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Text of the page (random words):
s how we have put ttc on hold but i visited an old girlfriend the other day which brought up some mixed emotions i was thrilled to see her we met up at target as she was shopping for baby toys and pushing around a shopping cart with a little baby boy did i mention that this baby is not hers but actually her sisters who has neglected to care for the child and is basically not worthy of being a mother i can t go into the details of explaining the situation but my friend is practically raising this child ugh and what s worse is that my friend has pcos and struggles to get pregnant herself i can tell how heartbroken she is to not be able to have her own child and to have an irresponsible sister who can the worst part is that the mother has failed to give the child proper care in the way of regular doctor visits the child has never had a checkup since leaving the hospital no weight checks no vaccinations and just flat out no concern my friend has reported her sister to cps but only discovered that they are not willing to act on the situation yet what the hell oh i guess that s not the worst part because she did drugs and smoked all through her pregnancy and this child is perfectly healthy how is this possible seeing this beautiful child has made me have the pain all over again holding him in my arms made me wonder how any woman could not want to spend every waking moment with their child i came home and told hubby that when we have a child i won t be able to have my attention towards anything else and that i would probably obsessively stare at our baby all hours of the day forget tv books and all that other stuff posted by patricia at 5 56 pm 11 comments sunday september 19 2010 making lemonade i didn t know what to say so i just didn t say anything it seems my life continues to spiral out of control but somehow i manage to always look at the brighter side we have put ttc aside for how long i have no idea i don t always understand how life works out it seems every time i think i ve got it figured out something gives we bought a house then had plans to get back into ttc i was optimistic and thinking things were going to turn around for us but in a weird twist of fate hubby was laid off yup that s right 3 days after we signed the contract on the house he was laid off what to do what to do well it s been 3 months now and neither of us have found work ohio is rough right now in the job market i swear it was before the purchase of the house that i was praying the purchase would fall through because we had just had the ectopic pregnancy and i was missing my family and feeling lonely and depressed i wanted so badly to move back to the west and be near family and friends but the purchase went through and we were trapped not to worry we put the house up for sale real quick it must be some kind of record for quickest home purchased and put back on the market but the best news of all we are moving back to the west yup we are in the middle of packing up right now we just had to get out of this place ohio has been the worst decision we have ever made we should never have left seattle but we can t go back in time so we just have to make the best of the present i can t think of anything that can make us happier than getting the hell out of here we decided to put ttc on hold because we don t know where the near future will take us before we settled into careers hubby and i dreamed about teaching abroad it was something we gave up on because we had settled into our new roles as a married couple with a house and kids in the future but with all the drama that took place we aren t sure what is meant to be we looked into teaching in korea my family is from there and we are giving it strong consideration we plan to spend the next year with our family and treat ourselves to a little rest and relaxation and then we ll decide where to go from there we already have several trips planned for this year gosh we could use a vacation it s been a long and depressing year we will be settled back in the west by october and then heading to hawaii in november can t wait then it s my dad s 50 th birthday which i m so glad i won t miss then we re taking a trip to vegas and l a where we will visit disneyland and my sister in law hooray and to top off the end of the year my cousin from korea will be arriving to spend the holidays with us it will be her first visit to america and we plan to go all out for christmas and new years it looks like things are looking up but we always seem to make lemonade when life throws us lemons it s difficult for me to look at this blog which is part of the reason why i have avoided it it left me feeling empty and unaccomplished in the things i thought i could control i hope my followers understand thank you to everyone who has cared for me and picked me up through good times and bad you all have been a great support system for me and i hope that means you ll continue to be there i have decided to start a new blog though it won t be about ttc i loved blogging and writing about my thoughts and feelings but just didn t know where to start i hope to keep in touch with you all and support you through your journey even if mine is on hold my new blog can be found here posted by patricia at 12 43 am 8 comments tuesday june 22 2010 moving is hard work we spent our first night in our new home on saturday it was strange i guess it will take some time until it really feels like home hubby says it feels like he s staying at an aunt s house or something and i kind of feel the same all our stuff is half way unpacked and involves a lot of searching if you need something but eventually we will be fully settled in and i m sure it will be great today we removed all the carpeting in the downstairs bonus room it took us about 4 hours and was pretty sweaty intense work we had to scrape off areas where the carpet was glued down and use a pry bar to remove all the tack strips that held the carpet in place now the floor is just a bare slab of concrete we can t wait to shop for new flooring it should be really fun we still have plenty more work to do before that though the next step is to remove all the trim work from the walls and then we need to smooth out the wall surface currently there is a textured paint application that we are just not very fond off the room should be beautiful once we are done though here s a before photo notice the hideous carpet next to go is the ugly wood trim here s the after photo we now have a nice concrete slab for a floor we were so excited that our little dog roxy would have her very own yard to play in we put her outside while we were ripping up the flooring and wouldn t you know it she was begging to get back in apparently she s an indoor dog oh well she is still trying to figure out why we are in a new place she is constantly smelling around the house and doing some exploring here and there on the ttc front we are still planning on waiting until at least september i sure the time will fly by though oh and af who knows what s going on it seems i have 3 days of spotting then a week off it s been like this for 4 weeks now i m currently spotting right now who knows this friday my fil will be coming to visit us oddly he scheduled a trip out here to help us move so that i wouldn t have to do any heavy lifting during the pregnancy and well a few days after he purchased his plane ticket i had the surgery to terminate the pregnancy