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Text of the page (random words):
n and behavior are scaled to the costs of acting on our environment more resources are used the world is more challenging to interact with in one survey participants were asked to estimate the slope of a hill individuals keeping a big secret judged the hill to be steeper than individuals without big secrets did about ten percent of the subjects in one survey were preoccupied with infidelity this can actually make tasks such as carrying groceries or walking the dog more difficult thinking about secrets makes one feel more burdened dr slepian said that he would have stopped studying secrecy but another researcher failed to replicate his work so he had to continue whether one sees a secret as big or small is not as important as how preoccupying a secret is big secrets are not always preoccupying people learn to live with them the burden of secrecy is less about what the secret is and more about how often the secret is on one s mind as an example of a secret dr slepian brought up infidelity among americans 30 of respondents have been unfaithful to a partner not necessarily a current partner at one time the figure worldwide is about 20 if individual a is in a long term monogamous relationship with b and has a one night stand while on a business trip a has a secret at the moment a decides not to inform b even when b is not present this secret will be a burden there are different ways to keep secrets such as concealment dodging the question this is a small slice of the secrecy experience secrecy can result in mind wandering unresolved goals and a failure to seize opportunities to take actions to solve problems it s not necessary to actively hold back secrets they can spontaneously come to mind in one study respondents were asked to categorize experiences and asked to list the ones they kept secret a typical respondent kept 13 secrets at a time we keep the same kind of secrets people think of their secrets far more than they conceal them secrets cause people s minds to wander more often than non secrets this matters for well being frequently concealing secrets doesn t harm individuals as much as preoccupation with secrets does the stereotype of concealing a secret being harmful does not occur often most secrets never come up in communication people are ready for the moments in which they will conceal a secret but not for the mind wandering and preoccupation dr slepian noted that more data sets were required to gauge the harm of keeping secrets and he displayed several diagrams concerning various dimensions of secrets and the harm they cause how do secrets hurt in a recent jpsp we find there are three dimensions to our secrets 1 morality 2 relationship oriented 3 goal oriented each dimension has a unique harm shame isolation uncertainty and each offers an avenue for intervention https t co bcqdlzlmoh pic twitter com z6rooolxdg michael slepian michaelslepian september 22 2021 each dimension of secrets has a degree of harm such as causing bad moods or shame secrets can make us feel ashamed feel isolated and feel uncertainty the paradox of secrets is that concealment is not usually harmful but thinking about a secret is can people think about secrets in better ways while people can prepare to conceal secrets can they prepare to think about them confiding secrets to a third party can help it doesn t reduce concealment but it does reduce mind wandering a small glimmer of hope can have a big effect confiding leads to people feeling more capable people tend to choose the right people to confide in compassionate assertive people would a confidant be burdened by a secret it s best to choose someone slightly removed from the situation someone whose morals are aligned and won t be scandalized and prone to reveal a secret as a punishment for confiding to backfire it has to fail spectacularly it takes a really negative response to make people second guess revealing secrets the lecture was followed by a q a session the opening question from some bastard in the audience involved cultural religious factors in keeping or revealing secrets dr slepian immediately picked up on the subtext about the sacrament of confession in the roman catholic church he noted that in comparing cross cultural differences it is useful to keep in mind how collectivist or individualistic a society is in collectivist cultures there is an inauthenticity to keeping secrets it breaks norms there is a greater expectation of revealing in order to keep order that being said in certain societies in which marriages are arranged divorce is not an option and social networks are small there are more secrets in societies in which you find a partner on your own it s easier to leave on your own another question involved the positivity or negativity of a secret what s the difference between keeping a birthday party secret and keeping an affair secret positive secrets feel good because the point of concealment is to make the big reveal more exciting such secrets make us feel in control and add to well being are there secrets we should never reveal what harm would result from revelation if you want to reveal something to make yourself feel better you should nevertheless consider the harm revelation would do to others dr slepian cited dan savage s one time secret model but noted that repeat offenses aren t covered ask yourself what your partner would want even with a one time lapse 77 of respondents stated that they would want to know dr slepian also noted that there s no reason to figure this out on your own seek a second opinion there s no reason to be alone with your secret in one study of hiv positive men in the 1990s men who concealed their sexual orientation had worse health outcomes and died sooner than men who were open about it asked about methodology and the candor of respondents dr slepian noted that in internet surveys the level of detail is shocking people want to talk about their secrets what differences are there between children and adults when it comes to keeping secrets children will deny even when there is evidence to the contrary cooking crumbs on their shirts they don t have other strategies adolescents are better at holding back secrets which can cause problems regarding neurodivergent individuals there is not enough data journaling might be useful as long as it isn t rehashing the past or merely chronicling a harmful record dr slepian mentioned postsecret as an anonymous way to write a