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not feeling like shit during the holidays and a nintendo wii maybe are all up for grabs in the next two weeks i will be sitting my citizenship english literature and ict exams in that order therefore you may not hear from me any time soon citizenship and ict are not a problem i ve already mentioned how easy the cit exam is and i m going into the ict exam with a b grade so shouldn t be too difficult it s the english lit exam i m worried about english lit is the toughest of the two english subjects much harder than english language it requires you to have memorised about 20 different poems the entire of mice and men novel and is the most analytically challenging of the two to put it bluntly i am shitting one in a desperate attempt to intellectualise myself i have decided to listen only to classic fm and the occasional radio 4 comedy i ve also started praying not to any god in particular i do it just to make myself feel better hopefully i ll come out of this victorious my next update will probably be during the half term when i ve finished my first three exams in other news i can t believe that weird looking girl won the eurovision for serbia i really wanted that dr evil look a like for france to win or those drum beating hungarians they had attitude ireland in true father ted fashion came last which was pretty funny i m just glad england didn t end up with nil points and i watched scientology and me as well how can anyone buy into that crap it s not even a religion i don t see why celebrities are so attracted to it it doesn t seem to have any benefits whatsoever you don t see people paying a hundred grand to read the next chapter of the bible and finally i m looking forward to the champions league final i can t wait until liverpool kick ac milan s arse just like before that s it i can t wait until these gcses are over posted by jingo at 5 15 2007 11 18 00 pm 10 comments 11 may 2007 citizenship what does it take to be a good citizen an a in gcse citizenship that s what last year i was offered the chance to take this extra subject which would increase my gcse tally to 11 and give me a chance to add another shiny a to my currently small collection it ll be bolstered in a months time i hope having studied i use the term very loosely the subject for a year it s hard to take it seriously the course mainly deals with human rights diluted politics and current affairs topics that can be learnt from simply watching the news as long as i can still recognise tony blair the exams shouldn t pose a problem here is a sample question from one of the citizenship past papers you have found a caterpillar in a sandwich you have bought who do you complain to a the government b the police c the supermarket apart from being ridiculously simple citizenship is only a half course so if i should achieve an a grade it would only count for a c grade s worth of ucas points these precious points are needed to qualify for further education so basically citizenship is micky mouse and i ve done fuck all in lessons the teacher has been on leave since having a mental breakdown so i ve just been sleeping and playing cards every lesson oh well it s only citizenship my exam is a week today posted by jingo at 5 11 2007 05 47 00 pm 10 comments labels gcse 07 may 2007 le francais remember when i said i d do a post for every subject i will be sitting this year to start i thought i d do a post about french a subject i did a year early and miraculously got an a for next week some of my friends will go for their french orals they ll experience the same dread the same fear the same pain i went through and i won t be sympathetic i ll laugh and make inappropriate jokes and i ll fill them with horror stories i m not fucking with you they made me translate french passages of jules verne into english i swear i ll do exactly what they did to me a year ago oh how revenge is sweet there was a time when i was afraid french i was afraid it s subtle accents and gendered nouns afraid to read out passages of tricolore afraid of the embarrassment generated from calling a friend copine instead of amie or vice versa which one meant girlfriend again but what i feared most of all were the french orals you probably find it amusing that a language can have such an effect on me and you re probably thinking up jokes involving the french and orals as we speak but laugh all you want the mere thought of french reminds me of that day the day of my dreaded gcse french speaking instead of doing some frantic last minute preparation i came into school and just sat in a corner pondering why oh why did i have to take french sure the language sounds damn sexy but was it worth three precious years of my life to learn i could of learnt spanish a lot easier or latin a whole lot more useful but instead i chose this a language spoken by a bunch of baguette wielding anglo hating beret wearers who wouldn t even give me directions to the louvre i had to learn the