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Text of the page (random words):
ther has just handed me a large slab of expired christmas cake written by torquer at 22 34 2 comments labels allotment college food 23 may 2007 incredibly comfortable trousers phew i feel like the exams are already over today we had english literature and ict the question for of mice and men on the lit paper was so vague that i hardly knew what to write about instead i wrote about everything there that should cover everything but in enough detail shit i ll probably get an a or something crap like that the other literature question was about how language is used in four different poems i chose to do two by carol ann duffy a lesbian poet with a cbe that lives in manchester one by robert browning famous victorian poet that lives in a grave and another by will shakey i kicked arse on these pausing only to think about how to break ws s gay relationship with an actor to the examiner according to my interpretations of sonnet 130 there was man involved in his sexual life other than himself this afternoon we also had ict this basically involves distinguishing between monitors and floppy disks and there s you a one of the questions asked select two advantages of using rfid tags in supermarkets a so police can trace thefts b so shopping can be calculated without being placed on the conveyor belt c so they can form evil networks you need not have turned on a computer in your life to be able to see that an evil network can t be a good thing that i would say is actually a general picture of the exam its a complete wonder that everyone gets an a or a at my college considering i got 79 80 on my coursework which is actually 60 of the final grade already i would hazard a conservative guess of my grade at an a the previous friday we also had citizenship the coursework for this was the litter picking you are probably familiar with that was also simple although i fluked a couple of the questions on un summits and lay magistrates apparently my answers were correct then again jingo is known to get these kind of things wrong so now we have 13 days until the next exam geography in 13 days time in the mean time i ll be spending most of my time revising like crazy the subjects of chemistry physics and maths i am taking all of these for a level so need to get a decent grade therefore expect little more than a sarcastic comment from jingo to grace this blog over the next few days sorry that s weeks written by torquer at 22 12 no comments labels college ignorance 14 may 2007 chrsythansythisieums fate cruel fate why do you mock me it turns out that the lemons that had supposedly started sprouting last week are actually some type of stupid flower whose name i cannot pronounce instead of the orchards of orange trees i had hoped would fill my conservatory yeah right we barely have a concrete yard i will be stuck with chrsythansythisieums or whatever some old man in a potting shed decided to call them apparently my mother took the liberty of replanting my orange pots with this weird blue flower but completely failed to inform anyone so there i was jumping for joy at the sight of 5mm of green shoot erupting from the damp earth that i had nurtured so attentively for the last 2 weeks it looks like i will now have to consult some kind of trade journal or other literature on the basis of securing some knowledge of mediterranean fruits i once used to be a dab hand at avocados cacti and small palms but even the most hardy of plants now look weak and shriveled in my room reminds me of me elsewhere in my supremely interesting life so far we have been doing a bit of spring cleaning as some would like to refer to it as i prefer to think of it as time to get rid of some shit week as that is basically what it is my brother and i yes the tracy beaker one have bother been at it clearing out our rooms it seems 6 year olds get through toys very quickly these days whereas with me it was the same old wooden clothes peg and broken glass bottle that kept me amused from birth till 7 my bother seems to have gone through postman pat bob the builder fireman sam the shiny show in a matter of months hence the jump to cbbc as cbeebies no longer has the calibre to amuse him for longer than the time it takes to scroll past it to channel 71 on freeview relevantly enough i have just got myself some new speakers and just in case jingo thinks ikea have launched a new range of electricals i got them from argos actually written by torquer at 22 15 2 comments labels allotment outdoors technology 06 may 2007 56 additional maths mock exam results came back today boy was that a shocker it was rather strange though the test was tough and i knew i hadn t done that well in it so why was i so disappointed with 56 it only just gets me a grade c exactly it wasn t as though i was expecting anything higher indeed the entire class broke down in laughter when the new teacher told us at the start of the year that he only got a grade c in his additional maths course but after completing this solid little piece of shit last wednesday i was bloody glad to still get a pass that i m afraid to reveal is more than can be said for my good friend jingo seemingly the maths boffin of the past few years he managed to get the highest grade in the school in the 3rd year exams in the maths gcse in fourth year he was right up their again second in the school i think but this news seemed to bring him back down to earth with a rather painful bang as i was walking home with him out of pity normally i get the bus with more interesting mates he hardly said a word we solemnly strode into home bargains the best discount store in the uk to purchase drinks and snacks blue coat redemption still pounding along and he barely uttered a thanks to the cashier mind you he was a rude litter brat throwing out purchases into bags with some vigor and then there was the bloke on the till what a retard just as we were leaving the silence broke and out came a flurry of i am gonna revise maths 3 hours a day screw everything else and watch me get an a in this test and other such bold claims perhaps it was the caffeine in his coca cola that spurred this particular outburst or maybe he is rather slow and needs time to think about what he is going to say next written by torquer at 21 42 5 comments labels college 25 april 2007 unsocial life it has been another unsurprising week of activity in my busy unsocial life after all the coursework deadlines were thankfully met before easter spring break for my thousands of american readers we still had to complete redrafts to gain those crucial extra marks even more crucial was citizenship gcse coursework it is vital to get as many as possible since we have not actually been taught anything for the past 2 months it turns out our teacher has been off school not because of a damaged knee but instead due to a nervous breakdown i m not sure if i m just being insensitive or just inexperienced but i find that rather amusing this particular teacher s problems remind me of first year back then all those 4 years ago our music teacher by the name of daunt mysteriously vanished from school yes she was daunting especially when she threatened to give me zero on a test i was going to miss due to my father s own wedding about half the class seemed to be absent on this test day and none of her threats came to fruition still i missed the music test and haven t cared a drop for the subject ever since daunt was a great fan