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Text of the page (random words):
mewhere i fit in somewhere i belong and i am actually happy to say that i have joined the ranks of the late diagnosed aspies yes i who went to university served in the army married and had kids became involved in all sorts of stuff in the community and has worked in the same job for about 18 years until i finally broke am actually autistic and i am now in the interesting process of finding my true self another lot of weirdness from aykayem at 18 35 0 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels stressedaspie abcwednesday autism aspie mentalhealth stressedaspie another futile attempt to post everything is starting to make sense now everything for blogger it seems which is annoying me no end so feel fred to ignore this and or just go follow the link at the bottom several attempts to save posts as drafts and have either the android or ipad app not lose them is annoying especially when i only have to do that because the apps don t do things i need to do simple things like adding links or putting photos where i want them but the on line editor does not work properly on either safari or chrome on my ipad which is why last week i decided to try posting the now not below post on wordpress it worked ok so now trying to decide if i should just blog there i also tried to post this the post this was going to be yesterday and the blogger app lost it currently arguing with blogger again i copied in the text from wordpress and a couple of the photos again and saved it as a draft on my phone and have just logged in to blogger on the web browser on my laptop which doesn t think it exists so i am adding this whinge on my phone and am about to see if it will lose it or still not show up in blogger on my laptop or actually work nope not working think the photo links were broken too gave up and deleted it because i can t be bothered making it work i might try again doing it all on my laptop but in the meantime or if blogger won t even do that the wordpress post is at https aykayem wordpress com 2017 08 09 everything is starting to make sense now now i just have to work out the idiosyncrasies of that particular platform and make that blog look a bit better sigh another lot of weirdness from aykayem at 16 55 0 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday august 08 2017 doctors and psychiatrists and psychologists and specialists and therapists and a case manager or 2 a rehabilitation provider and a lawyer and who knows who else i have forgotten am not yet sure about who i can add to the list of people i have had appointments met etc with lately or might be seeing soon in the last 12 months i think i have seem more medical professionals than the whole rest of my life maybe not quite but it sure feels like it i seem to have been plunged into a whole new world that i knew next to nothing about so why am i drowning in doctors etc long story which involves falling apart and then being diagnosed with a disability i didn t know i had and have had all my life and a mental health disorder that i don t quite know how long i have had or how long it will last if you want to know more you can delve into some of my last few blog posts most of them explain a bit more about all that i guess the positive side of being diagnosed as autistic aspie and also diagnosed with adjustment disorder with anxiety is that i can have a lot of fun trying to describe myself which is a pleasant change from my school teenage years when other people had fun describing me and most of the descriptions names were rather derogatory dumb dopey disturbing disgusting and that is only one letter of the alphabet doing d words because that is the letter we are up to with abc wednesday later edit well we were when i started doing this post being busy then blogger not playing nice has meant i seem to have missed the deadline but now that i have done this post i am going to deliver it to my blog anyway at school i also got called retard and a few other things that meant much the same thing mind you i did do a few crazy things to earn some of the names i was called like eating raw sausages in front of everyone else as in a whole school of about 800 students who were waiting for the end of year bbq to be cooked always picking up creepy crawlies and taking home the lens out of the eye of the mouse i dissected in science class not to mention turning up to school every day for who knows how many weeks in grade 6 wearing a pair of antennae i had made out of wire and also still wearing them to quite a few other places for quite some time after that because my hero was not someone most people liked like roy rodgers or batman or barbie or superman it was uncle martin from the tv series my favourite martian because he was an alien having to cope with being stranded on the wrong planet and i could identify with that feeling so how should i describe myself dunno maybe delightfully different will that do i think i was going to use that for the title of this post but i changed my mind better than disturbingly different which i think is probably how the other kids at school saw me and how some people still see me now damn i seem to have written yet another post that is probably not very interesting so here is not a photo of a nearby dam where i often walk my dog and a photo of my delightful dog his name is diesel he even has a twitter account dieseldoggle the 2 differnt things i spent an hour trying to do to add those photos didn t work so i had a look what was already on my ipad and found a different photo of diesel from almost a year ago sleeping on my deck shhh don t disturb the sleeping doggy s delightful dreams i gave up on trying to add the other photos that i was going to put in here because i got sick of arguing with blogger trying to put them in there from google photos neither the android app or the ipad app do all the things i need to actually write a blog post and include a hyperlink and add a photo and the editor on the website doesn t work properly on my ipad in safari or chrome and i just spent over half an hour adding a photo and editing this hit the post button and the stupid effing blogger app crashed signed me out and lost all the changes ahrgh might be time to move my blog elsewhere i guess i could copy all my posts over to a wordpress blog i have but don t use and then keep on posting to wordpress pity because i used to like blogger when it worked for me and moving a blog is a pain but posting to blogger has now become more of a pain than moving my blog is likely to be i will try and post about something a bit more exciting for the letter e hopefully in a couple days time a bit earlier than i am doing this d post i actually do have something in mind already something to do with a quilt exhibition i entered some quilts in something i never expected and am not only surprised and excited about but also extremely happy actually i found out about the thing i am happy about while i was up on mt stromlo taking photos in the freezing cold wind and rain wh ich is probably part of the reason i then ended up taking selfies while doing a happy dance in the destroyed dome of a telescope i was going to say it was disused but it definitely isn t it seems to be the done thing to use it to take portraits wedding photos photos of motorcycles and even to have concerts in i also took a different photo didn t use it here because the movement