hard way being stranded in a parisian street filled with hobos and what made me choose to take this a year early i m too young and stupid i m not ready yet to face the cruel rigours of examination i want to frolic in the sun without a care in the world i waited in the corridor for what seemed like an eternity with those doubts racing through my mind i entered the room i did my oral and i can out a changed man whenever i recall those moments in that room i sound like a vietnam veteran you weren t there man the silence the flickering lights that disconcerting smile oh god in those split seconds your mind goes blank and you can feel the pressure build and you re sweating like a pig never again never again incoherent mumbling i would gladly face the might of xerxe s persian army rather than go through that ordeal again but i got a so i can t have been that bad posted by jingo at 5 07 2007 11 11 00 pm 18 comments labels gcse intellectual activities ramblings on life 02 may 2007 getting better i knew i wasn t on blistering form in terms of maths results but i must have been on crack or somethin when i took that test i won t post the results since i don t want you all to think of me as some kind of mathematically challenged numerically braindead cretin so let s just use the euphemism could have done better i feel bitter like a former beauty queen who s grown too old i can t quite come to terms with the fact that i m no longer number one and i m ever hopeful of clawing my way back to where i truly belong and that s at the top these are dark days indeed the gods of calculus are fickle beings as soon as you start believing you are blaise pascal and can solve every millennium prize problem they taketh away and you are left with nothing more than an empty feeling and a half factorised quadratic equation i wish the gods would restore me to my former glory especially since my actual additional maths exam is in a few weeks time but it s not all doom and gloom things are getting better my english abilities have improved tenfold i know the blog doesn t quite show this but my english results beg to differ i think it s because i now know of mice and men off by heart and my poetry analysing skills have vastly improved the only thing holding me back now is my essay structures which can be easily remedied i suppose i should be glad since it s not hard to improve maths it s all about practise and memorising equations but how on earth does a person go about improving their english the only way is to read a lot of books or have the natural ability both can t be done the night before which makes me feel somewhat better after screwing up the maths exam so whilst maths ability has fallen english ability has risen since english counts for 2 gcses and maths is some kind of post gcse pre a level qualification thingy perhaps this is for the best nevertheless i will be working night and day to improve those maths results as i come nearer and nearer to the gcse exams i ll probably do a post on every subject i ll be sitting for there s two weeks to go before things kick off with my citizenship exam just to ease into things stick around things are soon to get exciting posted by jingo at 5 02 2007 11 16 00 pm 18 comments labels gcse 28 april 2007 300 i can t believe how poor this film is you don t need to have read sun tzu s the art of war machiavelli s dell arte della guerra or even played on rome total war to realise that the warefare in 300 had no tactics whatsoever this is totally unsatisfactory considering this is an adaptation of the battle of thermopylaie when vastly out numbered spartan hopilites out manouvred the persians in one of the most famous last stands in history i m no film connosseur and i don t watch innovative indie art films i was prepared to overlook the pathetic dialogue and boring plot as long as it redeemed itself with the lord of the rings kingdom of heaven style epic battles scenes i had expected when i watched the trailer instead it was just close up filming of leonidas and at most ten other spartans slashing at ethnic minorities and making hwargh sounds whenever they reach a milestone of kills that s the level of dialogue you should expect when watching this film this gets repetitive after awhile and i know that a great deal has been made about how the film misrepresents the persians in history and how it s propaganda for the war in iraq at the time i thought that s a load of bollocks but having watched the film i have to admit they have a point i saw nothing wrong with king leonidas hacking at waves of iraqi insurgent look a likes but xerxe s special guard the immortals were taking the piss a bit wait until you see what s underneath those masks they looked like taliban wearing mongol masks carrying samurai swords i mean that s pretty far fetched to begin with but when they took off their masks they looked like extras from resident evil you see them in the trailer but not their zombie faces although they look like your asian stereotype