it s all kind of bittersweet i guess we are excited to have family come see us anytime but yet it reminds me of why the trip was ever planned when he booked the flight i think both hubby and i had made a comment about the awkwardness of losing the baby and now we just have to endure it and lastly thursday is my birthday i can t believe it s already here i will be turning 27 and it all seems kind of weird we don t have any plans and hubby already bought me a gift tickets to jack johnson next month so it should just be a mellow and otherwise boring kind of day posted by patricia at 10 40 pm 16 comments tuesday june 15 2010 i m back hey there everybody i just got back from bonnaroo on monday and had a blast you can read all about it here there really is just too much to say about it i did return home with a little sun poisoning and was puking my guts out the whole drive home i also have a pretty red hot sun burn which should develop into a nice tan but along with it came a few heat rashes on my arms hands feet and legs let s just say aloe vera is me new best friend right now so my favorite performance at bonnaroo was kings of leon we ve been following this band for a while now and have seen them perform twice the first time we saw them they were barely known and now they are huge it s weird when a small band you like makes it big it almost feels personal because you ve been by them from the beginning anyways there s a song that they performed during the encore and it brought both hubby and i practically to tears when we heard it we ve of course heard the song before but it took on a new meaning for us now if you have a moment you should listen to it as i told you all before i thought af had arrived for the second time around this month but i m not so sure i don t know if either of these spotting incidences were af or not but during bonnaroo it was really hardly noticeable and sorry this is tmi but it was light brown and creamy white which leads me to believe it was most likely old blood either way i m not sure if those count as an af or not good thing we are not ttc right now because i m all thrown off we are officially starting to move in now today i spent the day shampooing the carpets so that they are nice and fresh when we are officially moved in we will be replacing all the flooring by the end of this year but right now the carpet is actually new and really nice too tomorrow i m going to start patching up holes in the wall from old screws and nails and then it will be time to paint i already have my colors picked out and can t wait to see how it all turns out i feel like summer is definitely here now and so far it s been off to a good start we have a lot going on right now and it s nice to have each day to look forward to i hope everyone is having a great start to summer as well posted by patricia at 5 58 pm 8 comments wednesday june 9 2010 and we re off we are currently just mere hours away from departing for our trip to tennessee for bonnaroo we re all packed up and ready to party we definitely need some time to cut loose on a completely other note on may 31st i told you all that i thought af had arrived it was light and only lasted 2 days but it had the makings of what seemed to be her arrival well today i have full blown bloating cramps severe lower backache and some extremely faint pink spotting could this be af wow i have no idea but i am armed to the teeth with af gear should this be her actual arrival of course she would try to ruin my vacation huh and she would torture me by showing up when i ll be camping for 4 days in the muggy heat with nothing but port o potties and outdoor showers to comfort myself with oh well at least i can get jacked up on midol and even indulge myself with a few adult beverages damn it s been a long time any who i hope everyone enjoys the rest of their week and has a delightful weekend posted by patricia at 5 45 pm 5 comments monday june 7 2010 we became home owners well i ve been mia for a few days and things have been crazy here thank you to everyone for all your cheering and support through our home buying process and such of course things never do go smoothly on friday we were supposed to get the keys to our home and wouldn t you know 30 minutes before we were heading to closing it was canceled wtf total bullshit i spent the entire weekend feeling bitchy because we had all these plans on getting a lot of cleaning done on the house over the weekend well today we officially became home owners and closing took place at 3pm we are super excited and tomorrow i ll be heading over to jump start the cleaning while hubby is at work on top of that we are leaving on wednesday for the bonnaroo music festival in tennessee we have been gathering all our camping gear and getting ready to spend 4 nights in the tennessee heat and enjoying great music everyday till 4 in the morning it should be super fun and hopefully my body will be able to stay awake for it all posted by patricia at 10 07 pm 12 comments tuesday june 1 2010 happy fiftieth post to me i hope everyone had a wonderful long weekend mine was rather uneventful but still relaxing nonetheless we spent saturday and sunday running shopping errands mainly out of pleasure just browsing through department stores and such then on monday we drove over to a nearby lake and did some exploring we drove completely around the lake and stopped off at all the little attractions scenic viewpoints wildlife viewing areas the dam public beaches and we parked and did some exploring off the beaten path all in all we were pleasantly surprised to see the lake had a lot to offer and will be a great swimming spot to bring our little dog roxy the water was a perfect temperature and actually had me wishing i was wearing my bathing suit at the time but my incisions are still healing and no need to try to get them infected on a completely other topic on monday i think af arrived i say i think because i m confused at how this could be possible see monday would only be 18 days post surgery which would mean i would have ovulated basically just a few days after the surgery could this be i have no clue but it appears that af is ready to get the ball rolling i just can t believe it s so quick with my first miscarriage it took af almost 2 months to return i guess i can call myself lucky that it came back so quickly this time and not to mention she s being rather kind no bloating or cramps but my boobs are super sore all in all if this is how she returns i m very thankful oh another thing that s going on in our lives is the purchase of our first home as it stands it s still up in the air we feel totally annoyed and frustrated our closing date was supposed to be last friday but the paperwork for the appraisal had not been filed yet it is the only thing holding us up so we were able to get an extension so now the closing date is supposed to be this friday we thought for sure we would hear about the appraisal paperwork coming through today but no we haven t heard shit so now we have 2 days until we are supposed to be closing on this house and we have no idea what s going on there s no fucking way we could ask for another extension so if the paperwork doesn t show up soon i guess we won t be getting the house i said it before that if we didn t get the house we may strongly consider moving back to the west to be closer to family but all this up and down rollercoaster of emotions is really starting to fuck with my head i m not sure to be thrilled that we...