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i won t finish them me and jesus are working on it i would like to nominate the following 15 blogs that i think are fantastic and that i have enjoyed and or that i would like to see more from redeeming infertility jonesivf the girl and her pen six tiny toes my missing ingredient is patience whom i also must apologize to because i haven t gotten to finishing my draft of the liebster award she nominated me for see random fact 7 truly a witty and colorful blog i enjoy walking in freedom diary of a christ follower some day but first of life she writes the making of baby p a mommy at heart being pretty much a new blogger still that is the most blogs i have connected with and i truly think they are all great so i hate to leave this incomplete see previous 7 again i would like to ask if there are any you suggest to please leave a comment and link their blogs may 27 2015 crydul 2 comments thought for the day surviving infertility view original post may 26 2015 crydul leave a comment god remember then god remembered rachel and god gave heed to her and opened her womb genesis 30 22 emphasis added early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the lord and then went back to their home at ramah elkanah made love to his wife hannah and the lord remembered her 1 samuel 1 19 emphasis added mother s day it s here it s hard it hurts your open wound bleeds a little more you smile faint hearted smiles and pray some unknowing and well meaning stranger doesn t wish you a happy mother s day or ask are you a mom you fight the tears teetering on the surface the entire day the same ones you ve fought for the last week or maybe cry uncontrollably the entire day unable to fight anymore you are stuck between relentless hope and constant heartache you don t think you can face church you wonder if you will ever be able to enjoy this day you feel guilty guilty for feeling like you are making it all about you when it s not supposed to be but you can t help it you have longed to be a mother dreamed of what your child would look like would he have his daddy s eyes would she have your nose your color hair you can t imagine how it would actually feel to see two little lines or to feel a little body in your arms and tiny arms around your neck you have played out in your mind hundreds of ways to tell your spouse he s going to be a daddy every year you think maybe next year but each year is the same like you re stuck in your own version of the movie groundhog s day only it s called mother s day you battle envy at every pregnant woman that walks by you see children all around and wonder how there can be so many and not even one for you you feel isolated like all the times you ve hidden away a heap on the floor body wracked with sobs and sometimes screams you have prayed to pleaded with bargained with begged and yes even yelled at god and you wonder at times if god has forgotten you sweet friend i want to tell you today that god has not forgotten you he has heard every plea and not been hurt by your screams except with an ache in his heart for the pain in yours he has collected every tear and recorded each one in his book when scripture tells us that god remembered it does not mean he had forgotten you are always in his thoughts the biblical context for remember in scripture means so much more than to merely recall something or someone to mind when god remembers his child he is expressing concern for them and he takes action out of his great love and care for us he is moved to change things on our behalf when god remembers his children he does so with favor today when you feel isolated and forgotten i am asking our god to remember you i am asking him to remember me to act with loving care for us in ways that only he can does this mean he will open your womb i don t know that i pray so but even if the time for that is not yet come i pray you will see his great love and care for you expressed so extravagantly that you know beyond any doubts he has indeed remembered you god remember may 9 2015 crydul faith god hope infertility mother s day remember scripture 2 comments dreams and acupuncture i guess just life and busyness has kept me from posting lately but i wanted to share a dream i had the other night and what the lord spoke to me through it it was a simple dream but i found it profound meaning literally it penetrated to the depths of my being and it meant so much to me i dreamed i was having acupuncture they were putting the needles all over my back and it was very painful just when i thought i couldn t take one more needle i would think of jesus and all the suffering he went through take a deep breath and say ok go ahead as in go ahead with the next needle keep going i can do this immediately when i woke up from the dream i knew what the holy spirit was showing me through it for those that have been in the if infertility world for a significant length of time i m sure you ve read or heard of acupuncture being used to help trigger healthy fertility i have not done this acupuncture is also used for pain relief what god was showing me through this dream is that this process and journey through infertility is a painful one sometimes we think we just can t take it any more we think i can not handle one more thing it s too painful we want relief from the pain we want to be free of the heartache of not having a child we just want the process and all the hurt to be over i am finding that the more i press into jesus in my pain the more i learn that i can keep going i am completely dependent on him and he is completely faithful to me he knows my pain he sees my suffering he suffered more than anything we can imagine it is through him that i find my healing when you feel you can t take one more painful thing think of jesus when you want relief from your heartache press into jesus yes it is painful yes it hurts jesus is the one who heals he will strengthen you and help you with him you can keep going he was despised and rejected by mankind a man of suffering and familiar with pain like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised and we held him in low esteem surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering yet we considered him punished by god stricken by him and afflicted but he was pierced for our transgressions he was crushed for our iniquities the punishment that brought us peace was on him and by his wounds we are healed isaiah 53 3 5 there isn t much to tell with me right now until i have my surgery next week i will be having laparoscopic surgery on the 24th looking at the outside of the pelvis to make sure i don t have any endometriosis or scar tissue or anything that may be preventing pregnancy i wonder why my previous dr didn t do this sooner and that s frustrating but it is what is and we are where we are so i am ready to get that done and one step closer to whatever our next step may be so please be praying about the surgery for me and for our next steps and decisions following the surgery and as always let me know how i can pray for you april 16 2015 crydul acupuncture dreams hope infertility jesus pain ttc journey 1 comment i have to believe lord i believe help my unbelief luke 9 42 that s what i began praying almost 3 years ago like the father in this passage crying out for his child to be brought back to life i began crying out for our own child to be brought to life i knew god was hearing my prayers and