of super warriors underneath it all they are bloodthirsty zombies i can see how associating asians with pure evil can be a tad insulting not as exciting as it looks and let s not forget the monsters and african animals it was a joke how little they featured and how unexciting they were and xerxes himself who s a 7 foot freaky homosexual with a very camp voice synthesised so that it s deep i can t see how anyone could be so shallow as to like this film unless you enjoy looking at chiselled abs in which case this film must have been incredibly enjoyable posted by jingo at 4 28 2007 03 01 00 pm 16 comments 25 april 2007 add maths my brain felt like it had just endured several bottles of german schnapps my neck hurt my back hurt my wrist hurt my eyes could no longer focus properly i felt like collapsing on the cold concrete and wait for the numbness in my mind to subside or at least until i got my vision back as i walked home i kept asking myself what the fuck happened having been left to squint at a ridiculously hard test paper in a darkened room for over two hours i can be fairly certain it was maths i mean there were numbers and x s and y s and stuff but it asked me crazy questions about binomial expansion and kinematics and crap i can t even begin to contemplate to say i was overwhelmed would be a bit of an understatement binomial expansion seems to need about a tree s worth of paper just to fit it all in and kinematics i didn t even know such a term existed until last week what happened to the jingo of old who beat 120 people in his year in the ks3 maths sats and basically owned everyone in the subject ah those were the days when i was sharp as a knife and algebra would solve itself right in front of my eyes but now a days i m so confused i don t even know whether to differentiate or to integrate anymore people walk past me watching me slave over an equation probably thinking to themselves that poor bastard if only he knew you have to differentiate to find the gradient so it s a fall from grace i put it down to naivety lack of revision and overconfidence being a cocky bastard i have made a vow to myself that i ll revise 3 hours every night honest this time i ll actually stick to it instead of procrastinating in front of the computer actually i haven t even got my results back so we ll wait and see posted by jingo at 4 25 2007 11 03 00 pm 53 comments labels intellectual activities school 21 april 2007 let the music do the talking since i no longer have to worry about coursework and have badly over estimated the amount of time i ll revising i have freed up quite a bit of time so i thought i might as well do this music tag of my top 10 songs i tend to acquire hundreds of albums and i ve got about twenty gigabytes of music so choosing just ten to list here proved quite tough my taste also changes every few weeks so i can never stick to one band or one song since the collection is so massive i occasionally discover hidden gems in my own collection or i re listen to old albums and realise the songs have grown on me sometimes i just get albums for the sake of getting albums and only listen to them months later or even not at all so anyway here s the list 1 ignoreland r e m one of my favourite bands a friend gave me automatic for the people and every song on it is pure class 2 cosmic girl jamiroquai this was the first song i heard by jamiroquai and it s clearly his best although his best album is dynamite i then became a massive fan of his even his earlier acid jazz stuff which has grown on me lately 3 reason is treason kasabian when i first got the album off torquer i hated it i didn t even listen to it i gave it a chance months later and found their electronic rock quite psychedelic it was like listening to music on drugs definitely not your conventional boy band 4 love in an elevator aerosmith another one of those bands i loved when i was younger i ve moved on from them since then they are one of the few glam rock bands i actually like 5 you got the style athlete britpop at its finest will i ever get tired of athlete although not a big band these guys are fantastic 6 manchester the beautiful south that s right i like old music as well i doubt anyone outside the uk will have heard of them but their witty lyrics and mellow tunes are brilliant 7 big yellow taxi counting crows an american indie band i think i was bored at a party watching a music channel when this song popped up based on that one song i got their films about ghosts their greatest hits 8 19 2000 soulchild remix gorillaz this is the best remix i ve ever heard all remixes should sound like this i also recommend gorillaz their electronic tunes are perfect for parties 9 living for the weekend hard fi i discovered them whilst in london and i saw a big poster advertising their stars of cctv very catchy tunes 10 rooftops a liberation broadcast lostprophets don t let their emo look fool you they are an excellent metal band rooftops in particular is very inspiration an...