made it a bit distorted where i set the self timer and twirled around until it took the photo and ended up feeling rather dizzy erk a slightly disturbing feeling lol there are also some other things i thought about putting in here but i didn t i decided that maybe i shouldn t say them yet partly the if you don t have anything nice to say don t say anything thing also partly because they are a bit depressing or just don t really fit or require me to delve in to a lot more details than i want to go into right now and i want to do a decent job of explaining a couple of other things in their own posts maybe somehow i definitely don t think i can should really go into too much detail quite yet about the disillusionment of being in the situation i am still in at the moment with work where all the red tape etc means that things are still happening at the speed of dark let s just say that i am not the only person who is disturbed and disgusted at the dreadful way some things have been not been done one thing i do want to eventually write something more about is my newly discovered disability and the delights of being almost normal another lot of weirdness from aykayem at 23 59 1 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels abc wednesday aspie autism mentalhealth stressedaspie tuesday august 01 2017 catching up and coming to terms with things catching up with all the stuff i have been trying to get done probably never going to happen but hopefully i will get myself sort of a bit more organised catching up on blogging also something i will probably never keep up with but catching up on sharing what is going on with me in my head etc is something i can try and do for you now all one or 2 of you who actually read my blog posts this is also my contribution for http abcwednesday com which is up to letter c i have missed a few oops another thing i can t catch up on if i miss it and a couple hours later and i would have missed being able to add my link for the letter c too i really should be doing a d post now er actually i should be sleeping oops might do something different for d in a couple of days if i don t get too distracted lol so where have i been i kind of got busy going to adelaide for a couple of weeks and catching up with some family members i had not seen for many years in some cases not since i was a teenager also revisited places i used to go as a child then i came back and continued my graduated return to work am back to my normal hours now and kept busy keeping busy geocaching quilting etc etc etc and reading library books blogs etc about autism and aspergers lol i still don t have a clue where i will eventually end up working am currently still in limbo being used as an extra body doing alternate duties at the same place i have been for about 15 years it has been decided by the powers that be i should not go back to what i was doing so they have to find somewhere else for me but things are taking time to happen all the red tape etc things like this seem to move at the speed of dark lol but i have been doing a lot of thinking and coming to terms with things who would have thought that at my age 54 i would be having to come to terms with the fact that i actually have a disability but the good news with this is it is not something i have just acquired it is mostly aside from the whole stress disorder thing that is multiplying some of the effects of it at the moment one which i have had for all of my life weird eh am i crazy no confused don t know about you but me yes lol just part of the weirdness that comes from falling apart and then in with all that mess discovering that part of the reason my whole world came crumbling down was that i had been trying to cope with it all minus one bit of crucial information that i am actually autistic that diagnosis did not come as a complete surprise i had my suspicions that i may have aspergers but had then dismissed them as i was too social too vocal too normal or so i thought what was so confusing was the stereotypes that one tends to hear read about and the fact that i did not have a clue just how much it actually could affect me things i never realised thought of like this stuff https musingsofanaspie com executive function series and https musingsofanaspie com 2013 08 02 procrastination or executive function fail of course it also didn t help that a psychologist i saw for counselling when my ex walked out in 2013 also told me i was normal just a rare personality type when i asked if i might have aspergers he laughed and said no you don t have that you make good eye contact and can carry on a conversation with me argh and unfortunately an all to common thing to happen here is a link to a recent article about why https theconversation com the women who dont know theyre autistic 80991 ok i typed some of this stuff several days ago ready to finish typing and post it later and i had this bit in there copy in some of what i wrote about coming to terms with stuff here and there in notes i have been typing up these blog post ideas in the notes app on my ipad and i have also been typing up a kind of dear diary type thing every day or 5 with what has been happening and any thoughts and feelings i can think of remember i have found it quite useful typing things helps me sort them out better in my thoughts a bit like talking about them does sometimes i work out what i think feel about things when i notice myself telling someone or when it kind of ends up being written here in my notes or kind of appearing in the middle of a blog post i am writing lol and some of what ends up in my blog posts starts as things i was writing in my notes now i wonder when i wrote whatever it was i wanted to add in here goes and looks i think i was thinking about this it has been an interesting journey adjustment i have to make from always being such a fiercely independent person to now having to come to terms with just how much help i actually seem to need at the moment and maybe that is at least partly why i have been getting myself into so many emotional knots about my work situation comcare etc stuff oddly enough i am now looking forward to possibly seeing an ot and maybe yet another shrink and who knows who else and seeing a psychologist again i already knew i definitely need to do at least that but now realising i probably do need the all the other stuff as well was always looking fwd to getting some kind of help with skills assesment finding out what job i would be best suited to but now also really interested to find out more about me all the things i might have going on working differently that i have always just thought was normal like what problems differences if any do i have with things like proprioception motor skills coordination sensory stuff etc not to mention all the things that contributed to the problems i was having at work communication executive function social problems anxiety who knows what else just still feel a bit weird about it all probably because i don t actually know how i feel lol and this it is an odd place to be in knowing that i am highly intelligent and in so many ways so capable but yet i am also to be quite honest mentally disabled the stress disorder alone would qualify me for that label yet somehow as confronting and undesirable that label would have sounded to me in the past for some reason maybe because it now has a logical reason understanding attached i now seem to be ok with accepting it the...