seeing my tears but the grief and pain still came every month and with each month that came bringing with it more disappointment i literally felt i was giving up a bit more of my hope to think this was really only about a year into the process and here we are 3 years later still waiting but god i walked into church one sunday yet again disheartened and doing my best to smile and hide my hurt my friend wasn t fooled she mouthed to me you ok i just bobbled my head around gave a half faint hearted smile and sat down at the close of service she handed me a note written on one of those little yellow visitor cards in the pocket on the backs of the seats do not give up hope joy is coming to you psalm 113 9 thank you father that you settle me in my home as a happy mother of children praise the lord he is able to do more than we could ever ask think or imagine i will stand in the gap and believe for you when you can t believe anymore he is faithful see pic below of course i wept and wept again it still brings me to tears it seemed god continued to use this sweet woman to speak directly to me right when i needed it most there were two powerful things about this little simple note that she was unaware of i was wanting to give up hope and the first line said do not give up hope the next line joy is coming to you this one tiny sentence was big to me i messaged her later and told her why i told her that it may seem silly or like a coincidence to some but to me it was exactly what i d been thinking about for many months i told her i had always loved the word joy and several months before this i began thinking if i ever had a little girl her name would be joy joy is coming to you i knew god was speaking to me i knew it was confirmation when god gives you a word you know it i always think about noah when god told him to build an ark i imagine all the people thought he was crazy but noah trusted god no matter how crazy he may have seemed this one little holy spirit inspired note refilled my hope and gave me reason to believe i have carried this note with me every day since i shared all of this with another friend of mine and she said i should add to my prayer what mary prayed may it be to me as you have said lord so i began praying lord i believe help my unbelief may it be to me as you have said lord this is what i believe this is what i have to believe there is much more to tell to follow this up which i will save for future post but for now what i pray for you to get from this is that if you are striving to hope and believe again about anything that you will seek the lord and ask him for a special word from him to you a word and by word i don t mean a literal actual one word i mean something that he speaks to you directly that you will know beyond any doubts that it s straight from him to you it may be confirmation of something that has been on your heart that comes from something a friend says it may be in a song on the radio or a passage that you read in scripture he knows what it is you need to hear be expectant pray watch and listen and you will know it when he gives it to you he is faithful i hope you will continue to follow our story and pray for us as god reveals more and more of his will and direction for us if i can pray for you in any way leave me a comment or send an email now may the god of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the holy spirit romans 15 13 march 20 2015 crydul believe disappointment faith god hope infertility joy scripture 2 comments only christ completes me the other night i had yet another unfortunate incident of someone saying something that could have been very painful if you ve gone through infertility for any length of time you quickly become sensitive to things that people say even with the best of intentions when are you going to have kids don t you guys want children why don t you just adopt want my kids just relax and it ll happen all typical examples of some of the comments that just should not be said probably in general even not just to those struggling with infertility and trust me the list goes on but this particular comment the other night was different we were gathered with a group of friends hanging out and having a great time since most of them have children naturally references to the kids would be made one of the men sitting near me turns to me and says that s what ya ll need a couple of kids to complete your lives a couple of kids to complete our lives hmmmm ouch thanks i mutter a yeah and continue with what i was doing thankfully there s so much conversation going on no one else really heard and i was able to move on quickly i do like this man and in his defense i am not sure that he is aware of our situation i can t say i was even really mad like i might normally have been with other comments even though it did sting a little and as i am learning to give more and more grace to unwelcomed and unwanted comments i did not hold the comment against our friend i did think on it though a lot complete as an adjective is defined as having all parts or elements lacking nothing whole entire full as a verb completed is defined as to make whole or entire to make perfect people want and hope for a lot of different things some want a new house or a new car some singles out there want a husband or a wife lots of people want a different job more money to retire and live on the beach or in the mountains a person walking through infertility only wants one thing a baby we all think that eventually when we get whatever it is we desire that it will complete us that our lives will finally have all parts and lack nothing it will be made full and perfect friends this is a lie there is absolutely nothing wrong with wants dreams and desires god created each of us and put those things inside of us for a reason but when we start thinking it s these things that will fulfill us and complete our lives we are deceived in colossians 2 9 10 paul writes for in christ lives all the fullness of god in a human body so you also are complete through your union with christ who is the head over every ruler and authority if you are in christ you are made complete in him and him alone he is our only way to heaven and it is in him alone that we have life and are made whole in him we live and move and have our being acts 17 28 my husband and i have a sweet marriage we have a blessed life and i love it we desire a child more than anything but i can honestly say none of it matters if i don t have christ what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul matt 16 26 or what does it profit a woman to have a husband and forfeit her soul even a child what does it profit a person to have a child and not have christ so while i hope and pray and believe that one day we will see the fruit of our labor literally a child born out of laboring and pain and suffering through much more than just childbirth i am not waiting for a child to complete our lives i believe my life is complete now my whole life is hidden in jesus christ without him i have nothing i am nothing and can do nothing only christ completes me now this is eternal life that they know you the only true god and jesus christ whom you have sent john 17 3 march 10 2015 crydul christ god hope infertility life scripture leave a comment he hears your every prayer and holds every tear it was the sunday after mother s day 2 years ago i always know god is listening even if i don t feel like he is sometimes but...