weeks the anxiety is all consuming overwhelming when i was pregnant with avery people were right there with me encouraging listening now it just seems like they think i should just shut up move on and get over it because after all it won t happen again but the thing is of course it might and beyond that i still am scared i still have fear i still don t know what will happen i still don t know it will be alright and i still need help i need an ear a hand to hold i still need a friend to come over and sit with me i still need to not be in bed at exactly 9 40 the time my water broke i need so much and i feel like people don t think i do i feel isolated this is hard yo 13 comments older posts subscribe to posts atom the beginning photos of sophie photos of aiden about me christy contrary to the title of this blog i am a mother i gave birth to boy girl fraternal twins who died shortly thereafter due to exreme prematurity and infection after a premature rupture of membranes i am blogging my way through this journey that i wish i didn t have to take view my complete profile followers grab this button find the blogs of your friends from high school college work and more feedjit feedjit live blog stats my blog list stirrup queens microblog monday 604 word sudoku 1 day ago a piece of the pearsons when did christmas become so sad 9 months ago the reiber s remembering our triplet angels 16 years today 1 year ago loved so very very much turn back time 1 year ago here we go again things that have been useful in this pandemic 6 years ago my life after loss rescued no 7 years ago for your tears mother s day 8 years ago one perfect rose the yellow booties 9 years ago my forever babies taite and seth 8 years 9 years ago the butterfly room collateral beauty 9 years ago in the beginning there was genesis it s in his heart 9 years ago making our troxclair family my kids hate pants 9 years ago between the snow and the huge roses books 10 years ago glow in the woods i want to tell them 10 years ago lost and found and connections abound 833rd issue of the lfca 10 years ago nicholas touch strength and my why 10 years ago in this storm goodbye 2015 hello 2016 10 years ago potty mouth mommy i m so not cut out for this 11 years ago 1 pound 11 ounces a new journey as well as a new curriculum 11 years ago you have changed my life forever happy 6th birthday bryson 11 years ago aidan baby of mine the girl who lived turns four 11 years ago the road less traveled the month of celebrations 11 years ago sami s blog life today 11 years ago this momma s journey march for babies matthew s team 2nd annual crab feed 11 years ago lori does maryland five years was yesterday timehop tells me so 11 years ago attempting to love life without her wallpaper hd gallery 12 years ago letters to luke four years 12 years ago j and k still here 12 years ago tuesday s hope six on a tuesday 12 years ago still life with circles right where i am five years and almost seven months 12 years ago caring for carleigh return to zero 12 years ago lily s mommy forever after all this time 12 years ago iamstacey s blog it flies by 12 years ago two pieces of my heart anticipation 12 years ago her reminder blog february 2nd 12 years ago reflections of a butterfly 12 years ago our own creation happy birthday to you 12 years ago 2 peas in a pod the past year 12 years ago once a mother five years 13 years ago maybe if you just relax dreaming big 13 years ago mj s memories four years ago 13 years ago the chronicles of toby the incompetent mother 13 years ago such a short time such a long road fireworks 13 years ago triplet butterfly wings davine 13 years ago on kk s butterfly wings a flicker of hope 13 years ago my life in black and white stoneyville wpw christmastime 13 years ago my expected end warm greetings from the wise family 13 years ago she s come undone a year of change 13 years ago persevering to become an earthly mommy 2 year check up 14 years ago fresh pain spirit babies 14 years ago little footprints maddie s third birthday 14 years ago butterflies and rainbows what s wrong with this picture 14 years ago missing juanito it s been awhile 14 years ago living without sophia and ellie happy 3rd birthday sophia and ellie 14 years ago a watched belly never grows new daycare 14 years ago owl and ...