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blog about forum archives advertise bpe2 june 4th 2009 60 fairness the best parent ever is better than you because they believe in fairness more than you do that s why every child gets a trophy just for participating these days number and letter grades have been expelled from grammar school no one ever fails a class anymore they merely need a little improvement and everyone all the time at every possible moment is always a winner except of course for those losers who take drugs claim our kids anti drug coloring books why have we become so insistent on making everyone feel so victoriously equal because we re not equal and we all know this except for the best parent ever equality is a subjective concept that always looks most promising when you re at the top of the food chain and it s the job of the noble bpe to smother us with this glorious fairness lest we notice how crushingly unfair it all is this is just basic lion king 101 you wonderful gazelles shouldn t mind being eaten the king of the jungle says because we are all winners in the circle of life uh no not really one of us is going to be lion manure on the serengeti in a few hours while the other takes a nap in the shade of pride rock what s so fair about that so take that failure you have no place rearing your big fat f in the world of the best parent ever but even more importantly please don t remind everyone else of their underachievement just let needs improvement handle that job it s so much more fair because the last thing the lion king needs is a bunch of gazelles getting all pissed off over so called inequality can you hear the love tonight no sorry i have the antler of an angry gazelle shoved so far up my ass it punctured my eardrum now would that be fair not for the best parent ever for more helpful parenting tips join the bpe discussion board 7 comments filed under fairness may 4th 2009 59 god not only is the best parent ever better than you but their god is better than you too this is because the best parent ever knows that even a perfect supreme being can be improved and customized cherry pick a few biblical standards mash it up with buddhism and or new age nonsense and then plug directly into your young child s mind the god goddess life force angels energy is good to go like an over priced jamba juice fusion of mystical energy boosts it s no surprise that the tribe claiming parental providence over the rest of us has also deemed a few millennia of spiritual tradition to be little more than swifter chum of the soul after all isn t old time religion just a little too egalitarian for the bpe the only way to park that spiritual prius on the most exclusive block of the afterlife is to change all the streets signs and roadmaps so none but the best of the best can ever possess it so take that st peter heaven is just another gated community built for the best parent ever hey they ve gotten their children into the most exclusive preschools around do you really think they ll have any trouble getting past some divine guard shack even if you manage to stall them for an infinity or two buddha l ron deepak and or the ghost of oprah will be waiting to let them in the side exits when no one is looking and that s why even when they are dead the best parent ever will still be better than you halleluha namaste whatever amen for more helpful parenting tips join the bpe discussion board 8 comments filed under god april 20th 2009 the best parent ever s recession guide the best parent ever is better than you because they will survive the recession depression better than you simply by following this handy bperg best parent ever recession guide as most bpes know money isn t everything but using money to let people know you are better than them is thankfully this is still possible even with increasingly limited resources it just takes some attitude and a little old fashioned obnoxiousness soon you too can be better than them with less too housing living it up with liens first off it s not a recession it s a new economy this imbues all the bpe s financial setbacks with the veneer of cutting edge trendiness some might see a plain old foreclosure sign on the lawn of that local mcmansion but not the ne bpe new economy best parent ever the trustee sale is an au currant status symbol hey you re nobody til your nod notice of default the stay at home mom is the new nanny that s right the only people the bpe could possibly pay less than their non white nanny are themselves so here s a novel idea take care of your own kids for a change it will be informative and you ll finally understand how your nanny feels plus your unemployed nanny will now get that much needed extended vacation she has been meaning to ask you about but has been too tired and hungry to ask for public schools are the new private when you come right down to it the biggest difference between that must attend private academy and the public school down the street is one thing reputation unable to cough up the 30 000 in private school tuition the ne bpe must radically upgrade the reputation of their local free institutions by getting involved in the schools assisting teachers perhaps even doing extra homework with their kids oh please we said reputation not real change the ne bpe must immediately start spam botting greatschools com and parenting sites about the incredible accomplishments of their local public school to make them seem extra prestigious at least until the recession ends clothing vintage now means last year passing off your kids hand me downs as vintage clothing just got a little easier thanks to ne bpe resourcefulness in some circles this kind of resourcefulness is called lying but the ne bpe likes to think that enhancing the historical merits of those organic onesies and overalls is the perfect anecdote to curtailed shopping budgets and remember it s not a thrift store it s an exclusive boutique with one of a kind merchandise canvas tote bags hide all can t afford to shop at whole foods or the farmer s market anymore no one has to know just stuff your wal mart produce in an earth friendly canvas bag preferably with some kind of green market logo on it plus these bags are usually sturdy enough to carry heavy bottles of liquor so you can party like it s 2007 all natural never looked so good always remind people that your deferral of cosmetic surgery and other physical enhancements is not due to lack of funds but your newfound love of the environmental friendly all natural look you re not broke you are the new earth mother love handles are the new botox everyone should have some and yes that doesn t make sense but style not logic is the bpe s hallmark the 25 stroller little red wagons never go out of style especially with some real authentic rust people spend a fortune to age their most precious goods you can just pull the old wagon out of your parents shed or cellar manure hand carts work well too better make sure your ne bpe kids have their tetanus shot dumb baby names forget about ava dylan and mia this year s hottest new name is ponzi the nintendo wii keep this it s a recession not a depression after all so take that jobless masses the best parent ever may be in the same financial boat as you but their leaks are so much more stylish that s why even as they sink the best parent ever is still better than you for more helpful parenting tips join the bpe discussion board 4 comments filed under best parent ever s recession guide more best parents polls dumbest baby name ever contest yoga for babies baby einstein mozart bach which celebrity parents makes you cringe the most nbsp get a baby joe blow t shirt links stuff stick figure people like moron answers ask a moron com nbsp next page to advertise on bestparentever com 2008 powered by pressrow