of there was an old man called michael finigan he grew whiskers on his chin ingin you know the one or perhaps not every single bleeding lesson she would sit at the piano and churn out the worst dirge imaginable just to emphasise a point about some notation thing apologies to all those music students reading this but i don t see the point music is for the soul and you can t learn about the soul rather aside from my boring rant about mentally deranged teachers my lemons have finally germinated yippee now i ll just have the wait another ten years for them to be visible over the rim of the pot in sports news jingo and i poned is that how you spell it richard and some guy called colin at tennis today taking the set 6 3 the angle of my backhands easily disposed of richard and jingo s smashes obliterated colin and his feeble serves we then swapped jingo and rich vs torquer and colin and it was a dead tie at 1 game all when we broke for lunch in more local sports news chelsea screwed liverpool 1 0 bloody londoners written by torquer at 21 32 4 comments labels college sport 18 april 2007 chassen park it s been a rather long few days in the torquer household so i ll fill ya in firstly i scooted off to nottingham at the earliest opportunity to get away from my ignorant insolent and persistent younger brother after having grown out of cbeebies last year he has been enveloped in the world of tracy beaker a fictional tv character young girl roughly age 12 her behaviour mainly involves complaining and tugging on other people s hair fortunately he does not copy the hair pulling bit but unfortunately has already mastered sarcasm at the age of 6 furthermore as i was in nottingham i noticed that everything seems to be much better there than in liverpool they have a 5 city centre cinemas 60p bus fares more frequent recycling collections nicer scenery and even a primark the only aspects that liverpool beats it on is 2 cathedrals and less gun shootings they even have a muji for christ s sake frequent readers of my blog i e once a year may remember my trials traveling to and from nottingham over christmas a few months ago this time the train went wrong again we were only waiting for an extra twenty minutes while some guy with a watering can topped up the coolant though however this now means that i have had more unsuccessful journeys being delayed cancelled no seats etc than successful ones aboard central trains services a sign of the times shall we say on the return leg from nottingham i called in at my other relatives in manchester gratefully they do not live in moss side like toxteth but with more drugs but in the quaint suburb of east didsbury sigh endless green avenues of trees in blossom endless crunching of litter as you tread over it i stayed there one night and lets just say that bathroom is a bit well one star i did manage to amass a large of amount of assorted confectionary and fruit for some reason so lugging this heavy load down to the station the next morning i consulted the departures board and went as it indicated to platform 7 for my train back to liverpool now this platform is one all on its own at the side of the station you can t actually see any of the other platforms entrance departure boards from there i set my stuff down and waited with no one else for about 15 minutes in silence with silence all around me i decided i fancied a quick snack form the extortionately priced vending machine at the end of the platform i chanced leaving my bags unattended and hurried over for a 70p twix innit bloody expensive or what i turned round and saw that the departure board had changed and my liverpool train was apparently waiting to leave on the other side of the station platform 1 i legged it back over to my stuff hurled the twix into my bag and belted up the steps to the gantry ah bollocks stitch for christ s sake i cursed through the commuters gathering surprised looks i suspect people were thinking about how unorganised modern teenagers are always late tut tut how totally unfair i threw myself onto the train with moments to spare almost giving an old man a heart attack good afternoon ladies and gentlemen this is the 15 29 to flixton calling at urmston chassen park humphry park and will terminate at flixton i nearly cried written by torquer at 22 02 2 comments labels family transport 06 april 2007 departure of the train cowboy its that time of year again folks any kind of 2 week or more holiday from college means i must make the tri annual trip to visit assorted relatives across the country therefore expect little more than a sarcastic comment from jingo to grace this blog over the next few days i will be back in full blown typing action in under a week do go away but do come back want a taster of my experiences with national transport the return of the train cowboy january 2007 written by torquer at 21 57 3 comments 31 march 2007 tardis cafe what a week it has been unfortunately due to circumstances well within my personal control i have been unable to write anything on this tardy blog for the past few days only on the friday before last were we told that all coursework must be handed in the following tuesday this sparked a frenzy of activity amongst the gcse students i have always sniggered at the people in older years who are being chased by ruthless teachers for coursework around this time of year it can t be that hard why do you always leave it till the last minute is a frequent question on my mind now i know exactly the pressure these people are under that s not to say of course that people snigger behind my back when mad australian geography teachers chase me for work they have much more obvious things to laugh at me about take for example the mangy locks circumnavigating my head in a drunken fashion jingo said to me about three weeks ago gosh you need a rather viscous trim i replied gosh i may need a haircut jingo but we are not in an enid blyton novel you know further to the point i was in town on saturday morning enjoying freedom from work for the first time in roughly a month my mother and i for she had tagged along to try and absorb some of my über coolness ventured into a small cafe near the met quarter the apparently trendy end of town but lacking in character for a quiet drink and a danish pastry this place was owned by a bald bog eyed fat italian man wearing spectacles similar to those in a 1960s michael caine movie he is actually an genuine guy he used to be the manager of costa coffee in waterstones but about a year ago he started complaining about the shit food this franchise was selling four day old sandwiches warm soft drinks and the most appalling cappuchinos i could make better coffee drinks no really i could i took my work experience in a café to ever grace a chipped costa mug and wrong sized saucer so instead of putting up with the customers complaints and bad publicity he decided to go it alone in fact he complained so much to the owners that he got sacked after a bit of research and locating suppliers around his home town somewhere in the north east of italy he set up the cafe that i presently sat in i had the most exquisite carbonated orange juice from a can that even had a foil seal on top so as to stop dirt getting around the rim and subsequently down your oesophagus it was a but pricey 95p but i didn t pay for it anyway what goes in must come out so i set off the find a toilet the italian dude informed me that it was through the door at the back i took his advice and swung it ten...