secret down and anonymously reveal it some secrets just time out they simply lapse what s the utility of secrecy a world without secrets would be less functional secrets protect the feelings of others the optimal level of secrecy is not zero regarding the difference between guilt and shame guilt is i did a bad thing shame is i am a bad person once again the secret science club has dished out a fantastic lecture kudos to dr slepian dorian and margaret and the staff of the beautiful bell house high fives all around for a taste of the secret science club experience check out this video with the good doctor pour yourself a nice beverage and soak in that science postscript after the lecture i joked with dr slepian that he should go into a catholic church and participate in confession just to experience the process of revealing a secret anonymously to a complete stranger i told him that he could find movie scenes depicting the sacrament so he could do it in the traditional fashion he joked that he would need a wingman posted by big bad bald bastard at 5 15 pm 1 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday june 22 2022 brooklyn bound i m headed down to the gowanus section of brooklyn this afternoon for this month s secret science club lecture it s nice to have this particular routine back in my life the ritual of taking the subway from the end of the line in the bronx to downtown brooklyn in this year s trips i ve been walking from the atlantic avenue subway station to the beautiful bell house which i ve been doing since the shooting on the r train my usual transfer from the 4 train luckily there s a really good middle eastern bakery along the way it s comforting to be able to return to this important part of my life after two years and even better to see my brooklyn friends who are actually from the entire nyc metro area being able to recap it for you folks is the icing on the cake posted by big bad bald bastard at 3 54 pm 2 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday june 21 2022 return of a fan favorite longtime readers will be happy to know that my beloved ginger has returned to work she s still cone laden but my coworker who took her home for her convalescence left town for a couple of days so he brought her back though she is under house arrest for two or three more days when the vet will evaluate her and most likely remove the cone ginger is like the kid who had the accident late in the school year and has to spend summer vacation in a cast here she is begging to be let out which is a no no under her current circumstances right now she is confined to the building which houses the employee break room she also has the run of an activity room and the building s spacious basement the cone definitely cramps her style though it impedes the catlike grace which is supposed to be her birthright it s nice to have ginger back but it s a shame that we can t have any adventures together onsite hopefully by the weekend we ll be on the scout around the grounds without cones or stitches to cramp ginger s style posted by big bad bald bastard at 7 20 pm 3 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday june 20 2022 signal boost for an important perspective one of the important functions of social media is creating interpersonal connections i m new to the whole mainstream social media thing but i did have a nice exchange on twitter with jeremiah prophet a dallas based journalist with cerebral palsy jay writes entertainingly about a variety of topics such as writing political advocacy for beto o rourke as early as 2019 his tale of having his computer hacked reads like a scary little techno thriller with the details of the features he needs to operate his computer adding a terrifying angle to the story it s as educational as it is gripping give jay a read his is an important voice and an entertaining one posted by big bad bald bastard at 7 52 pm 2 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest older posts home subscribe to posts atom bastard in picture not shown at actual size about me big bad bald bastard the big bad bald bastard is a character played by monsieur _______ of the city of y______ the role of the bastard is a handy one to play on subways walking the streets and in dive bars when being a nerdy bookish sort is not to one s advantage view my complete profile blog archive 2022 177 june 26 intersectional pride day rage at the moment of triumph a day we all saw coming secret science club secrets lecture recap brooklyn bound return of a fan favorite signal boost for an important perspective juneteenth firmly established learning with lizzo another lap around the sun chalk repatriation the calls for sedition are coming from inside the big bastard buys big boy camera upper class twit sends warning perilous pride sanctuary in nyc s southeastern suburbs career advice gonna catch up with the hearings later conservatism kills another kitchen ordeal courtesy of fox shots on both sides i am not a number i am a free deer he s supposed to be one of the smart ones jersey bound coned again happy birthday sis may 31 april 30 march 31 february 28 january 31 2021 365 december 31 november 30 october 31 september 30 august 31 july 31 june 30 may 31 april 30 march 31 february 28 january 31 2020 359 december 31 november 30 october 31 september 30 august 31 july 31 june 30 may 31 april 28 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brilliant at breakfast au revoir y all buttermilk sky strange things are happening checking out your shorts not sure if i should feel guilty about the laughter chrome beach hello honeybunches circle jerk at the square dance project runaway nuclear weapons program cleaning house baking cookies a small update consider the source the green new deal is a hoax cornish chickpea the not so good life dilettante distant voices vibrating electrons doves today hi nate ear candle productions bag of hammers empire of the senseless i have been to heaven and back etatbd coupon code for no odd reason puppeh domestics gocart s weather chart the village idiot destruction of society going gently k9 groves of spears i procrastinate herlander walking the female experience in society if you just would have said yes dead wild roses i dreamed i saw grace p last night repost harold the vince lombardi trophy i have strong opinions here s a bajillion dollars if you can spend a few million on software development ifthethunderdontgetya ³² happy new year jo...
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